Hello to you, how are you today ? I’m doing good. I decided to brave the heat and do a little chalk drawing. I was inspired by the art work from a book loaned to me: Fail fail again fail better by Pema Chodron.
My drawings are very basic right now but sometimes that’s best. I need more practice !
Hello to you, how are you ? I am doing ok today. I got Link out for a walk early and sought to hear God’s voice and all I heard was the wind!
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it” Isaiah 30:21 NIV Bible Promises for You
It seems like I have been seeking more guidance from God and the harder I try the more difficult it has become. Talking to God used to be almost effortless. I have had to ask where is God really?! Is God in the wind? Is God in another persons voice? Is God in something to read?
I guess I am missing my manic relationship with God. When I was manic it felt like I was in a constant conversation with God and had to exert little to no effort. God was with me when I wanted to draw, write, sing, take photographs — all the ways I used to express myself God was there! I guess not being manic is the price my creative self is having to pay.
I have to believe that God has some sort of plan for me and what I’ve have been going through. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through is just God adding to my personal resume! God knows from my past that I will use my pain to help someone else. What I have learned from the past is we aren’t put through anything more than we can handle and what we go through can be used to connect more deeply with someone else.
Not many people know about what it means to be Bipolar and my family has had to learn a lot from me and what I have shared with them. God had me draw the mental health card for a reason and I will continue to seek guidance on where God’s voice is as I continue to go through that.
“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46
“guidance” in the English Ordinal system equals 64
Hello to you out there as you visit me here. How are you? I am trying to recover from what life has been throwing at me. I still haven’t heard from my insurance company as to whether or not they plan to total my car or repair it.
Today I had a telephone appointment with my therapist and she has given me a grand assignment. The assignment is to find my life’s purpose and I have no clue how to persue that! It feels like each time I have felt like I have found my life’s purpose, something has happened and or not happened and I am left searching again. I mean I’ve done drawing, writing, painting , photography, experiments, volunteer work . I have really tried a bunch of stuff. I feel like a blank slate now and totally clueless as to what I should be doing now. So to get such an assignment, I feel overwhelmed. Something from my past I have considered going back to is painting. How that worked best was an almost commission type arrangement. Someone would approach me to paint and the money paid would go towards supplies to make the painting.
I wonder what the numbers say about some of this:
“finding a life purpose ” in the English Ordinal system equals 206 (ironically 26 is God, game, lie in the numbers. Also process of light and shadow self with unknown all vices in check but one)
“painting ” in the English Ordinal system equals 90 (ironically spirit is also 90)
“blank slate” in the English Ordinal system equals 97 (weakness is also 97)
“reclaiming your life” in the English Ordinal system equals 202
I’m sure God has some kind of purpose for me I just don’t know what it is right now. I am hoping more human companionship will be part of it. I have found myself chronically lonely!
Hello to you, how are you doing? I am doing ok I guess. I am feeling like my creative juices are blocked if that makes any sense. I got so used to everything creative being so easy for me. It was like “You want a unique painting? Here! Done!” “You want a poem you have never heard before?! Done!” “You want a chalk portrait? Done!” Now there is nothing going on at all! It’s like an entire part of my brain is no longer functioning like it once was and it sucks! Is it me or is it medication that is blocking my creativity ?!
The alternative to this problem is being so creative that I’m manic and that’s what was happening before. There doesn’t seem to be a moderate switch on things. I don’t know how to moderate my creativity. When I lived with my husband he was partially my muse. He encouraged me to do the things that I did and now that he’s gone I have to figure out how to inspire myself. Ironically he kept getting me to “create” for myself and I am having to truly do that now! I miss having someone to encourage me like he did.
Let’s look at this in the numbers:
“Blocked Creative Juices” in the English Ordinal system equals 202 (when I see this it makes me think of life and shadow self with the brain in between being examined)
“powerless” in the English Ordinal system equals 132
“creativity ” in the English Ordinal system equals 132
Hello to you. How are you doing today? Link and I have started to get in the patterns of the sun. When it’s dark you go so sleep. So here I am at the keyboard, artificial sunshine of coffee and computer screen on! This is a process that will only last a short period of time and then I’ll have to figure out what to do next lol. It’s better than laying in bed like I was doing, fretting about a bunch of stuff I can’t control!
Such is life these days right? What to do with myself to keep busy but stay at home. I’m sure if I were to peruse the internet right now I’d find all kinds of advice on what I could be doing. I can turn on the news on any station and if it’s not covoid19 hysteria it’s other bored people, famous and not, showing us what they are doing to not be bored at home. Finding stuff do and being alone didn’t use to be a problem for me. What happened is choice of whether to immerse or not immerse myself in the world has been pretty much removed. If I go out into the world to do something, it’s getting groceries, an appointment or something pretty important I need to do.
Yesterday I shared some of my art supplies with our neighbor children. We have a couple of Mom’s in the neighborhood with young children and it’s so challenging right now for them to keep the young one’s entertained.
The old standbys have always been drawing, writing and right now working on another corner to corner afghan. I’ve even considered working on an edited version of a book I’ve already e-published, The Gospel According to Sam (https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-According-Sam-Jackie-Wygant-ebook/dp/B00533VOTU) all proceeds going to charity. The only part of me that seems to really be working right now is the writing. I sit down to draw and unlike years past, it’s just a blank page or trying to record what is in front of me.
There are only so many words, so many drawings, paintings and creative ways to put together the same meals before you start to repeat yourself or others. The other thing is I’m trying to downsize and reduce the amount of that stuff I want around the house. Thank goodness for digital writing but even that isn’t without pitfalls…..you need a reliable way to store the media if you care to retrieve it later. I had a hard drive I was using. It got dropped one too many times and now the data is is locked in there unless I can get someone with some skills to break them out! I am having to learn to be a more transitory person and it’s hard.
So I have found myself asking, what does the God of my understanding want me doing right now?! I want to be useful and help somehow so is my even sharing this today doing that? Do my words here help alleviate boredom and the same things for someone other than myself?
It’s kind of like life in the extremes of weather be it extreme cold or extreme heat. In either one, I have learned to hunker down and keep busy but sometimes my lesser natures take over and I gain weight. Eating becoming an activity. Thankfully here the weather has been nice so when I get really restless I put on my walking shoes and take Link out or go just by myself. Walking does help!
Today I decided to look at the phrase staying busy. I’m going to put all the values I’ve come up on my “travels” with gematria. Sometimes to see the order in which I have found different number values is like a weird sentence lol:
“staying busy” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 – a taking, train, insane, riches, torah, shift, poop, behaves, noise, hearing germs, right, under, humane, doubt, Queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices, under, right, audience, a miracle, polar.
“one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 – a mask, brain, clock, handle, hope, faith, cut, space, bored, talk.
“one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love, sun, play, French, voice, eyes, chemical, health, acting, spar, breath, Bavaria, butch, pods, bodies, Gabriel, Mama bear, foodie, gnome, eyes
“one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a halo, child, hair, bite, heard, hug, have, asp, agree, chips
“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self, new, gift, balanced, rain, run, war, raw, rare, bitch, female, rebel, Odin, sub, tail
“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – a blonde, earth, seeds, caring, speak, what, thaw, hobby, disable, heart, Pope, kept, raise, create, spice, birds, devil, dog, pee, crop, ship, going, hobby, ashes, a glaze, thaw
“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a cold, chance, free, hate, breed, heat
Now all of this said, I am not trying to invite drama into my life. What I wish to invite into my life is a positive, loving way I can be of service to God as I understand them.
The last thing I want to be is a waste of space. So I am going to trust that gradually, as I can handle it, God will show me great ways to be of service in this uncertain time. May be in some way, I’m already doing it just blogging here? May be somebody, that’s not me, will see my message here and get some relief from their personal struggles and be able to pass that light on to someone near or far in their own life? That’s my hope!
Hello to you. How are you doing today? Hopefully you are doing well.
Something that comes to mind this morning is the phrase uncomfortable silence. As I write, I’ve got an alternative station I found that I like, 103.7 fm on as background noise. I’m getting to be one of those kind of people that has to have the sound on in my world. That thing called comfortable silence is uncomfortable for me and it never used to be.
This radio used to belong to my brother-in-law Todd – still useful!
My mother-in-law used to follow ratings for television shows. I seem to remember her talking about CSI was one that always had high ratings. What was behind that a certain demographic, usually older Americans, put the show on as background noise even if they weren’t watching it. I though that was funny at the time until this situation of having to stay home alone more! I’m becoming one of those people!
So today I give thanks for local programming and the radio stations that keep the world interesting for me. Right now I don’t have access to streaming services without paying for it. I’m trying Amazon Prime video and took a look at Patrick Melrose yesterday. I couldn’t get through the first episode. It was hard to see Benedict Cumberbatch being such a convincing addict. I much prefer seeing him as Sherlock Holmes (minus the addict part) and Dr. Strange! There are some other interesting shows to check out whilst I work on my afghan.
I find myself going a bit stir crazy staying in the house so I’ll meander out for a walk. This isn’t such a bad thing as I gained some weight during my hospital stay. I’m starting to remember why one can lose your mind a bit being trapped in the house. In the past, it was just because of extremes of weather. I can remember being in a shelter in Mississippi during a hurricane and how tough that was. I was in a shelter with a bunch of other people and it was dark and even smelly at times. We ate peanut butter and crackers in the dark. As tough as that was, there was an end in sight. With this virus and containment, there doesn’t seem to be a definitive end. I understand better why there are protesters in different placing demanding things get opened back up. We are social creatures and are made to do stuff besides staying at home.
I wonder if this is the plants way of healing itself? For all the bad things that have happened and tragedy, good things have been happening for the planet. The biggest thing is a reduction in air pollution! I wonder how can we keep that going once life starts to resume it’s course?
https://nypost.com/2020/04/07/3-ways-the-coronavirus-is-a-boon-to-the-environment/
First drawing with markers – thinking of breaking through barriers in my life.
“a uncomfortable silence” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 – (ironically month and day I was born!)
Good morning to you whenever and wherever you are as you visit here today. How are you? I’m doing ok. Link and I have been managing our alone time. Had a nice phone visit with a friend yesterday and that helped a lot. She has cats and I have a dog right now for company! My life seems to be one of extremes sometimes. I’m seeking balance.
So yesterday I ventured out to Michael’s in Burleson and was so grateful they were open. A lot of places have taken measures to protect their employees like having them wear masks and glass shields have been put up in front of registers. I have been trying to avoid going anywhere and staying home.
I bought some yarn so I could work on another afghan. I find that if I keep my hands busy, my mind follows. When I got home, art supplies were waiting at my door from my Aunt and Uncle! I guess they had similar thoughts about staying busy – so nice!
4 May 2020 – new afghan project started
I wanted to see what the phrase, “idle hands are the devil’s playthings” in gematria:
“idle hands are the devil’s playthings” in the English Ordinal system equals 335
3+3+5 = 11/2/1
“three three five” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love, play, voice, eyes, health bodies
“one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a child, hug, have, agree
one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self, new, gift, balanced
“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a one, free, chance
Hello and happy Saturday to you. I hope this finds you well. The message that came to me is one I’ve talked about before but in these times it’s ever so relevant – two words – THANK YOU!
These two words span the entirety of my existence from the folks who helped me get through my treatment, my fellow patients, my family, my friends and especially my neighbors. Yesterday I found out it was my next door neighbors and another neighbor friend that helped keep our front yard from becoming overgrown. Those two words also apply to all the folks working in the local businesses/franchises in town like our grocery store Brookshire’s and Papa John’s for example. Yesterday the man I hired to take care of our lawn, Mr. Manza – how easy he made a mess of a yard look great again.
So much gratitude! A hear no one has a small part.t space to live in for sure! In my life,
Looking at these two words in Gematria. As always, just what my wanderings have found for myself but something here may resonate with you too:
“Thank You” in the English Ordinal system equals 115 – a face, replenished, intelligence, symbiotic, positive
“one one five” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 – emotions, purpose, loyalty, perfect being
“one one zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 – a life, noble motive, higher power, expectation
“one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 – a tree, human emotion, care of the soul
one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 – a choice, contentment, resourceful, philosophy
one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 – a Joy, understanding, communication, divine planning, positive image
one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 – a food, interesting, celestial bodies, rays of light
one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, quality of life, simpler times, spirit alchemy
one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 – a all, courageous, spiritual, lead by example
“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a one, information, combinations, responsible, intellectual
This morning pieces of our old couch have been hauled away and the living room has more space in it. It’s a tangible thing for me. I can actually feel a change in the energy pattern in our living area now and it’s a pleasant sensation. It was a sectional but I was able to get rid of the broken parts and save a part yet worked. Now I have a recliner instead.
I know it’s weird, but it’s an empowering thing to make changes like this to a living space. It’s interesting that Feng Shui in the numbers reflects something like religion! For me it’s a spiritual/energy thing. When my living space is “clogged” or in an unhealthy pattern, I can sense it, can you?
I hope today brings you joy. TGIF! (Thank God it’s Friday!)
“Feng Shui” in the English Ordinal system equals 89 – religion, insects, memory, location, well-being
“eight nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, content, emotion
“nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – humans, species
“seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – nurture, earth, humility, upbringing, statement
“one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – community, invitation 33 – “the”
“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – people matter, peace for the brain, 46 – body
“clearing a space” in the English Ordinal system equals 114 – history
“wind water” in the English Ordinal system equals 117
“one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133
“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146
A couple of paintings I’ve done recently:
Hello to you. It’s Saturday afternoon as I write to you in your here and now. How are you? I hope well. I am having some shall I say, “alone time” right now and find myself challenged to find things to do. Today I took out the trusty cribbage and chessboards and found myself quickly bored with the board lol. I write and draw a lot, sometimes paint, take pictures, enjoy almost every genre of music (some more than others), love to dance and be physically active, enjoy good food, truly enjoy being outside with God and sometimes play a video game here and there. I enjoy making things but don’t really have an outlet for the things I make. I think it is safe to say, at least for my house, you can have too many home made blankets! Hobbies can get expensive no matter what they are. When you are on a fixed income you have to watch your spending, at least that has been my personal choice about it.
Living where I do, most of the activities that I could participate in require me to spend money. Driving to even a “free” place can get expensive over time. So I have learned to amuse myself the best I can in the parameters in which I live. For many, I think, it would be quite a dull existence.
I have planted a seed, if you want to call it that, for the God of my understanding to gradually and tangibly, put people in my life that are interested in the sorts of things I am interested in. Some time ago, I had a “tribe” here, but everyone went their separate ways and all are extremely busy with their lives and pursuit of their dreams and or livelihoods. Some of what I’m interested in may be considered “fringe” type things – much of which is in the spiritual, scientific and paranormal realms.
Sometimes when you plant a seed with God it takes time and the right “soil” in which for the seed to germinate.
https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/
seed = 33
“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134
“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125
“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158
“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140
“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150
“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134
“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152
“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142
“one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136
“one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154
“one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144
“one one two” in the English Ordinal system equals 126
“three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 112
“seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 33
germinate = 92
“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150
“one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134
“one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152
“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142
“one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136
“one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154
“one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144
“one zero zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 162
“nine two” in the English Ordinal system equals 100
“germinate” in the English Ordinal system equals 92
“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134
soil = 55
“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125
“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158
“one zero nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 140
“eight four” in the English Ordinal system equals 109
“five five” in the English Ordinal system equals 84
“soil” in the English Ordinal system equals 55
To be 