drawing – Page 6

18 February 2022 First Night Trying Doxepin To Sleep

February 18, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, dreams, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 18 February 2022 Friday chat (psalm 18) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1302099821

It’s so frustrating when you want something to work and it doesn’t really!

Hello to you. How are you? It’s Friday….we made it! The sun is shining – yay! It’s been a long week.

Well last night I took Doxepin for a test drive to see if it would help me sleep. I started with one capsule and didn’t feel anything. I took another one and that seemed to help for a short while. I still ended up taking a Hydroxyzine which helped for a couple hours. So frustrating. Apparently doctors don’t like to prescribe Seroquel which I’ve heard people use for sleep: Seroquel and other antipsychotics are particularly dangerous for elderly patients and can lead to aspiration pneumonia, which is a common cause of death in elderly patients. Seroquel also causes significant excessive weight gain, which can be a factor in the development of Type 2 Diabetes.

So Anyhew…..I will keep pressing forward and hope I get enough sleep! I must have slept last night because I had a dream about my dog Spot. She came to me and I was holding her and just crying. I miss her so much. The only way we get to be together is in dreams.

The stream this morning was ok. In the Woman’s Spirit book the message had to do with control. That resonated with me as a I dealt with that issue much of my life. I learned from a very early age the the only thing I really had control of was my body. That’s what the anorexia and bulemia battles were about. I didn’t feel I had control of my life so I took control of my body. What I have had to learn is the tighter you hold on to what you can’t control the more power you give to what you dont want to be happening. It’s hard to let go of feeling like you have to be in control. I was the kind of person at work that would try to do everything because I didn’t trust in the abilities of those around me to get the job done right. I burned myself out big time and obstructed the way for those around me to learn what they needed to learn.

The other part of the stream was psalm 18 – boy was that a long one! I didn’t like it very much because it seemed to be a warrior talking about a battle and God helping him fight it. I don’t like war. In my opinion no one wins a war really. I think of all my fellow veterans and how many of them suffer from PTSD. Even if they are on the “winning side” they still lose so much of themselves. You can’t unsee the horrors of war. You can talk to God, go to church, take medication, go to therapy, exercise and have a healthy diet and still be tormented by what you have been through. Time and distance from what torments seems to be what really helps. Layers of time to bury the past. It frustrates me that there is so much war in the Bible specially when one of the 10 Commandments is thou shall not kill!

“The more I force things, the tougher my life.” – Helen Neujahr (A Woman’s Spirit)

“I don’t need to control anyone today. I am not insecure just as long as I let my Higher Power take charge of my affairs.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

15 February 2022 Feeding the Negative Energies

February 15, 2022February 15, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 15 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1298839932

Check out 15 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1298850679

Hello to you. How is your day going? I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee as I write to you. Last night was another battle with sleep. What also made it hard was Link wasn’t feeling good and he kept me up too. I realized that I was feeding the negative energies by struggling so much and getting mad. I got mad at Link and it wasn’t his fault! I tried to meditate and tell my body to relax but I just couldn’t get still in myself enough to do it. I don’t know if the Hydroxyzine is going to work for me. It only gets me a couple hours of sleep at a time. I left a message for my doctor this morning to see if we can talk about alternatives. Honestly I’m kind of scared to play with more pills but I can’t keep going on like I am either. When I go too long without good sleep is when I get manic — danger zone!

Storms are swirling around me right now and I have to be strong in God

I want to shift into positive energies. I want to consciously make better choices. I don’t want to continue to allow forces outside of myself to drive “my car.” I want to believe that God will help me get through this phase of my life. I want to believe there will be relief from what is happening right now.

“Choices are not irrevocable….They can be remade. “ – Julie Riebe (A Woman’s Spirit)

“I will choose carefully today. If a change of mind is in my best interest, then I can change my mind.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

14 February 2022 Valentines

February 14, 2022February 14, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 14 February 2022 Monday Valentines Day chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1297901452

Hello to you. How are you today? Hope this finds you well. It’s Valentines Day. For some this is a very special day. The retail industry loves this holiday! My take on it is if you are in a relationship with someone that everyday is Valentine’s Day! Don’t ever take each other for granted. Don’t wait for a holiday to show your special somebody that you care. When I was married we didn’t celebrate Valentines. We felt the holiday was just too commercialized. To each their own!

Got good news yesterday. My Dad was in and out of surgery for his fractured hip! I was really surprised he got in so quickly! Thank you for your prayers. Now he just has to heal.

We had a nice day yesterday. My Aunt and Uncle joined me at church which was such a treat! They got there before me and had told the pastor and some others it was my birthday so when I showed up they wished me a happy birthday! They had a little bouquet of flowers for me. It just really meant a lot! The big point of the sermon really resonated with me: “we do what we can in order to enable us to do what we can’t .” So much of my day to day is pushing through – trying to focus on what I can do not what I can’t.

Later Link and I went over to my Aunt and Uncles. My cousin, who was also celebrating his birthday and his wife my dear friend was there. My Aunt made tamales and also made my chocolate pudding dessert! My Uncle grilled some elk steak on the grill. Later my cousins older grandkids stopped by and we all watched some of the Super Bowl. It was just really nice to be together! I’m so grateful to have loving family to celebrate these kinds of occasions with.

When I got home I was really anxious so I took Link on a walk. Then I went on another walk by myself. What was happening is I was getting sleepy and felt anxious thinking about trying to go to sleep. So frustrating! I finally did relax and watched the last quarter of the Super Bowl. My Uncle and I had spoken earlier about the LA stadium apparently it cost like 5 billion dollars to build! The LA stadium is practically in his backyard and so we had decided to pull for the Rams! It was nice to see them actually win.

“I will take time to notice the most important friends I have, my family. Each family member will get my love and kind thoughts today. “ (A Woman’s Spirit)

The weather has been nice. I was feeling restless so I got out and chalked a bit

11 February 2022 Pills and Dessert

February 11, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 11 February 2022 Friday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1294588326

Hello to you. It’s Friday! We made it through another week. Sometimes that feels like a miracle.

I wanted to briefly talk about my experience with Hydroxyzine. It was prescribed to me to help me with anxiety but an beneficial side effect was drowsiness. When I took it I was able to relax and sleep. Well I had to get refills yesterday and they told me they changed manufacturers but assured me it was the same pill. NOPE! The new stuff doesn’t make me sleepy and the other night when I took it, it actually made me want to pace my house in the middle of the night! There is a difference between one manufacturer and another. My body noticed! Thankfully last night I just took my lithium and was able to sleep most of the night. I’m so tired of this but I’m not going to let it get me down.

The recipe can change just enough that you notice

I wanted to share with you my favorite birthday dessert- it sounds like my Aunt is making it for Sunday. My cousin and I will be celebrating our birthdays together!

Mom Schmidt’s chocolate dessert

Crust: mix 1/2 cup melted butter, 1 cup flour and 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional) spread into a 9×13 pan and bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Let cool and then add

2nd layer: mix 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 cup Cool Whip and 8 oz cream cheese. Then add

3rd layer: 2 pkgs instant chocolate pudding, 3 cups milk and 1 tsp vanilla. Once this layer sets top this last layer with the remaining Cool Whip and nuts if desired. Chill and serve.

The message from A Woman’s Spirit book today was about developing your inner voice. How do you talk to yourself? Is your inner voice nurturing or a reflection of the critical voices you used to hear around you? I’ve been working on cultivating an inner voice that speaks to me like a best friend would. It takes time and effort to reprogram ourselves from our early programming – from our earliest selves.

“I can listen to a loving inner voice if I practice loving myself and others today.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

9 February 2022 Messengers

February 9, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 9 February 2022 Wednesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1292413476

Discord: https://discord.gg/DAs7rfxy

Hello! How are you today? I’m doing alright. This morning as I was laying in bed I got to thinking about messengers. An image came to mind of me standing in front of many doors. Each door representing a person with a message. Who do I listen to?

Last night I was craving to hear a spiritual message so I looked up Joyce Meyer on You tube and that helped. Sometimes her words really resonate with me other times not. It’s good to have messengers. People that you listen to that help you navigate this life. I am realizing, however, that it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding AND yourself. Any messenger you choose to listen to is not going to be there forever. Nothing in this life is permanent be it people, places or things. It’s important to be strong in what is unchanging…..fixed…won’t leave you. When the storms come, and they do, you have a strong shelter. This is stuff I have to work on every day! I’m learning you can’t completely rely on what’s outside of you to get through life. People say things like they will always be there for you but it’s not the truth. They are mentally, spiritually and physically incapable of doing that no matter how well meaning they may be. You have to be able to be strong in your relationship with God and yourself. Like I said this is a lesson I have to learn and relearn each day!

“ Every thought I take to God is a prayer. Today I’ll be free of anxiety if I think of God before every action I take.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

8 February 2022 Tuesday

February 8, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Social media, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 8 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1291287593

Hello to you. How are you today? I hope this finds you well. Today is off to a fine start. There is lovely sunshine again today – so grateful for that. My stream was kind of lonely this morning but that happens. The past couple days I’ve had not so nice people show up and this morning I was able to ban one of them. I know how to do it now!

Last night I watched an interesting program on You tube called In Search Of starring actor Zachary Quinto: https://youtu.be/OTa8jePn8iI the episode I’ve linked is about super humans. Zachary talked to these three men who each had super abilities. One man exerted over 500 pounds of pressure to bend a car door to save someone. Another man was a Shaolin monk who could break a stick with his head without hurting himself and the last man is like one of 40 in the entire world that doesn’t feel pain. What was interesting is how much of what was going on is an inside job – what the mind does. Zachary himself was tested. During one test he and the three men had their brains scanned when putting their hands inside a bowl of ice water. Zachary’s scan showed that when he meditated he was able to block pain. A lot of what is going on in our lives has to do with what we think!

Something I learned through my Quantum Touch training is if for example I bumped my leg to take deep breaths – to breath through the area experiencing pain instead of focusing so much on how it hurt. When I was able to do that I noticed less severe bruising. The natural reaction when we are physically hurt is to focus on the area we are hurt. Again, like the program I described, it’s an inside job. It really takes a lot of practice to train our brains to do what we want them to do. This is something I struggle with most every day!

A couple good messages from A Woman’s Spirit book today:

“What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other.” George Eliot

“My purpose is to help someone else today. If I think someone is causing me a problem, perhaps I should address my attitude.”

7 February 2022 Monday

February 7, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 7 February 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1290210941

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m trying to get myself grounded after the stream this morning. We had a troll get in the first go around! It happens. You just can’t let them ruin your day. After the third try we got it. I talked about some serious topics. One of them was about coping with loss. The way I used to deal with it was shopping but after our Sam died I realized there was nothing on this earth I wanted more than Sam! You can’t put tangible things in the space of the intangible. It’s like light in a black hole. That’s why it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding…..spirituality.

The battle for sleep continues. I’m going through the Hydroxyzine like it’s nothing. I think needing to lose weight is what part of my problem is. So I’m going to try and do little things to be more active. Yesterday Link and I went on a longer walk into town. He was panting and my leg aches but we made it! I have some weights I can use – just do something! May be being more active would help with anxiety too.

A good little message from A Woman’s Spirit today:

“ I write my script today. Who I choose to be is in my power. My past performance doesn’t determine my present personality.”

6 February 2022 Sunday

February 6, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 6 February 2022 Sunday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1289157720

Hello! How are you today? Hopefully good. So far today we have beautiful sunshine, I had a nice stream on Twitch, went to church, took Link on a nice walk and had some cereal for breakfast. I almost stopped at our local restaurant called the Sunrise Cafe on the way home from church but it looked really busy.

Yesterday I went over to my friends house and helped a little bit with a big painting job she wanted to get done. I was kind of embarrassed at how out of shape I felt! I did some of the taping and was having a bit of trouble getting up and down. Thankfully she had her daughter and a couple of friends helping too.

“We are where we need to be. We get what we are supposed to have. Let’s practice gratitude.” ( A Woman’s Spirit)

5 February 2022 Saturday

February 5, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, Food, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 5 February 2022 Saturday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1287928568

Hello how are you? I hope this finds you well on this Saturday. The weeks are going by so fast aren’t they?!

Last night was fun. My Aunt came over and picked me up. She wanted to go out to eat with me someplace. We drove to Star which is a few miles down the road and were just going to eat at Dairy Queen but found a place called The Rustic Table instead! It turned out to be a really nice sit down restaurant! We decided to make it an early birthday treat and order some nice things on the menu! She had Halibut and I had filet mignon. The meal came with yummy garlic mashed potatoes and coleslaw. For dessert we shared some chocolate cake. It was just really nice to get out of the house and experience a new place with my Aunt!

My Aunt and I made a nice memory last night

I got some sleep last night but I’m having to go through a lot of Hydroxyzine to do it. My body is treating it like Benadryl. I will get a couple hours of hard sleep and then I wake up. I’m feeling pretty good this morning so it’s worth it !

My stream this morning was pretty short. Just had one viewer and she she doesn’t talk much! I talked a little bit about s book I’m trying to read about Energy vampires by Dorothy Harbour. I read a little bit about the different types of vampires there are. For some this might be a new concept of energy exchanges in relationships.

3 February 2022 Battle

February 3, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 3 February 2022 Thursday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1285579428

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m just back from taking Link on a walk around the block. I streamed on Twitch for almost 2 hours today trying to work through the crap I’m dealing with. Last night I couldn’t sleep again. I keep getting anxious. I can tell people are getting tired of it – I have lost a couple followers. Don’t blame them. I’m sick of it too! I was feeling good and then I wasn’t! It’s becoming quite the battle to calm down and sleep. I went through a whole bunch of talking meditations on YouTube.

This is one I found that helped me a little bit with the panic I was feeling. She has a real soothing voice: https://youtu.be/pJWY3Bkkaew

I guess if I’m honest with myself I have always had problems with sleep just not the anxiety and panic part. This too shall pass. It always does. I don’t want to keep giving “this” power.

“Today I will recognize my pain if it comes, and I will take responsibility for my part in it. It will leave when I do my part and let my Higher Power do the rest.” (A Woman’s Spirit)