29 December 2021 Flurries and Wesley

Hello to you. It’s still snowing as I write to you. I don’t know how much we are supposed to get but it doesn’t show any sign of slowing down. If I wasn’t an adult I wouldn’t care. The neighbor kids have their snowsuites on and are having so much fun! I was thinking of how fun it is to make snow angels and then two of them did it! At some point I’m going to have to go unbury my car. Adulting sucks sometimes!

Yesterday I decided to look up an old crush from senior high school and I wasn’t prepared for what I found. He had made a successful career as a manager at Barnes and Noble and as an entertainer. He had been cross dressing and his characters name was Roxy Marquis. He got married to the man he loved. What I wasn’t prepared for was that he got lymphoma and fought the cancer for 4 years. He died in 2020 from it and he was my age- we were a year apart! All the memories I had of him filled my head last night and it was hard to sleep. I had such a crush on him when we were in school! I was too smitten with him to pick up that he was different…that he was gay. He was so beautiful to me. Finding this out evoked a lot of emotions. Why did he have to go through what he did? I felt so scared and sad last night just thinking how hard he fought to live. I hope in his heaven he has peace. RIP Wesley Byers – https://m.startribune.com/obituaries/detail/0000358638/

This morning I found out a friend, Tanya Knight, from my tribe in Alvarado, succumbed to cancer too! She was the most gentle and beautiful woman you could ever meet. Just so vibrant and full of life – she was a healer. I can’t believe she’s gone.

Last night as I was tossing, turning and crying I talked to God. “God I don’t understand suffering and death! It scares me. I feel so powerless – where are you God? Sometimes it just feels like you’ve abandoned us and I don’t want to believe that. Don’t let me waste this gift you have given me…..this life.”

Heavy flurries today

Both Wes and Tanya still have their Facebook pages up. I’m glad they were so I could pay my respects. I didn’t know Facebook did that.

I hope something here resonated. I need to pull myself together and live this day. I think that’s the best way we can honor those who have gone before us – live!

24 March 2021 Effort

Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing pretty well. My day started off nicely with a visit with my Aunt and Uncle. They invited me over and we went out to breakfast and coffee at the Cracker Barrel. It felt like God answered my prayers to have a coffee buddy!

Something that I’ve noticed about praying for things is that there is usually effort involved in the actual answering part! The only thing effortless about praying is the praying! When you ask for something to happen the universe has to rearrange itself to comply with your request. You must use the powerful and positive energy of gratitude to encourage things along.

Sometimes what you are praying for requires an uneven exchange of energies. What you are asking for may just be at too great of a cost. It doesn’t mean to stop praying for someone who is terminally ill but you have to understand why that person might not get better. God always has a plan and sometimes we don’t like the plan. Look at the processes for treating terminal diseases like cancer, there seems to be a constant exchange involved. A giving and a taking…..ebb and flow. They give chemotherapy and or radiation and take diseased flesh and what is returned is hopefully healthy tissue.

I am reminded of the anime Full Metal Alchemist take on equivalent exchange:

Alchemy’s principal law is that of Equivalent Exchange. Equivalent Exchange is the principle that limits alchemy’s infinite potential. It’s a simple concept: something cannot be created from nothing, and so in order to obtain something, something else of equal value must be lost .

Fullmetal Alchemist: The Law of Equivalent Exchange, Explained (cbr.com)

all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25

law of equivalent exchange” in the English Ordinal system equals 250

effort” in the English Ordinal system equals 70 (all vices in check for unknown person, place and or thing)

brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

cancer” in the English Ordinal system equals 44