Hello to you. How are you ? As I write to you it’s another day of inversion. There is this gray lid over us and there is no sign of it moving! It’s so depressing.
Sometimes you have to make your own sunshine!
Last night was a lot of fun. My cousin celebrated her 52nd birthday. She came over and picked me up and took me over to my Aunt and Uncles house. We had a delicious ham dinner with birthday cake for dessert. We had some good laughs! This is the first time I’ve celebrated her birthday!
Early yesterday I had a pretty intense anxiety/panic attack. After talking with my family yesterday we are wondering if some of it isn’t related to having Covid. We have all been experiencing light headedness, dizziness and a sort of brain fog. My cousin, her daughter and I were all sick a couple of weeks and this crud is just lingering!! Does this resonate with you? We also talked about how we got sick when we are older and we just aren’t bouncing back like we used to!
Hello to you. How are you? Today has started out pretty good. Had a good stream talking about issues associated with mania and fear. Both require self soothing. It’s important to learn how to be your own mom sometimes! “Everything is going to be ok. This will pass, it always does.” I had a viewer from Germany talking about it taking 2.5 years to see a psychotherapist!
Today is my youngest cousins birthday! Hard to believe it’s been another year!
Today I have been feeling some anxiety but listening to Astravert is helping: Check out Wednesday Friends | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
It’s another day of inversion here – gray! I’m trying to keep my spirits up. My cousin and I talked about this weather just being a time of rest. The rest of the year always goes so fast that we need a time to slow down. Sometimes I need a reminder!
My therapist and I were talking about how much is enough when it comes to doing things. She brought up a good point that if you are making the world a better place that can be enough! Sometimes we can get really obsessed with being productive.
Hello to you how are you? It’s another gray and cold morning as I write to you. Some day the sun will return!
I had a nice stream on Twitch this morning. Got to visit with Sasha from Kirov Russia and Yoda from Seattle. Some other folks stopped in – Australia. It means a lot to me that people stop by and say hello!
I tried something different and drew this while streaming !
Yesterday I had a visit with one of my followers from Iceland. He was in a music video! He’s the guy on the bike: https://youtu.be/z04sE7L2DVw . It’s so interesting to talk to people from different parts of the world!
A little something to listen to if your into electric guitar:
I ended up streaming for a couple hours with people from all over the world – Russia, Australia, Seattle and India. I learned about a pancake like food called blini in Russia. The man from Australia was in Singapore but his family moved them so they would have a more relaxed life. He really is happy there. Anyhew its so nice to have people to visit with this morning. It really helped. What happened is one of the things I like about Twitch.
Yesterday I visited with my Aunt and Uncle and that was nice. We had some butter bean soup and cornbread. I got to try out one of their new pieces of furniture – so comfortable! Link and Smokey got to play a bit. Link gets a little rough so we had to break them up for a bit!
Still having “stuff” going on my head – drainage. We are going on 2 weeks with this crud! I keep having this light headed uncomfortable feeling. I’m really starting to wonder if there is something going on in the air. I just want to feel normal again – solid in my head. Hopefully soon.
Hello – it’s good morning from here as I write to you. I’m listening to Astravert which is helping with some of the anxiety I had this morning. I tried the Hydroxyzine as my doctor recommended last night and I’m not sure about it. We will see! I hate the getting to know you period when it comes to trying new medications! My body is really sensitive. It didn’t make me sleepy like most antihistamines do. My Aunt said she reacted the same way on it. I didn’t sleep very well last night.
Gratitude in an attitude
The sun is starting to shine through my front windows….it’s a new day. Feels good. I’m sitting on my little life raft with my special boy Link and not sure what today will bring. I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude. The sketchbooks came yesterday. Turns out they are real small lol! Oh well they will get used. Part of me wishes I had ordered the tshirts so I would have something to paint.
I wanted to mention that last night I was happy to see New Baroque on his channel and he seemed to be doing well. It seemed like whatever happened got worked out. At least I hope so!
“Fellow travelers are you weary? Have the torments of this day made you teary? Wipe your eyes. Don’t believe the lies. Stay in the fight don’t lose your light.”
Hello to you how are you in your today? I hope we’ll. This morning I had to ask for a little extra help….mornings are just rough. I asked the Holy Spirit to be with me and after I asked I truly felt his presence. I felt a warmth emanating from my chest. Like I was saying on my Twitch stream yesterday – the Holy Spirit is real and you can have a personal relationship you just have to ask.
I’ve really been using Twitch lately as a tool to help myself help others. It’s kind of like chairing an AA meeting of one (sometimes) and sharing your experience, strength and hope. For a long time I’ve felt that even if I reach one person, even if it’s just myself sometimes then I’ve done well. A lot of times I get on to stream and there is only one viewer! Lately there have been a couple views on the videos after I do them which means a lot. I noticed that Twitch only keeps a couple weeks worth of videos.
The Holy Spirit is for real! Music helps so much! Thinking of Twitchers Jayne Rio , Astravert and New Baroque
Hello. How are you ? I’m doing better this morning – yesterday was really rough. I kept having panic attacks. I did a lot to try and soothe myself. I prayed, I went for several walks, blogged with a drawing, vlogged on Twitch a couple of times, even found a streamer that was streaming playing World of Warcraft. When evening rolled around I was starting to feel better. Talking to my cousin and a friend helped too.
I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and my medicine doctor on Thursday in person. The Zyprexa that is for anti-anxiety isn’t working for me. It has the opposite effect! This morning after I took lithium it seemed to help avert another day like yesterday. We will get this figured out!
Like I was talking about in my Twitch post yesterday, sometimes the things I used to have in my sanity toolkit aren’t there anymore or don’t work like they used to. Life changes. People change. So I sometimes have to use everything! This morning I found a deal on sketchbooks so I ordered them – drawing is definitely a tool in my toolkit!
Layers and messages
Right now something that is soothing me is writing and listening to a musical artist I’ve mentioned before named Astravert – he’s streaming right now. He’s getting quite a following. I don’t know of anybody that does what he does – an improv mystic rock: Check out Tuesday Bluesday | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
Something else that just soothed me was talking to my Aunt. She’s going to be having knee surgery on the 13th (I thought it was the 11th) and we both needed to have each other’s comfort and peace …to be instruments of Gods love for each other. Hearing her voice made my day brighter. I told her hearing her voice makes me feel at home.
I’m sorry if my post isn’t very cohesive today. Sharing all this with you in this way is helping me stay calm and centered. May be someone reading this will resonate with all this. Do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? What works best for restoring you to you? I’d love to hear from you.
Good morning. I’m starting my blog sitting in a chair at Grace Bible Church Middleton. It took some doing but here I am. The mantra of the morning was “what else do you have to do?” I almost talked my self out of it but something told me to keep going…..just go. Then I get here and the paper they handed me was right in my face….it’s happened before. The big point: The Holy Spirit Is:………so let’s see where this takes me. Have I been summoned by the Holy Spirit again?
Later……
Notes about the message today
I’m glad I went to service today. It was nice to see and talk to some familiar faces. I got to talk to the pastors wife for a bit. She’s so nice! I also felt relief like I did something I was supposed to do. It felt good to sing! For some reason I was supposed to be there. I will remain open and see what the Holy Spirit has in store for me next. Sometimes I think it’s just about showing up!
Hello to you. How are you? I got up early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. It feels like I didn’t sleep but I known I did! I can remember a dream I kept floating in and out of that had a tribal theme….David Bowie even peeped in. I am still not over this darn cold and this morning I was fretting about my Aunt. She’s scheduled to have knee surgery on the 11th and I’m nervous about it.
Link trying to figure me out this morning
This morning I talked to God and was like “We are going to need the big guns today!” There are days that are like that. Days that you know a power greater than yourself is needed. You just have to ask and be prepared for what unfolds next.
“All I ask of you is to lead me to the next door. It’s not about being rich or being poor. Don’t let me waste my time here in worry and strife. Help me Lord make the most of this life”
Hi how’s your day been? It’s been a gray mushy and slushy day both outside and in my brain. I’m feeling better but still uncomfortable trying to be comfortable lol! My nostrils are raw and I have been feeling light headed….yucky!
Today I was brave again and ventured in to the spare rooooom and tackled some more files. Part of me just feels like saying fuck it and just emptying the room. Just get rid of everything…..but I won’t! Still too sentimental. While I was in there I glared at my POS (piece of shit) printer I’m thinking about replacing. I haven’t replaced it because I know the same scam will come with a new printer – all too quickly it will run out of ink. That’s how they get you. Sell you a cheap printer and charge you through the nose for replacement printer cartridges! Yeah so not in a hurry to do that.
The other thing I did today was look to see if there were any videos of my high school crush’s alter ego Roxy Marquis performing and sure enough there were! Seeing him lip sync Madonna transported me to the two of us driving in his blue Malibu with Madonnas “Get into the Groove” playing in the background. I’m still processing his passing on. There is a part of me that wishes I hadn’t gone back checking on him. I just didn’t expect he would be dead. That he had suffered for 4 years with lymphoma. Sigh. Life isn’t fair.
So it’s getting dark…..
“Where did you go tiny piece of star stuff? All smiling golden and ocean blue what has the Universe done with you?”
To be 