Tag: God

16 February 2022 Wednesday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 16 February 2022 Wednesday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1300060243

Hello to you. How are you. I hope this finds you well. Today has been a day about choices. This morning I had an appointment with my therapist in her new office and I had never driven there before. Well my GPS on my phone let me down and I ended up making wrong turns more than once! So frustrating! By the time I got there I was frazzled. I just felt so out of it and that’s due to my taking 100 mg of Hydroxyzine last night in order to sleep!

Tomorrow I hope to talk to my doctor about sleep options. I’m supposed to be taking the Hydroxyzine for anxiety not sleep! When I went to the grocery store today I looked at over the counter sleep aides but just am not sure about taking those while taking lithium.

My therapist and I talked about how when your mind and body aren’t acting like they should that it’s harder to make good choices. I have been feeling like my body is betraying me lately. In the past when my body hurt I was able to heal and move on. Now the pains show up out of nowhere and they last longer. I know, “welcome to getting old!” I’m trying to make good choices- lean on my faith in God. Some days it doesn’t feel like God is listening or cares.

“Knowing I will feel however I decide to feel today fills me with hope and enthusiasm.” (A Woman’s Spirit )

15 February 2022 Feeding the Negative Energies

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 15 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1298839932

Check out 15 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1298850679

Hello to you. How is your day going? I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee as I write to you. Last night was another battle with sleep. What also made it hard was Link wasn’t feeling good and he kept me up too. I realized that I was feeding the negative energies by struggling so much and getting mad. I got mad at Link and it wasn’t his fault! I tried to meditate and tell my body to relax but I just couldn’t get still in myself enough to do it. I don’t know if the Hydroxyzine is going to work for me. It only gets me a couple hours of sleep at a time. I left a message for my doctor this morning to see if we can talk about alternatives. Honestly I’m kind of scared to play with more pills but I can’t keep going on like I am either. When I go too long without good sleep is when I get manic — danger zone!

Storms are swirling around me right now and I have to be strong in God

I want to shift into positive energies. I want to consciously make better choices. I don’t want to continue to allow forces outside of myself to drive “my car.” I want to believe that God will help me get through this phase of my life. I want to believe there will be relief from what is happening right now.

“Choices are not irrevocable….They can be remade. “ – Julie Riebe (A Woman’s Spirit)

“I will choose carefully today. If a change of mind is in my best interest, then I can change my mind.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

A little chalk yesterday

13 February 2022 Birthday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 13 February 2022 Sunday morning birthday stream https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1296945099

Hello there how are you? Today is my 54th birthday…..it still is a shock sometimes that I’m over 50! In a little while I’m meeting my Aunt for church which will be really nice. Later this afternoon my family is getting together to celebrate both my cousin and my birthday and watch football.

I wish today was completely happy but it’s not. I found out yesterday that not all is well with my parents right now. My Mom is having to have steroid injections for pain in her hips and my Dad has had a couple falls and he fractured his hip and will need surgery. I am feeling really powerless about it. This kind of stuff is what I’ve been talking about that happens and you have to choose how your going to deal with it. Shit is going to happen in this life in varying degrees and you have to go within and draw strength from your spirit to walk through it. There is no other way but through! I hate that my parents are having these health issues! They were supposed to be able to enjoy their retirement! I have to let God on this.

If you pray or meditate could you please think of my parents Larry and Dianne. Thank you!

“Our inner journey is a transformative process. It involves becoming who we already are in essence and letting go of the phony in favor of the authentic self.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

9 February 2022 Messengers

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 9 February 2022 Wednesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1292413476

Discord: https://discord.gg/DAs7rfxy

Hello! How are you today? I’m doing alright. This morning as I was laying in bed I got to thinking about messengers. An image came to mind of me standing in front of many doors. Each door representing a person with a message. Who do I listen to?

So many messengers to choose from

Last night I was craving to hear a spiritual message so I looked up Joyce Meyer on You tube and that helped. Sometimes her words really resonate with me other times not. It’s good to have messengers. People that you listen to that help you navigate this life. I am realizing, however, that it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding AND yourself. Any messenger you choose to listen to is not going to be there forever. Nothing in this life is permanent be it people, places or things. It’s important to be strong in what is unchanging…..fixed…won’t leave you. When the storms come, and they do, you have a strong shelter. This is stuff I have to work on every day! I’m learning you can’t completely rely on what’s outside of you to get through life. People say things like they will always be there for you but it’s not the truth. They are mentally, spiritually and physically incapable of doing that no matter how well meaning they may be. You have to be able to be strong in your relationship with God and yourself. Like I said this is a lesson I have to learn and relearn each day!

“ Every thought I take to God is a prayer. Today I’ll be free of anxiety if I think of God before every action I take.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

7 February 2022 Monday

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 7 February 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1290210941

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m trying to get myself grounded after the stream this morning. We had a troll get in the first go around! It happens. You just can’t let them ruin your day. After the third try we got it. I talked about some serious topics. One of them was about coping with loss. The way I used to deal with it was shopping but after our Sam died I realized there was nothing on this earth I wanted more than Sam! You can’t put tangible things in the space of the intangible. It’s like light in a black hole. That’s why it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding…..spirituality.

The battle for sleep continues

The battle for sleep continues. I’m going through the Hydroxyzine like it’s nothing. I think needing to lose weight is what part of my problem is. So I’m going to try and do little things to be more active. Yesterday Link and I went on a longer walk into town. He was panting and my leg aches but we made it! I have some weights I can use – just do something! May be being more active would help with anxiety too.

A good little message from A Woman’s Spirit today:

“ I write my script today. Who I choose to be is in my power. My past performance doesn’t determine my present personality.”

4 February 2022 What brings us Together

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 4 February 2022 Friday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1286643827

Hello. How are you? How is your day going so far? We have lovely sunshine this morning and I got some sleep last night. Lots to be grateful for!

The Twitch stream this morning was interesting. We talked a lot about food and I shared a couple recipes. I have one viewer that loves to joke about potatoes because I’m from Idaho. We agreed that it’s food and music that brings us together. Both of them use more than one sense to enjoy. Eating and listening to music is a multi-sensory experience and are things common to all walks of life. We fight about most everything else don’t we?!

A new viewer joined us and shared a story about his brother being bullied and beat up and we talked for a long time about that subject! This particular viewer was from England. Bullies go way back! I was bullied at school. I think it’s all too common a thing that happens in the science experiment that is public school. Being a bully is taught and learned. Now with all sorts of social media and video game platforms this kind of behavior has migrated there. The phrase “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” isn’t really true in a modern digital world. Words do hurt.

Last night I called my Aunt ad I was feeling lonesome and kind of anxious about trying to go to sleep. We talked and she recommended this psalm that she said she reads to my Uncle if he is having trouble sleeping:

Psalm 23New International Version

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd,(A) I lack nothing.(B)
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,(C)
3     he refreshes my soul.(D)
He guides me(E) along the right paths(F)
    for his name’s sake.(G)
4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a](H)
I will fear no evil,(I)
    for you are with me;(J)
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table(K) before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;(L)
my cup(M) overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love(N) will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

2 February 2022 Wednesday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 2 February 2022 Wednesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1284406575

Hello to you. How are you? Feeling a little bleary eyed. I slept but feel like I could have slept a little longer! I was laying there and my body just wouldn’t let me go back to sleep.

Picked up my new glasses yesterday. I’m pretty pleased with them! The place I got them was Family Eye Care Specialist. They had s package deal where if you chose one of their frames all you had to do was pay for the lenses. What’s also nice is they are within walking distance. It felt good to get a nice walk in.

Yay new glasses!
It’s nice to be able to see at a distance more clearly again!

Todays message in the Woman’s Spirit book I read out of for my streams was a little different. It was talking about God in the feminine. When I was active in the AA program, it was emphasized that you have a Higher Power. It didn’t matter if it was a tree but it was important to have a relationship with a loving force outside of yourself to help you achieve sobriety. For many of the people I knew in the program the traditional Bible God was their Higher Power. It was important to have that relationship outside of yourself because you were the one who got yourself in the mess in the first place! When I think of God I think of energy….a “they” versus a he or she. God is everything.

Something that I think about with my concept of God is they are not limited to the duality that seems to permeate our existence. In order to be God they can’t be limited to the same things we are. God is not bound to a body with all the rules and limitations we are. They can see every side of everything known to existence. If you ask why something happened they have the answer. They can see forward and backward to infinity. Every piece of existence at their disposal. The God I know and love “just is.” Sometimes when I get to wondering if they are there I just have to ask and I’m shown indeed they are there! I’ll be crying and suddenly will feel this warmth like arms wrapping around me.

So I don’t think God is just good or bad. God just is. People like to blame God for all the bad things that happen. I think it’s easier to blame God than it is to take responsibility for their actions either as an individual or as a collective species. Everything, even a blade of grass has a plan for it. We make choices and there is a cumulative affect. I am beginning to think the plan there is for each of us is like a blueprint but the final product is up to us and our choices….that free will part of the equation! It’s like we are born with a plan, a blueprint for what we can be but we may or may not complete the design. So many factors are at work that determine if we will achieve our full potential.

Anyhew lol- can you tell I like riddling around with matters of the spirit? Hopefully something here will spark a thought in you. I’d love to hear if you have any thoughts.

31 January 2022 Monday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 31 January 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1282260826

Hello to you. How are you today? Did you get some sleep? I got some but it was still a struggle. When I take the Hydroxyzine it acts a lot like Benadryl. I will get drowsy and fall asleep for a couple of hours and then I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. This morning I’m having some anxiety but it will pass. It always does.

Had a good stream this morning. I was up early so ended up talking about a lot of stuff on my own before having viewers come in. We had a new person visit and that was a lot of fun!

Yesterday I went over to my Aunt and Uncles and caught the end of the Bengals and Kansas City Chiefs game. It was hard for us to figure out what the KC’s quarterback was doing three plays in a row. My Uncle suspects he wanted to be the one to get the winning touchdown. It seemed like that anyways! I don’t watch football much. Guess the Super Bowl will be on my cousin and my birthday (the 13th).

“My confidence will not waver today if I remember to let God help me handle each responsibility” (A Woman’s Spirit)

30 January 2022 Feeling Like a Seat Warmer

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 30 January 2022 Sunday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1281299640

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I hope we’ll. It’s Sunday and I woke up feeling pretty good so I decided to go to Grace Bible Circle in Middleton. I was feeling some anxiety after I got there but I found pressure points on my hands this morning that helped me out with that!

The messages today had to do with the revival of the church. Pastor Jason spoke specifically about the vision he and the church team have about that. How to minister to and reach more people. How this area is growing so much they may have to have more than one service. What they want to do with the office on Main Street. Even doing outreach to the kids that pass by from the high school! A sports program. Life groups and Bible study. He talked about so much! I found myself feeling really overwhelmed. There is so much need! Sometimes it’s all I can do to even show up much less commit to things. I also felt like a seat warmer. That’s what we used to call people in recovery that showed up to meetings but were not active in the fellowship.

Sometimes I feel like a bit of a fraud when I go to church. Like I’m not there for the right reasons. I’m not sure if I belong. A lot of it has to do with me not being comfortable going on my own. I’m surrounded by couples and families with children. Everybody seems to know each other.

I guess all I can do is the next right things as they present themself. For some reason I am going to this church! May be God will show me some way I can go beyond just warming a chair on Sunday.

Why am I sitting here?

29 January 2022 Saturday

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Movies, Music, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 29 January 2022 Saturday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1280050945

Hello. How are you today? I hope good. I’m feeling pretty good. I got some sleep and that makes the world of difference!

First drawing in my new sketchbook today

The Twitch stream this morning was good. I got a chance to talk about some things I hadn’t talked about before. For example some of what was going on with media and my brain when I had all those manic episodes. How it’s really important to be mindful of what you feed your mind, body and spirit. When I was having manic episodes my brain didn’t differentiate between fantasy and reality. The two worlds merged and I was in the middle. I feel “content creators” in this world have a responsibility for what they put into this world. Over time, if we look, there has been a lot of trash packaged for consumption that may be should have just been left to being a thought, a dream…. a nightmare. There are people like me that have had psychotic breaks and start talking to things like television sets!

Another thing I talked about along the line of content creation is motive. As a content creator what is my motive for my creation? Is it to make a lot of money? Garner attention and fame? Influence people? Why am I doing it? For me personally it’s for several reasons. Making the videos and writing this blog is very therapeutic. It helps me not be lonely for a little while. It’s also my hope when I’m doing these things that somebody will get something out of it. That something will resonate with them and they will be able to use it to help themselves of somebody else. My motives are pure. I’m not looking for money or fame from doing what I do. Honestly I don’t think that is Gods plan for me. In the past when money has come into play with crafts and stuff I’m doing it has tainted it….the purity is lost. Bottom line is as a person putting “stuff” into the atmosphere people live in it’s important to check your motives at the door!