14 May 2020 Support Systems

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Well I’m up, got a load of laundry in and some hot tea brewed.  I got some sleep last night which is important right now for me to stay strong.  I’m working on the new laptop I ordered  and so far so good on that.  I bought it planning for downsizing and mobility for my future.

So what’s on my mind after the past couple of days is support systems and how important they are to have when you are going through the many things I’m going through at once.   I just recently got out of the hospital.  We are planning to be sell our house.  I will be making a long distance move.  My husband and I are separated and will potentially be getting a divorce.  That’s a lot of stuff to go through at once!   Everybody that knows, loves and cares about me wants for my happiness so a support system is getting stronger to help me through all of this.

I have been talking a lot to the family I ultimately will be living with and near.  They have become a strong support system for me long distance but they have encouraged me to make sure I have something here as well.

My husband is only able to do so much considering what is going on between us.  I am realizing without him here with me just how much I relied on him for a bunch of things to include moral support.   It’s really hard living without him!  With everything that’s happened,  I can’t completely rely on him and his family now and understandably so.  They have already been very helpful and are doing what they can given the circumstances and for that I’m very grateful.

One of the big obstacles for me right now is living in the house with our shared stuff and contemplating getting a POD delivered and having to pack it.   I’m feeling a overwhelmed and have been experiencing a lot of anxiety.    My Aunt encouraged me to back off a little and allow my husband to do his part too.   What’s going on is a lot of the stuff we have isn’t even worth keeping or selling.  He’s already taken most of what he says he wants out of the house but there is a lot of furniture and clothing yet of his here.  I can’t just put everything to the curb for the garbage to pick up.  The garbage people only pick up so much stuff at a time.   I just have to be patient about this and trust we will get it all worked out.

So I am having to use the system that has been put in place for me and reach out in the ways I can so I stay connected.  With this pandemic going on things aren’t as easy as they used to be but at least there is something.

Like my Aunt told me yesterday, we are going to use the technology we have to our advantage.  She said she has been praying for me a lot and God even answered saying, “She’s your gift.”  I hope so, sometimes I don’t feel like one!  We decided we can talk every day if we want to!  We will do whatever we have to do to get through this as a family.

Yesterday I also had a long visit with my cousins wife who has a Master’s in Psychology and that really helped a lot.  She emphasized the importance of my utilizing the system I have access to.  For example just having someone to talk to at least once a week from a professional standpoint that isn’t family – someone to check on me kind of thing.  So I made contact with my Care Manager and arranged for that.  As she and I talked about, just having someone to talk to even for a few minutes really helps you get through the day. Something else wise she said, “we are not our problems.”   Hearing her say that really resonated with me.

I am sharing all of this as a way to help me help others if that makes sense. Writing also helps me process what  I’m going through.    Something I learned when I was in AA was to share my experience, strength and hope.  When you share the difficulties you are going through and how you are going through them, you can potentially help someone else facing similar circumstances.

Thank you in advance friends and family who visit me here and read.  Your support means a lot to me!

13 May 2020 Thinking things through

Good morning to you.  Hope this finds you doing ok.  I’m at another phase of the journey that’s going on today.  My husband and I finally got a chance to talk yesterday.  We agreed trying to do all that we want to do right in the middle of a still evolving pandemic  might not be a good idea.  We are having to think things through.

12 May 2020 – I had to put out a pair of my husbands pants for Link. Link was grieving yesterday after our visit.  He just howled after my husband left.  What my husband and I have been going through has been tough on Link too.  

We know we still want to sell this house but have to make sure Link and I have someplace to go after we do.  The realtor we talked to said with considering what needs to happen to this house, we were looking at $110-130,000 for a walk away on it – we paid $107,000.   I think the low figure has to do with the fact our house is needing another foundation repair.  Those are expensive.  He quoted foundation repair costing about $8-$11,000.  There has been a lot of interior damage because of the house shifting.

My husband was still not very pleased with the realtor quote considering how much they say our house is worth .  USAA is saying our home is worth $180,000 but that isn’t considering the factors the realtor considered and also the realtor is familiar with our town.  He has sold other properties in our area and probably has a good idea of what he can get for it.  So we will have to work on the realtor part.  I think the sale of this place will end up being a flipper kind of deal.  What I mean by that,  is an investor will buy the property, make repairs and then sell it at a higher price than they bought it.  Neither one of us is wanting to put any more money into repairing this place as it is.  So no matter what realtor we choose, we may be stuck with getting not much more than we paid for it in the end of it.

All that said, selling the place will more than likely not be a problem.  If we need to,  we can do a remote closing.  It apparently happens all the time.  The part I’m concerned about is knowing  the place I have to go for certain is 1600+ miles away.  When I got to thinking about all that is involved with that kind of trip, I got cold feet.  It’s not that I’m not willing to do it.   I think if my cousin and his wife are good on their offer to come here to help me drive back there won’t be as much a problem.  I’m just worried about putting us all at risk health wise doing this when the pandemic is still doing it’s thing in this country.

There is also a small part of me that is hoping my husband might change his mind about our relationship.  By talking to him yesterday and  considering all that he has been through with me the past couple of years, it’s not looking good for reconciliation like I would want.  He is adamant he’s not coming back to this house to live.  He is perfectly justified in his feelings and his actions.  There is a lot he could have done.  He could have completely abandoned me and he didn’t and he hasn’t.  He knows I can’t do this all of by myself and seems willing to do his part.  The other consideration is that I am freshly out of the hospital and I don’t want to end up back in one.  We just have to do this right and I think we are.

some info I found about road trips right now:

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/travelers/travel-in-the-us.html

Road Trips

CDC recommends you stay home as much as possible and practice social distancing, especially if you are at higher risk of severe illness.  However, if you must travel, be aware that many businesses (such as restaurants and hotels) may be closed.

Anticipate your needs before you go:

  • Prepare food and water for the road. Pack non-perishables in case restaurants and stores are closed.
  • Bring any medicines you may need for the duration of your trip.
  • Pack a sufficient amount of alcohol-based hand sanitizer (at least 60% alcohol) and keep it in a place that is readily available.
  • Book accommodations in advance if you must stay somewhere overnight.
    • Plan to make as few stops as possible, but make sure you rest when you feel drowsy or sleepy.
    • Bring an EPA-registered disinfectant and other personal cleaning supplies.

Don’t travel if you are sick or plan to travel with someone who is sick.

12 May 2020 Let them help you

Hello to you.  How are you today?  I’m hanging in there.  Trying to take care of myself and Link in the midst of a personal time of crisis.  Yesterday we had our first realtor come and take a quick assessment of our place.  Link didn’t like it at all.  I don’t know how well trying to show a house with us in it is going to go.  He chased and barked at the guy the whole time he was in the house!  Having Link is part of the reason I’m anxious to sell the house and get to Idaho as quickly as possible so he is situated with family again.   This whole situation hasn’t been easy on him either.

Today the realtor is supposed to have some numbers for us so we can decide if we want to go ahead and list our place with him.  The reason I chose him is he has a lot of familiarity with the property in our area.  He seemed pretty optimistic about being able to turn the property pretty quickly.  I don’t want him to do it too quickly because we need time to clear out the place and Link and I need a place to live.  I want to stay in the house until we get it all cleared out of our stuff if possible.

I’m trying to move past the anxiety I am feeling so that I can be in my own skin.   Some moments I feel like jumping out of it but it’s getting better.   You know how I was talking about having background noise, well now it’s getting about to the opposite.  I can’t turn on the news without it provoking anxiety.  I can barely turn on the radio for the same reason and that’s EVEN the classical music station!  My personal world is in a tailspin and adding to it with the rest of the world doesn’t help.  It’s not that I don’t care about anybody else in the world, I truly do, but anything more on me is just too much right now.

Life right now is having little things be big things.  This morning I woke up really early with almost a panic about whether or not I would be able to charge my cell phone while Link and I travel to Idaho.  I ran out to the car in the rain to check and thankfully I found I will indeed be able to keep my phone charged while the car is running.

I went back to bed and said to myself in the dark, “I’m scared.”  It’s been a long time since I’ve admitted that to myself about anything.  I’m honestly scared to make such a big journey right now with Link.   A few years ago, in a healthier world,  I don’t think I would be having so much angst about all of this.  There is a part of me starting to resist the thought of moving, trying to stay here, but I know that won’t be good for me in the long term.  This house is more than I can take care of by myself.  We need to sell it now before the “to do” list of repairs gets too much longer.

My cousin and his wife have offered to help me with the journey.  They had talked about driving down here and then we’d drive back together.  The more I think about traveling with Link alone, the more apprehensive I get.  With what’s going on in the country and world with this virus I’m not sure I’m going to want to stop anywhere except for gas!  Just the thought of making a pitstop to go to the bathroom and having to leave him alone in the car is worrisome.  Depending on what time of year it is will make a big difference too.  Flying right now would be out of the question and I think it will be for quite some time.   I’m hoping we have a few months yet and may be things will be safer for travel for all of us.

I have asked for help from my family but worry about being a burden but there is a part of me that is saying, “Let them help you.”  I just don’t want to make a debt I cannot repay.  That’s the kind of person I have become.  I worry about that invisible balance sheet, the “if I do this for you, what will you do for me?”    May be God is trying to teach me something about that.  May be not everyone in the world operates on a balance sheet.  May be the people I know and love are willing to help me without expecting a payment in return.  May be I will repay them somehow once we have a chance to be together.

 

10 May 2020 There are many kinds of Mom’s

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  I’m doing ok.  If I’m honest, I woke up missing my husband and my dog Spot but I know this is a temporary condition.  We will be together again soon.    I also woke up remembering it’s Mother’s Day and started thinking about what that means to me.

There are many different kinds of Mom’s in todays world.  In our modern world the title of Mom has extended beyond sex and, sexual orientation.   When I was at JPS, there were many male nurses who filled a maternal role for me while I was there.  One of them even had the same name as my husband and the other my brother-in-law!

For me, Mom or Mother is not just a title for a woman.  For me it is also about what someone does for another person or being.  For example, many pet owners like myself  consider ourselves pet parents.   I consider myself a Mom to Link and Spot.  Sometimes not a very good one but I try!  We don’t always speak the same language!

15 Feb 2020 Spot and Link – I was dreaming about her last night

The people I consider Mom’s in my life are those people that just have a knack for knowing what to say, what to do, how to talk to me in any given situation.  They have an natural instinct for nurturing and helping in matters of the heart.

People like my Dad, my husband, my stepmom, mother and father-in-laws and my Aunt all have at one time or another taken on the role of  Mom for me.  Their love and care for me has in most cases been nearly unconditional.  They mean so much to me!

I have to be honest and say in many ways even my girl Spot has even been more like a mother to me than me to her!  I call her my dog ma lol.  She has been a Mother dog figure to Link in ways I could not.

I keep thinking at my age I shouldn’t need a Mom like I used to but I do.  The question is do we ever stop needing our Mom’s whatever shape, form, and relationship they come in?   It doesn’t seem like it for me!

What does still needing a Mom figure say about me?  Am I immature or is it an indicator that I am still growing?  Does this mean I’m still teachable?  Does this mean I am still a person who doesn’t have all the answers?  Does this mean I still need the loving wisdom beyond myself to keep me grounded in this world?  I think the answer to all of these is yes.

Mother” in the English Ordinal system equals 79 (rotate, words, lifetime, affection, listen, remember, watches, super, loving, singing, life of a bard)

a Mom” in the English Ordinal system equals 42 (this is neat because 42 also means self)

 

Source: Internet  Sometimes I feel like this lol and it’s not what my Mom’s have said or done, it’s all me!

 

 

9 May 2020 Superman

Hello to you. How are you doing today as you visit here?  I hope this finds you well.  I’m kind of in a weird space inside.  Every time I turn on the news I feel more anxious.  I’m still waiting for the good news that this whole Covoid 19 pandemic is behind us!   Wouldn’t it be nice to have a bunch of Superhero’s and or meta humans like the The Flash to help us out?

My superman

I’m finding comfort in telling stories.  I hope they are they are enjoyable to you too.  The inspiration for what I’m writing today came from the time before finding my current husband.  I can remember looking up to the stars and asking, “where are you?”  One of my husbands and my favorite superhero’s is Superman.   I know there are a bazillion different renditions of how Superman came to be – mine cuts through the chase of all the baby stuff lol.

———————————————————–

It was a long long time ago, well may be not that long ago, a lonely woman was standing out in the darkness.  Her weary eyes scanned the dark night sky.  She whispered under her breath, “Where are you?!  I am lost.  God can you hear me?”  The vast sea of stars seemed to respond to her words.  A single star stood out from all the others and twinkled at her extra special brightly.  Speaking in star speak so to speak!

Many moons, stars and suns passed and the lonely woman began to wonder if she had been forgotten.  Again she found herself standing out under the night sky and just as she began to speak, a familiar star shot out across the sky!  She exclaimed  to the darkness, “Is that you?!”

Now star time and human time are not the same.  A single day for a human is light years for a star.  It takes a long time for messages to travel back and forth but they do get exchanged.  Little did that woman know that many miles away from where she was standing that shooting star landed on earth.  The surprising thing was it was no longer a star but had transformed into a man.  The man knew why he was there and knew either he had many miles to travel or the one who had summoned him to earth did!

There were many rotations of earth.  There were many risings and settings of the sun and moon.  There were many rotations of the constellations  before the man from the stars and the woman would meet.  When they did finally meet she had one word for him, “Superman.”


Superman” in the English Ordinal system equals 107

starman” in the English Ordinal system equals 86

So it’s Saturday.   It’s looking like the weather is going to be really nice out.  Tomorrow is Mother’s Day in case you forgot.  I hope you have a wonderful day.  I’ll probably be back later.  Writing seems to be helping me adjust to what I’m going through right now.

Love the blue guitar he uses!

 

 

 

 

 

 

7 May 2020 What to do with yourself

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Link and I have started to get in the patterns of the sun.  When it’s dark you go so sleep.  So here I am at the keyboard, artificial sunshine of coffee and computer screen on!  This is a process that will only last a short period of time and then I’ll have to figure out what to do next lol.  It’s better than laying in bed like I was doing, fretting about a bunch of stuff I can’t control!

Such is life these days right?  What to do with myself to keep busy but stay at home.  I’m sure if I were to peruse the internet right now I’d find all kinds of advice on what I could be doing.  I can turn on the news on any station and if it’s not covoid19 hysteria it’s other bored people, famous and not,  showing us what they are doing to not be bored at home.  Finding stuff do and being alone didn’t use to be a problem for me.  What happened is choice of whether to immerse or not immerse myself in the world has been pretty much removed.  If I go out into the world to do something, it’s getting groceries, an appointment or something pretty important I need to do.

Yesterday I shared some of my art supplies with our neighbor children.  We have a couple of Mom’s in the neighborhood with young children and it’s so challenging right now for them to keep the young one’s entertained.

The old standbys have always been drawing, writing and right now working on another corner to corner afghan.  I’ve even considered working on an edited version of a book I’ve already e-published, The Gospel According to Sam  (https://www.amazon.com/Gospel-According-Sam-Jackie-Wygant-ebook/dp/B00533VOTU) all proceeds going to charity.   The only part of me that seems to really be working right now is the writing.  I sit down to draw and  unlike years past, it’s just a blank page or trying to record what is in front of me.

6 May 2020 drawing I did last night of Link out in the backyard.

There are only so many words, so many drawings, paintings and creative ways to put together the same meals before you start to repeat yourself or others.   The other thing is I’m trying to downsize and reduce the amount of that stuff I want around the house.  Thank goodness for digital writing but even that isn’t without pitfalls…..you need a reliable way to store the media if you care to retrieve it later.  I had a hard drive I was using.  It got dropped one too many times and now the data is  is locked in there unless I can get someone with some skills to break them out!  I am having to learn to be a more transitory person and it’s hard.

So I have found myself asking, what does the God of my understanding want me doing right now?!  I want to be useful and help somehow so is my even sharing this today doing that?  Do my words here help alleviate boredom and the same things for someone other than myself?

It’s kind of like life in the extremes of weather be it extreme cold or extreme heat.  In either one, I have learned to hunker down and keep busy but sometimes my lesser natures take over and I gain weight.  Eating becoming an activity.  Thankfully here the weather has been nice so when I get really restless I put on my walking shoes and take Link out or go just by myself.  Walking does help!

Today I decided to look at the phrase staying busy.  I’m going to put all the values I’ve come up on my “travels” with gematria.  Sometimes to see the order in which I have found different number values is like a weird sentence lol:

staying busy” in the English Ordinal system equals 162 – a taking, train, insane, riches, torah, shift, poop, behaves, noise, hearing germs, right, under, humane, doubt, Queen, disease, favor, plasma, choices, under, right, audience, a miracle, polar.

one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144 – a mask, brain, clock, handle, hope, faith, cut, space, bored, talk.

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love, sun, play, French, voice, eyes, chemical, health, acting, spar, breath, Bavaria, butch, pods, bodies, Gabriel, Mama bear, foodie, gnome, eyes

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a halo, child, hair, bite, heard, hug, have, asp, agree, chips

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self, new, gift, balanced, rain, run, war, raw, rare, bitch, female, rebel, Odin, sub, tail

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – a blonde, earth, seeds, caring, speak, what, thaw, hobby, disable, heart, Pope, kept, raise, create, spice, birds, devil, dog, pee, crop, ship, going, hobby, ashes, a glaze, thaw

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a cold, chance, free, hate, breed, heat

Now all of this said, I am not trying to invite drama into my life What I wish to invite into my life is a positive, loving way I can be of service to God as I understand them.   

The last thing I want to be is a waste of space.  So I am going to trust that gradually, as I can handle it, God will show me great ways to be of service in this uncertain time.   May be in some way, I’m already doing it just blogging here?  May be somebody, that’s not me, will see my message here and get some relief from their personal struggles and be able to pass that light on to someone near or far in their own life?   That’s my hope!

The Beatitudes from the Bible. I am not a religious person, but very spiritual. Parts of the Bible like this are comforting I think.

 

 

6 May 2020 Making good choices and could basic income be an option for the US?

Hello to you.  How are you as you visit me here?  I hope this finds you well.  Aside from allergies and being awake way too darn early things are pretty decent here.  When is too early to be awake?  In dog time, from what Link tells me, it’s being awake before the sun is.  As I write, he’s still in bed!

What comes to me this morning is something I’m having to do – learning to accept my part.  What I mean by that is each of us seems to have a part we play on this stage of God’s and mine seems to be the one that I’m trying to accept.  When I’m doing what I’m supposed to do, things seem to go well.  When I’m not, well God lets me know about it.  They were pretty firm about it most recently – tough love is the phrase we are using.

To quote Albus Dumbledore: “It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

So it’s  important to make good choices.

I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s hard to know what a good choice is!   In my life so far, it feels like there is a lot of hindsight on the making good choices scenario.  It feels like all too often I am  asked to make a good choice when I’m faced with a set of circumstances and limited data to go on.  As is the case recently, if it’s not me making the choice, it’s me having to trust someone else about it.

My personal barometer, “if it ain’t light, it ain’t right” works most of the time.  If my heart moves in my chest anywhere but center when making a choice, my choice my need evaluating.  Lately though, and I hadn’t planned on this part,  I am acknowledging that when I feel my heart sink into my stomach it might be because I’m being asked to get out of my comfort zone.  How do you tell the difference?!

This is a question facing so many in our world today isn’t it?

making good choices” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 – a feeling, being yourself, quality of life, spirit alchemy

With this Covoid19 crisis there seems to be a lot of darned if you do, darned if you don’t!  The right answer, as I’ve been seeing a lot, might not be the popular answer or what other people want to hear.   For example, the debate in our state of Texas has been whether or not to open up businesses again.  Is it too soon?  Are these businesses prepared for the changes they need to make to be open safely?   I am noticing a lot of small businesses being forced to choose between their lives and their livelihoods.  I think if they knew they had some sort of income no matter what, they wouldn’t feel pressure to reopen so quickly.  For many, if they don’t open back up, they face losing their business which affects their lives and the communities they serve.  If they do open back up, they are putting their lives at risk being exposed to a potentially infected public.  They tried to give some of the businesses stimulus checks but it’s not enough to sustain a business for a long period like we are potentially talking about with this virus.

A model that exists and I don’t know if this would work here is Basic income.   May be something like this could help the many unemployed and or those losing their businesses from the restaurant, service, retail and agricultural sectors.   They already have people applying for aide so they know who the folks are that need help already:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_income

Basic income, also called universal basic income (UBI), citizen’s income, citizen’s basic income, basic income guarantee, basic living stipend, guaranteed annual income, or universal demogrant, is a governmental public program for a periodic payment delivered to all on an individual basis without means test or work requirement.[2] The incomes would be:

  • Unconditional: A basic income would vary with age, but with no other conditions. Everyone of the same age would receive the same basic income, whatever their gender, employment status, family structure, contribution to society, housing costs, or anything else.
  • Automatic: Someone’s basic income would be automatically paid weekly or monthly into a bank account or similar.
  • Non-withdrawable: Basic incomes would not be means-tested. Whether someone’s earnings increase, decrease, or stay the same, their basic income will not change.
  • Individual: Basic incomes would be paid on an individual basis and not on the basis of a couple or household.
  • As a right: Every legal resident would receive a basic income, subject to a minimum period of legal residency and continuing residency for most of the year.[3]

Basic income can be implemented nationally, regionally or locally. An unconditional income that is sufficient to meet a person’s basic needs (at or above the poverty line) is sometimes called a full basic income while if it is less than that amount, it is sometimes called partial. A welfare system with some characteristics similar to those of a basic income is a negative income tax in which the government stipend is gradually reduced with higher labor income. Some welfare systems are sometimes regarded as steps on the way to a basic income, but because they have conditions attached they are not basic incomes. If they raise household incomes to specified minima they are called guaranteed minimum income systems. For example, Bolsa Família in Brazil is restricted to poor families and the children are obligated to attend school.[4]

 

Basic income” in the English Ordinal system equals 93 – management, growing, therapy, internal, trying, parents

nine three” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 – together, stocking, trust, “to try”

nine eight’” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 – spirit, upgrades, savings, content, emotion, future, growth

nine one” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 – sharing, tracker, humans, species, example, mixing concept

seven six” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 – humility, upbringing, occupation, statement, expansion

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 – a the, innovation, challenge, invitation, grownups, system life

one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 – a body, people matter, brain function, peace for the brain, field of study

——————-

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2020/03/18/americans-need-a-basic-income-during-the-coronavirus-outbreak/

While one-time “stimulus checks” are an option— as they were in the immediate aftermath of the 2008 financial crisis—many Americans are going to need longer-term support to weather the coming financial storm. Rather than a single shot of cash, struggling Americans will need an “emergency basic income” (EBI)—i.e. no-strings-attached, continuing cash support, similar to what former presidential candidate Andrew Yang proposed on the campaign trail.

At the time of his campaign, Yang was pushing for a “universal basic income”– a $1,000 per month entitlement for every American. The idea was expensive, impractical. and rife with the potential for unintended consequences. But now, Yang’s original conception, with some important variations, could save millions of Americans from financial catastrophe. That helps explain why its finding new life from proponents l New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (as well as Yang himself). Yet UBI need not be adopted in its original form to do a lot of good; it need not be as generous as an indefinite entitlement of $1,000 a month, nor does it need to be universal. At least not yet.

———————

I currently live on a fixed income so I understand what this is like.  My income doesn’t fluctuate that much so I have to live within my means.  I wonder if this model would work for some of the folks that had small businesses and they had to close them.  Could our country afford this system on a short term basis until be get more stabilized and beyond the crisis?

Anyhew – I’m out of my depth.  People a lot wiser out there on this but that’s just how my mind goes – from small scale to the world.   How do you make a good choice in such uncertain times.  I guess if we are honest with ourselves, now isn’t much different than it ever really was.  There is always risk in decision making.  All we can do is make the best choices we can and hope for the best.   I do hope anyone reading this, if you are in the demographic of folks I’m talking about,  that you have or can get everything you need to take care of yourselves and your families.

P.S.  The Blue Angels are supposed to be flying today – hope I get to see them!

 

 

 

5 May 2020 Uncomfortable Silence

Hello to you.  How are you doing today?  Hopefully you are doing well.

Something that comes to mind this morning is the phrase uncomfortable silence.  As I write, I’ve got an alternative station I found that I like, 103.7 fm on as background noise.  I’m getting to be one of those kind of people that has to have the sound on in my world.   That thing called comfortable silence is uncomfortable for me and it never used to be.

 

This radio used to belong to my brother-in-law Todd – still useful!

My mother-in-law used to follow ratings for television shows.  I seem to remember her talking about CSI was one that always had high ratings.  What was behind that a certain demographic, usually older Americans, put the show on as background noise even if they weren’t watching it.  I though that was funny at the time until this situation of having to stay home alone more!  I’m becoming one of those people!

So today I give thanks for local programming and the radio stations that keep the world interesting for me.  Right now I don’t have access to streaming services without paying for it.  I’m trying Amazon Prime video and took a look at Patrick Melrose yesterday.  I couldn’t get through the first episode.  It was hard to see Benedict Cumberbatch being such a convincing addict.  I much prefer seeing him as Sherlock Holmes (minus the addict part) and Dr. Strange!  There are some other interesting shows to check out whilst I work on my afghan.

I find myself going a bit stir crazy staying in the house so I’ll meander out for a walk.  This isn’t such a bad thing as I gained some weight during my hospital stay.  I’m starting to remember why one can lose your mind a bit being trapped in the house.  In the past, it was just because of extremes of weather.  I can remember being in a shelter in Mississippi  during a hurricane and how tough that was.  I was in a shelter with a bunch of other people and it was dark and even smelly at times.  We ate peanut butter and crackers in the dark.  As tough as that was,  there was an end in sight.  With this virus and containment,  there doesn’t seem to be a definitive end.  I understand better why there are protesters in different placing demanding things get opened back up.  We are social creatures and are made to do stuff besides staying at home.

I wonder if this is the plants way of healing itself?  For all the bad things that have happened and tragedy, good things have been happening for the planet.   The biggest thing is a reduction in air pollution!  I wonder how can we keep that going once life starts to resume it’s course?

https://nypost.com/2020/04/07/3-ways-the-coronavirus-is-a-boon-to-the-environment/

ITOE6561 4 May 2020 Breaking through marker picture Jackie Wygant Alvarado TX

First drawing with markers – thinking of breaking through barriers in my life.

a uncomfortable silence” in the English Ordinal system equals 213 – (ironically month and day I was born!)

 

 

4 May 2020 Idle Hands

Good morning to you whenever and wherever you are as you visit here today.  How are you?  I’m doing ok.  Link and I have been managing our alone time.  Had a nice phone visit with a friend yesterday and that helped a lot.  She has cats and I have a dog right now for company!  My life seems to be one of extremes sometimes.  I’m seeking balance.

So yesterday I ventured out to Michael’s in Burleson and was so grateful they were open.  A lot of places have taken measures to protect their employees like having them wear masks and glass shields have been put up in front of registers.  I have been trying to avoid going anywhere and staying home.

I bought some yarn so I could work on another afghan.  I find that if I keep my hands busy, my mind follows.  When I got home, art supplies were waiting at my door from my Aunt and Uncle!  I guess they had similar thoughts about staying busy – so nice!

4 May 2020 – new afghan project started

3 May 2020 art supplies from Aunt Ruth and Uncle Bill
3 May 2020 – Dogs are so easily amused. How do they do it?!

I wanted to see what the phrase, “idle hands are the devil’s playthings” in gematria:

idle hands are the devil’s playthings” in the English Ordinal system equals 335

3+3+5 = 11/2/1

three three five” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love, play, voice, eyes, health bodies

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a child, hug, have, agree

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self, new, gift, balanced

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – a earth, caring, hobby, heart, create, devil, hobby

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a one, free, chance

 

 

3 May 2020 The Little Things – morning coffee

Hello to you in your today.  It’s Sunday as I write to you and I am blessed to have a cup of coffee beside me, power to run this computer, Link asleep yet in the bed and my health.  My mini gratitude list!  The little things are mostly what makes up the average life if  you really take a look.  All those minor things that when you are in a different situation, you find yourself missing and when they are back in your life you find yourself so grateful.

Quote: Steve Aitchison internet

When I was at JPS, they had morning coffee and what a spectacle that was!  Talk about a reason to get out of bed!  We practically ran down to the coffee cart and then each person had their, what I refer to as, the “dark morning ritual.”  I call it a dark ritual not just because coffee is dark but if you mess with people, sometimes even speak to them, before they have completed their individual process, they can get so fussy!  Each person had their own process and it usually meant quite a mess for the cleaning people or one of us.  Powdered creamer and the variations of sugar got all over the place as each person frantically, in some cases, opened the packages of creamer and sugars.  Some people used ALOT of artificial sugars for their mix!

My thanks to the coffee maker, which changed from morning to morning, was often profuse.   One morning I even had tears in my eyes when I said it to Cole.  Cole was one of those who actually had the formula down to perfection on making the coffee lol!  It’s the little things that can make a time that seems almost unbearable….well bearable.   Sometimes routines are not just routines to those on the receiving end.

When you look at your life as it is, what is it that you are grateful for?  There has to be at least one thing.  When I find my life has taken a turn I’m not comfortable with, asking myself that question helps bring me back around.

morning coffee:

morning coffee” in the English Ordinal system equals 130 – a peace

one three zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 – a love

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 – a child

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 – a self

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 – a earth

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 – a one

I requested to listen to this song a lot when we had recreation time.  I like the video attached to it for a time called The Adventures of Jasper Morello.

 

I hope you have a wonderful Sunday and that you find yourself grateful for at least one thing – even if it’s just waking up today.