Hello to you . How are you ? Are you feeling rested? I hope so. Lately I have been feeling like a SIMS video game character that just can’t get my energy bar to full! There was a cheat you could used called a Rejuvenator. All you had to was put your SIM in it for a few seconds and all the bars reset. Some days I wish that was real! There is such a fine balance between protein, sugars and sleep.
Hello to you. How are you?
I want to be this kind of person:
1 Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.
In the life of a person like me, sometimes it’s hard to muster enough energy and courage to do the things that need to get done. Today was one of those days. It’s like my body physically resists any effort I make to be productive. So I have to force myself to do things otherwise they don’t get done.
I have to mention here that I never used to be this sort of person! I used to clean everything compulsively. If something needed to be done I got it done. Now a lot of times I find myself asking “what’s the point?” I have come to realize a lot of tasks we do in this life are futile in nature. Like for examples laundry, getting groceries, ironing and shoveling snow. I really want to get back to some sort of balance with all of this!
“God” in the English Ordinal system equals 26
“prospers” in the English Ordinal system equals 126
“Schmidt” in the English Ordinal system equals 76
“the futile tasks” in the English Ordinal system equals 176
Hello to you, how are you? I’m doing ok. Today’s topic is courtesy of a friend as she is struggling, like many of us are, to define what her new normal is. So much of what we used to do without thinking about it has changed. Like I heard from my cousin that her daughter had to schedule a spot to visit the zoo! We used to be able to just go and visit the zoo. We used to be able to just go shopping, eat out , get a haircut , go to a movie and various other things without a second thought. Now we have to find out if places are open and if they are open what are their procedures for being open.
I honestly don’t think things will ever be the way they were before this pandemic happened. Part of me is wondering if the pandemic has given us a new reverence for “normal” when we can have it. May be we don’t take things for granted as much.
“Normalcy” in the English Ordinal system equals 101 (one unknown person, place or thing to one) I look at this being like a two blacksmiths at an anvil working on one piece of metal.
Hello to you, how are you doing today? It’s 9:05 am on this TGIF morning. I had some weird dreams last night one of them was of watching people making a blue drink to make “blue bloods.” The other that I remember was seeing shadows of three crucifixions and one kicked one of them down and it became a shadow of a chair. Not sure what the blue bloods was about but the other was may be about Jesus being crucified so I could have rest – rest symbolized by the chair. What do you think?
Yesterday I started listening to the Lucinda Bassett Attacking Anxiety and Depression (Attacking Anxiety and Depression Midwest Center for Stress 16 Cassette Tapes | eBay) program and so far it’s pretty interesting. I need to do more than just listen but that’s all I have the energy to do right now. What I have found interesting is some of the people interviewed were completely off anxiety medication. They didn’t consider anxiety and depression a mental illness but a temporary condition. You have to learn how to talk to yourself in a positive manner.
They suggest getting an exercise program to help combat anxiety. I never thought that would be a problem for me. I have been an active person for most of my life but this past year since the divorce I’ve become quite sedentary. I’m looking forward to more steady warm weather and may be then I will get out and walk more.
“life” in the English Ordinal system equals 32
“Attacking Anxiety and Depression ” in the English Ordinal system equals 327 (yes, no, may be light and shadow existence all vices in check)
Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing better. For some reason mornings until mid-afternoon are tough for me . Today I prayed for divine help. I specifically asked for Jesus’s help because I am so sick of feeling and thinking the way that I have been this past year. I feel like such a pathetic human being when I’m like this! A possible answer to the prayer came via a long phone call with a friend who has a program she is going to give me to try. It worked for her and she’s hoping it will work for me.
I let my feelings control my thoughts a lot of time. I must learn to control my thoughts in spite of my feelings. This kind of goes back to my post about feeling the fear but doing it anyways. I don’t know if it’s because I’m an empath or what but my feelings have always seem to override my thoughts. I think there has to be a healthy balance with my gifts and living this life.
This scripture resonated:
Ask, Seek, Knock Matthew 7:7-8
7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
So I have asked and have been seeking so we’ll see what we find.
“all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25
“Ask, Seek, Knock” in the English Ordinal system equals 125
Hello to you, how are you on this day of hope? Today we are reminded of the resurrection of Christ and some people it’s celebration of the Spring Equinox Eostre. A lot of Christian holidays have their origin in pagan roots it was how they got many pagans in Christs time to convert to Christianity (7 Pagan Festivals We Still Celebrate Today | Through Eternity Tours).
I was looking for the scripture passages about the resurrection of Christ this morning and stopped looking after I read Matthew 27. It’s such a dramatic moment! It must have been terrifying to be there:
50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split 52 and the tombs broke open. The bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs after Jesus’ resurrection and[a] went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, “Surely he was the Son of God!”
55 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs. 56 Among them were Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James and Joseph,[b] and the mother of Zebedee’s sons.
Something that bothers me about this is the rising of the dead from their tombs. What actually happened that day? Did people actually rise from the dead and walk around? I am reminded of what happened to me back in 2002 when I had my first major episode/experience. I was in the Emergency Room in Florida and could feel myself getting really cold. They wanted me to lay down but I said I couldn’t otherwise I would slip out of my body, I could feel it happening. Then a man came in with warm towel and and they gave me some fluids and I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. Suddenly there was beeping sounds of machines in the almost all the rooms around me. This was the first time I felt like Christ was within me. There is much more that happened after all this but I won’t go into it now.
They say it’s not uncommon for this sort of thing to happen with a psychotic break; a Messiah complex (Messiah complex – Wikipedia). It felt like more than that. What happened to me? I was alive but felt like I was going to die, just slip out of my body. Was it just dehydration, a psychotic breakdown or a resurrection? It’s hard to say!
“one six five ” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process for eternity)
“resurrection ” in the English Ordinal system equals 165 (one all vices in check but one for the senses)
“Messiah complex” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 (one all vices in check but one light and shadow process)
Hello to you, how are you doing today? I am doing ok. It’s a lovely sunny day here in this little town of Middleton ID. Gradually I am getting used to living here but miss some of the comforts of where I lived before namely food places to eat. When I lived in Alvarado we had a lot of fast food places really close to the interstate and they were easy to get to. Now if I want anything like that I only have Subway to choose from for commercial food places and anything else is having to drive to get it. I guess I should be grateful for that as I might eventually lose weight!
One of the things I have been doing this past year to cope with my depression, boredom and loneliness, is finding comfort in food. I especially have problems with sugar. They say sugar is as addictive as cocaine on the brain and I believe it! I haven’t been cooking for myself because there is so much waste and I just can’t justify the effort. I know that sounds pathetic but that’s just how I feel. Lately I have been making use of Grub Hub food delivery service. It’s expensive but I only do it as a treat. Paying a little more for somebody else to go to a food place and bring it to my door is worth it sometimes! Eventually I imagine I will get back to baking and cooking.
Here are a couple words and phrases in the numbers and how I interpreted them:
“lie” in the English Ordinal system equals 26
“dog ” in the English Ordinal system equals 26
“Finding comfort in food” in the English Ordinal system equals 216 (a light and shadow process for one with all vices in check but one)
“one” in the English Ordinal system equals 34
“gluttony” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be for the brain)
“all” in the English Ordinal system equals 25
“addicted to food” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process for the senses)
“world ” in the English Ordinal system equals 72
“boredom ” in the English Ordinal system equals 72 (all vices in check in a light and shadow process)
“loneliness” in the English Ordinal system equals 124 (one light and shadow process for the brain)
“depression ” in the English Ordinal system equals 124
Hello to you, how are you today? I am doing ok, the day is getting better. This morning I was having a bit of a struggle with myself regarding going to get groceries or not. I prayed about it and heard a small voice say, “Cast your cares.” I remembered that being something Joyce Meyers husband David says her a lot when she’s fretting about something. I decided to look up where that scripture came from:
Psalms 55:22
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.
There was a time in my life when doing chores and other things wasn’t a big deal. For some reason everything is a big deal now. Every day I have to push through this invisible wall to get things done. It’s a physical thing where I will think about doing something and I will almost immediately get a panicky feeling in my gut. A wall of anxiety goes up. It’s that feeling I have to work through to actually accomplish anything. I am taking medication to try and help with it but it doesn’t always work!
“planet” in the English Ordinal system equals 68 (all vices in check but one for eternity)
“Where do I belong God” in the English Ordinal system equals 168
“Cast Your Cares” in the English Ordinal system equals 168
(In the numbers it’s interesting how todays message lines up with yesterdays!)
I know I have to keep strong and have faith that I am on the right path. I asked for God’s strength and I got it. I got to the grocery store, bought what was on my list and got back home again.
Hello, how are you? It is Saturday as I write to you and it’s a beautiful, sunny day.
I was trying to think of something to write about today and the word content came to mind.
Philippians 4:12-13New International Version
12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
This passage really stood out today. It can be difficult when you are in the moment of crisis to be content like the passage describes. For example when I was having surgery back in August 2005 to have a fibroid cyst removed. Prior to the surgery I was anything but content! I was so scared! Everything ended up being alright thank God. I prayed and cried so much!
I suspect a lot of my worry, anxiety and fear comes from not leaning on God enough and that’s because I am kind of a control freak. If I don’t have complete control over a situation I feel powerless. If I am ever going to reach the level of contentment I want I have to let God be God!
“spirit” in the English Ordinal system equals 91
“content” in the English Ordinal system equals 91
Hello to you, how are you ? I am doing ok today. I got Link out for a walk early and sought to hear God’s voice and all I heard was the wind!
“Whether you turn to the right or to the left , your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it” Isaiah 30:21 NIV Bible Promises for You
It seems like I have been seeking more guidance from God and the harder I try the more difficult it has become. Talking to God used to be almost effortless. I have had to ask where is God really?! Is God in the wind? Is God in another persons voice? Is God in something to read?
I guess I am missing my manic relationship with God. When I was manic it felt like I was in a constant conversation with God and had to exert little to no effort. God was with me when I wanted to draw, write, sing, take photographs — all the ways I used to express myself God was there! I guess not being manic is the price my creative self is having to pay.
I have to believe that God has some sort of plan for me and what I’ve have been going through. Sometimes I wonder if what I’m going through is just God adding to my personal resume! God knows from my past that I will use my pain to help someone else. What I have learned from the past is we aren’t put through anything more than we can handle and what we go through can be used to connect more deeply with someone else.
Not many people know about what it means to be Bipolar and my family has had to learn a lot from me and what I have shared with them. God had me draw the mental health card for a reason and I will continue to seek guidance on where God’s voice is as I continue to go through that.
“body” in the English Ordinal system equals 46
“guidance” in the English Ordinal system equals 64
To be 