21 December 2021 Evening and 2nd shirt

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
2nd shirt attempt

Hello. It’s evening again and I am feeling lonesome as usual. Figured I would visit with you for a bit. As you can see I did another shirt. I tried a different way of doing it and I think the best way is to draw out the whole design and just gradually paint it. My hands aren’t as steady as they used to be! There are a lot of lines! It’s good I’m using old shirts to start with.

Today I had a good visit with a dear friend I’ve had since I was stationed at what was Falcon AFB CO…..it’s now Shriever AFB. She was kind of feeling like I was. This holiday season has been hard as she lost her mom in October. What helps her is she has a 11 year old son and that has helped her holiday spirit. We both agree there is way too much emphasis on elevating the country’s GDP. It should be about food and family….God. I told her the only gifts I bought this year were bags of food at the grocery store for the local food bank. Talking to her really helped me today – seeing her bright smile and all her dogs helped my spirits.

21 December 2021 Feeling Like A Scrambled Egg

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello….how are you? Hopefully this finds you doing well. I wish I could say everything is ok with me but I’m feeling a little scrambled eggs today. It will pass it always does.

Like my therapist and I talked about yesterday, I’m just not comfortable in my own skin. She shared with me about eneagrams, personality types and played this song for me: https://youth.be/-sO2UMoOaFQ – Sleeping At Last. It’s a song for type 1 personalities and if you cry while listening to it, chances are that’s your personality type. I cried. What came to me at first when I heard it is feeling like I wasn’t enough for my ex husband…..I miss him so much every day. What also came to me is I’m enough for God. With all my flaws and weaknesses….all the ways I have failed I know that no matter what God loves me. God has been there when I have been at my best….at my worst. What I told my therapist is I want God to have hands I can hold. A face I can touch. Arms to hold me. Sadly it just doesn’t work that way. The place I get to feel God is when we are close and my heart gets that glowing warmth. God is the very air we breathe….too big to be contained in a body!

I’m trying to snap myself out of “this” and get on with my day. May be some shirt painting will help ?! I’m wearing the shirt I did last night – pretty happy with it.

As always thank you reader for going on this journey with me!

20 December 2021 First shirt ( Fabric painting)

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good evening. I hope this finds you well. Tonight my fabric paint arrived so I decided to give it a go and paint a shirt. The result wasn’t too bad but I learned some things for the next one. I did the Metatrons Cube and next time instead of drawing out the whole design I’ll start by drawing and painting the circles first.

I went conservative with the colors for this first one. I used silver, gold, bronze and some neon yellow. I also used some gold glitter.
The paints I chose – so far real pleased with the quality of the paint. It came out real smooth.
Since I freehand when I paint it’s not perfect and I like that. Each rendering is unique like an individual

I was so excited about this. I could feel myself being in the flow of things so it was a good idea to just stop second guessing myself and buy the paints. May be by the time I run out of old shirts to paint on I’ll be better at it!

Check out 20 December 2021 First Metatron tshirt https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1239207713

20 December 2021 Family Party

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, history, Home, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you in your where and when. How are you? I am waking up slowly! Had to blast some Heilung this morning! I’m so grateful for the speaker from my friend. It syncs up with my phone so I can pull up my You tube play list and hear my tunes!

Well yesterday was really nice. We had the family Christmas party over at my Aunt and Uncles house. There were about 20 of us!! It’s a family tradition to get together. My Uncle, who lives in California, catered the meats and some Mac-n-cheese. I got to taste the jalapeño jelly we made earlier in the year and boy does it taste good with cream cheese on ritz crackers! We had a new baby in the mix ! Baby Cove. She is my cousin Heidi’s granddaughter. Very good baby who didn’t seem to mind being passed around and loved on. There were a lot of pictures taken. It was nice to have lots of grandchildren and great grandchildren together. I left before the gift exchange….it was starting to get dark and I have to worry about turning into a pumpkin!

My Auntie and me. It’s been one year now since I moved to Idaho!

The plan for Christmas Eve is Aunt and Uncle are going to pick me up and we are going to church together. We have gone to church before but never on Christmas Eve. It’s a very symbolic thing for us to do as my Mom died on Christmas Eve back in 1968. Auntie and I have never gone to a holiday service together so it will be special! A celebration of life!

I’m still trying to figure out, after all these years, what the holidays mean to me. I don’t know where my place is if that makes sense. I had a little family and we were starting to establish our own traditions and now it’s just Link and I. He had to stay home yesterday because there were too many people. I have trouble with gifts – giving and receiving them. That’s why I have been buying the bags of food at the grocery store for the food bank. I’m surrounded again by people who like to do the gift bit and I don’t quite fit in. I get overwhelmed by “stuff.” Since I live in a tiny house, anything extra can seem like clutter and it drives me nuts! Hopefully over time my family will begin to understand me.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

19 December 2021 Exchanging Stories

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, In the News, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! It’s Sunday morning as I write to you. I had to kick myself out of bed! It’s gray and no sunshine!! Booo!! I’m looking forward to seeing family today – we’ll make our own sunshine!!

Last night I had a good session on Twitch. I met a young man from the Philippines who had a cold and just wanted to chat. He mentioned that the southern part of his country was being ravaged by a super typhoon called Rai: https://www.accuweather.com/en/hurricane/super-typhoon-rai-hits-philippines-like-a-freight-train/1061450/amp he is fortunate to be living in the north! We swapped spooky stories. His was of being in his parents room and seeing feet in his sisters room. He didn’t investigate whose feet they were until he went downstairs and his whole family was there! When he went back up they were gone! A little later another person came on who is working towards being a psych nurse and I shared a bit of my story with him. I’ve been in the mental health system since 1991 so a person like me has a lot of stories! It was fun talking to them,

Cube for the day

I decided to start a Discord channel after all. We will see how it goes. I’m not real savvy on how it works but giving it a try. A friend of mine asked me the other night what my goal with all this is and it’s pretty simple – to reach people who are going through stuff I’ve been through and help them not feel so alone in this world. There are 7.9 billion people on this planet and yet there are times it can feel like there is no one. Some of us slip through the cracks . I feel that way sometimes even though I have family and friends. Sometimes there are things you can’t talk about with just anyone. They don’t always understand. The other part of this journey I’m taking with Twitch is I love meeting new people and hearing their stories .

God has a plan in all that is happening in my life. I just have to keep taking the next steps!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

https://discord.gg/uG7wQJmx

18 December 2021 Friendship

by saymber, posted in animals, drawing, Food, Movies, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How is your day going so far? I am finally up and having some coffee. Looks like it’s going to be an overcast day!

I love the message on this mug from my friend Tawna

Last night was fun! I got together with my friend Lisa. We tried to introduce her German Shepherd Millie who is a year old to my grumpy old man Link who is 7 and things didn’t go well. Link got so worked up that he pooped himself! Sigh! Millie had to be crated for the visit and listen to Link finding all her chewy bone stashes!

Poor Link he isn’t used to dogs bigger than him!

We got Chinese food from the Canton Cafe in Caldwell and watched Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. The food was really good and the movie was pretty good too. I enjoyed seeing another cultures story brought to life much like I did with Black Panther. What I enjoyed the most was seeing the most were the choreographed fight scenes that were like a dance and mythological beasts brought to life.

My friend Lisa makes pretty things and I had her make me a Mala necklace/bracelet to help me at night with winding my mind down. It’s made of amethyst beads:

https://www.positivelymagickal.com/

I hope this finds you well and that you are enjoying the season.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

17 December 2021 Remembering Where You Came From

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Mental Health, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
Beautiful morning sun

Hello to you – how are you? It’s morning as I write to you. The sun is out!! Yay!! The only bad thing is I can see how filthy my window is and I don’t have a ladder to reach it! I am left wondering how the people that sold me the house kept it so clean?! I’ll figure something out.

Yesterday I did some experimenting on my Twitch channel. I tried to take my viewers on a walk around my block but lost my WiFi signal shortly after I left my house. So that didn’t work. I was thinking of my parents when I did it as they haven’t seen where I live. I guess I would have to use something like a go pro and upload the video. Everything has its limitations.

On the stream last night something came to me. What came to me was to share my experience, strength and hope as if I were chairing an AA meeting. The holidays can be a very difficult time of year for folks that have addiction issues. I have experience with alcohol and food addiction. My experience with alcohol only lasted a couple of years but the anorexia and namely bulemia lasted into my thirties. I haven’t really talked about my journey with bulemia yet. It lasted such a long time!

Some of live with our heart showing

Check out 16 December 2021 Evening visit https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1235501106

I bought some fabric paint online yesterday. I have several “blank” tshirts that I intend on painting. I want to explore having each one having a different variation of Metatrons cube. We will start with one and see how it goes. The thing with painting tshirts is I don’t have to find wall space for a painting – it’s wearable art. You wear it until it gets worn out.

This was a paint kit my friend gave me several months ago. Yesterday I finally got around to using it! What a cheerful message !

I wanted to show you the rock my friend gifted me with – she painted it herself and I think it’s so pretty!

16 December 2021 Snow

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, photography, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? I woke up to us getting a bit of snow. It is already starting to melt.

Just a little snow

As I sit here with my coffee, I am trying to think of what I want to do today. I am feeling kind of stuck. Drawing helps but I’m so quick about it. As soon as I get started I’m already finished. I love drawing Metatron’s cube! When I draw it I am soothed in my brain. I like choosing different colors for each one. I like that I free hand them – that they aren’t perfect each time. Each one is for a different somebody. I was doing that with my outdoor chalk this summer.

Drawing for today
Sun trying to peek through

Why do I always feel like I have to be DOING something? Why can’t I just be still? I guess idleness wasn’t something I was raised with. There were always chores when I was growing up and then of course once I got into the military I was always busy – too busy sometimes. There needs to be balance in the busy ! Balance in the idleness. There is too much idleness in my life right now. Gradually I am finding my way. For me idleness is close to usefulness…..I want to feel useful again.

I hope this finds you well!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

15 December 2021 Attention Span

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you doing today? I’m just out of bed. I had trouble sleeping again last night. It’s becoming a new normal and I don’t like it! It’s gray and cold….where is our sunshine ?!!! Guess I will have to generate my own light today!!

This morning my thoughts turn to something I’ve noticed about me as I have been immersing myself into the world of the look and swipe. I’ve noticed my attention span has gotten really short. If you can’t get your point across or entertain me quickly I’m already moved on to the next thing. I haven’t had the presence of mind to read a book in months. It just takes more concentration than I seem to be able to muster right now. There is a part of me that is hoping for positive change to come into my life so that I’m not so dependent on external devices.

Link and I are so tiny in the scheme of things. What is our part?

“Gears turning as worlds are burning. Rise and fall the big and small. Into the spiral we come and go. Faster and faster is the flow. Where we go next no one can know. Shine future children shine gradually all things will align.”

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

14 December 2021 Sum of the Parts

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you ? It’s a snowy, wet and gray morning. Had to listen to some Heilung this morning to get things started. I like to harmonize and play my drum with groups like them. No words, just sounds. Now I’m sitting here calm with my coffee. My friend texted me about coming to visit today ! I’m looking forward to seeing her!

Last nights Twitch stream was interesting . We talked a little bit about tattoos and I didn’t know this but there is a passage in the Bible that says you shouldn’t do it ! I hope God isn’t too mad at me for my Ichthys (Jesus Fish) and fading chameleon!

Leviticus 19:28New International Version

28 “‘Do not cut(A) your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.

My other viewer chose Revelation 21: 4 which I myself had highlighted as a favorite:

Revelation 21:4New International Version

4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.(A)There will be no more death’[a](B) or mourning or crying or pain,(C) for the old order of things has passed away.”(D)

As things are coming together in my life lately – The music I listen to, my blog, my spirituality, communicating through Twitch I am seeing myself as many parts and pieces. What I do in my life is I try to see the good in all things. I think that is why I am so confusing to people I know. Most people pick one particular path and don’t see any other and I’m not like that. This is the problem with religions for me. Once you choose a path your discouraged from seeing anything else. I feel like this makes for narrow mindedness. The way I visualize things is we each have a key to this existence… to Gods house. That’s why I feel so close to God outside. All are welcome.

When I read the Bible I am in so much trouble! I have broken some of the Ten Commandments and have tattoos! Thankfully the God of my understanding loves me no matter what. He was there with me when I broke those commandments. He was there with me at the tattoo parlor. My God is with me however high or low. My God has kept up with the times we are in and isn’t into kicking people when they are already down.

I am the sum of many parts. God has made a planet sized home for us and each of us has our own set of keys. Everyone has a different messenger in which to hear their God. The beauty of our existence is that we are all so different! We are biologically incapable of perceiving this life in the same way. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we looked and thought exactly the same ?

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant