26 December 2021 Feelings

December 26, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Food, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Music, Politics and Government, Social media, technology, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 26 December 2021 Sunday chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1244211250

Hello it’s me again. It’s Sunday afternoon and I’m feeling lonesome so I thought I would write to you again….hope you don’t mind.

Something happened with me and my Twitch channel and I feel really bad about it. I had a rant and it wasn’t subtle and I ended up hurting the feelings of someone I love and care about very much. I felt so bad that I had to delete the video. It was not the place to express what I expressed in such a brutal manner. If you knew the person I’m referring to, you would agree. They are the last person on earth that you would want to hurt! We have cleared the air but I still feel horrible about it! Ugh!! I feel like such a shit!

The subject matter at the core of this debacle is how I feel about “stuff.” Living in this tiny home means there is little space for extra things. Anything added to the limited surface space I have can look like clutter if there is too much of it. I prefer to receive gifts that are going to be used up and gone like soaps, lotions and food things. I didn’t buy gifts for anyone this year. Instead I bought bags of food for the local food pantry in my families honor.

I am not sure if the livestream lifestyle is my friend. Part of me wonders if it’s best left to content creators like musicians, magicians and artists. The reason I started using Twitch was to try and reach out and make a connection. There have been a couple sessions where I have had communication with people like I’m looking for but it’s rare. If you aren’t playing instruments, singing, playing video games or doing some sort of something people just don’t tune in. Something tells me not to give up just yet though. I have 12 followers and that’s pretty good for a channel like mine!

I have a couple more shirts I can paint just not sure if I want to do that today. It goes so fast! Some people when they are drawing and or painting they take their time. It doesn’t go that way with me. As soon as I decide to do it, whatever comes forth is the finished product. It’s like I have this notebook I have been drawing in and it’s almost full. Then I will have to get another one and have to find a place for the one I finished. The “stuff” monster rears it’s ugly head again – even in my art! May be that’s why people use food as their area of craft. Make a beautiful cake and it gets eaten – the byproduct goes into the toilets. You don’t have to feel guilty about it ending up in a landfill.

Every something that is tangible ends up somewhere. Thankfully this blog is just digital text but it still takes up space in a server and a server is a tangible thing. I have a friend who’s job it is to manage large servers…..even digital things…words…..taking up space in our tangible world! The other thing is it doesn’t really belong to me once I publish it. I should be saving my posts on an external hard drive but I don’t after what happened to the last one.

May be all of this explains why I’m still keeping and using towels that are nearly 30 years old. I use things until they fall apart. My first husband taught me about buying high quality stuff so you don’t have to replace it so often. Unfortunately we live in a world of products designed with planned obsolescence in mind. Some of the towels I received as gifts in years past are not holding up nearly as well as the older ones.

It’s hard for me to live in a material world at times. There are tubs of stuff that I have that I don’t know if I’ll ever get the courage to go through. I had hoped the gals I hired to organize my stuff would help me cull but they didn’t. They just put it in tubs and stacked it neatly – now it’s harder to get into. I need a disinterested party that specializes in what I have going on to come in and help me cull. I mean what do you do with boxes that once held your beloved pets ashes?! What do I do with Knick knacks that I have no cabinets to display them in?! If I set stuff out it has to be dusted. I don’t want to dust! Years and years of journals and drawing books….nobody is going to want my shit when I’m gone and that’s the harsh truth of this modern world. Everything has become so cheap that things that really should matter have little to no value.

The story of stuff goes back a long ways. I can remember when my first husband and I lived in an apartment in Fliessem Germany. All our stuff fit until Helga the landlady asked us to move out so her son and his new wife could live there. We ended up moving to a place up the street but it was smaller than the place we were living. I got overwhelmed. There is a picture of me sitting where we had to stack everything and I had been crying. There just wasn’t enough room. The house in Alvarado was the first time there was enough room for everything but I still had a problem with stuff. I liked Christmas gift exchanges with my parents the best. You told them what you wanted and that’s exactly what you got. It was always good quality stuff that we were going to use.

The story of stuff really opened my eyes to what our material world is doing to us and this planet: https://youtu.be/9GorqroigqM – after seeing it and seeing what The Ocean Cleanup project is encountering out in our oceans I really started to think about how I live. Like I said earlier everything we make and use has a life of its own. You can’t get something for nothing and it’s important to be responsible consumers.

23 December 2021 Evening Skies

December 24, 2021December 24, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello friend. How has your day been? Have you been doing holiday stuff today or have you been out of it like me? Evening skies have settled in to put our neck of the woods to bed. I’m listening to violin music by Twitch streamer newbaroque. Nick plays music by request and is just a real sweetheart. His dog Taco is quite the little celebrity!

I wasn’t sure I was going to paint a shirt today but I did. I’m not sure if I should do more to it. Sometimes less is more when it comes to shirts. What do you think? The paint flow is a bit uneven on the circles but not much I can do about that.

Shirt # 4 today kind of played it safe and simple with this one. We will see how I feel about it in the morning!

“Evening skies shades of pale pink purple and blue always make me think of you. There was a time when we stood together gazing at such a sight. I would always forget my camera and you would gently say to me, “It’s just for us.”

20 December 2021 First shirt ( Fabric painting)

December 21, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good evening. I hope this finds you well. Tonight my fabric paint arrived so I decided to give it a go and paint a shirt. The result wasn’t too bad but I learned some things for the next one. I did the Metatrons Cube and next time instead of drawing out the whole design I’ll start by drawing and painting the circles first.

I went conservative with the colors for this first one. I used silver, gold, bronze and some neon yellow. I also used some gold glitter.

The paints I chose – so far real pleased with the quality of the paint. It came out real smooth.

Since I freehand when I paint it’s not perfect and I like that. Each rendering is unique like an individual

I was so excited about this. I could feel myself being in the flow of things so it was a good idea to just stop second guessing myself and buy the paints. May be by the time I run out of old shirts to paint on I’ll be better at it!

Check out 20 December 2021 First Metatron tshirt https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1239207713

19 December 2021 Exchanging Stories

December 19, 2021December 19, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, In the News, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! It’s Sunday morning as I write to you. I had to kick myself out of bed! It’s gray and no sunshine!! Booo!! I’m looking forward to seeing family today – we’ll make our own sunshine!!

Last night I had a good session on Twitch. I met a young man from the Philippines who had a cold and just wanted to chat. He mentioned that the southern part of his country was being ravaged by a super typhoon called Rai: https://www.accuweather.com/en/hurricane/super-typhoon-rai-hits-philippines-like-a-freight-train/1061450/amp he is fortunate to be living in the north! We swapped spooky stories. His was of being in his parents room and seeing feet in his sisters room. He didn’t investigate whose feet they were until he went downstairs and his whole family was there! When he went back up they were gone! A little later another person came on who is working towards being a psych nurse and I shared a bit of my story with him. I’ve been in the mental health system since 1991 so a person like me has a lot of stories! It was fun talking to them,

I decided to start a Discord channel after all. We will see how it goes. I’m not real savvy on how it works but giving it a try. A friend of mine asked me the other night what my goal with all this is and it’s pretty simple – to reach people who are going through stuff I’ve been through and help them not feel so alone in this world. There are 7.9 billion people on this planet and yet there are times it can feel like there is no one. Some of us slip through the cracks . I feel that way sometimes even though I have family and friends. Sometimes there are things you can’t talk about with just anyone. They don’t always understand. The other part of this journey I’m taking with Twitch is I love meeting new people and hearing their stories .

God has a plan in all that is happening in my life. I just have to keep taking the next steps!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

https://discord.gg/uG7wQJmx

17 December 2021 Remembering Where You Came From

December 17, 2021December 17, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Home, Mental Health, photography, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – how are you? It’s morning as I write to you. The sun is out!! Yay!! The only bad thing is I can see how filthy my window is and I don’t have a ladder to reach it! I am left wondering how the people that sold me the house kept it so clean?! I’ll figure something out.

Yesterday I did some experimenting on my Twitch channel. I tried to take my viewers on a walk around my block but lost my WiFi signal shortly after I left my house. So that didn’t work. I was thinking of my parents when I did it as they haven’t seen where I live. I guess I would have to use something like a go pro and upload the video. Everything has its limitations.

On the stream last night something came to me. What came to me was to share my experience, strength and hope as if I were chairing an AA meeting. The holidays can be a very difficult time of year for folks that have addiction issues. I have experience with alcohol and food addiction. My experience with alcohol only lasted a couple of years but the anorexia and namely bulemia lasted into my thirties. I haven’t really talked about my journey with bulemia yet. It lasted such a long time!

Check out 16 December 2021 Evening visit https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1235501106

I bought some fabric paint online yesterday. I have several “blank” tshirts that I intend on painting. I want to explore having each one having a different variation of Metatrons cube. We will start with one and see how it goes. The thing with painting tshirts is I don’t have to find wall space for a painting – it’s wearable art. You wear it until it gets worn out.

This was a paint kit my friend gave me several months ago. Yesterday I finally got around to using it! What a cheerful message !

I wanted to show you the rock my friend gifted me with – she painted it herself and I think it’s so pretty!

15 December 2021 Attention Span

December 15, 2021December 15, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you doing today? I’m just out of bed. I had trouble sleeping again last night. It’s becoming a new normal and I don’t like it! It’s gray and cold….where is our sunshine ?!!! Guess I will have to generate my own light today!!

This morning my thoughts turn to something I’ve noticed about me as I have been immersing myself into the world of the look and swipe. I’ve noticed my attention span has gotten really short. If you can’t get your point across or entertain me quickly I’m already moved on to the next thing. I haven’t had the presence of mind to read a book in months. It just takes more concentration than I seem to be able to muster right now. There is a part of me that is hoping for positive change to come into my life so that I’m not so dependent on external devices.

Link and I are so tiny in the scheme of things. What is our part?

“Gears turning as worlds are burning. Rise and fall the big and small. Into the spiral we come and go. Faster and faster is the flow. Where we go next no one can know. Shine future children shine gradually all things will align.”

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

14 December 2021 Sum of the Parts

December 14, 2021December 14, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you ? It’s a snowy, wet and gray morning. Had to listen to some Heilung this morning to get things started. I like to harmonize and play my drum with groups like them. No words, just sounds. Now I’m sitting here calm with my coffee. My friend texted me about coming to visit today ! I’m looking forward to seeing her!

Last nights Twitch stream was interesting . We talked a little bit about tattoos and I didn’t know this but there is a passage in the Bible that says you shouldn’t do it ! I hope God isn’t too mad at me for my Ichthys (Jesus Fish) and fading chameleon!

Leviticus 19:28New International Version

²⁸“‘Do not cut^(A) your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.

My other viewer chose Revelation 21: 4 which I myself had highlighted as a favorite:

Revelation 21:4New International Version

⁴‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes.^(A)There will be no more death’^[a]^(B) or mourning or crying or pain,^(C) for the old order of things has passed away.”^(D)

As things are coming together in my life lately – The music I listen to, my blog, my spirituality, communicating through Twitch I am seeing myself as many parts and pieces. What I do in my life is I try to see the good in all things. I think that is why I am so confusing to people I know. Most people pick one particular path and don’t see any other and I’m not like that. This is the problem with religions for me. Once you choose a path your discouraged from seeing anything else. I feel like this makes for narrow mindedness. The way I visualize things is we each have a key to this existence… to Gods house. That’s why I feel so close to God outside. All are welcome.

When I read the Bible I am in so much trouble! I have broken some of the Ten Commandments and have tattoos! Thankfully the God of my understanding loves me no matter what. He was there with me when I broke those commandments. He was there with me at the tattoo parlor. My God is with me however high or low. My God has kept up with the times we are in and isn’t into kicking people when they are already down.

I am the sum of many parts. God has made a planet sized home for us and each of us has our own set of keys. Everyone has a different messenger in which to hear their God. The beauty of our existence is that we are all so different! We are biologically incapable of perceiving this life in the same way. Wouldn’t life be so boring if we looked and thought exactly the same ?

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

13 December 2021 Stories

December 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Home, Music, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you from here. How are you today? As I write to you I’m sitting here with some coffee and the world is gray again. I didn’t sleep very well last night again. I have to have background noise when I sleep. I decided to try cat purring noises. My Amber kitty used to purr me to sleep. It helped!

Talked to my my dad yesterday. I feel bad for my dad being trapped in his body and having to be in a nursing home. He’s making the best of it but didn’t sound very happy. He was the kind of person that liked to be on the go all the time……then his legs failed him.

So last night I did a shorter live stream. A couple of my friends got on and that was super nice. I got introduced to a new song. Im always on the lookout for new music: The Hu Song of Woman https://youtu.be/mdN1U9NvuIc

After my friends left I got a chance to visit with a 29 year old man from Mexico. He lives in a large city and misses living in a more forestry place. He mentioned not feeling real safe where he lives namely drug cartels! I shared some of my art with him. He’s learning to play bass guitar and likes to draw too. He’s considering starting his own channel! Evening seems to be the best time to find people that want to visit.

It’s nice that there are only a couple people that get on my channel at a time. I like having the back and forth conversation. Some channels on Twitch have thousands of viewers at a time which is fine for the music channels but for chatting not so much. I like to get to know my viewers and followers.

I hope you have s wonderful day. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day for me!

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

12 December 2021 Full Life

December 12, 2021December 12, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s Sunday as I write to you. Listening to Astravert on Twitch doing another one of his awesome improv jams. His music is great to write to. I highly recommend checking him out.

So last night I had my longest stream ever – just over 2 hours! I got to talk to an EMT who has lived so much life for his 25 years of life. He served in the French military for 6 years as a medic and apparently experienced some pretty rough stuff. He lives with his 5 year old German Shepard. He ultimately would like to be a Family Practice doctor with a pilots license – he’s working on getting his pilots license! This young man just amazed me with how much life he’s lived and all that he wants to accomplish. These are some of the people I’m meeting by reaching out on Twitch. That stream got the most views I’ve ever gotten – 28 so far! We talked about movies and also about spirituality. I love talking about matters of the spirit with open minded people. What an honor to talk to one our worlds real super hero’s. EMTs are on the front line in our world. He works in Washington DC so you know he’s probably seen more than his share of trauma. He says it can really wear on him. He talked about getting a call for a suicide and they were too late! It was especially hard as he had lost a brother to suicide. Like I said , I was truly honored to have a visit with such a person!

So many stories to tell! That’s what I’m seeing manifest for my channel . I want to hear other peoples stories and share mine too. Each one of us is a living novel – each day a fresh page.

My prayers go out to all those who recently went through the horrific tornadoes. I kind of stay away from the news but did see that. One of the worst hit was Kentucky.

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant