7 November 2022 Wreckage (recovery after manic episode)

Hello how are you? I’m doing ok. Still working through the wreckage after what happened. Last night was my first night alone in the house. Link ate the ham for his pills but didn’t want to this morning. He’s too smart. He hasn’t been eating his regular dog food which concerns me. I’m having the internet people come out today as it’s inoperable. It got ripped from the wall for some reason during all the chaos.

I’m so frustrated with myself. My little house was so nice and now there is damage to it that has to be repaired eventually. This is the aftermath of a manic episode. I look at some of the stuff that happened and it makes no sense at all. What was I thinking?! Just not in my right mind I guess is the only answer. Just have to keep taking it one day at a time.

https://youtu.be/5utEmwxi3xs – we know where you go Blue October

6 November 2022 Stamina

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope well. I’m trying to get back to my life again and finding I’m really weaker than I’ve ever been . My stamina is real low so it takes a lot more energy to do things than it used to. I’m going to have to work at it and build my strength back up over time.

Link is doing better but is a little bear about taking his meds for pain! He hates it. I’m hoping some deli meat will entice him about it tonight.

5 November 2022 Doggy Pains

Hello to you. Today was pretty productive. My Aunt took me over to my house and I got to see the wreckage of what happened- it’s like somebody else was in my house! Things are broken and damaged. We got groceries so that’s taken care of. Tomorrow I will go home and be there for the first night alone. I’m a little nervous about it but it will be ok. Just take a bit at a time. Link is still limping pretty bad on his back leg but he wanted to go for a walk today so we took him.

The three most common dog knee problems include:

  • Luxating Patella. A luxating patella means is essentially the dog equivalent of a dislocated knee cap. … 
  • Arthritis. Arthritis is a stiffness in the joint. … 
  • Torn CCL/ACL. The cruciate care ligament (CCL) is the dog version of an ACL, anterior cruciate ligament, in humans.

Our doctor suspects a torn ACL for Link. I can’t believe it but he’s 48 years old in people years, will be 8 in doggy years on 9 December! I keep telling me someday he’s going to break my heart. Like the little boy in the story about why why dogs have such a short lifespan – they are born knowing how to be unconditional loving and good so they don’t have to be here as long!

In his aging he’s growing black hair under his eye! We thought of him being like a panda when we first saw him.

4 November 2022 Free bird

We got Link back this morning!

Today has started out good. I was able to get some of my ID replaced that I lost and the biggest news was we got Link back! His back leg is bothering him so we are taking him to the vet this afternoon to have it looked at. Hopefully nothing serious! It was scary being at the humane society shelter- so many barking dogs! I’m so glad to have my little boo bear back! I feel so much gratitude towards my family both current and past that helped us! This was another case of powerlessness and having to let God about it. Even though we are far apart, we are still connected and there for each other.

3 November 2022 Home Coming

Today was a good and bad day for me. I had a bad manic episode which landed me in the hospital for the past few months. I thought it was the end of the world again and did some stupid stuff about it. Today my Aunt and Uncle braved the long drive to get me out and come home. On the way home we found out my baby boy Link got away from the dog sitters and got picked up by the the humane society that is making it really difficult to get him out. I am so disappointed but am trying to stay hopeful that everything is going to work out.

Please pray that our Link comes home tomorrow

6 June 2022 Thinking

Hello to you today. How are you? I hope this finds you well. As I look out the windows this morning you would never know we had thunder and lightening yesterday! Beautiful blue skies out there!

Whenever I experience thunder and lightening – especially the lightening part- a word comes to mind: thinking. Seeing all those bands of light flashing about makes me imagine what’s going on inside my own brain….my body. The phrase “as above so below” comes to mind too. Where did the concept of making beings like us come from? What was God’s inspiration to fashion us brains running with electricity? All those flashes of light from one neural path to another right in our own heads! It makes sense to me that before there was science that our ancestors saw thunder and lightening as God speaking to them. Last night I just sat and listened….watched. I could almost hear God saying, “I am God! You are guests here! Everything belongs to me!”

To me the earth is a sentient creation of God…..not just some mere blue marble. Look around you and listen beyond our human activities….despite it all the earth can make a beautiful flower grow in a tiny crack in a driveway. So much meaningful intelligence going on just to keep us all alive even as we continue to harm ourselves, each other and the rest of creation we share life with. What a merciful God! Sometimes the weather patterns seem like expression of emotion. One storm will be gentle and yet another like rage.

A couple messages from A Woman’s Spirit today – sometimes all you can do is laugh at how ridiculous life can be:

“I will not take myself so seriously. I will let laughter heal.” Jan Pishok

“Laughter promotes personal growth and health. I will practice this prescription today. “

One of my favorite comedians is Gabriel Iglesias:

https://youtu.be/uPc5X4BSltw – Gabriel Iglesias Aloha Fluffy 2013 Hawaii full show

Some pictures from yesterdays walks:

Your brain is made up of networks of small cells called neurons that communicate electrochemically to enable you to think, feel, and interact with the world around you. Because electrical charges are responsible for brain activity, electrical stimulation can in turn be used to change the brain’s functioning.May 15, 2019

https://kids.frontiersin.org › articles

Wake Up, Brain!: Using Electricity to Think and Feel Differently

2 June 2022 At Last and Dog Stuff

https://youtu.be/S-cbOl96RFM– Etta James – At Last

Sometimes you need a power ballad to encourage yourself to put your feet on the ground and engage with gravity! When I hear this song it just takes me to such wonderful places. Thank you Etta!

Yesterday Link and I had an experience I hoped not to face again with another dog. We were walking in the neighborhood and a dog we pass, that is normally on a leash, wasn’t and he went after Link and I. Link and I were both screaming and trying to get away when finally the dogs owner came out. He had to get another neighbors help as his dog just took off. This experience triggered feelings from when something like this happened in Alvarado when Spot and I were attacked by two pit bulls that had gotten loose. The town ended up passing a viscous dog law because of what happened! I’m not mad at the dog in all this. Dogs that don’t get regular exercise and stimulation get pent up and bored – they “do shit!” All those times Link and I had walked past while he was secured and would lunge at us I guess was foreshadowing for what happened yesterday.

It’s important to remember that the animals we choose to share our lives with have feelings, emotions and needs. These things unmet, neglected or ignored can have scary consequences. They don’t handle what’s going on inside like we do and as was the case yesterday, can’t really be reasoned with! Thankfully all that happened was rattled nerves and in Links case, a normally curly tail gone flat and between his legs. It was hard to get over hearing him scream like he did.

https://youtube.com/c/CesarMillanOfficial – Cesar Millan (Dog Whisperer Channel on YouTube)

Thinking of St Francis, a saint that loved animals:

Franciscan and Other Common Prayers

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Glad to see change is being considered in light of recent events in our country. I hope it will go beyond just consideration and become action.

1 June 2022 Letting God

https://youtu.be/_RzsPdmfcaw – The Voice Dog remix by Timbu Fun feat Walter Geoffrey the Frenchie

https://youtu.be/92i5m3tV5XY – F*ck that an honest meditation

How are you today? Link and I are doing pretty good. Last night was a bit rough for both of us but eventually Jesus and his team got us some rest. There is so much light and energy going on at night and I’m sensitive to it. Something I’m doing now is trying to get off the phone before bed and do some singing. The Tanpura is great to sing with along with Mei-lan. Just tones varying in range and duration….no words. It’s like prayer.

Today’s message from A Woman’s Spirit is a good reminder about the futility of trying to control others….letting God:

Basically, I have two choices: either accept people and their behavior at face value, or remove myself from the situation. I cannot change other people, but I can control my behavior.

Trying to control other people has been a long- term character defect for most of us. Becoming abstinent didn’t take away the seduction of control. Perhaps for some of us becoming abstinent even heightened the seduction. Minds no longer clouded by alcohol or other drugs see with greater clarity many more invitations to control.

At first glance, it seems unfortunate that becoming free of the obsession to use chemicals didn’t also free us of trying to control the people and events in our lives. But had that been the case, we would have relied less on our Higher Power for help to grow and change. And the greatest gift of this recovery program is learning that we have “One who is all powerful” to help us make decisions, to guide us every step of the way.

I will protect my serenity today by letting people in my life take charge of themselves. If I begin to falter, my Higher Power will help me.

__________

https://youtu.be/EoZPTaoo134 – The Embrace feat Ruby Amanfu (The Chosen)

Proud of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau and the people of Canada for deciding to take steps towards peace.

27 May 2022 Times in the Valley

Hello to you. Another week has come and gone. Today doesn’t find me on top of a mountain but down in a valley. I’m just finding it difficult to right myself after the latest goings on. Last night I was falling asleep and heard a loud noise inside and outside of my head and it startled me. Then I felt this presence fill the room and seem to be standing right next to me. There was a cold chill and I felt like I was being touched. Whatever was happening was not comforting and made me feel really anxious! When I asked if Jesus was there whatever it was went away. This kind of stuff happens to me and it’s so hard to understand.

As I write to you, I’m not feeling very rested but I can’t go back to sleep. What is my mind and body doing or is it something else? Someone else? I just don’t know! Praying and hoping Jesus will reveal some answers!

https://youtu.be/o5OnF3sg0cY – The Chosen Scene Jesus Gives The Beatitudes

Matthew 5New International Version

Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount

5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes(A)

He said:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.(B)
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.(C)
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.(D)
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.(E)
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.(F)
Blessed are the pure in heart,(G)
    for they will see God.(H)
Blessed are the peacemakers,(I)
    for they will be called children of God.(J)
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,(K)
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.(L)

11 “Blessed are you when people insult you,(M)persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.(N) 12 Rejoice and be glad,(O) because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.(P)

22 May 2022 A Healthy Body Is A Guest Chamber A Sick Body Is A Prison – Sir Francis Bacon

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well in your today. If your not well…..I understand and hope you have love and support for whatever you are going through. You might feel alone in these moments but I assure you your not. A stranger, somewhere in this world is praying for you even as I write this.

Quote I found from Sir Francis Bacon that articulates this so well!
Another quote from Sir Bacon is “knowledge is power”

The title of my blog is in honor of a recent death in our family. Much like another friend I loved and loss when I was in Texas, her body became a prison. Things would be going well and then something else would not be working right….systematic system failure. So many people in the world in all levels of our worlds strata are in prison in their bodies. People get sick…..people get old….people get broken and so many artificial and often expensive treatments and methods are employed to extend their lives. Those who love them hold on so tight and make things very complicated. What is the quality of those final years before death finally wins out? We pray for those we love to be cured…to get well and the conversation that person may be having with God both in mind and spirit is to be set free. The “body stuff” can become a burden too much to carry. I am happy she is free of the burden of her body.

I watched this video yesterday from an interview with Master Shi and it makes me think of all this. Our creator God has a plan for each of us and when we deviate from this plan, no matter what we do, we will not succeed:

https://youtu.be/1mbPjucxYoI – Shi Heng Yi The Creator of the Universe

Talk about a body that became a prison! Jesus endured so much and then was free!

Yesterday I was thinking about a few musicians that in their lifetimes made such a mark on my life in so many ways. Each of them, in their own public and private ways suffered. Behind the glamor, glory and fame they had struggles they, with their courage, hardly let us see:

When he smiled he lit up the place he was in – smiling through the hurts of a very public life and career
There are a bazillion pictures. I got to see David in California in 1991 – my first and only rock concert to date. From what I have read, this wasn’t a great time for him personally in his career.
I looked all over to find this picture – so beautiful. I can’t count how many times I’ve seen Purple Rain! I sense this creative genius got lonely and was hard on himself. He gave his all.
As I was thinking of musicians Luciano popped in. His voice evokes so many emotions! When I think of him I think of a white canary I had named Gabriel….that little birds could trill! Trilling or vocal trilling is defined technically as a rapid alternation between two notes, most often in a high register sung by a soprano or tenor and should not be confused with lip trills.Sep 20, 2019
https://www.30daysinger.com › blog
Trilling Ins and Outs – 30 Day Singer Blog



I was with my Aunt and Uncle yesterday so not much for walk pictures! Here are a few images from yesterday:

This message from A Woman’s Spirit made me think of people I know and love that use humor to help them navigate through the pain, struggles and sorrows they are facing. Sometimes things are so ridiculous all you can do is laugh! My cousin Laura and I laugh together and one of our favorite phrases…”shit happens!”
I saw this at my Aunt and Uncles when I got out of my car. Just a little earth in a crack in a driveway and then this grows! So pretty! This earth and beings like this are so intelligent. They find a way to be under even the most undesirable conditions!