We celebrated my cousin and my birthday at Olive Garden in Nampa today
Hello to you! Hope this finds you well. Today was a good day. I celebrated my 57th birthday with my cousin who shares the same day – he’s 61. Our birthday was on the 13th and we had planned to get together then but the weather wasn’t good. We had a fantastic meal with family at Olive Garden today. Boy did I get full! I had cheese raviolis with meat sauce. The free dessert I chose was Tiramisu and boy was that good! It is strange to be 57. Where has the time gone?!! It was so nice to share the occasion with family and I am grateful for that. One of the special things about living here in Idaho is having family to share special occasions like this with. As I get older I appreciate things like having family more and more. Many are not so blessed at my age!
1 Corinthians 10:30-31“If I take part in the meal with thankfulness, why am I denounced because of something I thank God for? So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God”
Hello to you. I hope you are well and if you’re not, and many people are not, I hope you have a good support system. Have you considered surrendering your life to Jesus? Lately I have been seeing so many people at a loss of where to turn when their lives are falling apart. I saw this a lot prior to the Tik Tok ban – people just didn’t know what to do! They made posts and just cried. When I saw these videos I just found myself asking, “do you believe in God? Have you talked to God about your problems?”
I am a relatively new Christian and prior to surrendering to Jesus I thought I had to carry the weight of the world on my own two shoulders. Thankfully when I reached my bottom with my mental health and my marriage God put people in my life to give me a soft place to land. I spent so many hours on the phone with my cousins wife Tawna! She thankfully had the time in her life that she could be there for the countless walk and talks on the phone. I spent time on the phone with much of my Idaho family – I walked miles talking to them. Things were so bad I couldn’t leave the house without having someone on the phone. I couldn’t eat a meal without someone on the phone. What was missing in all that drama was my being willing to turn to Jesus. They already believed in him and prayed for me and that gave them the spiritual strength to help me navigate the personal haunted hell I was living in. I just couldn’t see my own way out!
I surrendered to the Holy Spirit when I wanted to be free of alcoholism and it worked in a powerful way. Door after door opened and shut with that surrender. For some reason I didn’t do that in Texas. I guess I had been a pagan so long (12 years) that I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I could turn myself completely to Jesus.
Right now I’m in the process of working with Jesus about my health and the answer is he is healing me in his time and way not mine. Some of what is going on with me will probably never change because there is no cure – just treatment and management. Jesus is showing me that. I just have to know where to turn when times get tough. Sometimes through prayer and reaching out Jesus uses the people in my life as his body to assist. That’s what we are all here for!
5 After this[a] there was a Jewish feast,[b] and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 2 Now there is[c] in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate[d] a pool called Bethzatha[e] in Aramaic,[f] which has five covered walkways.[g]3 A great number of sick, blind, lame, and paralyzed people were lying in these walkways.[h]5 Now a man was there who had been disabled for thirty-eight years.[i]6 When Jesus saw him lying there and when he realized[j] that the man[k] had been disabled a long time already, he said to him, “Do you want to become well?” 7 The sick man answered him, “Sir,[l] I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up. While I am trying to get into the water,[m] someone else[n] goes down there[o] before me.” 8 Jesus said to him, “Stand up! Pick up your mat[p] and walk.” 9 Immediately the man was healed,[q] and he picked up his mat[r] and started walking. (Now that day was a Sabbath.)[s]
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing well even though this world seems so crazy right now. Last night I experienced Tik Tok going dark and today it being back on. So nuts! A bunch of us went to an app called Favorite and others Clapper – so many their servers couldn’t handle it. Tomorrow Donald Trump will be sworn in and already things are changing and happening. I don’t know if I should be excited or scared!
I forced myself to go to church this morning. Some days it’s really hard for me! I’m always glad after I go it’s just the getting up and going. Today’s message came out of Colossians – all the things that Jesus is in the world. Pastor Jayson used clearing the windshield as an example of what Paul is doing in his writing. The past couple of Sundays and other gatherings have been trying to reach me – teach me. We are living testimonies of Jesus in the world and not meant to just be seat warmers on Sunday. We as Christians are meant to be examples of Jesus’s love in the world. Right now, as I look at my life, I feel like there is more I should be doing to be that example. Sometimes I feel the 12 years of being a pagan slipping in. I feel like my faith and practice is shallow- I feel almost like a fraud! There is work to be done and I’m reluctant to do it. I am going to a Bible study with my Aunt and go to a prayer meeting each Thursday and that helps.
Ever since I have been back on Depakote to treat my Bipolar symptoms – especially the mania- I don’t have deep feelings. My emotions don’t feel authentic. I used to feel things very deeply and now I don’t hardly have feelings at all! Depakote is one of the best medications for Bipolar but I hate what it has done to me as side effects! I still haven’t cried about my Dads passing over a year ago! It’s such a fragile balance between being “normal” and being too emotional – manic. What I’ve been going through is why many stop taking their meds. When I tell people I love them I don’t feel it like I used to. It feels like just words. How can I be an example of Jesus’s love in the world and be this way?! I feel like I am pretending and not authentically being. I am surrounded by such authentic Christians and I feel like I’m just trying to fit in! I have a tattoo of a chameleon on my right arm and it sometimes feels like I am such a being. I’m trying to fit in to a life that feels like I’m pretending sometimes.
I have been talking to Jesus about all of this. Last night we talked about how he is the only man in my life that will never leave me. Two marriages have ended because of my being Bipolar. I am going to be 57 this next month and the older I get the less likely it will be that I have another flesh and blood man in my life. The older I get the less I even want the complications of someone else’s life in mine! I just need to keep praying and remain open to where I am lead. I want to be a positive example of Christ in this world with the time I have left. I just want to feel it and not just go through the motions! May be by my sharing what I’m going through I am fulfilling Jesus’s purpose in my life. I can’t give up – I know that!
I hope my words in this message help someone besides just me!
Colossians 1:15-23New International Version
The Supremacy of the Son of God
15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleasedto have all his fullness dwell in him, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peacethrough his blood, shed on the cross.
21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.
Hello to you this quiet Friday afternoon. I hope this finds you well. There are a lot of people not doing well – living some kind of tragedy and my prayers are with all of you. I wanted to mention that my Aunts granddaughter is giving me a stationary bike tomorrow which will help me in my goal of getting more exercise! So grateful!
This morning was an early one as I joined my Aunt Ruth and several ladies from her church that they call The Sisters of Grace. We enjoyed bell players and a very powerful testimony of one of their members. There was lots of good food to include a coffee cake my Aunt made from scratch. The testimony was from a woman named Eliza and I could tell it was hard for her to tell some of it. She was a victim of generational trauma and had been involved with drugs, gangs, trafficking and even spent some time in prison before completely turning her life to Jesus. Now she and her husband lead Celebrate Recovery and a Deliverance and Healing Ministry. The chains of trauma have been broken for her and her children.
I always am moved almost to tears when I am with these women. Most of them are retired and many are widows. This fellowship helps all of us. The times I feel most like crying is when we sing together. There is something about it that makes me think of what heaven may be like- a collection of dear friends gathered singing eternal praise to Jesus. I get that way at church too – especially when I hear children singing along with the grown ups.
Matthew 18:20New International Version
20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you! The past couple of days have been full of blessings and I am so grateful! On Christmas Eve I went with my Aunt Ruth and Uncle John to my cousin Tony and his wife Tawna’s house for a wonderful meal and visit. They ordered a feast through the restaurant Cracker Barrel and everything was so good! We were joined by Tony’s son and his wife who is in the process of becoming a doctor and Mitchell was just promoted to Captain! They may be moving to Arizona so that made this visit even more special!
A Captain and a lovely doctor in the making!
After dinner there were gifts to open and everyone was too full for dessert! We got to see Tawna’s little old man dachshund Eli – so sweet!
My earth angel Tawna Tawna and my cousin Tony – these two are so dear to me! Part of my earth angels here in Idaho
Today I was awakened by a call from my Aunt to wish me a Merry Christmas which was so sweet. I was in bed late as I woke up at around 3 am and had trouble going back to sleep. I had one of my shadow people dreams that scared me awake. I got up and Link and I went over to my Aunt and Uncles house for Christmas dinner. They had the table set with nice plates and the turkey was already cooked. They did the bag kind and it was perfect – so moist and tender! They made a bunch of dressing which is my favorite side dish. We had mashed potatoes and some salad. Everything was so good! We watched the squirrels and birds they feed at the feeder they have. So cute and entertaining! After dinner there were a couple gifts to include a new baby for Link. Ruth got him to tear the paper off which surprised and delighted me! He’s never done that before. He hid it somewhere we couldn’t find. He does that with his favorite toys. My Aunt is one of his favorite people! Then we watched a holiday edition of Sister Boniface which is one of our favorite shows we watch when I go over to their house. I didn’t have room for dessert so they sent me home with leftovers and pie. What a special day!
Uncle John and Aunt Ruth more earth angels
As I reflect on this holiday I find myself feeling so grateful and blessed! So many special memories have been made with my family here. They help chase the Grinch I can be away this time of year!
My creativity these days is this blog. Writing is my only real outlet these past couple of years.
This passage is very fitting for how my family is: and is teaching me to be:
1 Corinthians 13New International Version
13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poorand give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b]but do not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies,they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror;then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.But the greatest of these is love.
Hello to you! It’s almost Christmas! Yesterday at church Pastor Jayson asked us in one word what Christmas is to us and I wrote down family. For me Christmas has seldom been about the gifts. For me it’s presence not presents! Presence makes memories long after gifts are broken and or forgotten.
Last night we had our family Christmas party and we filled my cousin Laura and her husband Richie’s home with great food, love and laughter. It was everything I think is special about the holidays. Good food and family. We had pulled pork, a couple different macaroni and cheese dishes and salads. We got to FaceTime with my Uncle Bill and his wife Anna who live in California. There were meaningful gifts from my Aunt and Uncle to us kids. They had stockings stuffed with goodies and gift bags that had cutting boards Uncle John made out of maple – beautiful! Cove, my cousins granddaughter, got a Moana doll and she loved it. The kids pitched in and gave my Aunt and Uncle a treasure box shaped tin full of gift cards for things like the movie theater and places to eat. We had dessert of cherry pie, cheesecake and pumpkin pie – so good! What a memory we all made together!
There are some members of the family not here because of sickness – we have a big family and it’s growing! A new little is due in June.
I loved my stocking. My Aunt gave me a little book she found called The Things Trees Know and it was perfect for me. Trees are such great teachers! Along with the book we’re my Aunts famous chocolate bon bons! So good! I had told her when she asked me what I wanted for Christmas that all I wanted was those. She puts so much work into them.
So much wisdom in this little book I got from my Auntie
I got a much appreciated ride to the party with my cousin as I knew it would be dark by the time we were finished. My cousin Tony picked me up and his wife Tawna got me home. It was nice to have some one on one time with them! Tawna and Tony have been earth angels to me for several years now. They are the ones that inspired me to really surrender myself to Jesus.
Isaiah 7:14“Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel”. Immanuel means “God with us”.
Isaiah 9:6“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace”.
It’s important to remember the reason for the season.
Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Yesterday was a nice day. It was Links birthday and we had sunshine for the first day in what seems forever. We get what’s called inversion here in Idaho and it’s hard for the sun to burn through it. It’s back to gray now! Sigh!
The birthday boy!
This morning I had an answer to a prayer in a dream. I have been wanting to hear from my Dad in the dream world and I finally did. We were in a car going somewhere and I had my hand on his knee and apparently it felt hot to him. He said I had fallen asleep and I didn’t remember falling asleep – I must have felt safe. Being with Dad always felt safe. Then we were on some military base because I could see a map. I was talking about a part of it that never had coverage or something. We were talking about planning another visit that coincided with an anniversary and then I woke up. It felt so real! I didn’t want it to end! What’s funny is my prayer before bed was that someday I would see all those that have passed again. That we will all be together again and I specifically spoke of my Dad. We didn’t get to say goodbye to eachother. It’s been a little over a year since he’s passed. Having visits in dreams with lost loved ones is one of my favorite things about dreams!
In Genesis Joseph had prophetic dreams. The dream world is mentioned a lot in the Bible:
Genesis 37:5-11New International Version
5 Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. 6 He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: 7 We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.”
8 His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said.
9 Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.”
10 When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?” 11 His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.
What is one thing you would change about yourself?
Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Today has been uneventful. I am feeling a little better after catching another cold. There was talk about something happening today with regard to space people but of course nothing happened! I am thinking something is brewing with the increase in sightings. I am thinking it has to do with the increasing unrest going on in the world – Sabre rattling about using nukes. If I was a space person watching all of what’s going on I think I would want to intervene too!
My answer to today’s prompt is if I could change one thing about myself I would not be Bipolar. Having this diagnosis has really limited me in so many ways. I have lost two marriages and many friendships and relationships with family. I lost a career because of this condition. The only good thing to ever come of being Bipolar was the wellspring of energy and creativity during the times I was manic. I would hardly sleep and my creative abilities seemed endless. I could draw, paint, sing, write, take awesome photos, dance, tap into the spiritual realms – all of this with little to no effort. Having the mania under control with the medication I’m on – Depakote- I can’t do much of anything anymore. This blog is my only outlet! In addition to Bipolar I have the Mal de barque syndrome where I have trouble with balance. I’m convinced it was triggered by my being tased by police when I was having a manic episode two years ago. It just won’t go away! So I guess there are actually two things I wish I could change!
Since I cannot change what I am, I have to push through with it all. I have to force myself to move forward even if I don’t want to. I pray a lot and ask for healing. I am trying to say yes more often when I would usually say no. One of the side affects of Depakote is weight gain and not feeling full after eating. With the balance challenges it’s hard to exercise to get rid of calories but I force myself to get a walk in with Link each day. I’m trying to lower my calorie count too. I am trying to say no more often to eating sweets which is my favorite type of food! Not all of what I am can be blamed on being Bipolar! I wish I could get back to size 16 jeans again. Obesity runs in my Dads side of the family so my genetics are kind of stacked against me along with my diagnosis.
Some scripture about change:
Ecclesiastes 3:1-2“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot”.
Isaiah 43:18-19“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”.
Psalm 30:5“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”.
Romans 8:28“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.
2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”.
Hebrews 13:8“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”.
Malachi 3:6“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed”.
James 1:17“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”.
Ephesians 4:22-24“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”.
Hello to you from frosty Idaho. I had to scrape frost off of my windows before church this morning! Something I have been following lately is the increased reporting of lights in the sky to include right over the Capitol building on Thanksgiving! Interesting times we are living in.
Today’s message at Grace Bible Church Middleton was from Christmas Story Meant To Be – Garden of Sorrow. Pastor Jayson was in Genesis Chapter 2 and 3:
Genesis 2:8-9New International Version
8 Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.9 The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.
Genesis 3:1-4New International Version
The Fall
3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”
2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”
4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.
Out of these scripture we are told that God gives us great gifts but what God gave as a gift became a gift of sorrow by what Adam and Eve did by eating fruit from the one tree God told them not to eat from. The garden became a garden of sorrow instead of paradise. We are reminded in this season of gifts that it’s not entirely about the manger – Jesus’s birth – but ultimately the cross he would die on for that first sin and all sin that has followed.
This message makes me reflect on my walk of faith and all the ways I have fallen short – eaten fruit from the forbidden tree, broken commandments. I am so grateful to be knowing Jesus more and more. I have so much yet to learn! It’s important to know it’s never too late to know him.
Hello to you this Saturday afternoon. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving at my cousin Heidi’s house along with her husband, my Aunt and Uncle and my cousins son, wife and two children. There was so much food I didn’t have room for dessert! We had turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green beans, stuffing, pistachio pudding salad, raspberry pudding salad and rolls! Whew! What a feast! It was so nice to be with everyone! I am so blessed to be here and be able to share the holidays with such loving family.
What a wonderful meal and company!
I caught a slight cold that showed up yesterday and is still hanging around today. Hope I wasn’t contagious to the family! No Black Friday shopping for me. From what Tik Tok was showing there weren’t a lot of shoppers. Apparently there just weren’t that great of sales to make it worth it. I’ve never been a fan of crowds anyways!
Todays prompt is hard to answer as the only things I wear on a favorites basis is jewelry. I have a ring engraved with the phrase “Not all who wander are lost” and my Metatrons Cube pendant I wear each day. I used to have a tie dye t-shirt I loved to wear a lot but I wore it out! When I couldn’t wear it in public I used it as a night shirt until it fell apart. Wearing stuff until it falls apart is something I do a lot!
Psalm 100:4-5“Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations”.
To be 