13 September 2023 Door to the Sun

September 13, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, history, Mental Health, Nature, space, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, I hope this finds you well. Last nights Bible study was good , there were four of us. I have trouble reading scripture and being able to understand it sometimes. I’m glad we have other ladies there to help break it down.

Today I got to thinking about the probe we sent to the sun. The Parker Probe is the closest thing we have to a door inside of the sun. When I was having my episodes in Texas and spending time outside I felt like I was having a relationship with the sun. Weird I know but during those times everything was communicating with me!

In December 2021, the Parker Probe reached the atmosphere of the sun. Since then, it’s been looping around the sun, drawing closer each time, and sending back tons of data about everything it encounters.Aug 11, 2023

https://news.uchicago.edu › story

What NASA’s Parker Solar Probe has discovered in its first five years …

Psalm 113New International Version

Psalm 113

¹Praise the Lord.^[a]

Praise the Lord, you his servants;
    praise the name of the Lord.
²Let the name of the Lord be praised,
    both now and forevermore.
³From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets,
    the name of the Lord is to be praised.

⁴The Lord is exalted over all the nations,
    his glory above the heavens.
⁵Who is like the Lord our God,
    the One who sits enthroned on high,
⁶who stoops down to look
    on the heavens and the earth?

⁷He raises the poor from the dust
    and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
⁸he seats them with princes,
    with the princes of his people.
⁹He settles the childless woman in her home
    as a happy mother of children.

Praise the Lord.

24 August 2023 Name

August 24, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, history, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Where did your name come from?

Hello to you. I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting and getting groceries. We had Savanah, Pastor Jason’s daughter with us which was really nice. Apparently her school day started with the school smelling like gasoline! Jeannie was able to come again – she’s so sweet.

Last night I drew a couple pictures. They aren’t my best work but just what I had come through to draw:

So where does my name come from? My name was from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She was many years before I was born but still an inspiration to my parents I guess!

Matthew 16:13-20New International Version

Peter Declares That Jesus Is the Messiah

¹³When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

¹⁴They replied, “Some say John the Baptist;others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

¹⁵“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

¹⁶Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

13 August 2023 Anniversary and Patience

August 13, 2023August 13, 2023 by saymber, posted in Mental Health, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there – how are you today? Today is my 37th anniversary of when I joined the United States Air Force. It’s hard to believe so much time has passed since that day. I remember saying good bye to my parents and the flight to San Antonio Texas. I was nervous and excited at the same time! If I hadn’t decided to join I don’t think I would be where I am today which is both good and bad. I don’t miss being in the military but I do miss some of the amazing people I met through it!

Todays message was back in the story of Abraham and Sarah. The thread of their story can come down to one word – patience! God is a promise keeper but it is in his time not ours. This is a lesson I have had to repeatedly learn because for the most part I’m not patient! I want the answers now even though I know better. I have to remember that so many little things have to move for one big thing to happen for just one prayer to be answered.

Genesis 18:11-14New International Version

¹¹Abraham and Sarah were already very old,and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.¹²So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, “After I am worn out and my lord is old, will I now have this pleasure?”

¹³Then the Lord said to Abraham, “Why did Sarah laugh and say, ‘Will I really have a child, now that I am old?’ ¹⁴Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.”

6 August 2023 Sacred Space (Dream)

August 6, 2023 by saymber, posted in dreams, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How has your weekend been? I’m just back from church. We spent some time I psalm 139. The pervading message is God knows everything about us from beginning to end. Pastor Jayson talked a little bit about why so bad things happen and part of it is the sin that is in our world and part of it is what we do with our bad experiences after they happen. In many cases we are given the opportunity to help others who are going through or about to go through similar circumstances. Such has been the case for me. In my brokenness I have been made a stronger person in many ways and I know my boundaries better. I have a long resume of bad things I’ve been through! When most anyone going through a hard time, with the exception of parenting, approaches me I have empathy and some experience to share. Oh and praise God more rain today!

Changing gears:

The sacred space in the dream kind of looked like this only the space was surrounded by pitch black.

Before bed last night I asked God to show me the truth about him. I wanted and asked for a dream that I would remember. It’s been a long time since having a memorable dream. Well I fell asleep and dreamt I was looking at an altar like space in the dark. There were decorations and symbols made out of what looked like plastic. It almost looked like a wedding altar – everything was white and gold. It felt like a sacred space and I said that before walking in to it. I was self aware in the dream – almost like a lucid dream. When I walked into the space I got chills all over my body – the hairs stood up. Then I immediately felt this pulling sensation that frightened me – like an unseen force was touching me and I screamed “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! No!” I scared Link screaming myself awake. I guess I got scared because I was being touched by an unseen energy like some scary dreams I’ve had before. What was being shown to me? Was it something to be so afraid of? I will keep asking God for clarification and try not to be afraid!

Psalm 139 – the only bad part of this psalm is about hating those who hate God. I don’t hate anyone!

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
²You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹²even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²²I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
²³Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

3 August 2023 Prayer Team

August 3, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – how are you? I’m just back from meeting with our church’s prayer team. I asked the members to pray for me. I am having problems with my new medication which causes anxiety. I tried to get in touch with my doctors nurse yesterday but was unsuccessful! I was able to get an appointment scheduled earlier which is good.

I’m grateful for our prayer team. Going each Thursday gives me a purpose. I walk there and walk home. Going gives me a reason to pray and connect with Jesus with other followers. There is such a beautiful fellowship. We are up to four members now! Today we had a lot to pray for to include several people that have been missing due to health related issues. Our group leader has a call list and checks on many of the people. Today was our youngest members Briana’s 29th birthday!

1 John 1:7New International Version

⁷But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all^[a]sin.

https://youtu.be/jqlQIJWIT5o – Chris Tomlin Yes and Amen

30 July 2023 Perspective

July 30, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, In the News, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Spirituality and Religion, technology, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How has your weekend been? I’m just back from church – there was a good message and a good turnout. Pastor Jason emphasized perspective about life. He had a good way of sharing it. He had a spool of twine he wound through all of us and that symbolized our connection to the eternity of being in heaven with Jesus. He cut off a tiny sliver that symbolizes our individual life and he blew it away. Our lives are short compared to eternity! He also talked about us not really having control over what happens to us but we can control how we react to what happens. Old wisdom for current times! What I know about perspective is we are biologically incapable of all perceiving this world in the exact same way.

I’ve been processing more about the latest news about aliens. I was over at my Aunt and Uncles yesterday to spend some time with them and my cousin Laura. My Aunt is healing from her shoulder surgery. We all agreed that this news doesn’t change much for the average American. They were relieved to hear me say that as my blogs were pretty full of excitement about it lol. They were a little worried about me. I haven’t lost my perspective! What frustrates me and other UFO enthusiasts is when people say the extraterrestrials are demons. I don’t believe that. I believe they are of Gods making too. It’s all his design. My Aunt and Uncle don’t think they are here to help – they think we are like ants to them – observing.

My Aunt is doing well and enjoyed having my cousin and I over to visit. The boys went to see Oppenheimer – 3 hour movie! She wanted to watch Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga so we watched different performances of them together on YouTube. It’s funny how much of a bridge was built by those two with genres of music.

https://youtu.be/PcbJt0GqJJ4 – 60 minutes Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett

One the psalms we read today:

Psalm 37^{[a] NIV}

Of David.

¹Do not fret because of those who are evil
or be envious of those who do wrong;
²for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

³Trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

⁵Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
⁶He will make your righteous rewardshine like the dawn,
your vindication like the noonday sun.

⁷Be still before the Lord
and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

⁸Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
⁹For those who are evil will be destroyed,
but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

¹⁰A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
¹¹But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy peace and prosperity.

¹²The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
¹³but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

¹⁴The wicked draw the sword
    and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
    to slay those whose ways are upright.
¹⁵But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
    and their bows will be broken.

¹⁶Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
¹⁷for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

¹⁸The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
¹⁹In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

²⁰But the wicked will perish:
Though the Lord’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

²¹The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
²²those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be destroyed.

²³The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;
²⁴though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

²⁵I was young and now I am old,
    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
    or their children begging bread.
²⁶They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.^[b]

²⁷Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
²⁸For the Lord loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed^[c];
the offspring of the wicked will perish.
²⁹The righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

³⁰The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
and their tongues speak what is just.
³¹The law of their God is in their hearts;
their feet do not slip.

³²The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
intent on putting them to death;
³³but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

³⁴Hope in the Lord
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

³⁵I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
³⁶but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

³⁷Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
a future awaits those who seek peace.^[d]
³⁸But all sinners will be destroyed;
there will be no future^[e] for the wicked.

³⁹The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
⁴⁰The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

23 July 2023 Comfort Food

July 23, 2023July 23, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Food, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What’s your go-to comfort food?

Hello to you. How are you? Just back from church and some errands. I locked myself out last night and didn’t have a spare key. Thank God my Aunt had a spare! I have mentioned this before but I’ll say it again – her and my Uncle John are my earth angels. When I need help or just some company they are there. We had a nice meal together yesterday with my cousin Tony. I’m so grateful for my family here. They are such a great support system.

This treat has been with me most of my life. I used to eat them for lunch at school

My comfort food is peanut butter and chocolate. I enjoy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Little Debbie’s Nutty Bars. Neither of these are low calorie so they have to be eaten in moderation! When I was a teenager I was hungry all the time and would eat semi-sweet chocolate chips in peanut butter as a snack.

Todays psalm at church is a well known favorite. It was nice to have Pastor Jayson Boyd and his wife Becky back today:

Psalm 23New International Version

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
⁶Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

9 July 2023 Music

July 9, 2023 by saymber, posted in Music, Spirituality and Religion

What is your favorite genre of music?

Hello there. How are you? Today began with going to church. Since Pastor Jayson has been on sabbatical, we’ve had other pastors and clergy filling in for him. Today Lester gave a good sermon using Psalm 33 which speaks to expressing praise for God in song:

Psalm 33New International Version

Psalm 33

¹Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous;
    it is fitting for the upright to praise him.
²Praise the Lord with the harp;
    make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.
³Sing to him a new song;
    play skillfully, and shout for joy.

⁴For the word of the Lord is right and true;
he is faithful in all he does.
⁵The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
the earth is full of his unfailing love.

⁶By the word of the Lord the heavens were made,
    their starry host by the breath of his mouth.
⁷He gathers the waters of the sea into jars^[a];
    he puts the deep into storehouses.
⁸Let all the earth fear the Lord;
    let all the people of the world revere him.
⁹For he spoke, and it came to be;
    he commanded, and it stood firm.

¹⁰The Lord foils the plans of the nations;
he thwarts the purposes of the peoples.
¹¹But the plans of the Lord stand firmforever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.

¹²Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
    the people he chose for his inheritance.
¹³From heaven the Lord looks down
    and sees all mankind;
¹⁴from his dwelling place he watches
    all who live on earth—
¹⁵he who forms the hearts of all,
    who considers everything they do.

¹⁶No king is saved by the size of his army;
    no warrior escapes by his great strength.
¹⁷A horse is a vain hope for deliverance;
    despite all its great strength it cannot save.
¹⁸But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
    on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
¹⁹to deliver them from death
    and keep them alive in famine.

²⁰We wait in hope for the Lord;
he is our help and our shield.
²¹In him our hearts rejoice,
for we trust in his holy name.
²²May your unfailing love be with us, Lord,
even as we put our hope in you.

Although I love nearly all kinds of music the kind I favor is electronica in the style of Depeche Mode. I grew up in the 80’s and a lot of the music back then had synthesizers used in it. I’m always looking for new music and it tends to be digital in nature.

27 June 2023 Spirituality

June 27, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, Health, history, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How important is spirituality in your life?

Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!

Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.

When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.

When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.

I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.

I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!

One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.

Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible

Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs

²⁸And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. ²⁹And they cried out, saying, “^[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before ^[b]the time?” ³⁰Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. ³¹And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”³²And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and ^[c]drowned in the waters. ³³And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, ^[d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. ³⁴And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.

20 May 2023 Ladies Tea

May 20, 2023 by saymber, posted in Home, Leading Life by Example, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you today? I’m just home from a wonderful event with our Women’s Group – a Ladies Tea. Our leader Emily did a great job of planning and setting up the event. What was really sweet is we had a lot of little ladies present. I love going to Grace House for gatherings. The house was built in the 1900’s and was a hair salon prior to being leased to our church. I miss the trees that use to be outside. The landlord cut them down and I guess s parking lot is going in their place.

Emily had a wonderful devotional for us. She spoke of a family members office she recently visited that was filled with random things and when she asked him about it he said each thing was a token to remember scripture. So Emily chose as the party favors little jam jars as tokens to remember spreading hope. I can’t remember the scripture she chose but this is a good one too:

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Something happened afterwards when Emily was talking with my Aunt , Maryann and myself . I felt that feeling in my chest of being filled up with positive energy. A glowing. For a few moments I didn’t feel my ears bothering me or my body aching. I felt the glow of fellowship and what comes from sharing time with fellow believers. We have such wonderful ladies in our church! They really give their all to God and what they do for God’s people in our church.