Hello to you, how are you? I am in my room, door closed, still trying to soothe my raw nerves. A friend of mine suggested my topic for today be ruminating. ‘
“ruminating” in the English Ordinal system equals 126
sleep” in the English Ordinal system equals 57
“caffeine” in the English Ordinal system equals 49
“sugar” in the English Ordinal system equals 66
I have found ruminating too much to be hazardous. So when there is “too many mind” I try to think of something else. Problem is if you don’t consciously direct where your thoughts go, the mind will choose a path of it’s own. Where your thoughts go there goes the body too (something I learned from Joyce Meyers a long time ago).
Some of the medication I take is to help alleviate anxiety and ironically it makes me sleepy. This leaves my mind free to torment me with flashbacks like my wedding and songs that evoke a negative physical reaction. My cousins son is getting married in a few days and what I’m going through makes it difficult to be happy for them. I keep having to remind my mind that the wedding isn’t about me it’s about them. My feelings are so strong I have decided not to attend the wedding. I am afraid I would want to get up and leave during the middle of the ceremony.
I am sincerely hoping and praying at some point I will be able to be comfortable in my own skin again. I want to be able to remember the good stuff about my life without it being run over by the sad.