Tag: mental health

11 June 2025 Sharing Experience, Strength and Hope

by saymber, posted in history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! I hope this finds you well. I had a nice visit with my Aunt Ruth and her niece Niki that lives with her today. We had lunch and read from devotionals and I sang the song The Goodness of God . I love that song! Each of us have been through life altering ordeals and find it very therapeutic to share our testimonies of how we came to believe in Jesus. Sharing our experiences, strength and hope reinforces our belief ! Through our individual stories we see that Jesus had a plan for each of us and through the Holy Spirit the doors were flung open for each of us. We just had to see and recognize which doors to enter and which ones to let shut.

Spending time with fellow believers fills a void in me that can only be filled by such gatherings. Today’s gathering was like food for me and we are talking about making it a weekly occurrence.

Goodness of God

Song by CeCe Winans ‧ 2021

Overview

Lyrics

Other recordings

I love You, Lord
For Your mercy never fails me
All my days, I’ve been held in Your hands
From the moment that I wake up
Until I lay my head
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

‘Cause all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice
You have led me through the fire
In darkest night You are close like no other
I’ve known You as a Father
I’ve known You as a Friend
And I have lived in the goodness of God, yeah

‘Cause all my life You have been faithful, oh yes You have
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me
Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me
With my life laid down, I surrendered now
I give You everything, oh Lord
Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me
Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me (oh yeah, oh yeah)
Your goodness is running after, it’s running after me
With my life laid down, I surrendered now
I give You everything
Your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me

And all my life You have been faithful
And all my life You have been so, so good
With every breath that I am able
Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God
I’m gonna sing

All my life You have been faithful
(All of my life You’ve been faithful)
All my life You have been so, so good
(So good with every breath)
every breath that I am able
(Every breath I’m able)
I will sing (I’m gonna sing)
Of the goodness (of the goodness of God, yes I am)
I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God
Oh, I’m gonna sing of the goodness of God

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Ben Fielding / Brian Johnson / Edward Martin Cash / Jason Ingram / Jenn Johnson

Goodness of God lyrics © Bethel Music Publishing, Capitol CMG Publishing

17 April 2025 Two or Three

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Matthew 18:20New International Version

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

This passage is one of my favorites and it has applied to our little Thursday prayer group. Today there were three of us. Today marked the seventh year anniversary of one of our groups daughters suicide. She is still grieving the loss as if it were only yesterday. She showed us video she took of a sapling in bloom that had been planted in the place of the shed her daughter died in. So beautiful! I am so glad we could be together to lend support. My prayer request was for my Auntie. She’s been worrying about medical things coming up. I am still praying for a miracle for her!

We keep praying our little group will grow but so far it just hasn’t. May be God has another plan? May be small is best right now? The population of our church consists of mostly younger working couples with children. I am thinking that’s why we haven’t had new people join our group. I will continue to show up!

A bouquet at my Aunt Ruth’s – I liked how it looked in the sunlight

6 April 2025 Change and Best Pets

by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion

What animals make the best/worst pets?

Hello to you. How are you? So much is going on! Be it weather or demonstrators there is a lot of unrest. In my own life I am experiencing change. My church has moved. Last night we gathered at the new location and prayed. I got kind of lost and left early because it was getting dark. Before I left, I prayed with a woman I have a Thursday prayer meeting with, Amy, and her children at the entrance to the building. She was crying and tears fell down her cheeks. So beautiful! This morning the auditorium that seats 900 was almost full! Our prayers the previous night were surely answered! I was a bit overwhelmed as was my elderly friend Roy – the seats were more comfortable but shorter and harder to get up and down in. He sat much of the service. I am not a fan of big crowds so I was a bit out of my comfort zone – I fought the urge I had to flee several times! My friend Jeannie, Roy’s sister-in-law, encouraged me not to give up on things just yet. She was glad I was there so Roy wasn’t alone. I will have to pray about all of this.

I kept thinking of the scene with Mary and Jesus in The Chosen as we read this:

Israel’s Only Savior

43 But now, this is what the Lord says— 

he who createdv you, Jacob, 

he who formedw you, Israel:x

“Do not fear, for I have redeemedy you; 

I have summoned you by name;z you are mine.a

2 When you pass through the waters,b

I will be with you;c

and when you pass through the rivers, 

they will not sweep over you. 

When you walk through the fire,d

you will not be burned; 

the flames will not set you ablaze.e

Best pets – for me it’s a toss up between dogs and cats. Cats are much more independent but have the litter box thing going on. Dogs are more dependent and have their litter box that you need to clean in the yard! I miss the purring and calm nature of my cats. My Amber used to purr me to sleep and I miss her every night! Link is a barker and that’s not very soothing – everything is his job to alarm me about! I think what makes a better pet is your lifestyle. If you work a lot a dog isn’t for you. That’s why when I was active duty we had cats. I think it’s cruel to leave a dog home alone by itself for hours and hours.

16 Mar 2025 Letting Go

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I hope today finds you well. It’s beginning to feel like Spring here. Blades of grass are peeking up and the birds are back singing their love songs. I went to church this morning- wasn’t sure my back would let me! I have been taking Aleve and using a roll on my Aunt gave me and that’s helping. I am happy to be fitting into my one pair of jeans! Progress!

Today’s message was out of Galatians 5. What stood out to me is how Pastor Jayson talked about our freedom. Our freedom makes many things permissible but we have to ask in the over all scheme of things is just doing whatever we want beneficial to us and the body of Christ we are a part of. When he talks about his own struggles with food I really can relate!

In a couple hours I’m going to be celebrating my Uncles birthday with family. I’ve decided to use this occasion to share my stuffed animal collection with the grandchildren. It’s been on my heart the past couple of weeks that it’s time for these things to go to a good home and be played with and not just take up storage space. Some of the collection is very sentimental stuff and I’m a little attached but it’s time to let go. Stuffed teddy bears and My Little Pony, for example, are great for young children. My cousin said it was ok to bring them over today so I am. They have a playroom designated for the littles when they come over and these new additions will get lots of use!

Galatians 5New International Version

Freedom in Christ

5 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

2 Mark my words! I, Paul, tell you that if you let yourselves be circumcised, Christ will be of no value to you at all. 3 Again I declare to every man who lets himself be circumcised that he is obligated to obey the whole law. 4 You who are trying to be justified by the law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. 5 For through the Spirit we eagerly await by faith the righteousness for which we hope. 6 For in Christ Jesus neither circumcision nor uncircumcision has any value. The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

7 You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? 8 That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. 9 “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.” 10 I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty. 11 Brothers and sisters, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished.12 As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!

Life by the Spirit

13 You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh[a]; rather, serve one another humbly in love.14 For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”[b] 15 If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

10 Feb 2025 Outgrown

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Movies, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Are there any activities or hobbies you’ve outgrown or lost interest in over time?

Hello to you! How are you? I hope this finds you well in your life. In answer to today’s prompt I would have to say that drawing and writing poetry are things I seldom do anymore. I used to spend hours drawing and writing poems came to me very easily. With the medication I’m on to treat Bipolar, Depakote, I am blocked from doing these things. If I do attempt to do them it’s forced and just not very good! I miss being creative in those ways but would rather have my sanity!

I watched this scene from the first season of The Chosen the other night and it brought me to tears:

https://youtu.be/UI-PehitKKU?si=7fT_XBegSgOk10oC – The Chosen Jesus Heals Mary

I found myself thinking about what an amazing thing it must have been to be healed by Jesus. To have him put his hands around my head and look me in my eyes – for him to know me by name! This is the part of me longing for a tangible God! I often think why people don’t follow Jesus is because he isn’t here on earth – tangible. Hollywood movie stars and musicians often fill the void only meant for Jesus – they can be seen, touched and heard. Think of the craze Elvis and The Beatles caused in their day! Right now Jonathan Roumie is doing a fine job of filling the role of Jesus and he takes it very seriously but has said more than once he is not Jesus Christ no matter how much fans want him to be him. He is a servant. His portrayal of Jesus has helped me more than once. It was him I turned to a 4th of July a couple years ago when I was nearly driven to run out of my house and yell at neighbors lighting fireworks all around me. Jesus wasn’t with me tangibly but one of his servants, Jonathan, was when I was calm enough to seek him out. Someday Jesus will tangibly reveal himself to the world and I might not live to see it. I will hopefully see him in heaven if I don’t get to meet him here on earth.

Mark 16:9New International Version

[The earliest manuscripts and some other ancient witnesses do not have verses 9–20.]

9 When Jesus rose early on the first day of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had driven seven demons.

24 Jan 2025 Where To Turn

by saymber, posted in Health, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I hope you are well and if you’re not, and many people are not, I hope you have a good support system. Have you considered surrendering your life to Jesus? Lately I have been seeing so many people at a loss of where to turn when their lives are falling apart. I saw this a lot prior to the Tik Tok ban – people just didn’t know what to do! They made posts and just cried. When I saw these videos I just found myself asking, “do you believe in God? Have you talked to God about your problems?”

I am a relatively new Christian and prior to surrendering to Jesus I thought I had to carry the weight of the world on my own two shoulders. Thankfully when I reached my bottom with my mental health and my marriage God put people in my life to give me a soft place to land. I spent so many hours on the phone with my cousins wife Tawna! She thankfully had the time in her life that she could be there for the countless walk and talks on the phone. I spent time on the phone with much of my Idaho family – I walked miles talking to them. Things were so bad I couldn’t leave the house without having someone on the phone. I couldn’t eat a meal without someone on the phone. What was missing in all that drama was my being willing to turn to Jesus. They already believed in him and prayed for me and that gave them the spiritual strength to help me navigate the personal haunted hell I was living in. I just couldn’t see my own way out!

I surrendered to the Holy Spirit when I wanted to be free of alcoholism and it worked in a powerful way. Door after door opened and shut with that surrender. For some reason I didn’t do that in Texas. I guess I had been a pagan so long (12 years) that I didn’t think I could do it. I didn’t think I could turn myself completely to Jesus.

Right now I’m in the process of working with Jesus about my health and the answer is he is healing me in his time and way not mine. Some of what is going on with me will probably never change because there is no cure – just treatment and management. Jesus is showing me that. I just have to know where to turn when times get tough. Sometimes through prayer and reaching out Jesus uses the people in my life as his body to assist. That’s what we are all here for!

https://youtu.be/JMj1ggINLe4?si=W9Kt3RCeA8A0z1cm – The Chosen Jesus Heals at the Pool

John 5New English Translation

Healing a Paralytic at the Pool of Bethesda

5 After this[a] there was a Jewish feast,[b] and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 2 Now there is[c] in Jerusalem by the Sheep Gate[d] a pool called Bethzatha[e] in Aramaic,[f] which has five covered walkways.[g] 3 A great number of sick, blind, lame, and paralyzed people were lying in these walkways.[h] 5 Now a man was there who had been disabled for thirty-eight years.[i] 6 When Jesus saw him lying there and when he realized[j] that the man[k] had been disabled a long time already, he said to him, “Do you want to become well?” 7 The sick man answered him, “Sir,[l] I have no one to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up. While I am trying to get into the water,[m] someone else[n] goes down there[o] before me.” 8 Jesus said to him, “Stand up! Pick up your mat[p] and walk.” 9 Immediately the man was healed,[q] and he picked up his mat[r] and started walking. (Now that day was a Sabbath.)[s]

19 Jan 2025 Being an Example

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing well even though this world seems so crazy right now. Last night I experienced Tik Tok going dark and today it being back on. So nuts! A bunch of us went to an app called Favorite and others Clapper – so many their servers couldn’t handle it. Tomorrow Donald Trump will be sworn in and already things are changing and happening. I don’t know if I should be excited or scared!

I forced myself to go to church this morning. Some days it’s really hard for me! I’m always glad after I go it’s just the getting up and going. Today’s message came out of Colossians – all the things that Jesus is in the world. Pastor Jayson used clearing the windshield as an example of what Paul is doing in his writing. The past couple of Sundays and other gatherings have been trying to reach me – teach me. We are living testimonies of Jesus in the world and not meant to just be seat warmers on Sunday. We as Christians are meant to be examples of Jesus’s love in the world. Right now, as I look at my life, I feel like there is more I should be doing to be that example. Sometimes I feel the 12 years of being a pagan slipping in. I feel like my faith and practice is shallow- I feel almost like a fraud! There is work to be done and I’m reluctant to do it. I am going to a Bible study with my Aunt and go to a prayer meeting each Thursday and that helps.

Ever since I have been back on Depakote to treat my Bipolar symptoms – especially the mania- I don’t have deep feelings. My emotions don’t feel authentic. I used to feel things very deeply and now I don’t hardly have feelings at all! Depakote is one of the best medications for Bipolar but I hate what it has done to me as side effects! I still haven’t cried about my Dads passing over a year ago! It’s such a fragile balance between being “normal” and being too emotional – manic. What I’ve been going through is why many stop taking their meds. When I tell people I love them I don’t feel it like I used to. It feels like just words. How can I be an example of Jesus’s love in the world and be this way?! I feel like I am pretending and not authentically being. I am surrounded by such authentic Christians and I feel like I’m just trying to fit in! I have a tattoo of a chameleon on my right arm and it sometimes feels like I am such a being. I’m trying to fit in to a life that feels like I’m pretending sometimes.

I have been talking to Jesus about all of this. Last night we talked about how he is the only man in my life that will never leave me. Two marriages have ended because of my being Bipolar. I am going to be 57 this next month and the older I get the less likely it will be that I have another flesh and blood man in my life. The older I get the less I even want the complications of someone else’s life in mine! I just need to keep praying and remain open to where I am lead. I want to be a positive example of Christ in this world with the time I have left. I just want to feel it and not just go through the motions! May be by my sharing what I’m going through I am fulfilling Jesus’s purpose in my life. I can’t give up – I know that!

I hope my words in this message help someone besides just me!

Colossians 1:15-23New International Version

The Supremacy of the Son of God

15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleasedto have all his fullness dwell in him, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peacethrough his blood, shed on the cross.

21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

10 Jan 2025 Sisters of Grace

by saymber, posted in Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you this quiet Friday afternoon. I hope this finds you well. There are a lot of people not doing well – living some kind of tragedy and my prayers are with all of you. I wanted to mention that my Aunts granddaughter is giving me a stationary bike tomorrow which will help me in my goal of getting more exercise! So grateful!

This morning was an early one as I joined my Aunt Ruth and several ladies from her church that they call The Sisters of Grace. We enjoyed bell players and a very powerful testimony of one of their members. There was lots of good food to include a coffee cake my Aunt made from scratch. The testimony was from a woman named Eliza and I could tell it was hard for her to tell some of it. She was a victim of generational trauma and had been involved with drugs, gangs, trafficking and even spent some time in prison before completely turning her life to Jesus. Now she and her husband lead Celebrate Recovery and a Deliverance and Healing Ministry. The chains of trauma have been broken for her and her children.

I always am moved almost to tears when I am with these women. Most of them are retired and many are widows. This fellowship helps all of us. The times I feel most like crying is when we sing together. There is something about it that makes me think of what heaven may be like- a collection of dear friends gathered singing eternal praise to Jesus. I get that way at church too – especially when I hear children singing along with the grown ups.

Matthew 18:20New International Version

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

6 Jan 2025 Different

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, Health, Home, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What could you do differently?

Hello to you! Hope this finds you well. So much of the world seems to be in some sort of calamity. I sometimes feel guilty for having such a good life. May be God is giving me a break from calamities and drama!

Todays prompt is thought provoking. As I review my current life, I think I could be more active. I have been trying to lose weight and the scale is just not budging. I think that’s because cutting back how much I’m eating and what I’m eating is not enough. Part of the problem is the medication I’m on. Depakote is known for contributing to weight gain. I’ve been thinking about getting a treadmill or stationary bike to help me be more active. The only problem is I live in a very small home and would have to make room for these items. I walk Link once a day and have been thinking about starting to walk an additional lap after I get him around once. It’s been about 2 almost 3 years since I’ve been able to walk a lot like I used to. Something happened to my system when the police tased me! I haven’t been the same since. I really believe they short circuited my system. I have had to push through and some days it’s so hard. My Aunt and I talked about this yesterday. I want Jesus to heal me as there is no cure for what is going on with me. She made a prayer card for me – everything helps! I think of the episode of The Chosen where I think of when James asks Jesus why he hasn’t healed him :

https://youtu.be/KZDvcEkjthA?si=msC7Zhx91baeldiL– Why Haven’t You Healed me (The Chosen Scene)

I keep thinking he could heal me but for some reason he hasn’t. Is it like with James? Would I become like I was before surrendering myself to his care? Would I need him less? Is there something he wants to do through me just as I currently am? So many questions I have for him some day when I meet him face to face!

4 Jan 2025 Greatest Gift

by saymber, posted in Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What is the greatest gift someone could give you?

Hello to you. Just got back from walking Link on this sunny Saturday afternoon. In so many ways he is a gift! He gives me cuddles, time and unconditional love. There is a reason dog spelled backwards is god! Someday he will break my heart as all pets do eventually. I try not to dwell on that too much!

I would say Jesus Christ is truly the greatest gift of all time. He is always there for you no matter what and he puts people and animals in your life to do what he cannot (tangible expressions of love like hugs). He gave the gift of his life for our salvation. I firmly believe that he has done that for me and I see him working in those he has surrounded me with. Sometimes I doubt his presence and then circumstances will happen in my life and my faith is restored. There have been hard times, the valleys, and he has restored me.

James 1:17New International Version

17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.