Hello to you. How are you ? As I write to you it’s another day of inversion. There is this gray lid over us and there is no sign of it moving! It’s so depressing.
Sometimes you have to make your own sunshine!
Last night was a lot of fun. My cousin celebrated her 52nd birthday. She came over and picked me up and took me over to my Aunt and Uncles house. We had a delicious ham dinner with birthday cake for dessert. We had some good laughs! This is the first time I’ve celebrated her birthday!
Early yesterday I had a pretty intense anxiety/panic attack. After talking with my family yesterday we are wondering if some of it isn’t related to having Covid. We have all been experiencing light headedness, dizziness and a sort of brain fog. My cousin, her daughter and I were all sick a couple of weeks and this crud is just lingering!! Does this resonate with you? We also talked about how we got sick when we are older and we just aren’t bouncing back like we used to!
Hello to you. How are you? Today has started out pretty good. Had a good stream talking about issues associated with mania and fear. Both require self soothing. It’s important to learn how to be your own mom sometimes! “Everything is going to be ok. This will pass, it always does.” I had a viewer from Germany talking about it taking 2.5 years to see a psychotherapist!
Today is my youngest cousins birthday! Hard to believe it’s been another year!
Today I have been feeling some anxiety but listening to Astravert is helping: Check out Wednesday Friends | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
It’s another day of inversion here – gray! I’m trying to keep my spirits up. My cousin and I talked about this weather just being a time of rest. The rest of the year always goes so fast that we need a time to slow down. Sometimes I need a reminder!
My therapist and I were talking about how much is enough when it comes to doing things. She brought up a good point that if you are making the world a better place that can be enough! Sometimes we can get really obsessed with being productive.
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. It’s yet another morning without the sun. It’s like living in a Tupperware bowl right now! Ugh! So depressing. Thank goodness for Twitch and having some nice people to talk to – it helps.
This morning when I was waking up I saw something interesting. It was a little tiny light moving around in the room for just a few seconds. I’ve seen light in the hall before but not in my bedroom. I blinked and stuff to make sure it wasn’t just my eyes playing tricks on me. Strangely wonderful. I’ve seen these lights before when I was in Texas.
Mysterious light this morning
I looked up on the internet to see what kind of explanations there might be and this was one:
This is called posterior vitreous detachment (PVD). It is very common and more likely to happen as you get older. As the vitreous pulls away from your retina you may see this as a flash of light in one or both eyes, like small sparkles, lightning or fireworks.
What I saw was one little light not a bunch of them. Still it seems there is probably a logical explanation! Here I am thinking I’m having a mysterious experience and it’s probably more getting old stuff!! The thing is it hasn’t happened a lot so we’ll see if it was just a fluke or geriatric shenanigans!
One of the topics this morning was whether or not I object to a man opening the door for me. My answer was no. I hold doors for people and consider that a courtesy. I was raised to do that! So as much as a man would do that for me I would do it for him. What do you think? Is it sexist for a man to hold a door for a woman?
Hello to you how are you? It’s another gray and cold morning as I write to you. Some day the sun will return!
I had a nice stream on Twitch this morning. Got to visit with Sasha from Kirov Russia and Yoda from Seattle. Some other folks stopped in – Australia. It means a lot to me that people stop by and say hello!
I tried something different and drew this while streaming !
Yesterday I had a visit with one of my followers from Iceland. He was in a music video! He’s the guy on the bike: https://youtu.be/z04sE7L2DVw . It’s so interesting to talk to people from different parts of the world!
A little something to listen to if your into electric guitar:
I ended up streaming for a couple hours with people from all over the world – Russia, Australia, Seattle and India. I learned about a pancake like food called blini in Russia. The man from Australia was in Singapore but his family moved them so they would have a more relaxed life. He really is happy there. Anyhew its so nice to have people to visit with this morning. It really helped. What happened is one of the things I like about Twitch.
Yesterday I visited with my Aunt and Uncle and that was nice. We had some butter bean soup and cornbread. I got to try out one of their new pieces of furniture – so comfortable! Link and Smokey got to play a bit. Link gets a little rough so we had to break them up for a bit!
Still having “stuff” going on my head – drainage. We are going on 2 weeks with this crud! I keep having this light headed uncomfortable feeling. I’m really starting to wonder if there is something going on in the air. I just want to feel normal again – solid in my head. Hopefully soon.
Hello – it’s good morning from here as I write to you. I’m listening to Astravert which is helping with some of the anxiety I had this morning. I tried the Hydroxyzine as my doctor recommended last night and I’m not sure about it. We will see! I hate the getting to know you period when it comes to trying new medications! My body is really sensitive. It didn’t make me sleepy like most antihistamines do. My Aunt said she reacted the same way on it. I didn’t sleep very well last night.
Gratitude in an attitude
The sun is starting to shine through my front windows….it’s a new day. Feels good. I’m sitting on my little life raft with my special boy Link and not sure what today will bring. I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude. The sketchbooks came yesterday. Turns out they are real small lol! Oh well they will get used. Part of me wishes I had ordered the tshirts so I would have something to paint.
I wanted to mention that last night I was happy to see New Baroque on his channel and he seemed to be doing well. It seemed like whatever happened got worked out. At least I hope so!
“Fellow travelers are you weary? Have the torments of this day made you teary? Wipe your eyes. Don’t believe the lies. Stay in the fight don’t lose your light.”
Hello to you. How are you? It’s an overcast day here but listening to some music from Astravert helps: Check out Thorsday Jamz | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert – you can watch the stream even if it’s not live. Got my coffee. Praying about my aunt having knee surgery today. Have an appointment with my medicine doctor in a bit. I hope he’ll have answers for me if we are on the right track with my medicine. I’m still getting over that damn cold. The past couple of days I’ve been feeling light headed hopefully that’s just remnants! I really want to be over it! I need groceries on the way home and am kind of dreading going with so many people being sick.
Yesterday I streamed on Twitch a lot. I actually got a chance to visit with a couple interesting people. One was a woman in training to be a therapist and last night an applied math scientist. I love it when that happens. I love hearing peoples stories and love sharing mine. The scientist asked me about what I considered one of my craziest times in my military career and what came to mind was 9/11. I’ll be honest that day really f-d up my world and those of the people I was working with at the time! We were in shock!
Anyhew- feeling a little scrambled this morning. Trying to pull it together. Had my talk with the Holy Spirit this morning – trying to make a habit of welcoming his presence everyday. Thank you for coming by! I would love to hear from you if you have the time.
Yesterday when I was streaming on Twitch I got to talking about there being a reason for everything. Even if at the time it doesn’t make sense. So many times seemingly senseless things have happened and the first question was “WHY?!!” Then you look at the whole picture and oftentimes you get an “aha!” moment.
When I was spending a lot of time in my backyard in Texas I learned so much from the trees, flowers and insects….from simple blades of grass and dried leaves. I can remember sitting on the bandstand we had and pointing at a blade of grass or dandelion and just thinking to God “what do you want to do with that?” Something would always happen. The wind would blow. Sometimes an insect would show up. I felt like God was showing me that every single “piece” was accounted for. There was a plan for even a humble blade of grass. This got me thinking about the entirety of existence…..countless pieces of this existence all having a purpose. The intelligence I felt of God was everywhere and in everything. I was shown battles even in the seemingly gentle plant kingdom. There would be a prickly weed gradually surrounded by the “softer” plants. Kind of like a neighborhood ganging up together against a bully! All of this going on in my little backyard. I miss my nature friends. I feel like in the moments I had there was a glimpse into the why of things.
Even those things we perceive as having no purpose do indeed have one…..I asked!
Some may say it was just a coincidence what I experienced but it happened over and over again- no coincidence. I miss those moments of feeling so plugged into God….into existence. Every place that I’ve lived I have found an outside “church.” I miss Alvarado but have faith that I’m where I am right now for a reason and a new natural place of worship will present itself. The “why” of my being here will reveal itself.
Hello to you how are you in your today? I hope we’ll. This morning I had to ask for a little extra help….mornings are just rough. I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me and after I asked I truly felt his presence. I felt a warmth emanating from my chest. Like I was saying on my Twitch stream yesterday – the Holy Spirit is real and you can have a personal relationship you just have to ask.
I’ve really been using Twitch lately as a tool to help myself help others. It’s kind of like chairing an AA meeting of one (sometimes) and sharing your experience, strength and hope. For a long time I’ve felt that even if I reach one person, even if it’s just myself sometimes then I’ve done well. A lot of times I get on to stream and there is only one viewer! Lately there have been a couple views on the videos after I do them which means a lot. I noticed that Twitch only keeps a couple weeks worth of videos.
The Holy Spirit is for real! Music helps so much! Thinking of Twitchers Jayne Rio , Astravert and New Baroque
Hello. How are you ? I’m doing better this morning – yesterday was really rough. I kept having panic attacks. I did a lot to try and soothe myself. I prayed, I went for several walks, blogged with a drawing, vlogged on Twitch a couple of times, even found a streamer that was streaming playing World of Warcraft. When evening rolled around I was starting to feel better. Talking to my cousin and a friend helped too.
I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and my medicine doctor on Thursday in person. The Zyprexa that is for anti-anxiety isn’t working for me. It has the opposite effect! This morning after I took lithium it seemed to help avert another day like yesterday. We will get this figured out!
Like I was talking about in my Twitch post yesterday, sometimes the things I used to have in my sanity toolkit aren’t there anymore or don’t work like they used to. Life changes. People change. So I sometimes have to use everything! This morning I found a deal on sketchbooks so I ordered them – drawing is definitely a tool in my toolkit!
Layers and messages
Right now something that is soothing me is writing and listening to a musical artist I’ve mentioned before named Astravert – he’s streaming right now. He’s getting quite a following. I don’t know of anybody that does what he does – an improv mystic rock: Check out Tuesday Bluesday | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
Something else that just soothed me was talking to my Aunt. She’s going to be having knee surgery on the 13th (I thought it was the 11th) and we both needed to have each other’s comfort and peace …to be instruments of Gods love for each other. Hearing her voice made my day brighter. I told her hearing her voice makes me feel at home.
I’m sorry if my post isn’t very cohesive today. Sharing all this with you in this way is helping me stay calm and centered. May be someone reading this will resonate with all this. Do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? What works best for restoring you to you? I’d love to hear from you.
To be 