15 November 2021 Glow

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021 by saymber, posted in history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you how are you? It’s Monday again. My Monday is gray and overcast. In a little while I have to drive to my therapist appointment. It will be good for me to get out and talk to another human being.

We had a small victory here. If you will recall from a few posts ago I had bought a Djembe drum. Well turns out it had wood eating insects in it!! Well one of my new Meetup friends suggested I put it in a bag and freeze it. If worked! I could send it back but I am kind of attached to it now. When I look at the little instrument it reminds me that I too have flaws and imperfections but am still useful to God.

The times I feel the most useful is when I’m feeling the “glow.” It’s that warm feeling in the center of my chest when I’m right where and when I’m supposed to be. When I feel that feeling it emanates through my whole body. Most times it comes when I’m expressing true emotions…..stuff of the spirit. When I’m talking with others about real things….about God. When I’m in that space I’m not worried about the world I’m living in….what I’ve left undone.

Sometimes this world feels like the story of Mary and Martha:

Luke 10:38-42New International Version

At the Home of Martha and Mary

³⁸As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha^(A) opened her home to him. ³⁹She had a sister called Mary,^(B) who sat at the Lord’s feet^(C)listening to what he said. ⁴⁰But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care^(D) that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried^(E) and upset about many things,⁴²but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a]^(F) Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Busy busy busy……our world is so busy that we miss what is important. We miss what is right in front of us. We miss an opportunity to glow. In the end what is it that remains of us ? Is it what we did or how and who we loved?

What makes you glow?

14 November 2021 Safe

November 15, 2021 by saymber, posted in history, Home, Mental Health, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. How are you? It’s 806 pm as I write you. Today has been a good day. For those of you that have been following along with me you know driving has been a thing for me. Today I drove the farthest I’ve driven here in Idaho and made it there and back safe….praise God and my guardian Angel! I had a really enjoyable visit with my family – it was a happy birthday!

Tonight I watched a live broadcast of Elevation Church’s Steven Furtick and his message really resonated. Steven had a unique style of preaching – so much energy! Don’t weep for what’s left you, whatever it is. Something better is coming!! Build on what remains. I have endured a lot of losses but a lot of good remains. A lot of good has come. God knows my heart and has not abandoned me to sorrow. Today I was crying for the loss of my husband to divorce and God filled the void with my loving family. I can’t go back….only forwards…..better!

I can remember being in my back yard in Texas crying because my world had gotten so small. I kept playing the song by Mind In A Box called Escape over and over. God had to move so many pieces to answer my pleas. I lost so much but as my new life unfolds I realize there was no other way. God delivered me and my husband. My husband was too young to be trapped as my caretaker and he just couldn’t help me. So many pieces have to move for just one moment….just one prayer.

14 November 2021 Meetup and Comfort Zone

November 14, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Home, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there how are you?! It’s Sunday morning as I write to you. I have a cup of coffee and my writing buddy Link beside me. What a blessing it is to wake up to his furry face each day!

So last night I hosted the first event for my Connect Middleton Idaho Meetup Group and I was so pleased! There were three of us and our 40 minutes on Zoom went so fast! We spent the time getting to know each other better and plan to meet again next Saturday. One person from Middleton has joined the group so I’m hoping they will join us for the next event. It’s baby steps! I’m so grateful!

Today is stepping or rather driving out of my comfort zone day. My cousin is hosting a birthday party for my Aunt and his son at their house and I have to get there on my own. I’m a little nervous but I know if I get lost all I have to do is call! Gradually I’m hoping I will regain my confidence and not be so afraid of driving here. It’s been almost a year since my accident. Oh and today is actually my Uncle Bills birthday! Happy Birthday Uncle!

13 November 2021 Helpers

November 14, 2021 by saymber, posted in history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

For some reason I am thinking about Fred Rogers tonight. When I remember him I feel warm inside. Sometimes when I see old reruns of his show I will start to cry when he sings. He was just so kind! He had one of those faces you see in a crowd and you just know everything is going to be ok.

One of those small comforts has come to be Fred Rogers’s famous advice to look for the helpers. “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news,” Rogers said to his television neighbors, “my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’ (Source Internet)

Who are the helpers in your life? There are so many we can’t even see but they are there. I think about turning on the light switch and there being light. So many helpers working round the clock to make sure we have light, heat and cooling. There is of course our police, firemen, gas station attendants, snow plow drivers, truckers, ferrymen, military, doctors, nurses, waiters, cooks, hair dressers, IT people and so many other professions that work round the clock making our lives better. My ex husband used to work at a dry cleaners. He told me it felt like his kindness was the only kindness some of his customers saw all day! A friendly smile and hello helping make what might of been a miserable day into a better one. He consciously chose to be a helper.

Are you a helper? Are you one of the lights in our sometimes dark days? Sometimes all you have to do is smile. Hold a door for someone. Say hello and wave. Try a random act of kindness. For example I’ve seen people pay for another persons groceries before. Just one thing can sometimes change somebody’s life. Kindness is the right kind of contagion!

13 November 2021 Saturday

November 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good morning to you from here. It’s a misty cold Saturday as I write. How are you?

My imagination going a little wild this morning!

So I’ve been kind of binge watching Slapped Ham YouTube videos. Some of the videos really make you go hmmmm. With software editing technology being what it is today and people’s motives you can’t really take any of them at face value. You have to question even the ones that you want to be true like those with light beings. So many experiences are not recorded.

My ex husband I had something happen to us in our first apartment in Delaware.

One night I was laying on my stomach at the edge of the bed and suddenly started to feel like throwing up and that I was being choked. My husband yelled and it stopped. The bedroom was really cold. We ran out and stayed out for a few minutes. When we went back in the room it was freezing cold. My husband told me he saw a black cloud hovering over me while I was being choked. The next day we watched people taking someone in a body bag on a stretcher out of the house directly across the street! We had waved at the woman living there many times. After that day we went over with flowers to give our condolences but the house had been condemned! Several months later new people moved in and we never saw the lady again.

“The longer I live and the more I see the stronger I clutch on to thee. Where shadows dwell with rancid hell I pray you will always light the way for me.”

11 November 2021 New Worlds – Courage to Walk Through Doors

November 11, 2021November 11, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good day to you. I want to open this post today with the scene from the movie about Temple Grandin it brought tears to my eyes this morning: https://youtu.be/48V1GRrwhd8

I have to change my perception of the world I live in or I’m going to stay stuck!

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. “ Joshua 1:9

New worlds behind every door.

Some doors you cannot see. The door I have to get more courage to walk through is the door within myself. Like I told my therapist this week I feel like I’m sitting on my couch with Link and my phone white knuckling it through my life. I’m afraid to live and life keeps passing me by.

People will make suggestions about what I should or could do and I discount them with one excuse or another. Nothing fits right. At my core I’m still grieving my losses. Last night I watched a rebroadcast of a sermon by Steven Furtick and what he said really resonated, stop crying the best is yet to come: https://youtu.be/SmhH89V_1h0.

“What door God is meant for me? How many doors must I open to find a place for me?”

A salute to my fellow Veterans today is Veterans Day.

10 November 2021 Grandpa

November 10, 2021November 10, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

From left to right my Grandpa Harold Becker with his brothers Herman and Robert. Robert turned 100 this year!

I am thinking of my Grandpa today. If you knew him he would have brought a smile to your face. He was always cracking jokes and laughing….”put your money where your mouth is kiddo!”

My Grandpa took his own life due to depression after a stroke back in September of 2000. When I found out he had done this I was worried about his soul. I asked God to show me he was alright and some time later I had this dream. I dreamt that my Grandpa was in my body and we danced! We danced with my first husband Ken. Then we told my Grandma who was his ex wife that I would see her on the other side. He told his wife Charlie that he was sorry for what he had done (taking his own life). Then we tripped and Grandpa popped out of my body. The next thing I saw was him way off in the distance preparing to go into a church. He yelled “there is life after death if you believe in Jesus Christ!” Then I woke up. That dream helped me so much!

I miss my Grandpa but feel certain he is ok. There has always been this belief that if you take your own life you are either going to hell or purgatory. The dream I had seemed to show something else. My Grandpa served God most of his life as a Pastor but after my Mom took her own life he really questioned everything he knew. I believe he lost his faith. He was so tormented about her death. I can remember as a little girl in the dining room of my house in Sioux Falls sitting with Grandpa and his just looking at me and sobbing “I’m so sorry!” I think he gave up on God but God didn’t give up on him. I don’t think my dream was just a coincidence. I asked God if Grandpa was ok and the answer was that he was. He just needed a little help!

“Open my mind God so that I might see that the path is short between you and me.”

10 November 2021 Belief (Angels)

November 10, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, technology, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello and good day to you. How are you ? I’m doing ok. The sun is out this morning and I took a walk. It felt good. It’s a new day!

“¹¹For he will command his angels^(A)concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;^(B)^psalm^91:11

I have always believed I have guardian angels. So when I saw this video on the YouTube channel Slapped Ham I had to share: https://youtu.be/C3jOrmZ-zqQ

What do you think? Has our technology evolved to a point we can finally start capturing the image of these celestial beings? It would be interesting to see more of these types of videos and have them analyzed.

I have never seen my angels but know they are there. Like when I had my car accident last Christmas. The crash seemed to be slowed down like something kept me from getting hurt. Neither one of us had any injuries. I can remember another time something like that happened . I was riding my bike to school and hit the back end of a car. I flipped completely over! I came away from that with a couple scratches but nothing else!

I think guardian angels are like time travelers. From my experience with my angel named Deegan, there are limits to what they can do and how they can interact with us. I begged to see Deegan but instead of seeing him I ended up with full life reviews I’ve described. My consciousness was able to see the in between. I will tell you it was too much for anyone to experience and be able to get back to reality. Be careful when making requests of your angels!

Do you believe in angels? Belief is power. When we believe in something as a collective we give power to whatever or whomever it is. Angels have been here for as long as our concept of God. That’s a lot of power. If we believe God exists why not angels? As technology becomes more advanced I think we will have more evidence surface to validate our beliefs.

9 November 2021 Company

November 10, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. It’s 6:42 pm in my world and it’s already dark ! I wasn’t going to write to you again today but here I am. Thank you for being some company for me! I don’t know if it’s like this for you, but when I write it’s like visiting with a friend. It helps me feel less lonely.

“My only friend what have I left undone? What path have I left untread under a fading sun. Who have I wronged and left outcast..this life or those of my past. Oh Lord why do I feel incomplete? My head heart and hands disconnected from my feet. I pray you will leave me bread crumbs made of stars….lead me, guide me, make me whole again even with all these scars. Let your light shine in my darkness….my alone. Return my innermost to what I have known. Complete your work in me no stone left unturned. Let me be a beacon of all that you have learned. No more days of feeling abandoned and cast out. Show me Lord what this has all been about.”

Do you ever feel that feeling? What is this all for? Everything you have been through was it random or some elaborate strategy game for God(s) to play? Are we just playthings of chance? I want to believe there is a grand design to all of this. I don’t want to believe it’s just some abandoned divine chemistry experiment.

Hopefully something here resonates. I think all of us travelers get weary sometimes. Some days make perfect nonsense….WHY?!!!! There usually will be an answer but it seems like sometimes we are never going to truly know. May be it’s just too much more than we can handle. Like the Jack Nicholson quote from the movie A Few Good Men “You can’t handle the truth!!!! “

I will close for now. Thank you for your company ! I’d love to hear from you on what I’ve discussed here if you have the time .

8 November 2021 Freezing

November 8, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good day to you in your where and when! How are you? Im doing ok. Woke up to freezing temperatures this morning. I had to go out and put the styrofoam thingy on my outside water spigot. The hose I have out there is frozen stiff. Boy am I not ready for this! Nature doesn’t really care though lol!

I had a long dream last night. It was about people preparing to evacuate, some at the last minute, from a planned nuclear bomb detonation. Why would I dream about such a thing?! I guess between stuff I watched and something that happened in my past my mind made a movie.

When I was living in Alvarado I was always afraid the place was going to blow up. The place was surrounded by gas lines. One time I even made my ex round up the animals and go to my friends house because I had a vision the place was going to blow up. Of course it didn’t but I was convinced it was going to. A year or so later I was walking home from the store and noticed there was a gas leak and reported it. I wonder if I had ignored it if something bad would have happened. I’m not a fan of natural gas! It burns clean but is dirty as hell to get it. It takes between 4 to 10 million gallons of water to frack a gas well. Once that water is used you can’t reuse it for drinking water.

I want to take a moment to thank you readers for coming to visit me here! It means a lot to me that you take time out of your busy lives for me.

“ Change of seasons round and round they spin. One winter frosts and another summer begins. In the midst of it all I stand quite still. This glowing blue ember doing what it will. So resilient and strong…so patient as we attempt to right every wrong. Everywhere are eyes above and below….watching and waiting. Soon there will be snow.”