2 Aug 2020 Absence

Hello to you visitor.  It has been a long time since I have blogged here.  I just haven’t felt like writing.  I got encouraged to write by a dear friend so I am trying.  So many pieces of my life I have yet to reclaim since the divorce started and my moving to Idaho.  I still can’t really watch too much tv, movies, listen to music and or sing,  read much of anything and my hobbies are all on the backburner.  Everything I used to do was part of the episode just before I went into the hospital this last time.  So my life, as my dear friend describes, is very constricted.

Another part of all this is I still feel love for my husband who has divorced me.   Everything makes me think of him! Today we went to a park that had water features and a rose garden with a steam engine train and I immediately associated all of it with my husband.  I broke down into tears. Thankfully I was with my friend and she made it safe for me to express my feelings.  Towards the end of our time together things got ugly but before that there were so many good times.  What’s happened to me is like processing a death and it’s painful.

Another thing that keeps happening is feeling like I am in two places at once.  Part of of me is here and part of me is still back in Alvarado.  So much happened there!  Kyle and I loved and lost four of our pets there in addition to so many other memories.  I grew very fond of the trees and plants in the yard.  I didn’t think I would miss them but I do.  It will take time and some day I will have my own place again and a friend suggested plants and therapy.

Link has adjusted to our new home better than I have!  Life is much simpler for a dog than us dumb humans and all our memories and baggage!

My coping mechanisms of walking and talking still are working.  I also chat yet and that helps some.  Gradually I will reclaim my life and thank God I don’t have to do it alone.

 

ABSENCE” in the English Ordinal system equals 49

four nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 102

one zero two” in the English Ordinal system equals 156

one five six ” in the English Ordinal system equals 128

one two eight ” in the English Ordinal system equals 141

 

14 June 2020 Walk and Talk

Hello to you.  How are you today?  I am doing better than I was doing this morning.  Sometimes mornings are hard for me.  I have been trying to sleep without a sleep aid and so far have been kind of successful.

Something that seems to help me with anxiety the most lately, and I realize I have mentioned it before,  is the combined activity of walking and talking at the same time .  My family gives me a call and I take them on a walk with me, “Hello?  Wait a minute, let me get on my shoes.”  So my neighbors have become accustomed to seeing me out with my cell phone while I walk.  The magic number for time is about 40 minutes or less.  Depending on how hot it is, sometimes it can just be a walk around the block but it helps.

walk and talk” in the English Ordinal system equals 110

purpose” in the English Ordinal system equals 110

 

 

 

25 May 2020 Remembering

How are you today?  I’m doing pretty good.  It’s a wet Memorial Day.  They say it’s going to be like this all day.  I guess it’s a fitting thing that it be raining on this somber holiday.  In the past couple of years, my husband and honored this holiday by going to our local cemetery.  Instead of doing that this year, I will be going to spend some time with my husband, his family and of course Spotty.  Last night before bed I was imagining saying hello to her and being so excited!

Our Spotty Girl –  I miss her 

Memorial Day” in the English Ordinal system equals 116

a remembrance” in the English Ordinal system equals 98

together” in the English Ordinal system equals 98

Remembering, like I mentioned in my post yesterday, is a mixed thing.  It can be a helpful skill and as my husband used to day about his having a great memory, it can be a curse.   I am struggling with the curse part right now.  When I remember things it is such a visceral experience that it hurts.  In our current times I’m sure I’m not alone.   On this day I can guess there are many who wish they didn’t have to remember what today is about!   My heart goes out to anyone reading this that can relate to that.

Goals for today:

Today I will rest in gratitude that I am here and yet able to remember.  Today I will give thanks for what and who I have in my life.  Today I will have hope that today and the tomorrows yet to come will be filled with great new memories.

 

24 May 2020 Memories and Anxiety – coping with ghosts of the past

Hello to.  How are you doing today?  I’m up and got Link out on the morning drag.  When you walk Link it’s not always you walking him but him having a pretty good idea of what the walk is about.  He definitely has his own agenda!  Boy dog stuff – “I MUST pee here and  I MUST leave a dribble on this particular blade of grass.”   Since he’s been back home he’s also been barking in the house a lot more than I remember him doing before.  He and Spot used to bark, but not as much as he has been doing lately. He doesn’t have Daddy to keep  him line!

5 May 2020 Link and I on walk Parkway Park Alvarado TX

Lately I have been coping with anxiety that is associated with memories.  So much of my life is filled with my husband that with us being separated like we are, I have been having trouble.  Everything I do has a memory associated with him and that evokes a feeling of anxiety and longing in me,   Every part of the day from eating breakfast,  going for the morning walk, playing a video game we used to play and even taking a shower at night are all filled with memories…..ghosts of our shared past.   He  was and in my mind and heart still is, my everything.  I am having to make new patterns and I can feel myself resisting doing that.  I don’t want to figure out how to live my life without the man I love!  

My family has been reminding me that I have to stay in the now and quit going backwards to avoid those anxious feelings and it’s hard for me right now! I am sure God has a plan in all this but some of it sure seems to hurt!

I baked cupcakes yesterday to take out to him and the family for Memorial Day.   I had packed up a bunch of my kitchen stuff so it was nice to get it back out for that – to do something normal.  Hopefully the weather is going to cooperate.  They were talking about us getting potentially heavy rain tomorrow…..I hope not.  I have been looking forward to this for so long!  I miss my husband, Spot and most definitely seeing tangible family.

Not much else to write.  I’m trying to stay in the habit of writing as a part of my therapy and coping strategies.

Thank you for stopping by!

 

ghost” in the English Ordinal system equals 69

people” in the English Ordinal system equals 69

 

10 May 2020 There are many kinds of Mom’s

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  I’m doing ok.  If I’m honest, I woke up missing my husband and my dog Spot but I know this is a temporary condition.  We will be together again soon.    I also woke up remembering it’s Mother’s Day and started thinking about what that means to me.

There are many different kinds of Mom’s in todays world.  In our modern world the title of Mom has extended beyond sex and, sexual orientation.   When I was at JPS, there were many male nurses who filled a maternal role for me while I was there.  One of them even had the same name as my husband and the other my brother-in-law!

For me, Mom or Mother is not just a title for a woman.  For me it is also about what someone does for another person or being.  For example, many pet owners like myself  consider ourselves pet parents.   I consider myself a Mom to Link and Spot.  Sometimes not a very good one but I try!  We don’t always speak the same language!

15 Feb 2020 Spot and Link – I was dreaming about her last night

The people I consider Mom’s in my life are those people that just have a knack for knowing what to say, what to do, how to talk to me in any given situation.  They have an natural instinct for nurturing and helping in matters of the heart.

People like my Dad, my husband, my stepmom, mother and father-in-laws and my Aunt all have at one time or another taken on the role of  Mom for me.  Their love and care for me has in most cases been nearly unconditional.  They mean so much to me!

I have to be honest and say in many ways even my girl Spot has even been more like a mother to me than me to her!  I call her my dog ma lol.  She has been a Mother dog figure to Link in ways I could not.

I keep thinking at my age I shouldn’t need a Mom like I used to but I do.  The question is do we ever stop needing our Mom’s whatever shape, form, and relationship they come in?   It doesn’t seem like it for me!

What does still needing a Mom figure say about me?  Am I immature or is it an indicator that I am still growing?  Does this mean I’m still teachable?  Does this mean I am still a person who doesn’t have all the answers?  Does this mean I still need the loving wisdom beyond myself to keep me grounded in this world?  I think the answer to all of these is yes.

Mother” in the English Ordinal system equals 79 (rotate, words, lifetime, affection, listen, remember, watches, super, loving, singing, life of a bard)

a Mom” in the English Ordinal system equals 42 (this is neat because 42 also means self)

 

Source: Internet  Sometimes I feel like this lol and it’s not what my Mom’s have said or done, it’s all me!

 

 

9 May 2020 Superman

Hello to you. How are you doing today as you visit here?  I hope this finds you well.  I’m kind of in a weird space inside.  Every time I turn on the news I feel more anxious.  I’m still waiting for the good news that this whole Covoid 19 pandemic is behind us!   Wouldn’t it be nice to have a bunch of Superhero’s and or meta humans like the The Flash to help us out?

My superman

I’m finding comfort in telling stories.  I hope they are they are enjoyable to you too.  The inspiration for what I’m writing today came from the time before finding my current husband.  I can remember looking up to the stars and asking, “where are you?”  One of my husbands and my favorite superhero’s is Superman.   I know there are a bazillion different renditions of how Superman came to be – mine cuts through the chase of all the baby stuff lol.

———————————————————–

It was a long long time ago, well may be not that long ago, a lonely woman was standing out in the darkness.  Her weary eyes scanned the dark night sky.  She whispered under her breath, “Where are you?!  I am lost.  God can you hear me?”  The vast sea of stars seemed to respond to her words.  A single star stood out from all the others and twinkled at her extra special brightly.  Speaking in star speak so to speak!

Many moons, stars and suns passed and the lonely woman began to wonder if she had been forgotten.  Again she found herself standing out under the night sky and just as she began to speak, a familiar star shot out across the sky!  She exclaimed  to the darkness, “Is that you?!”

Now star time and human time are not the same.  A single day for a human is light years for a star.  It takes a long time for messages to travel back and forth but they do get exchanged.  Little did that woman know that many miles away from where she was standing that shooting star landed on earth.  The surprising thing was it was no longer a star but had transformed into a man.  The man knew why he was there and knew either he had many miles to travel or the one who had summoned him to earth did!

There were many rotations of earth.  There were many risings and settings of the sun and moon.  There were many rotations of the constellations  before the man from the stars and the woman would meet.  When they did finally meet she had one word for him, “Superman.”


Superman” in the English Ordinal system equals 107

starman” in the English Ordinal system equals 86

So it’s Saturday.   It’s looking like the weather is going to be really nice out.  Tomorrow is Mother’s Day in case you forgot.  I hope you have a wonderful day.  I’ll probably be back later.  Writing seems to be helping me adjust to what I’m going through right now.

Love the blue guitar he uses!

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 May 2020 Leaps of Faith – 12 years

Hello to you.  How are you doing?  I hope this finds you well in your world.  In my world today is about faith, celebrating and reflecting on 12 years of marriage.  A big part of this journey has been about taking leaps of faith both big ones and small.

I believe, and it has been my experience that every person that comes into your life teaches you things.  My husband has taught me a bunch of things like having faith in people, places and things that may have failed you.  It’s everything from the milk you buy at the store to people in your life.  A person that has failed him, especially these past couple of years has been me.  The road we’ve been traveling has been very bumpy.   Being married to someone diagnosed at bipolar can make marriage very difficult.  There is a lot of thinking you know someone and then you don’t know them at all.   You can’t see what being bipolar is except through behavior.

To look back at the past 12 years, our whole relationship has been leaps of faith.

Our shared past is full of huge leaps of faith!  He took a huge one flying out to meet me the first time after we met as two video game avatars, Prinzessa and Efess in FFXI (a MMORPG) in the Valkrum Dunes.  Shortly after we married, he had to stand by me when I had a hysterectomy which meant we wouldn’t have children in our marriage.  We both took another giant leap  when we chose to move ahead of the family to Texas waiting to hear if his Dad landed a job.  Choosing to become homeowners instead of lifelong renters was big jump for us.  All the little jumps like the things he and I did together by helping neighbors, getting involved in the planning of the city and helping out with Animal Control.  Looking back, very little has come easily to us but when we’ve taken the chance, it’s been worth it!

leap of faith” in the English Ordinal system equals 99

thirteen” in the English Ordinal system equals 99

(both my husband and I were born on the 13th)

If you look at the word faith, it’s about believing in something and or someone you can’t always see.  Some people have a faith in an institution like their church of choice, government or health system, some have faith in an object,  others a person and  for many it’s having faith in a God they cannot see.   

faith” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

tend the garden of marriage daily” in the English Ordinal system equals 269 – God and people right in this!

God” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

people” in the English Ordinal system equals 69

I am hoping that we have many years before us.  I am so grateful he is my husband!  His parents and mine, our grandparents and so many before have lead what it means to be married by their example.   No matter how tough things get, you can still work things out.   I am hoping and praying that what is ahead will be worth all that we’ve already been through together thus far.

 

8 May 2008 – so handsome!
8 May 2008 our wedding day

7 May 2020 What to do with yourself

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Link and I have started to get in the patterns of the sun.  When it’s dark you go so sleep.  So here I am at the keyboard, artificial sunshine of coffee and computer screen on!  This is a process that will only last a short period of time and then I’ll have to figure out what to do next lol.  It’s better than laying in bed like I was doing, fretting about a bunch of stuff I can’t control!

Such is life these days right?  What to do with myself to keep busy but stay at home.  I’m sure if I were to peruse the internet right now I’d find all kinds of advice on what I could be doing.  I can turn on the news on any station and if it’s not covoid19 hysteria it’s other bored people, famous and not,  showing us what they are doing to not be bored at home.  Finding stuff do and being alone didn’t use to be a problem for me.  What happened is choice of whether to immerse or not immerse myself in the world has been pretty much removed.  If I go out into the world to do something, it’s getting groceries, an appointment or something pretty important I need to do.

Yesterday I shared some of my art supplies with our neighbor children.  We have a couple of Mom’s in the neighborhood with young children and it’s so challenging right now for them to keep the young one’s entertained.

The old standbys have always been drawing, writing and right now working on another corner to corner afghan.  I’ve even considered working on an edited version of a book I’ve already e-published, The Gospel According to Sam  (https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-According-Sam-Jackie-Wygant-ebook/dp/B00533VOTU) all proceeds going to charity.   The only part of me that seems to really be working right now is the writing.  I sit down to draw and  unlike years past, it’s just a blank page or trying to record what is in front of me.

6 May 2020 drawing I did last night of Link out in the backyard.

There are only so many words, so many drawings, paintings and creative ways to put together the same meals before you start to repeat yourself or others.   The other thing is I’m trying to downsize and reduce the amount of that stuff I want around the house.  Thank goodness for digital writing but even that isn’t without pitfalls…..you need a reliable way to store the media if you care to retrieve it later.  I had a hard drive I was using.  It got dropped one too many times and now the data is  is locked in there unless I can get someone with some skills to break them out!  I am having to learn to be a more transitory person and it’s hard.

So I have found myself asking, what does the God of my understanding want me doing right now?!  I want to be useful and help somehow so is my even sharing this today doing that?  Do my words here help alleviate boredom and the same things for someone other than myself?

It’s kind of like life in the extremes of weather be it extreme cold or extreme heat.  In either one, I have learned to hunker down and keep busy but sometimes my lesser natures take over and I gain weight.  Eating becoming an activity.  Thankfully here the weather has been nice so when I get really restless I put on my walking shoes and take Link out or go just by myself.  Walking does help!

Today I decided to look at the phrase staying busy.  I’m going to put all the values I’ve come up on my “travels” with gematria.  Sometimes to see the order in which I have found different number values is like a weird sentence lol:

staying busy” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 – a taking, train, insane, riches, torah, shift, poop, behaves, noise, hearing germs, right, under, humane, doubt, Queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices, under, right, audience, a miracle, polar.

one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 – a mask, brain, clock, handle, hope, faith, cut, space, bored, talk.

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love, sun, play, French, voice, eyes, chemical, health, acting, spar, breath, Bavaria, butch, pods, bodies, Gabriel, Mama bear, foodie, gnome, eyes

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a halo, child, hair, bite, heard, hug, have, asp, agree, chips

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self, new, gift, balanced, rain, run, war, raw, rare, bitch, female, rebel, Odin, sub, tail

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – a blonde, earth, seeds, caring, speak, what, thaw, hobby, disable, heart, Pope, kept, raise, create, spice, birds, devil, dog, pee, crop, ship, going, hobby, ashes, a glaze, thaw

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a cold, chance, free, hate, breed, heat

Now all of this said, I am not trying to invite drama into my life What I wish to invite into my life is a positive, loving way I can be of service to God as I understand them.   

The last thing I want to be is a waste of space.  So I am going to trust that gradually, as I can handle it, God will show me great ways to be of service in this uncertain time.   May be in some way, I’m already doing it just blogging here?  May be somebody, that’s not me, will see my message here and get some relief from their personal struggles and be able to pass that light on to someone near or far in their own life?   That’s my hope!

The Beatitudes from the Bible. I am not a religious person, but very spiritual. Parts of the Bible like this are comforting I think.

 

 

6 May 2020 Making good choices and could basic income be an option for the US?

Hello to you.  How are you as you visit me here?  I hope this finds you well.  Aside from allergies and being awake way too darn early things are pretty decent here.  When is too early to be awake?  In dog time, from what Link tells me, it’s being awake before the sun is.  As I write, he’s still in bed!

What comes to me this morning is something I’m having to do – learning to accept my part.  What I mean by that is each of us seems to have a part we play on this stage of God’s and mine seems to be the one that I’m trying to accept.  When I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, things seem to go well.  When I’m not, well God lets me know about it.  They were pretty firm about it most recently – tough love is the phrase we are using.

To quote Albus Dumbledore: “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

So it’s  important to make good choices.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard to know what a good choice is!   In my life so far, it feels like there is a lot of hindsight on the making good choices scenario.  It feels like all too often I am  asked to make a good choice when I’m faced with a set of circumstances and limited data to go on.  As is the case recently, if it’s not me making the choice, it’s me having to trust someone else about it.

My personal barometer, “if it ain’t light, it ain’t right” works most of the time.  If my heart moves in my chest anywhere but center when making a choice, my choice my need evaluating.  Lately though, and I hadn’t planned on this part,  I am acknowledging that when I feel my heart sink into my stomach it might be because I’m being asked to get out of my comfort zone.  How do you tell the difference?!

This is a question facing so many in our world today isn’t it?

making good choices” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, being yourself, quality of life, spirit alchemy

With this Covoid19 crisis there seems to be a lot of darned if you do, darned if you don’t!  The right answer, as I’ve been seeing a lot, might not be the popular answer or what other people want to hear.   For example, the debate in our state of Texas has been whether or not to open up businesses again.  Is it too soon?  Are these businesses prepared for the changes they need to make to be open safely?   I am noticing a lot of small businesses being forced to choose between their lives and their livelihoods.  I think if they knew they had some sort of income no matter what, they wouldn’t feel pressure to reopen so quickly.  For many, if they don’t open back up, they face losing their business which affects their lives and the communities they serve.  If they do open back up, they are putting their lives at risk being exposed to a potentially infected public.  They tried to give some of the businesses stimulus checks but it’s not enough to sustain a business for a long period like we are potentially talking about with this virus.

A model that exists and I don’t know if this would work here is Basic income.   May be something like this could help the many unemployed and or those losing their businesses from the restaurant, service, retail and agricultural sectors.   They already have people applying for aide so they know who the folks are that need help already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_income

Basic income, also called universal basic income (UBI), citizen’s income, citizen’s basic income, basic income guarantee, basic living stipend, guaranteed annual income, or universal demogrant, is a governmental public program for a periodic payment delivered to all on an individual basis without means test or work requirement.[2] The incomes would be:

  • Unconditional: A basic income would vary with age, but with no other conditions. Everyone of the same age would receive the same basic income, whatever their gender, employment status, family structure, contribution to society, housing costs, or anything else.
  • Automatic: Someone’s basic income would be automatically paid weekly or monthly into a bank account or similar.
  • Non-withdrawable: Basic incomes would not be means-tested. Whether someone’s earnings increase, decrease, or stay the same, their basic income will not change.
  • Individual: Basic incomes would be paid on an individual basis and not on the basis of a couple or household.
  • As a right: Every legal resident would receive a basic income, subject to a minimum period of legal residency and continuing residency for most of the year.[3]

Basic income can be implemented nationally, regionally or locally. An unconditional income that is sufficient to meet a person’s basic needs (at or above the poverty line) is sometimes called a full basic income while if it is less than that amount, it is sometimes called partial. A welfare system with some characteristics similar to those of a basic income is a negative income tax in which the government stipend is gradually reduced with higher labor income. Some welfare systems are sometimes regarded as steps on the way to a basic income, but because they have conditions attached they are not basic incomes. If they raise household incomes to specified minima they are called guaranteed minimum income systems. For example, Bolsa Família in Brazil is restricted to poor families and the children are obligated to attend school.[4]

 

Basic income” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 – management, growing, therapy, internal, trying, parents

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 – together, stocking, trust, “to try”

nine eight’” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, upgrades, savings, content, emotion, future, growth

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – sharing, tracker, humans, species, example, mixing concept

seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, expansion

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – a the, innovation, challenge, invitation, grownups, system life

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – a body, people matter, brain function, peace for the brain, field of study

——————-

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2020/03/18/americans-need-a-basic-income-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak/

While one-time “stimulus checks” are an option— as they were in the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis—many Americans are going to need longer-term support to weather the coming financial storm. Rather than a single shot of cash, struggling Americans will need an “emergency basic income” (EBI)—i.e. no-strings-attached, continuing cash support, similar to what former presidential candidate Andrew Yang proposed on the campaign trail.

At the time of his campaign, Yang was pushing for a “universal basic income”– a $1,000 per month entitlement for every American. The idea was expensive, impractical. and rife with the potential for unintended consequences. But now, Yang’s original conception, with some important variations, could save millions of Americans from financial catastrophe. That helps explain why its finding new life from proponents l New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (as well as Yang himself). Yet UBI need not be adopted in its original form to do a lot of good; it need not be as generous as an indefinite entitlement of $1,000 a month, nor does it need to be universal. At least not yet.

———————

I currently live on a fixed income so I understand what this is like.  My income doesn’t fluctuate that much so I have to live within my means.  I wonder if this model would work for some of the folks that had small businesses and they had to close them.  Could our country afford this system on a short term basis until be get more stabilized and beyond the crisis?

Anyhew – I’m out of my depth.  People a lot wiser out there on this but that’s just how my mind goes – from small scale to the world.   How do you make a good choice in such uncertain times.  I guess if we are honest with ourselves, now isn’t much different than it ever really was.  There is always risk in decision making.  All we can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.   I do hope anyone reading this, if you are in the demographic of folks I’m talking about,  that you have or can get everything you need to take care of yourselves and your families.

P.S.  The Blue Angels are supposed to be flying today – hope I get to see them!

 

 

 

5 May 2020 Uncomfortable Silence

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Hopefully you are doing well.

Something that comes to mind this morning is the phrase uncomfortable silence.  As I write, I’ve got an alternative station I found that I like, 103.7 fm on as background noise.  I’m getting to be one of those kind of people that has to have the sound on in my world.   That thing called comfortable silence is uncomfortable for me and it never used to be.

 

This radio used to belong to my brother-in-law Todd – still useful!

My mother-in-law used to follow ratings for television shows.  I seem to remember her talking about CSI was one that always had high ratings.  What was behind that a certain demographic, usually older Americans, put the show on as background noise even if they weren’t watching it.  I though that was funny at the time until this situation of having to stay home alone more!  I’m becoming one of those people!

So today I give thanks for local programming and the radio stations that keep the world interesting for me.  Right now I don’t have access to streaming services without paying for it.  I’m trying Amazon Prime video and took a look at Patrick Melrose yesterday.  I couldn’t get through the first episode.  It was hard to see Benedict Cumberbatch being such a convincing addict.  I much prefer seeing him as Sherlock Holmes (minus the addict part) and Dr. Strange!  There are some other interesting shows to check out whilst I work on my afghan.

I find myself going a bit stir crazy staying in the house so I’ll meander out for a walk.  This isn’t such a bad thing as I gained some weight during my hospital stay.  I’m starting to remember why one can lose your mind a bit being trapped in the house.  In the past, it was just because of extremes of weather.  I can remember being in a shelter in Mississippi  during a hurricane and how tough that was.  I was in a shelter with a bunch of other people and it was dark and even smelly at times.  We ate peanut butter and crackers in the dark.  As tough as that was,  there was an end in sight.  With this virus and containment,  there doesn’t seem to be a definitive end.  I understand better why there are protesters in different placing demanding things get opened back up.  We are social creatures and are made to do stuff besides staying at home.

I wonder if this is the plants way of healing itself?  For all the bad things that have happened and tragedy, good things have been happening for the planet.   The biggest thing is a reduction in air pollution!  I wonder how can we keep that going once life starts to resume it’s course?

https://nypost.com/2020/04/07/3-ways-the-coronavirus-is-a-boon-to-the-environment/

ITOE6561 4 May 2020 Breaking through marker picture Jackie Wygant Alvarado TX

First drawing with markers – thinking of breaking through barriers in my life.

a uncomfortable silence” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 – (ironically month and day I was born!)