Mental Health – Page 65

2 May 2020 Thank you

May 2, 2020 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello and happy Saturday to you. I hope this finds you well. The message that came to me is one I’ve talked about before but in these times it’s ever so relevant – two words – THANK YOU!

These two words span the entirety of my existence from the folks who helped me get through my treatment, my fellow patients, my family, my friends and especially my neighbors. Yesterday I found out it was my next door neighbors and another neighbor friend that helped keep our front yard from becoming overgrown. Those two words also apply to all the folks working in the local businesses/franchises in town like our grocery store Brookshire’s and Papa John’s for example. Yesterday the man I hired to take care of our lawn, Mr. Manza – how easy he made a mess of a yard look great again.

So much gratitude! A hear no one has a small part.t space to live in for sure! In my life,

Looking at these two words in Gematria. As always, just what my wanderings have found for myself but something here may resonate with you too:

“Thank You” in the English Ordinal system equals 115 – a face, replenished, intelligence, symbiotic, positive

“one one five” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 – emotions, purpose, loyalty, perfect being

“one one zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – a life, noble motive, higher power, expectation

“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – a tree, human emotion, care of the soul

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – a choice, contentment, resourceful, philosophy

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – a Joy, understanding, communication, divine planning, positive image

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – a food, interesting, celestial bodies, rays of light

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, quality of life, simpler times, spirit alchemy

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – a all, courageous, spiritual, lead by example

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a one, information, combinations, responsible, intellectual

I attempted a painting on Link yesterday. I need more practice but a good try I think.

1 May 2020 Feng Shui

May 1, 2020 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs

This morning pieces of our old couch have been hauled away and the living room has more space in it. It’s a tangible thing for me. I can actually feel a change in the energy pattern in our living area now and it’s a pleasant sensation. It was a sectional but I was able to get rid of the broken parts and save a part yet worked. Now I have a recliner instead.

I know it’s weird, but it’s an empowering thing to make changes like this to a living space. It’s interesting that Feng Shui in the numbers reflects something like religion! For me it’s a spiritual/energy thing. When my living space is “clogged” or in an unhealthy pattern, I can sense it, can you?

I hope today brings you joy. TGIF! (Thank God it’s Friday!)

“Feng Shui” in the English Ordinal system equals 89 – religion, insects, memory, location, well-being

“eight nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, content, emotion

“nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – humans, species

“seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – nurture, earth, humility, upbringing, statement

“one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – community, invitation 33 – “the”

“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – people matter, peace for the brain, 46 – body

“clearing a space” in the English Ordinal system equals 114 – history

Feng shui – wikipedia

Feng shui, also known as Chinese geomancy, is a traditional practice originating from ancient China, which claims to use energy forces to harmonize individuals with their surrounding environment. The term feng shui literally translates as “wind-water” in English. This is a cultural shorthand taken from the passage of the now-lost Book of Burial recorded in Guo Pu’s commentary. Feng shui is considered pseudoscientific.

“wind water” in the English Ordinal system equals 117

“one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133

“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146

A couple of paintings I’ve done recently:

IMG_0007 30 April 2020 Jackie Wygant painting Alvarado TX IMG_0009 30 April 2020 Jackie Wygant painting Alvarado TX

30 April 2020 Finding balance

April 30, 2020 by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Television, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you – how are you in your day today? I’m doing pretty good. The world is pretty still for me right now after conquering some of the hurdles I had waiting for me when I got home.

What has come to mind this morning is finding balance when the world seems to be out of balance. Every time I turn on the television. Every page that comes up when I open the internet. Almost every conversation with family and friends. What is it all about right now? That darn Corona virus! What do I want to give my power to about it? Not how many people are sick, not how many people have died, not all the ways we have failed in containing this thing. What do I want to focus on? How many people have lived? What have we done right? The countless HERO’S that I have personally encountered and know working in the the medical profession right now. I have friends and family in nursing and all I want for them is their safety and outstanding health on this journey each day.

Coming from the experience I recently have come from with healthcare, even when things seem their worst, God, as I understand, finds a way to punch through the darkness with hope and light.

I believe that what you focus on gains power in the world. The more we focus on the negatives, not to deny negatives exist, the more power we give to what we don’t want going on in the world! I encourage everyone reading this to amplify their positive prayers, mediations and just energy signatures in the world….empowerment!

So as the scales skitter back and forth like trying to weigh ourselves on a scale, I hope a healthy balance, a healthy “weight” will be achieved.

“finding balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 – system

“one zero one” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – life

“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – motive

“one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – choice

“one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – Joy

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – food

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – feeling

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – all

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – one

29 April 2020 Divine timing

April 29, 2020April 29, 2020 by saymber, posted in animals, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you out there and I hope this finds you in a good place in your life. If not, if for some reason this finds you in the shadow place of living, I hope that you will find a light space or a light space will find you. That’s how it worked out for me with my recent journey. It’s amazing how a bunch of shut doors can open a bunch of new ones and even reconnect you with people you had lost touch with.

There is a phrase divine timing that comes to mind with what happened with my Uncle Bill and I this morning. My Aunt Ruth has sent him my blog to read and no sooner had he finished reading it, I fumbled with my new phone and “accidentally” called him! The karma/divine timing was not lost on either of us with that one! My Aunt and Uncle have watched my journey with mental health and how I have managed to climb back up after some deep dives. They were both pleased to read my post and I appreciate their encouragement.

It’s amazing how many people you find out love and care for you once you get plugged back in to things. I always find myself humbled and nearly unworthy of so much love and support! Today I got to hear from and see some folks I had been missing and find out how strong our connections are.

Facebook has turned out to actually be useful to with this latest leg of my journey and it’s been a tool to reconnect with positive people in my life. I had kind of shunned using it but am finding it not to be such a bad thing.

The big deal today was Link coming home to see me! I missed him, Spot and my husband so much when I was away! I drew pictures of them in my journals almost everyday! We are testing the waters to see how things go for the next couple of weeks. The hardest part of being gone was the back yard really went and grew tall with no one to maintain it. I’m looking into getting a lawn service to tame it so it’s more Link “going out to do business friendly!”

29 April 2020 – Link checking out his old lookout post

29 April 2020- Link sleeping on pillow our Sammy used to love too

29 April 2020 – So happy Link is home

29 April 2020 – pics of Link getting adjusted to be back home. I love that he was enjoying a pillow we kept from when we had Sammy.

Here is what divine timing looks like in Gematria:

“divine timing” in the English Ordinal system equals 135 – a creed or to bear fruit

“one three five” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – a life

“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – a tree

“one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – a choice

“one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – a Joy

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – a food

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – a one

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a chance

Remember, this is just my interpretation. Gematria reading is very personal and may be different from person to person. I find it interesting that it is in a 9 cycle. When you add up 1 +3 +5 you get 9 and if you divide 9 by 2 (the night and day of existence and light and shadow of self), you get a repeating 9 pattern. There is a certain element of “nein” (in German “no”) or denial about divine timing and things that happen with it! People like to call it just a coincidence but is it always? I don’t think so.

“coincidence” in the English Ordinal system equals 84 – lesson, worth

28 April 2020 Invisible guardians at the Gate to my Soul

April 28, 2020April 28, 2020 by saymber, posted in Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you wherever and whenever you are as you visit here. I just wanted to write a note to let those who might have wondered where I went to. My blog kind of has been getting put on the back burner with life stuff. I’m sure anyone who blogs or has life going on with the latest stuff we have going on as a world can relate. There have have been more important things going on and stuff like this is usually the first to get left behind.

Instead of focusing on what has gone wrong the past couple of months in my life I’ll focus on on the most important thing – what I learned that has helped me.

I was recently in a treatment facility and I am grateful for it because I have finally come to realize what my husband and others have been trying to tell me – in order for me to be able to function/operate in the world I’m in, I have to be on medication to help me do that. I have resisted and fought against that concept for the longest time and after everything I went through the past couple of months, I have realized resisting is against my best interest. I have had to do say those words a lot lately, and it might be too late in some cases, “You were right, I was wrong, please forgive me.”

I am a very porous, spiritual empath and unmedicated, my gifts are so strong I can’t function in the “real world.” The treatment plan I have isn’t being overly medicated so that my gifts are completely surpressed, but enough so that I have the clarity I was lacking…..the filter….the invisible guardian at the gate to my soul. The greatest guardian besides the God of my understanding, is turning out to be Lithium. I don’t like some of the side effects but they are minimal in light of most other options before me.

Anyhew – just wanted to share a couple thoughts in case anyone out there was still following my blog here. I hope something I’ve shared here will resonate with someone today and be helpful.

My prayers are with everybody right now and thanks to all those I’ve dealt with personally and those I haven’t on the front lines of all the crisis we have as a shared world right now. Anyone reading this that is having difficulty – please know you are a blessing to someone even if it’s not immediately obvious. Be a light – let your light keep shining even if it’s only on a dimmer switch!

8 February 2020 Amusing yourself

February 8, 2020 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Music, Nature, photography, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), space, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s Saturday afternoon as I write to you in your here and now. How are you? I hope well. I am having some shall I say, “alone time” right now and find myself challenged to find things to do. Today I took out the trusty cribbage and chessboards and found myself quickly bored with the board lol. I write and draw a lot, sometimes paint, take pictures, enjoy almost every genre of music (some more than others), love to dance and be physically active, enjoy good food, truly enjoy being outside with God and sometimes play a video game here and there. I enjoy making things but don’t really have an outlet for the things I make. I think it is safe to say, at least for my house, you can have too many home made blankets! Hobbies can get expensive no matter what they are. When you are on a fixed income you have to watch your spending, at least that has been my personal choice about it.

Living where I do, most of the activities that I could participate in require me to spend money. Driving to even a “free” place can get expensive over time. So I have learned to amuse myself the best I can in the parameters in which I live. For many, I think, it would be quite a dull existence.

I have planted a seed, if you want to call it that, for the God of my understanding to gradually and tangibly, put people in my life that are interested in the sorts of things I am interested in. Some time ago, I had a “tribe” here, but everyone went their separate ways and all are extremely busy with their lives and pursuit of their dreams and or livelihoods. Some of what I’m interested in may be considered “fringe” type things – much of which is in the spiritual, scientific and paranormal realms.

Sometimes when you plant a seed with God it takes time and the right “soil” in which for the seed to germinate.

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

seed = 33

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150

“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152

“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

“one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136

“one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154

“one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

“one one two” in the English Ordinal system equals 126

“three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 112

“seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 33

germinate = 92

“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150

“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152

“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

“one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136

“one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154

“one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

“one zero zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 162

“nine two” in the English Ordinal system equals 100

“germinate” in the English Ordinal system equals 92

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

soil = 55

“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158

“one zero nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

“eight four” in the English Ordinal system equals 109

“five five” in the English Ordinal system equals 84

“soil” in the English Ordinal system equals 55

5 Feb 2020 Tangible or Intangible experiences

February 5, 2020 by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s a gray and cold afternoon as I write. Hope this finds you doing well in your where and when as you visit me here.

I was trying to think of something to write about and the subject of tangible and intangible experiences came to my mind. It’s one thing to imagine the things you would like to do in life but quite another to actually do them. I’m at a cross roads point in my life right now. There is a part of me that longs for an adventure and part of me that is hesitant to even step my feet too far out of my own neighborhood! Can you relate?

I ran these numbers in the gematria calculator with interesting results:

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

(Remember the word values I’ve listed aren’t the only ones that exist. I encourage you to explore this for yourself and see what shows up for you personally)

Tangible or Intangible Experiences = 319 132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150/140…..(pattern repeats)

(ironically my name, Jackie = 39 and life = 32) (148 – human emotion) (some 143’s-resourceful, contentment, rehabilitation)(some 150’s – understanding, communication, divine planning, positive image) (some 140’s – interesting, observation) food-40) (some 158’s – quality of life, being yourself) feeling-58)

(some 125’s – courageous, surprise, solution, spiritual) all-25) (some 134’s – intellectual, information, combinations, responsible) one-34)

Tangible = 70 129/134/150/140/158/125/134/150….(pattern repeats)

(some 70’s – effort, tasks, seeking affordable)(some 129’s – experiment, experiencing, stimulant)

Intangible = 93 98/91/76/117/133/146

(some 93’s – management, growing, outside, internal, trying, physical, writer) (together – 98, spirit-91, value for my last name/humans-76) (some 117’s -humility, upbringing, occupation) (some 118’s – conscious, true love, wonderful, concentrate, attention)(some 133’s – community, intentional, system life, property) and (some 146’s – brain function, peace for the brain).

31 January 2020 – Living alone together

January 31, 2020 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, Art and Poetry, drawing, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Food, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. It’s been awhile since I posted anything. I am currently going through some challenging times in my life and haven’t been feeling like doing much. I hope something in what I will share here will help you if you find yourself visiting my blog today.

What I am currently facing is something similar to what I went through in my previous marriage. The experience of living with someone but feeling like you are just sharing a space but not truly connected like you once were. I call it, living alone together. It’s not a condition I want to exist but it currently does.

I am the sort of person who can get carried away into many different directions at once and find it difficult to be in the present moment all the time. To be in a healthy relationship with someone, I think you have to communicate and sometimes even that breaks down. For my husband and I, we have had the same conversations so many times, our own personal echo chamber if you will. After a time, things just get stale. We used to share a lot of the same interests but over time, things have changed for both of us. I think this world has changed and not necessarily for the better.

I am currently trying to find a way to navigate through my current circumstances and maintain a positive attitude. I have been writing letters, writing in a journal, taking pictures, cleaning and organizing the house, doing yard work, going for walks, doing crafts, trying to eat better and get enough sleep, trying to communicate more with loved ones as coping mechanisms. Our two dogs are affected by what is going on as much as we are. I think it must be very confusing to them.

I ran a couple of words-numbers phrases in line with this topic. As I have mentioned before in previous posts, I want to emphasize my interpretation of these numbers isn’t the only interpretation. You may see something else. You may be experiencing something else. It’s interesting to me to see the patterns. May be for your own experience there are other things you would add:

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/ (online calculator I use for this but I have a personal offline system also)

Energy fields emitted from a life form = 342 174/159/118/117/133/146

(one = 34, self= 42)

resonance = 94 102/156/128/141/128/141……

(why=56 141=energy exchange 28=man)

fluctuating energy levels in the types of energy consumed=575 149/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134…..

(human=57 spiral/eternal=75 way/cause=49 child=36 self=42 earth=52 one=34 animal/easy/fight/Joy/role=50 food=40 all=25)

a balanced energy diet = 155 118/117/133/146

(shared/wages=55 true love/modification/scent glands/wonderful/concentrate=118 I’m sorry/nurture/humility/upbringing=117 temptation/community/don’t give up = 133 (the=33) people matter/brain function/peace for the brain = 146 (body=46)

metabolism = 109/140

“to have a healthy metabolism” = 260 174/159/118/117/133/146

(energy=74 five = 42 nine= 42 self=42 (the five senses of the body and nine (nein) or no self)

living alone = 120 156/128/141/128/141…..

living by yourself = 221 150/140/158/125/134/150/140/158/125

(understanding/communication/fifty states/uncertainty/divine planning/possession = 150 feeling=58)

living with someone you are married to but feeling alone = 555 126/144/154/136/142/152/134/150/140/158/125/134……

(God/dog/game = 26 brain/faith=44 sun/love/play/voice=54 child=36 self=42)

alone = 152

together = 98 91/76/117/133/146

(spirit=91 sharing/fiction/divorce/revenge/humans/master/species/draining/contact/example/crying/mixing/concept/losing/a cat’s life = 76)

positive attitude = 215/134

negative attitude = 183 139/132/148/143/150/140/158/125/134/150……..

(positive = 115 negative=83 attitude=100 culture=100)

4 Sept 2019 Horse Apple Tree – Alvarado TX

September 4, 2019 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, dreams, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Food, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Native American Culture, Nature, photography, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), trust, Veteran Affairs

2 Sept 2019 Jackie Wygant cell phone picture horse apple tree next to abandoned house near The Family Dollar Alvarado TX

The other day I was walking to the Family Dollar down the street and happened to notice this beautiful tree living near an abandoned house across the street from our local Elementary School. I got to thinking about how nice it would be if that property could be annexed to the school for learning about plants and nature; like a nature learning center or something. There is a large field next to it I imagined being turned into a community garden and it could also be part of the learning center. I imagined children learning how to grow their own food and appreciating nature like I do.

https://lancaster.unl.edu/enviro/pest/nebline/hedgeapple.htm

Facts and Myths of Hedge Apples
by Dr. Barbara Ogg, Extension Educator

This article appeared in the October 2001 NEBLINE Newsletter

This time of year, hedge apples – the fruit from the Osage-orange tree – are being sold at farmer’s markets, garden centers, and other locations. Many people have heard that these fruits can be used as an insect repellent, but the truth is that many people don’t know much else about this unusual tree and its fruit.

The Tree and Its Fruit:

The Osage-orange is a small to medium-sized tree, having a short trunk and a rounded or irregular crown. The twigs are buff to orange-brown and are armed with one-half inch long spines. The stems exude a milky sap when cut. The Osage-orange is dioecious, meaning that male and female flowers are produced on separate trees. The small, green flowers appear in May or June. Female trees produce 3-to 5-inch diameter fruit which ripen in September or October and fall to the ground.

Native Habitat and Current Distribution:

The Osage-orange is native to a small area in eastern Texas, southeastern Oklahoma, and southwestern Arkansas. This region is the home of the Osage Indians which gives the tree its common name. Settlers found that the Osage-orange transplanted easily, tolerated poor soils, extreme heat, and strong winds and had no serious insect or disease problems. It was widely planted in the Midwest as a living fence because, when pruned into a hedge, it provided an impenetrable barrier to livestock. The development of barbed wire curtailed its widespread planting, but many Osage-orange trees can still be found in fence rows.

Uses of the Osage-Orange:

The wood is extremely hard, heavy, durable and shrinks or swells little compared to the wood of other trees. The wood is used for fence posts, treenails, furniture, and archery bows. In fact, many archers consider the wood of the Osage-orange to be the world’s finest wood for bows. Another common name for this tree, bodark, is from the French bios d’arc meaning “bow wood.” This tree also produces a bright yellow dye which can be extracted from the wood.

The fruit of the Osage-orange is a nuisance in the home landscape and has little value. Hedge apples are not an important source of food for wildlife as most birds and animals find the fruit unpalatable. The thorny trees do provide nesting and cover for wildlife.

The belief about the use of hedge apples for insect control is widespread and persistent. it is claimed that placing hedge apples around the foundation or inside the basement will repel or control insects. A few years ago, Iowa State University toxicologists extracted compounds from hedge apples. When concentrated, these compounds were found to repel insects.

Scientists also found that natural concentrations of these compounds in the fruit were too low to be an effective repellent. So, don’t be fooled into spending much to use hedge apples as an insect repellent.

If you decide to pick hedge apples to check out the repellency yourself or to use the fruit as a fall decoration, it would be wise to wear gloves. The milky juice present in the stems and fruit of the Osage-orange can irritate the skin.

Return for more information on Insects, Spiders, Mice and More

Looking for information about a specific insect pest or your local wildlife? Visit here.

USE OF THE EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS: You may reproduce the Educational Resource Guides for educational purposes but not for sales purposes (unless otherwise indicated as a sales item–these items may not be reproduced). Videotapes are copyrighted and may not be reproduced. If you have questions about using any photographs or images, visit Credits for use. You’re also welcome to link to “Insects, Spiders, Mice and More” from your website. Please credit: University of Nebraska Cooperative Extension in Lancaster County (http://lancaster.unl.edu/enviro/pest/bug.htm)

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/ – site I use to look at words and phrases. It helps me learn in a different way.

“horse apple tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 163

(empath – 63)

“hedge apples” in the English Ordinal system equals 98

(together – 98)

“Osage-Orange tree” in the English Ordinal system equals 155

(shared – 55)

7 August 2019 “Being there”

August 7, 2019 by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. I’ve been away for quite awhile again. Lately there have been many things going on in my life that have required my attention on a personal, physical, emotional and spirit level while I am trying to heal from a recent fall. I won’t burden you with the details. This morning my husband and I can’t sleep again even with it being quiet and dark. A lot on our minds, bodies and spirits these days. I believe it is in our house and outside of our houses that affect us on every level – directly and indirectly by the very nature of how our systems are connected as living organisms.

One of the things on my mind right now is how to be there for my family and my friends and still have something left for me. In my current condition I am not able to be there for those I love in the same capacity I have been able to in the past and I kind of beat myself up for it! Am I being a bad friend? A bad daughter? A bad wife? Then comes the “shouldn’ing” all over myself which doesn’t help! So I ran a couple things to share with those of you who this might resonate with – those who might be feeling/going through this right now and have need of a different way to see it:

“Being there” = 93/98/91/76/117/133/146

9 = 42 = self (a “no” self as 5 also equals 42 but I think of this as the feeling/five senses/physical self) 3 = 56 = 42/52 (“self earth”)

98 = together 91= spirit 76 = humans 33= the 46 = body

Being there for a friend = 189

1=34 =one 8=49=alive 9=42=self (add 34 + 49 + 42 = 125 and 25 = all, “a all” = 26 which = God)

Sometimes we can’t be there like we want to for a friend or how a friend might expect us to be so we can pray for them to the God/Gods of our understanding. If you don’t like that – just even having a loving/positive thought for them. It is different for each of us. Sometimes we just can’t be there for someone like they think they want or need from us. An energy greater than ourselves must step in our place for them. For many, that is God.

Being there for family = 198

1=34=one 9=42=self 8=49=alive (add 34 + 42 + 49 = 125)

Being there for yourself = 253

2=58=feeling 5=42=self 3=56=light (add 58 + 42 + 56 = 156) (56’s I have found, why, light out and there are more but these are a couple)

156/128/141/128/141…. = a why a man a garbage? a why a man energy exchange.

For me personally, for the past several months, years…may be most of my life I have questioned my worth, my value….am I garbage? Did God make a mistake by making me? What I have had to do is find a way to make peace within myself so I don’t hate myself all the time. People like my husband, family, my friends all seem to love and care about me but if I don’t love myself, their energies are wasted on me. One of the hardest things I’ve ever done, still do, is tell the person in the mirror I love them.

As I age, that girl looking back at me has changed but when I look in her eyes, that little girl is still looking back at me and I can’t stop loving her. The God I know has changed through the years – stripped down now to energetic form. Why would God expend all that energy to make something and not love it? The human world is full now of creations cast aside, seeming mistakes. Are they really mistakes if God is in all of us? Made all of us? Who decides but God?! These are the questions of our time.

We have all been given a set of clothes to wear in this life and underneath them is energy, children of God. Sometimes our inner child gets lost and just wants to be comforted. We cast about in this world to get some relief from the pain that child may be enduring and we can’t find it! I have gone through that process so many times in my life and it was due in great part to a black, white and tan cocker spaniel named Sam that I found out nothing can fill the void that is created by loss but God. Isn’t it ironic that God turned around is dog. Yes, people living and dead in my life have taught me a great deal of life but with Sam there were no conditions.

I will close for now. I am typing one-handed so can’t do this so often. I hope something here is what you were looking for and or needed today.