Category: Spirituality and Religion

11 November 2021 New Worlds – Courage to Walk Through Doors

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good day to you. I want to open this post today with the scene from the movie about Temple Grandin it brought tears to my eyes this morning: https://youtu.be/48V1GRrwhd8

I have to change my perception of the world I live in or I’m going to stay stuck!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. “ Joshua 1:9

New worlds behind every door.

Some doors you cannot see. The door I have to get more courage to walk through is the door within myself. Like I told my therapist this week I feel like I’m sitting on my couch with Link and my phone white knuckling it through my life. I’m afraid to live and life keeps passing me by.

People will make suggestions about what I should or could do and I discount them with one excuse or another. Nothing fits right. At my core I’m still grieving my losses. Last night I watched a rebroadcast of a sermon by Steven Furtick and what he said really resonated, stop crying the best is yet to come: https://youtu.be/SmhH89V_1h0.

“What door God is meant for me? How many doors must I open to find a place for me?”

A salute to my fellow Veterans today is Veterans Day.

10 November 2021 Grandpa

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs
From left to right my Grandpa Harold Becker with his brothers Herman and Robert. Robert turned 100 this year!

I am thinking of my Grandpa today. If you knew him he would have brought a smile to your face. He was always cracking jokes and laughing….”put your money where your mouth is kiddo!”

My Grandpa took his own life due to depression after a stroke back in September of 2000. When I found out he had done this I was worried about his soul. I asked God to show me he was alright and some time later I had this dream. I dreamt that my Grandpa was in my body and we danced! We danced with my first husband Ken. Then we told my Grandma who was his ex wife that I would see her on the other side. He told his wife Charlie that he was sorry for what he had done (taking his own life). Then we tripped and Grandpa popped out of my body. The next thing I saw was him way off in the distance preparing to go into a church. He yelled “there is life after death if you believe in Jesus Christ!” Then I woke up. That dream helped me so much!

I miss my Grandpa but feel certain he is ok. There has always been this belief that if you take your own life you are either going to hell or purgatory. The dream I had seemed to show something else. My Grandpa served God most of his life as a Pastor but after my Mom took her own life he really questioned everything he knew. I believe he lost his faith. He was so tormented about her death. I can remember as a little girl in the dining room of my house in Sioux Falls sitting with Grandpa and his just looking at me and sobbing “I’m so sorry!” I think he gave up on God but God didn’t give up on him. I don’t think my dream was just a coincidence. I asked God if Grandpa was ok and the answer was that he was. He just needed a little help!

“Open my mind God so that I might see that the path is short between you and me.”

10 November 2021 Belief (Angels)

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good day to you. How are you ? I’m doing ok. The sun is out this morning and I took a walk. It felt good. It’s a new day!

“11 For he will command his angels(A)concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;(B) psalm 91:11

I have always believed I have guardian angels. So when I saw this video on the YouTube channel Slapped Ham I had to share: https://youtu.be/C3jOrmZ-zqQ

What do you think? Has our technology evolved to a point we can finally start capturing the image of these celestial beings? It would be interesting to see more of these types of videos and have them analyzed.

I have never seen my angels but know they are there. Like when I had my car accident last Christmas. The crash seemed to be slowed down like something kept me from getting hurt. Neither one of us had any injuries. I can remember another time something like that happened . I was riding my bike to school and hit the back end of a car. I flipped completely over! I came away from that with a couple scratches but nothing else!

I think guardian angels are like time travelers. From my experience with my angel named Deegan, there are limits to what they can do and how they can interact with us. I begged to see Deegan but instead of seeing him I ended up with full life reviews I’ve described. My consciousness was able to see the in between. I will tell you it was too much for anyone to experience and be able to get back to reality. Be careful when making requests of your angels!

Do you believe in angels? Belief is power. When we believe in something as a collective we give power to whatever or whomever it is. Angels have been here for as long as our concept of God. That’s a lot of power. If we believe God exists why not angels? As technology becomes more advanced I think we will have more evidence surface to validate our beliefs.

9 November 2021 Company

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
My handiwork and Gods this afternoon

Hi. It’s 6:42 pm in my world and it’s already dark ! I wasn’t going to write to you again today but here I am. Thank you for being some company for me! I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but when I write it’s like visiting with a friend. It helps me feel less lonely.

“My only friend what have I left undone? What path have I left untread under a fading sun. Who have I wronged and left outcast..this life or those of my past. Oh Lord why do I feel incomplete? My head heart and hands disconnected from my feet. I pray you will leave me bread crumbs made of stars….lead me, guide me, make me whole again even with all these scars. Let your light shine in my darkness….my alone. Return my innermost to what I have known. Complete your work in me no stone left unturned. Let me be a beacon of all that you have learned. No more days of feeling abandoned and cast out. Show me Lord what this has all been about.”

Do you ever feel that feeling? What is this all for? Everything you have been through was it random or some elaborate strategy game for God(s) to play? Are we just playthings of chance? I want to believe there is a grand design to all of this. I don’t want to believe it’s just some abandoned divine chemistry experiment.

Hopefully something here resonates. I think all of us travelers get weary sometimes. Some days make perfect nonsense….WHY?!!!! There usually will be an answer but it seems like sometimes we are never going to truly know. May be it’s just too much more than we can handle. Like the Jack Nicholson quote from the movie A Few Good Men “You can’t handle the truth!!!! “

I will close for now. Thank you for your company ! I’d love to hear from you on what I’ve discussed here if you have the time .

9 November 2021 Living

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Money, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you today? I’m writing a little bit earlier. It’s raining out and I’m grateful but not looking forward to going out in it. I opened the back door to let Link out and he was like “no way!”

So yesterday’s therapy session yielded some nuggets of truth. One was I have an issue with control and the other being patient enough to see what God has planned for me. My therapist shared a powerful quote/message with me, “May be God doesn’t show us his entire plan for us because we’d try to get there by ourselves.” When I was having my episodes with full life reviews using objects in the house to symbolize people, places, things I just didn’t rest. They were like pieces on an elaborate game board. There was always one more move. The message from my therapist is so true. The game of each life is so intricate that in the flesh we just can’t handle it all at once. I wasn’t sleeping. I didn’t want to eat much. I wasn’t spending quality time with my husband or my pets.

I’m so glad the episodes have stopped but my wanting to control everything hasn’t! The control issue goes back to my childhood. My extreme expression of wanting control was my becoming anorexic and bulemic. The bulemia lasted in to my 30’s! I hold on too tight to life. The challenge for me at this phase of life is to let Gods more. I’m not in charge of everything!

After I got home I walked to Rockin M Salon to get a haircut. It was good to see Trina again. she had recently moved from in town to a hobby farm in Emmett. Apparently Middleton has some of the highest taxes in the state. It would have been nice to know that before I moved here! In the past few months she’s lost like 10 clients. That’s significant! I hope I don’t get any surprises at tax time !

“Little child let me take the reigns. Trust me to guide you and alleviate your pains. There are to many pieces for you to hold. I know you are afraid to get old. Let my presence soothe your fears. Let me wipe your tears. I am here. There is nothing to fear. “

7 November 2021 Observer

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you? Did you “fall back?” It’s that time of year again where we get the hour we lost in the spring back. Even though it’s just an hour I still feel it!

Do you ever feel like your just an observer of your life not a participant? I am kind of feeling that way today. I’m having trouble being comfortable in my own skin.

Sometimes life feels heavy

I tried watching online church services today and just couldn’t stay focused. God will reach me somehow!

6 November 2021 Where Does Energy Go

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, books, drawing, history, In the News, Movies, Music, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good morning to you. It’s morning yet in my here and now. Hope this finds you doing well. I have my probably too sweet cup of coffee and my writing buddy Link. I’ve been thinking about something the past couple of days. It has to do with energy.

So you are sitting in a theater watching a movie with a bunch of of other people. The movie has really strong characters. You feel intently about these characters. You cry, you laugh, you get angry and may be even find yourself imagining being in the circumstances of the characters. Then it’s over. Roll credits. After the movie you talk about it. You might read about it in a magazine or on a news feed on your phone. Later comes the award shows and red carpet premiers of the people in the movie. The movie is released to the public and you buy a copy of the film. You watch it again at home . Sometimes you will think of specific lines from the movie and use them in your own life. Eventually comes the day the movie goes on a shelf and it’s not forgotten but superseded by another film. This process I’m talking about applies to television shows too.

What I’ve just described is a life.

There is a tremendous amount of energy focused on these characters born out of imagination. Where does all that energy go when we are done with it? Many of these characters become part of an actor or actress’s identity. They become known for the characters they play and some of those characters are so dark in their nature. I’m thinking of Heath Ledgers Joker and Aaliyahs Akashi. The darkness they bring is often lauded and emulated. It’s not contained on the screen. There is a sort of life lived through our living eyes… our bodies. Whether the character is good or bad they have achieved immortality. There is proof they existed.

It’s not just fictional characters that attain immortality. As I sit here I think of the trillions of “avatars” God has used through time. Some flashing for a mere second and others hours. Think about all the social media posts and YouTube. All those people and these days animals all immortalized. How about books ? Magazines, newspapers and photographs ?

All of us saying in numerous ways “Remember me!” “ I existed!” It kind of makes me ache inside. So much of what we are now is electronic. I have a hard drive full of important stuff and all it took was a couple drops on the tile and I can’t access that stuff anymore! All it takes is a cell phone to stop working and thousands of pictures are lost. The movie, television and book industry is a little more secure by making and selling millions of copies of their merchandise but even that is fading to live stream and online streaming . Existence is fragile in the electronic world. All it takes now is a power outage and tangible immortality is gone.

Where are we headed with all that we have created? I know it’s meant to be entertainment but sometimes it feels like I’m living in a world filled with golden calves. So much energy…so much adoration lavished on these imagined people and worlds. Giants on the big screen so we won’t be bored on our long journey to other worlds together.

To be “saved” usually means to accept Jesus Christ as your savior but what I see in our world is your image being saved on some device. If we didn’t have written copies of the Bible even Jesus would be lost in time. He said he would come back but didn’t say how. How many versions of his life have been made in television and movies?

A lot to think about here. Time keeps marching on. Technology keeps evolving. Where are we headed in out quest to survive? To not be lost in time? To not be bored?

5 November 2021 Having Your Own Home

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good day to you. How are you? What’s going on in your world? I am sipping on some coffee and just grateful to have gotten some sleep last night. I covered up my digital clock and didn’t listen to my normal Jason Stephenson recordings on my cell phone. I think the light from the cell phone might disrupt my sleep.

This morning I am sitting in my own home and feeling grateful. It’s been almost a year since I moved in. With the way things are going around here and the rest of the country with regards to housing, I’m really blessed. I could be in a rental situation and that means insecurity for a lot of people.

“I love the house where you live O Lord, the place where your glory dwells. “ psalm 26:8

This morning I’m trying to stay in the heart space of gratitude. What will this house be for me this coming year? This past year it has felt like a safe refuge. A place for me to heal. As I am healing I am wondering what is next for this house….for me. A home has a heart and mine is still fractured. When you look around my house you can see so many pieces of my past life. I want this house to be more than a storage unit of my past.

One of my favorite quartz crystals

What makes a house a home to you?

4 November 2021 Paralyzed

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. How are you? It’s still kind of dark as I write to you. I had something happen to me last night that was pretty scary. I had a bad dream and was in between being awake and asleep when I felt like I couldn’t move! My eyes were open and I was thinking because I couldn’t speak. “ Please don’t do this!” My feet were kicking trying to get free but my upper body was paralyzed. It lasted for a couple of minutes. It felt like someone was in the room with me besides Link but I couldn’t see anyone. Link didn’t bark but just ended up getting out of bed because my feet’s frantic movement scared him.

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways” psalm 91:11

I can remember begging to see and talk to my guardian Angel. I was in my living room in Texas about 5 of so years ago now. I had tears in my eyes and I begged to see him. I had asked before that day what his name was and I heard the name Deegan which means “black haired one.” What happened the next four years was like a dress rehearsal for dying. People who have had near death experiences talk about having full life reviews. I was having that kind of experience over and over. Trying to riddle out using objects in my house, my entire life. It destroyed my entire life as I knew it. That combined with my refusing to take medication and go to the hospital. I just couldn’t stop thinking or talking. In the spirit realm they don’t get tired…. there was always just one more thing. I couldn’t rest.

Was what I went through just psychosis or did my Angel show me why we could never meet in the mortal coil?

What I went through always ended with me screaming and yelling at a POW flag I had bought. It symbolized 9/11 and war. I felt so much rage! That event in our shared history hurt me so much!

There is an in between world and I have been in it. I felt during my last episode that I was a living ghost vessel. Spirits seemed to use me both positive and negative. Some days all I did was yell. Others was just crying. Others was just hearing voices when I spoke that were not mine. One day an energy that identified as the singer Chris Cornell “took me to get groceries and we bought flowers.” I was driving the car but in my minds eye he was driving. When I checked out I could hear his voice not mine. It was like all these energies of living and dead were “on top” of mine. They kept keeping me down because all I would do is cry. This all happened after my husband left me.

Two of the most exhausting energies that came through were a Hitler and what I call “The Joker.” I was either yelling all the time in a tone like Hitler or finding absolutely every side to any issue you could think of. I was even doing that side tongue lick Heath Ledger did for his potrayal of the Joker. I would go in my bedroom closet and just go on and on! One energy was with me the longest and that was Jesus. He claimed to have been with me since my psychic explosion on 2 November 2002. I was speaking some kind of language I vaguely understood. My husband would get so frustrated with me talking to the tv in “gibberish.”

The reason I’m sharing all this is to give some insight into what I went through after asking to see my guardian. Not all of mental illness is just mental illness. What I went through is like my guardian got relieved of their post! I became like a plaything for the spirit world, the in between. Because I didn’t have a grounded faith I was fair game!

If I can impress upon you anything about what I’ve shared here believe in something and stick to it! What’s happened to me is my concept of God is EVERYTHING! So everything that happens to us good and bad, positive and negative is all of God. It’s easier to comprehend Jesus, Buddha, Allah and Shiva as individual representations of God than to believe in a God that is ALL things. Jesus is merciful and kind whereas his father isn’t always . I am currently working on my faith . I don’t want what happened to me in 2015 on to happen again.

3 November 2021 Apple

by saymber, posted in history, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi! How are you in your today? I’m doing alright. I am looking at my little drum and wishing I had someone to play it with! On the 13th I’ve scheduled a Meetup event at 6 pm . Even if one person signs up that would be nice ! (Connect Middleton Idaho)

“Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings” psalm 17:8

The Bible has some beautiful passages in it. I chose this one thinking of my Grandma Irene Schmidt today. I can remember her and I playing cards one time and her telling me I was the apple of her eye. It made me feel so special to be loved like that! My Grandma loved God so much and shared that love with me. This morning I’m remembering her flowers. She had the most beautiful roses. I’m thinking of the white Kennedy roses in particular. They were huge and smelled so good! Whenever I see or smell a rose I think of my Grandma.

I don’t have a picture of Grandmas flowers handy but this link will show you what the rose looked like:

https://gardencenterpoint.com/kennedy-rose/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw5oiMBhDtARIsAJi0qk0Ui7pk2D6Be-PKSOOD23QR4UjCDpuT33MH_q6xQipk3IA_TllmwoQaAnceEALw_wcB