relationships – Page 30

29 December 2021 Flurries and Wesley

December 29, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s still snowing as I write to you. I don’t know how much we are supposed to get but it doesn’t show any sign of slowing down. If I wasn’t an adult I wouldn’t care. The neighbor kids have their snowsuites on and are having so much fun! I was thinking of how fun it is to make snow angels and then two of them did it! At some point I’m going to have to go unbury my car. Adulting sucks sometimes!

Yesterday I decided to look up an old crush from senior high school and I wasn’t prepared for what I found. He had made a successful career as a manager at Barnes and Noble and as an entertainer. He had been cross dressing and his characters name was Roxy Marquis. He got married to the man he loved. What I wasn’t prepared for was that he got lymphoma and fought the cancer for 4 years. He died in 2020 from it and he was my age- we were a year apart! All the memories I had of him filled my head last night and it was hard to sleep. I had such a crush on him when we were in school! I was too smitten with him to pick up that he was different…that he was gay. He was so beautiful to me. Finding this out evoked a lot of emotions. Why did he have to go through what he did? I felt so scared and sad last night just thinking how hard he fought to live. I hope in his heaven he has peace. RIP Wesley Byers – https://m.startribune.com/obituaries/detail/0000358638/

This morning I found out a friend, Tanya Knight, from my tribe in Alvarado, succumbed to cancer too! She was the most gentle and beautiful woman you could ever meet. Just so vibrant and full of life – she was a healer. I can’t believe she’s gone.

Last night as I was tossing, turning and crying I talked to God. “God I don’t understand suffering and death! It scares me. I feel so powerless – where are you God? Sometimes it just feels like you’ve abandoned us and I don’t want to believe that. Don’t let me waste this gift you have given me…..this life.”

Both Wes and Tanya still have their Facebook pages up. I’m glad they were so I could pay my respects. I didn’t know Facebook did that.

I hope something here resonated. I need to pull myself together and live this day. I think that’s the best way we can honor those who have gone before us – live!

28 December 2021 Tuesday

December 28, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Uncategorized, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you? Hopefully staying warm! It’s a balmy 22 degrees here as I write to you. Winter is definitely here. I’m so grateful Link and I have a warm shelter. Even as we near 2022 there are people without affordable housing.

So I rousted myself with some Heilung and my little drum this morning. My little drum circle idea rose and fell this year. It’s ok. I don’t regret buying the drum. It gets lots of use.

https://youtu.be/64CACoHNBEI – Heilung Norupo

Thinking of hearth and home this chilly Tuesday!

“Primal beat of my drum and ancient calling, steam rises from my coffee…snow is falling. A warm hearth and home within my heart can be found. An echo of the beginning sound.”

As I sit here this morning I wonder where we are heading in this world. Where am I heading. Things are doing things…..I keep trying to stand still in time but it doesn’t work that way. How do I graciously embrace the inevitable? Lately I’ve been feeling like my mind is in an in between place. When I feel this way I don’t get to just live my life and move forward with it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the flow….that stream of existence where time doesn’t matter. Your doing what God put you here to do and that’s all you want to do! All you want to do is be in that “sweet spot” with God.

Sometimes when I’m writing I get the place I desire to be. It’s warm and safe. The words just flow and I don’t want it to end but it always does. I had these sort of feelings when I would sit outside in Texas and draw with chalk. I would sit outside for hours and just draw. I felt such a direct connection with God. What was nice is my drawings lasted until the rains came. Then I would have a fresh canvas. I used to draw spaceships that sailed off with the rains. Where I live now I don’t have a slab in the backyard to draw on. I just have a driveway in the front yard and I’m a little self conscious about doing my drawings there.

I believe God isn’t done with me yet. There is a reason I still exist. I have to remind myself that the reason(s) aren’t always big ones. One of my favorite Saints is Therese of Lisieux: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%A9r%C3%A8se_of_Lisieux and the reason is because of how she believed in serving God in little ways. Every time I smell roses I think of her. We each have a part in Gods play. Some are major parts and some are very small but they are all important. Sometimes we are destined to live the little way and have to find peace with that.

I hope something here resonated!

27 December 2021 Snow Day

December 27, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you doing today? I’m doing ok…..having kind of a surreal morning. We got snow yesterday so no travel for me today. Thankfully my therapist is doing phone sessions today.

Why is today surreal? It’s hard to pin it on just one thing. May be it’s because another year is drawing to a close? Like I’ve said before I hold on to things too tight….even time.

I did a short stream last night. The topic was empathy. Something I feel the world is lacking….something I feel I’m lacking. I have always felt like I was an empath but after what I’ve been through these past couple of years I am not so sure. I’m a harsher person than I used to be. I am not as caring about other people as I used to be. I don’t like it but wonder if it’s a protective mechanism. I wonder if I truly allowed myself to be like I was if I would be able to keep it together.

I am hoping this next year is less frosty for me. I hope there will be reasons to reconnect to my heart and be warm in that space without having to be a blubbering mess in the process. Is there a way to be strong but loving too? I pray God will get me there!

If anything here resonates I would love to hear from you!

26 December 2021 Sunday

December 26, 2021December 26, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you doing as you visit me here? I hope you are well. I’m enjoying a room full of sunshine and some coffee. It’s really quiet this morning.

Yesterday my aunt and uncle came over about 10 am so they could leave their dog Smokey with Link. It was going to be a long day and they didn’t want him to be alone that long. Then I followed them over to my cousins and his wife’s for brunch. They have a real nice home! So welcoming! The food was wonderful as always and we got to have a nice visit. There was some snow coming down but it was too warm to stick which was good! I left a little while after we ate as they were going to see The Kingsmen. I was invited but didn’t want to go. So I went home and had a couple sweet dogs to keep me company! They really had to pee lol!

There are no plans for today. I am thinking about my aunt this morning. It’s looking like she’s going to have knee surgery on the 13th of next month. She’s nervous about it and so am I but it’s getting hard for her to be as active as she’s used to being. My aunt and many of the older people in my life, like my parents, have such youthful spirits! They want to go and do things but their bodies hold them back. There is always one body part or another that fails them. I wish getting older didn’t have to include sickness, pain and loss of body function!

“Twilight of my youth within me turning, flesh and bones around me burning. I long for limber days in the sun, but the calendar pages turn and those days are done. So hush little child buried deep…..I can still carry you….go back to sleep.”

I should get off of here and take Link for a walk while I have the motivation to do it. Get some direct sunshine! I hope this finds you well!

25 December 2021 In the Stillness

December 26, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. It’s 6:04 pm and Christmas 2021 is drawing to a close. As I sit here writing to you I am filled with gratitude…..and longing. I have been included and loved in to other peoples ideas of what the holidays should be but I find I still miss my little family. Will God ever let me have that again? Can God hear my true hearts desire?

New memories were made this year that I will cherish. On Christmas Eve my aunt and uncle came over with a lasagne meal and we went to a candlelight service here in town….it even snowed! In those little candles went lots of prayers! Then today was a wonderful brunch with my aunt, uncle, cousin and his wife. I was grateful to come home from brunch and there were two sweet little dogs to take a nap with.

“In the stillness of Christmas now past my heart lies in the snows of the last. “

23 December 2021 Thursday

December 23, 2021December 23, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. Thank you for visiting me here today. I’m really having trouble collecting my thoughts. This is like try number 5 at trying to write to you! How are you holding up with the holidays?

I’m writing to you from my little life raft I’m sharing with Link aka tiny couch. It’s gray and wet outside and I’m feeling it. When it’s like this I get a mild case of depression. I know it will pass. When I feel this way I just want to be nurtured and there is nobody here to do it! I really miss having a special somebody to do life with. Part of me resists the reality of having to share life with someone again. The complications of everything involved with sharing a life with someone. Everyone tells me that when I find him or he finds me everything will just work itself out. My drawing today is me imagining God manifesting a special someone for me.

There is a plan in the works – I just have to be patient

“I know your out there wandering around just about as lost as me….someday together we will be.”

Check out 23 December 2021 Gray Day chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1241648242

19 December 2021 Exchanging Stories

December 19, 2021December 19, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, In the News, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! It’s Sunday morning as I write to you. I had to kick myself out of bed! It’s gray and no sunshine!! Booo!! I’m looking forward to seeing family today – we’ll make our own sunshine!!

Last night I had a good session on Twitch. I met a young man from the Philippines who had a cold and just wanted to chat. He mentioned that the southern part of his country was being ravaged by a super typhoon called Rai: https://www.accuweather.com/en/hurricane/super-typhoon-rai-hits-philippines-like-a-freight-train/1061450/amp he is fortunate to be living in the north! We swapped spooky stories. His was of being in his parents room and seeing feet in his sisters room. He didn’t investigate whose feet they were until he went downstairs and his whole family was there! When he went back up they were gone! A little later another person came on who is working towards being a psych nurse and I shared a bit of my story with him. I’ve been in the mental health system since 1991 so a person like me has a lot of stories! It was fun talking to them,

I decided to start a Discord channel after all. We will see how it goes. I’m not real savvy on how it works but giving it a try. A friend of mine asked me the other night what my goal with all this is and it’s pretty simple – to reach people who are going through stuff I’ve been through and help them not feel so alone in this world. There are 7.9 billion people on this planet and yet there are times it can feel like there is no one. Some of us slip through the cracks . I feel that way sometimes even though I have family and friends. Sometimes there are things you can’t talk about with just anyone. They don’t always understand. The other part of this journey I’m taking with Twitch is I love meeting new people and hearing their stories .

God has a plan in all that is happening in my life. I just have to keep taking the next steps!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

https://discord.gg/uG7wQJmx

18 December 2021 Friendship

December 18, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, drawing, Food, Movies, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How is your day going so far? I am finally up and having some coffee. Looks like it’s going to be an overcast day!

I love the message on this mug from my friend Tawna

Last night was fun! I got together with my friend Lisa. We tried to introduce her German Shepherd Millie who is a year old to my grumpy old man Link who is 7 and things didn’t go well. Link got so worked up that he pooped himself! Sigh! Millie had to be crated for the visit and listen to Link finding all her chewy bone stashes!

Poor Link he isn’t used to dogs bigger than him!

We got Chinese food from the Canton Cafe in Caldwell and watched Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. The food was really good and the movie was pretty good too. I enjoyed seeing another cultures story brought to life much like I did with Black Panther. What I enjoyed the most was seeing the most were the choreographed fight scenes that were like a dance and mythological beasts brought to life.

My friend Lisa makes pretty things and I had her make me a Mala necklace/bracelet to help me at night with winding my mind down. It’s made of amethyst beads:

I hope this finds you well and that you are enjoying the season.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

17 December 2021 Remembering Where You Came From

December 17, 2021December 17, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Mental Health, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – how are you? It’s morning as I write to you. The sun is out!! Yay!! The only bad thing is I can see how filthy my window is and I don’t have a ladder to reach it! I am left wondering how the people that sold me the house kept it so clean?! I’ll figure something out.

Yesterday I did some experimenting on my Twitch channel. I tried to take my viewers on a walk around my block but lost my WiFi signal shortly after I left my house. So that didn’t work. I was thinking of my parents when I did it as they haven’t seen where I live. I guess I would have to use something like a go pro and upload the video. Everything has its limitations.

On the stream last night something came to me. What came to me was to share my experience, strength and hope as if I were chairing an AA meeting. The holidays can be a very difficult time of year for folks that have addiction issues. I have experience with alcohol and food addiction. My experience with alcohol only lasted a couple of years but the anorexia and namely bulemia lasted into my thirties. I haven’t really talked about my journey with bulemia yet. It lasted such a long time!

Check out 16 December 2021 Evening visit https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1235501106

I bought some fabric paint online yesterday. I have several “blank” tshirts that I intend on painting. I want to explore having each one having a different variation of Metatrons cube. We will start with one and see how it goes. The thing with painting tshirts is I don’t have to find wall space for a painting – it’s wearable art. You wear it until it gets worn out.

This was a paint kit my friend gave me several months ago. Yesterday I finally got around to using it! What a cheerful message !

I wanted to show you the rock my friend gifted me with – she painted it herself and I think it’s so pretty!

13 December 2021 Stories

December 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Home, Music, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you from here. How are you today? As I write to you I’m sitting here with some coffee and the world is gray again. I didn’t sleep very well last night again. I have to have background noise when I sleep. I decided to try cat purring noises. My Amber kitty used to purr me to sleep. It helped!

Talked to my my dad yesterday. I feel bad for my dad being trapped in his body and having to be in a nursing home. He’s making the best of it but didn’t sound very happy. He was the kind of person that liked to be on the go all the time……then his legs failed him.

So last night I did a shorter live stream. A couple of my friends got on and that was super nice. I got introduced to a new song. Im always on the lookout for new music: The Hu Song of Woman https://youtu.be/mdN1U9NvuIc

After my friends left I got a chance to visit with a 29 year old man from Mexico. He lives in a large city and misses living in a more forestry place. He mentioned not feeling real safe where he lives namely drug cartels! I shared some of my art with him. He’s learning to play bass guitar and likes to draw too. He’s considering starting his own channel! Evening seems to be the best time to find people that want to visit.

It’s nice that there are only a couple people that get on my channel at a time. I like having the back and forth conversation. Some channels on Twitch have thousands of viewers at a time which is fine for the music channels but for chatting not so much. I like to get to know my viewers and followers.

I hope you have s wonderful day. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day for me!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant