Category: Art and Poetry

7 May 2023 Heart

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, history, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m just back from church – wasn’t sure if I was going but I did go. There are so many nice people that go and as I get regular with my attendance, the more people I get to know. The next event the ladies are having is a Ladies Tea on the 20th. My Aunt and I are planning on attending.

Todays message was more about the life of Abraham. The part we went over was when Abraham’s wife didn’t want to wait any longer for the God promised baby and she suggested Abraham conceive with Hagar the slave. The message about that was when we push our will instead of waiting can cause heart ache. The other message, and this has come up before, is how our hearts can’t be trusted. I wanted to put up my hand and disagree! One of my favorite sayings is from a 1920’s movie called Metropolis “the mediator between the head and hands must be the heart.” That silent movie was about how ruthless a business person can be without using their heart. As a woman and an empath I use my heart a lot! Sadly that’s probably why I have so many labels and mental health issues.! So much inner conflict between my brain and my heart.

I understand the intent of the message is to encourage us to get closer to God and not lean completely on our understanding but as I’m experiencing lately – God has been really quiet and without using my heart, I wouldn’t keep going to church and try to find a way to serve God and the community.

The world can be a heartless place – all you have to do is look at a news feed or talk to someone. It’s hard to find and achieve balance between using my heart and leaning on God. How can you love others as you should love God and yourself without using and trusting your heart?!

There is so much conflict for me with how we are taught to operate in this world. On the one hand we are taught to turn inward and find God and wisdom. There is emphasis on prayer and meditation which comes from within and then flows out. On the other hand we are taught that our inner selves are unreliable and inherently bad . We are taught to look outside ourselves for guidance and wisdom. This was what I learned in AA and all the church’s I’ve been to. I was taught I’m not trustworthy on my own. How can be turning inward to where the Holy Spirit is supposed to be bad? Where does the Holy Spirit within us reside? Where does our souls energy reside?

I am still learning and have to trust God will show me his truth.

I guess I don’t like to hear that on my own I’m not a good person. I have spent a lot of my life in therapy to deal with low self esteem issues! That’s probably not what is intentioned in todays message but that’s what I heard and keep hearing. That’s the tough job of a Pastor I guess – sometimes to tell us not what we want to hear but need to hear? Pastor Jason said it was a hard sermon for him to write and I can see why!

One of my drawings – this was during one of my more creative phases

Acts 2 : 2-4

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

2 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2 Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3 They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4 All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.

5 May 2023 Direction

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What gives you direction in life?

Hello to you. Hard to believe it’s Friday again. Today is the celebration of Cinco Demayo and my exe in-laws 44th wedding anniversary. It’s so rare that people stay together that long. Even though I’m no longer married to their son I still consider them to be family. Once I love you it takes a lot for me to stop loving you. They are good people!

Todays prompt makes me think. I have never really had a direction in my life other than wanting to be a good person but it’s not been easy. Wanting to please God has flitted through my life, not to displease my family and friends has also been a reason for a direction. As I’ve mentioned before, as a young child and teenager I wanted to be famous but let go of that when I saw what fame does to peoples lives. Another primary direction has been not wanting to be forgotten. Since I never had children I have no one to pass my legacy on to.

A primary director, the Holy Spirit, seems quiet if not silent in my life. For so many years I felt I had a close connection. I could write, sing, draw, paint and make jewelry and other things. It’s probably just my being in an in between place right now. I think it’s also the medication I’m on that prevents mania from happening. Taking Lithium is different than taking Depakote and Zyprexa. I kind of miss the creativity and spirituality that comes with being manic. I think another reason for the lack of direction is the fact I’m still healing from my wounds these past couple of years. I am trying to stay open to God – to the Holy Spirit. I don’t think God is done with me yet!

A drawing I did back in 2015. I named it 7712 but I remember thinking of the title “Waiting” for it. I miss drawing like this – it’s like my creativity spigot is completely closed.

Proverbs 3:5-6New International Version

5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

2 May 2023 Camping

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, history, Home, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Have you ever been camping?

Hello to you. How are you doing? I’m just waking up. I had problems getting to and staying asleep last night. My Aunt is coming over in a bit to do a fitting on the dress I bought for the wedding this month. She’s taking it in a little bit. They didn’t have a 2x size so it’s a little big on me.

Todays prompt makes me think of good childhood memories of camping. I used to go with my grandparents Schmidt and can remember going with my babysitter Mary Tennessen one time. With my grandparents there was fishing and swimming. Sitting out at night and there being tons of frogs. I can remember my Grandpa scaring me through the window with a fish he caught! One of my favorite memories was of Grandma taking me swimming and there being little fish nibbling my toes. With the Tennessens I remember a May fly hatching and thousands of them were attracted to the inside lights of the camper! I haven’t been camping since those days.

As I’ve gotten older I have become a creature of comforts. Not really a camping girl! I like watching videos of people living out of their vans and RVs – having the comforts of home while traveling and visiting nature. It’s pretty amazing to see how creative people are!

This came out after my drawing
Teacher – drawing I did of Jesus

22 April 2023 Henry (prayers)

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Health, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

Hello to you. Today begins on a somber note. The first thing I’m thinking of is Henry. I just found out Henry, another one of my ex families dogs has cancer and probably will only be with us a couple of months. He has rectal cancer – a big tumor. Henry is one of those dogs that you just love at first sight. He is a Yorky.

This is the last time I saw Henry – 25 May 2020 what a sweet boy!

Henry came into our lives as a stray. My mother-in-law Beth saw him by the side of the road. She opened her car door and when he came to her she called him Henry. He responded to the name and got in the car with her and that was that! Henry and my dog Spot love each other. I can remember dog sitting Henry and he and Spot played on our bed for like an hour straight. Spot got a bump on her lip for it lol! They were making out!

I remember what it was like losing my Sam, Blondie, Amber and May. This poem really speaks to this:

This applies to cats too for me! I had wonderful cats.

If you pray, please keep little Henry in mind and Beth and Tim his owners. Henry is the third of my exes family dogs to get sick. We lost Smokie, Jack and most recently Titan. When we had family gatherings we had lots of dogs! They would line up at Beth’s pantry for treats. I just hope Henry is comfortable and doesn’t suffer. I feel sure Tim and Beth will make sure of that. They love their dogs like I do – they are family.

I’m grateful Link is in good health. We went to the vet yesterday and other than his teeth and being a bit chubby all is well.

31 March 2023 What I wanted to be growing up

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was five or so I wanted to be famous. I used to sing to the neighbor kids using a jump rope handle. I wrote stories to include one about vampires when I was in kindergarten. I also wrote stuff you might see in the Bible at a very young age. It was so good people didn’t believe I wrote it. I had that dream for many years beyond being five! I liked to draw, write, sing and dance. My Mom used to read my stories and something she said always stuck with me, “You don’t have to be famous to be somebody.” Her saying that truly helped me keep things in perspective! She was so right!

I grew up in the late 60’s and early 70’s. We didn’t have The Voice or America’s Got Talent. We had stuff like Solid Gold – I loved the dancing and would try those moves in our living room when I had the house to myself which was quite often as my parents both worked a lot. The other thing I spent a lot of time doing was drawing my favorite musicians like David Bowie for example. I can remember spending hours on just one drawing.

My dream to become famous never happened. I’m glad about it as I don’t think I would have survived to the age I am now! I see what fame does to a lot of people and it’s not pretty most times! With how sensitive I’ve always been I would have been a wreck. I look at people like Michael Jackson, Prince and Chris Cornell to name just a few. Their fame was a source of severe anxiety and public scrutiny.

13 December 2022 Consider the Lilies

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? I was looking through the clippings from my Grandma and found this pretty one. How easy it is for us to take the beauty of each day for granted. Since I’ve had this condition set in on me, I’ve not been as good about appreciating the natural beauty that surrounds me. It’s just a struggle to walk versus easily getting around and taking in the world around me.

Appreciation for the little things that make up our world

8 December 2022 Taking Time

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

A couple good messages today:

Some times we just need a reminder to slow down
We don’t always know what others are going through

Today I have a telephone consult with a psychiatrist and I don’t know what I’m going to say to her. She wants a goal and lately it’s all I can do to take care of basic things for myself. I don’t think she understands Mal de debarquement syndrome can be so debilitating. I really think that’s what I have going on and there is no cure. Please keep me in your prayers about this. Much love to you!

7 December 2022 Creativity

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you . Hope this finds you well. I’m struggling with creativity and medication. I’ve found that when I am on strong medication I can’t think as clearly as I normally can. My drawing and writing skills are impaired. I am having to choose between mania and sedation I guess. I choose reality – sanity and if that means sedation then that’s what has to happen.

My drawing is primitive but heart felt – love my boy his 8th bday is in a couple days
Another of my Grandmas clippings for me

3 December 2022 God Walks Beside You

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging
Walking has become difficult but I will not lose faith in God walking with me
I walked to the Woman’s Christmas gathering today at Grace House. It was difficult but I made it and there were nice ladies there ! I didn’t stay long as there were quite a few people and my senses got overwhelmed.

30 November 2022 The Chosen (theatre experience)

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Movies, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Television, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – hope this finds you well. Woke up to a light dusting of snow on the ground and it’s cold. Definitely beginning to feel like winter here!

Yesterday my Aunt and Uncle treated me to an early Christmas present by going to see The Chosen Season 3 in the theatre. It was a good experience but I hope the rest will be on the app like before. Not everyone can afford to go to the theatre. When Jesus did his big sermon I was expecting the loaves and fishes miracle but may be that will be in another episode. The characters got more developed in these episodes and things are fixing to get tougher for them.

Alleluia clouds

There weren’t that many people besides us in the theatre but the showtime was when a lot of people are getting off work. I am glad we went. So grateful for my Aunt and Uncle. I felt like we were helping the cause!