2 February 2022 Wednesday

Check out 2 February 2022 Wednesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1284406575

Hello to you. How are you? Feeling a little bleary eyed. I slept but feel like I could have slept a little longer! I was laying there and my body just wouldn’t let me go back to sleep.

Picked up my new glasses yesterday. I’m pretty pleased with them! The place I got them was Family Eye Care Specialist. They had s package deal where if you chose one of their frames all you had to do was pay for the lenses. What’s also nice is they are within walking distance. It felt good to get a nice walk in.

Yay new glasses!
It’s nice to be able to see at a distance more clearly again!

Todays message in the Woman’s Spirit book I read out of for my streams was a little different. It was talking about God in the feminine. When I was active in the AA program, it was emphasized that you have a Higher Power. It didn’t matter if it was a tree but it was important to have a relationship with a loving force outside of yourself to help you achieve sobriety. For many of the people I knew in the program the traditional Bible God was their Higher Power. It was important to have that relationship outside of yourself because you were the one who got yourself in the mess in the first place! When I think of God I think of energy….a “they” versus a he or she. God is everything.

Something that I think about with my concept of God is they are not limited to the duality that seems to permeate our existence. In order to be God they can’t be limited to the same things we are. God is not bound to a body with all the rules and limitations we are. They can see every side of everything known to existence. If you ask why something happened they have the answer. They can see forward and backward to infinity. Every piece of existence at their disposal. The God I know and love “just is.” Sometimes when I get to wondering if they are there I just have to ask and I’m shown indeed they are there! I’ll be crying and suddenly will feel this warmth like arms wrapping around me.

So I don’t think God is just good or bad. God just is. People like to blame God for all the bad things that happen. I think it’s easier to blame God than it is to take responsibility for their actions either as an individual or as a collective species. Everything, even a blade of grass has a plan for it. We make choices and there is a cumulative affect. I am beginning to think the plan there is for each of us is like a blueprint but the final product is up to us and our choices….that free will part of the equation! It’s like we are born with a plan, a blueprint for what we can be but we may or may not complete the design. So many factors are at work that determine if we will achieve our full potential.

Anyhew lol- can you tell I like riddling around with matters of the spirit? Hopefully something here will spark a thought in you. I’d love to hear if you have any thoughts.

1 February 2022 Tuesday

Check out 1 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1283369641

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. It’s hard to believe it’s the first of the month already!

Had a good stream by myself this morning. The people that have been showing up weren’t there. In the daily meditation book I like to read from, A Woman’s Spirit, there was a good message for me to talk about. It was about what we do when chaos in its many forms shows up. We have a choice in these times. What I struggle with is going into panic mode when bad things happen. I feel powerless and not in control which is incredibly difficult for me. In these times it’s important to remember things happen in this life that we can’t control and it’s how we choose to go through those things that shapes the final outcome.

I can remember when my mom found out she had cancer and had to go through chemotherapy. She chose to go through all that with a positive attitude! She was such an inspiration the people at the hospital wanted her to speak to other patients! She made a conscious decision not to let the cancer crush her spirit – her will to live.

“Every person I meet today is in my life by design. What I give to or learn from others helps each of us to grow.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

Grateful to have Twitch

31 January 2022 Monday

Check out 31 January 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1282260826

Hello to you. How are you today? Did you get some sleep? I got some but it was still a struggle. When I take the Hydroxyzine it acts a lot like Benadryl. I will get drowsy and fall asleep for a couple of hours and then I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. This morning I’m having some anxiety but it will pass. It always does.

Had a good stream this morning. I was up early so ended up talking about a lot of stuff on my own before having viewers come in. We had a new person visit and that was a lot of fun!

Yesterday I went over to my Aunt and Uncles and caught the end of the Bengals and Kansas City Chiefs game. It was hard for us to figure out what the KC’s quarterback was doing three plays in a row. My Uncle suspects he wanted to be the one to get the winning touchdown. It seemed like that anyways! I don’t watch football much. Guess the Super Bowl will be on my cousin and my birthday (the 13th).

“My confidence will not waver today if I remember to let God help me handle each responsibility” (A Woman’s Spirit)

29 January 2022 Saturday

Check out 29 January 2022 Saturday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1280050945

Hello. How are you today? I hope good. I’m feeling pretty good. I got some sleep and that makes the world of difference!

First drawing in my new sketchbook today

The Twitch stream this morning was good. I got a chance to talk about some things I hadn’t talked about before. For example some of what was going on with media and my brain when I had all those manic episodes. How it’s really important to be mindful of what you feed your mind, body and spirit. When I was having manic episodes my brain didn’t differentiate between fantasy and reality. The two worlds merged and I was in the middle. I feel “content creators” in this world have a responsibility for what they put into this world. Over time, if we look, there has been a lot of trash packaged for consumption that may be should have just been left to being a thought, a dream…. a nightmare. There are people like me that have had psychotic breaks and start talking to things like television sets!

Another thing I talked about along the line of content creation is motive. As a content creator what is my motive for my creation? Is it to make a lot of money? Garner attention and fame? Influence people? Why am I doing it? For me personally it’s for several reasons. Making the videos and writing this blog is very therapeutic. It helps me not be lonely for a little while. It’s also my hope when I’m doing these things that somebody will get something out of it. That something will resonate with them and they will be able to use it to help themselves of somebody else. My motives are pure. I’m not looking for money or fame from doing what I do. Honestly I don’t think that is Gods plan for me. In the past when money has come into play with crafts and stuff I’m doing it has tainted it….the purity is lost. Bottom line is as a person putting “stuff” into the atmosphere people live in it’s important to check your motives at the door!

28 January 2022 Friday

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello how are you doing today? I’m kind of dragging a bit. Only got 2-3 hours of sleep last night. Guess I have to take what I can get!

“I can change only myself, but sometimes that is enough.” – Ruth Humlecker (A Woman’s Spirit)

Sunset last night

As I sit here writing to you I am trying to keep myself together. Sometimes it’s hard. It’s good to have some sunshine – may be that will help!

Not one of my best but it gets the idea across! Need that sunshine!

27 January 2022 Thursday

Check out 27 January 2022 Thursday Morning https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1277668869

Good morning from here. I hope this finds you well.

Last night was rough again but I thankfully had someone to talk to. Sometimes it’s nice to hear a comforting voice when your freaking out! I keep falling asleep and panicking awake. So weird! I want it to stop!

The stream this morning was definitely a mental health stream. We had a good talk about some things we are going through. If you or someone you know struggles with mental health issues you might take a listen. One of the viewers does a lot of help online and she was talking about anxiety being fear of the unknown and depression being about time – ruminating about the past.

When it comes to mental health sometimes it’s hard for people who haven’t been “in the system” to understand what’s going on. Half the time we are trying things out! Like getting waves of anxiety and not knowing where they are coming from. Not knowing what will work “this time” to soothe things out. Feeling so uncomfortable in your own skin. Every day having a battle with yourself!

Anyhew I would love to hear from you if anything here resonates. Hugs!

24 January 2022 Monday

Check out 24 January 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1274454103

Hello to you. How are you? I hope you are doing well. I’m just off stream in Twitch. I had a nice visit with a man from New Zealand today. It was nice talking about stuff I’m interested in like spirituality.

I’m a little squiggly this morning

A message from A Woman’s Spirit today: People have always wanted to talk to me about their problems. I guess I’m a good listener. May be I have something to contribute after all. – JoAnn Reed

Have you had times in your life when people would just come up to you and start talking about their troubles? You just have that face. You just have that approachable way about you. My husband had a name for that – sin keepers. People that people go to to unload their problems….their sins on. They would usually feel better and he would feel like crap. It would happen to both of us. It’s important if you are a sin keeper that you have someone YOU can talk to too.

Check out New Track Monday! | !spotify !bandcamp https://www.twitch.tv/astravert

23 January 2022 Lingering

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you. How are you? It’s Sunday again and the skies are gray again. It was nice to get a little relief yesterday! I’m not feeling 100% this morning. I keep feeling nauseous. I took some Pepto Bismal, some peppermint tea and a piece of bread and things have settled down. My Aunt and I were trying to decide if we should go to church this morning and decided against it. There is so much crud going around ! I just feel like whatever I had is still lingering!

We are just living in surreal times aren’t we?!!

Seeking comfort today

“Come spirit come my comforter in times of distress. Wrap your light and love around me that I might find rest.”

22 January 2022 Saturday

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello to you. How are you? It’s another sunny morning and I’m digging it! This morning when I was doing my Twitch stream it felt so good on my face!

It felt good to draw this morning

On the stream this morning I read from the Big Book and specifically Chapter 5 How It Works which is where you find the 12 Steps of the AA program. Being a part of AA not only helped me deal with alcohol but other addictions I was facing in my life. One of those addictions was shopping for jewelry – a very expensive habit! Another was compulsively picking at my skin. What I discovered with the programs help is I was doing things, using things to self medicate bigger underlying problems. Acknowledging I had become powerless over my own life was one of those important steps I took. For the blessing of recovery it’s important to continue to pay it forward!

I have a fair amount of traffic on my recorded streams which gives me the opportunity to help others while I’m helping myself. It’s been my experience that we don’t go through things for no reason be it good or not so good. When I stream when I’m having trouble it’s my hope that something about what I’m going through will help somebody else. It’s the same hope I’ve always had for my blog. I hope something I’m sharing will resonate. Something will be a message someone needs to hear in that moment. We are all messengers for someone!!

The past couple days I’ve been experiencing a lot of anxiety – just being uncomfortable in my body. One of the things I do to help myself now is I start a Twitch livestream and just walk and talk in my house. I used to have family and friends I would call and just go for a walk but I don’t really have that anymore. So I am having to soothe myself and using Twitch is helping me do that. It helps me with my chronic loneliness too. I’m not exactly sure what the trigger is for the anxiety but it kind of comes out of nowhere and just washed over me! I’m just glad I have a tool to help me feel better. Usually someone gets on after awhile and I have someone to visit with which helps too.

21 January 2022 Friday

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hi there. It’s Friday and there is sunshine for the first day in several days! Yay!!

Glorious sunshine!!!

After I finish this I will have to get myself dressed and take Link and I for a walk. So grateful to see the sun.

My Aunt shared an interesting article with me this morning that talks a bit about some things they are finding out about the after affects of having Covid: https://www.upi.com/Health_News/2022/01/20/COVID-19-brain-fog/4131642691942/ My cousin, her daughter and me have been experiencing things like light headedness, dizziness, fatigue, brain fog and more anxiety than usual. If you have had Covid May be something will resonate with you. I just want to feel like myself again! Even after over two weeks I’m still not 100%. Oh and for folks in the states you can get four free Covid tests: https://www.covidtests.gov/

Message from A Woman’s Spirit book for today: We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people’s issues – Melody Beattie

What are you grateful for today? Gosh I am grateful for so much! God, Link, family and friends, sunshine, a roof over my head, food, clean water, heat, electricity, Twitch – so many little things! It’s important to remember that it’s mostly little things that make up a life! I hope if you read this and your having a rough time that you can pull out a mental gratitude list.

Astravert is doing a fundraiser for pancreatic cancer today: Check out JAMATHON for Pancreatic Cancer Research – !PancOneAmbassador https://www.twitch.tv/astravert