28 December 2021 Tuesday

Hello to you. How are you? Hopefully staying warm! It’s a balmy 22 degrees here as I write to you. Winter is definitely here. I’m so grateful Link and I have a warm shelter. Even as we near 2022 there are people without affordable housing.

So I rousted myself with some Heilung and my little drum this morning. My little drum circle idea rose and fell this year. It’s ok. I don’t regret buying the drum. It gets lots of use.

https://youtu.be/64CACoHNBEI – Heilung Norupo

Thinking of hearth and home this chilly Tuesday!

“Primal beat of my drum and ancient calling, steam rises from my coffee…snow is falling. A warm hearth and home within my heart can be found. An echo of the beginning sound.”

As I sit here this morning I wonder where we are heading in this world. Where am I heading. Things are doing things…..I keep trying to stand still in time but it doesn’t work that way. How do I graciously embrace the inevitable? Lately I’ve been feeling like my mind is in an in between place. When I feel this way I don’t get to just live my life and move forward with it. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the flow….that stream of existence where time doesn’t matter. Your doing what God put you here to do and that’s all you want to do! All you want to do is be in that “sweet spot” with God.

Sometimes when I’m writing I get the place I desire to be. It’s warm and safe. The words just flow and I don’t want it to end but it always does. I had these sort of feelings when I would sit outside in Texas and draw with chalk. I would sit outside for hours and just draw. I felt such a direct connection with God. What was nice is my drawings lasted until the rains came. Then I would have a fresh canvas. I used to draw spaceships that sailed off with the rains. Where I live now I don’t have a slab in the backyard to draw on. I just have a driveway in the front yard and I’m a little self conscious about doing my drawings there.

I believe God isn’t done with me yet. There is a reason I still exist. I have to remind myself that the reason(s) aren’t always big ones. One of my favorite Saints is Therese of Lisieux: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Th%C3%A9r%C3%A8se_of_Lisieux and the reason is because of how she believed in serving God in little ways. Every time I smell roses I think of her. We each have a part in Gods play. Some are major parts and some are very small but they are all important. Sometimes we are destined to live the little way and have to find peace with that.

I hope something here resonated!

16 December 2021 Snow

Hello to you. How are you today? I woke up to us getting a bit of snow. It is already starting to melt.

Just a little snow

As I sit here with my coffee, I am trying to think of what I want to do today. I am feeling kind of stuck. Drawing helps but I’m so quick about it. As soon as I get started I’m already finished. I love drawing Metatron’s cube! When I draw it I am soothed in my brain. I like choosing different colors for each one. I like that I free hand them – that they aren’t perfect each time. Each one is for a different somebody. I was doing that with my outdoor chalk this summer.

Drawing for today
Sun trying to peek through

Why do I always feel like I have to be DOING something? Why can’t I just be still? I guess idleness wasn’t something I was raised with. There were always chores when I was growing up and then of course once I got into the military I was always busy – too busy sometimes. There needs to be balance in the busy ! Balance in the idleness. There is too much idleness in my life right now. Gradually I am finding my way. For me idleness is close to usefulness…..I want to feel useful again.

I hope this finds you well!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

7 January 2021 Life Purpose

Hello to you out there as you visit me here. How are you? I am trying to recover from what life has been throwing at me. I still haven’t heard from my insurance company as to whether or not they plan to total my car or repair it.

Today I had a telephone appointment with my therapist and she has given me a grand assignment. The assignment is to find my life’s purpose and I have no clue how to persue that! It feels like each time I have felt like I have found my life’s purpose, something has happened and or not happened and I am left searching again. I mean I’ve done drawing, writing, painting , photography, experiments, volunteer work . I have really tried a bunch of stuff. I feel like a blank slate now and totally clueless as to what I should be doing now. So to get such an assignment, I feel overwhelmed. Something from my past I have considered going back to is painting. How that worked best was an almost commission type arrangement. Someone would approach me to paint and the money paid would go towards supplies to make the painting.

I wonder what the numbers say about some of this:

finding a life purpose ” in the English Ordinal system equals 206 (ironically 26 is God, game, lie in the numbers. Also process of light and shadow self with unknown all vices in check but one)

painting ” in the English Ordinal system equals 90 (ironically spirit is also 90)

blank slate” in the English Ordinal system equals 97 (weakness is also 97)

reclaiming your life” in the English Ordinal system equals 202

I’m sure God has some kind of purpose for me I just don’t know what it is right now. I am hoping more human companionship will be part of it. I have found myself chronically lonely!