Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. Last night was kind of rough. Ended up taking a whole Hydroxyzine in order to relax enough to fall asleep. Talked to a friend and she helped me too. She’s a “Jackie Whisperer!”
This morning it’s gray and overcast. Listening to Astravert and trying to wake up: Check out Sundae Jammeroni! | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
Thinking about going to church this morning. The only thing that sucks is having to scrape the car and warm it up! Honestly I don’t really like going to church by myself but it’s a place I can go to be around other people. Gets me out of the house!
I ended up streaming for a couple hours with people from all over the world – Russia, Australia, Seattle and India. I learned about a pancake like food called blini in Russia. The man from Australia was in Singapore but his family moved them so they would have a more relaxed life. He really is happy there. Anyhew its so nice to have people to visit with this morning. It really helped. What happened is one of the things I like about Twitch.
Yesterday I visited with my Aunt and Uncle and that was nice. We had some butter bean soup and cornbread. I got to try out one of their new pieces of furniture – so comfortable! Link and Smokey got to play a bit. Link gets a little rough so we had to break them up for a bit!
Still having “stuff” going on my head – drainage. We are going on 2 weeks with this crud! I keep having this light headed uncomfortable feeling. I’m really starting to wonder if there is something going on in the air. I just want to feel normal again – solid in my head. Hopefully soon.
Hello – it’s good morning from here as I write to you. I’m listening to Astravert which is helping with some of the anxiety I had this morning. I tried the Hydroxyzine as my doctor recommended last night and I’m not sure about it. We will see! I hate the getting to know you period when it comes to trying new medications! My body is really sensitive. It didn’t make me sleepy like most antihistamines do. My Aunt said she reacted the same way on it. I didn’t sleep very well last night.
Gratitude in an attitude
The sun is starting to shine through my front windows….it’s a new day. Feels good. I’m sitting on my little life raft with my special boy Link and not sure what today will bring. I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude. The sketchbooks came yesterday. Turns out they are real small lol! Oh well they will get used. Part of me wishes I had ordered the tshirts so I would have something to paint.
I wanted to mention that last night I was happy to see New Baroque on his channel and he seemed to be doing well. It seemed like whatever happened got worked out. At least I hope so!
“Fellow travelers are you weary? Have the torments of this day made you teary? Wipe your eyes. Don’t believe the lies. Stay in the fight don’t lose your light.”
Hello to you. There are updates to my post this morning! Well turns out my Aunt didn’t have her knee surgery after all! There are no hospital beds in the Treasure Valley (that’s what they call the area we live in). I can’t believe they waited til the day of her surgery to tell her! They have no idea how much she’s been dreading this. Anyhew she is fine with it and just looking at the delay as Gods will. I can stop worrying !
I went to my medicine doctor today and we decided to try a different anti anxiety medication. He is having me try an antihistamine called Hydroxyzine. He was concerned that I had a panic attack Tuesday and that the Zyprexa just made it worse! So continuing with the Lithium for the Bipolar and trying something new for anxiety.
This morning I found out something upsetting in the Twitch community. A streamer I’ve been following, New Baroque, a violinist, is having to take a break from chatting because he’s getting bullied on and off stream! If you have ever seen one of his streams it’s just shocking anyone would be mean to him! Nick is one of the nicest people on Twitch! Yesterday I watched another popular streamer I follow, Barnacles, have a bit of a meltdown after there was an intense discussion about religion and he was worried he had offended one his favorite moderators who is a Christian. Turns out she seemed to leave only because her internet was flaking out! Barnacles was gutted and his stream was abruptly cut short. Being a streamer – heck just social media – can be brutal! If you have a heart it’s hard to take some things. So far I have not experienced any bullying or trolls on my streams – thank God!
Hello to you. How are you? It’s an overcast day here but listening to some music from Astravert helps: Check out Thorsday Jamz | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert – you can watch the stream even if it’s not live. Got my coffee. Praying about my aunt having knee surgery today. Have an appointment with my medicine doctor in a bit. I hope he’ll have answers for me if we are on the right track with my medicine. I’m still getting over that damn cold. The past couple of days I’ve been feeling light headed hopefully that’s just remnants! I really want to be over it! I need groceries on the way home and am kind of dreading going with so many people being sick.
Yesterday I streamed on Twitch a lot. I actually got a chance to visit with a couple interesting people. One was a woman in training to be a therapist and last night an applied math scientist. I love it when that happens. I love hearing peoples stories and love sharing mine. The scientist asked me about what I considered one of my craziest times in my military career and what came to mind was 9/11. I’ll be honest that day really f-d up my world and those of the people I was working with at the time! We were in shock!
Anyhew- feeling a little scrambled this morning. Trying to pull it together. Had my talk with the Holy Spirit this morning – trying to make a habit of welcoming his presence everyday. Thank you for coming by! I would love to hear from you if you have the time.
Hello. How are you ? I’m doing better this morning – yesterday was really rough. I kept having panic attacks. I did a lot to try and soothe myself. I prayed, I went for several walks, blogged with a drawing, vlogged on Twitch a couple of times, even found a streamer that was streaming playing World of Warcraft. When evening rolled around I was starting to feel better. Talking to my cousin and a friend helped too.
I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow and my medicine doctor on Thursday in person. The Zyprexa that is for anti-anxiety isn’t working for me. It has the opposite effect! This morning after I took lithium it seemed to help avert another day like yesterday. We will get this figured out!
Like I was talking about in my Twitch post yesterday, sometimes the things I used to have in my sanity toolkit aren’t there anymore or don’t work like they used to. Life changes. People change. So I sometimes have to use everything! This morning I found a deal on sketchbooks so I ordered them – drawing is definitely a tool in my toolkit!
Layers and messages
Right now something that is soothing me is writing and listening to a musical artist I’ve mentioned before named Astravert – he’s streaming right now. He’s getting quite a following. I don’t know of anybody that does what he does – an improv mystic rock: Check out Tuesday Bluesday | !spotify !youtube !bandcamp !twitter !merch https://www.twitch.tv/astravert
Something else that just soothed me was talking to my Aunt. She’s going to be having knee surgery on the 13th (I thought it was the 11th) and we both needed to have each other’s comfort and peace …to be instruments of Gods love for each other. Hearing her voice made my day brighter. I told her hearing her voice makes me feel at home.
I’m sorry if my post isn’t very cohesive today. Sharing all this with you in this way is helping me stay calm and centered. May be someone reading this will resonate with all this. Do you suffer from anxiety and panic attacks? What works best for restoring you to you? I’d love to hear from you.
Hello to you. How are you? I got up early this morning and couldn’t go back to sleep. It feels like I didn’t sleep but I known I did! I can remember a dream I kept floating in and out of that had a tribal theme….David Bowie even peeped in. I am still not over this darn cold and this morning I was fretting about my Aunt. She’s scheduled to have knee surgery on the 11th and I’m nervous about it.
Link trying to figure me out this morning
This morning I talked to God and was like “We are going to need the big guns today!” There are days that are like that. Days that you know a power greater than yourself is needed. You just have to ask and be prepared for what unfolds next.
“All I ask of you is to lead me to the next door. It’s not about being rich or being poor. Don’t let me waste my time here in worry and strife. Help me Lord make the most of this life”
Hi. How are you? I’m feeling better but the damn thing is lingering mostly in my head. I’ve got booger brain lol! Yucky!!
“You’ve got what?!!!” How I feel today
This drawing today is a good illustration of how I’m feeling today. Let’s see what’s on my gratitude list…..the car has been running like a champ, Link and I are together, the house is in good shape, I have food, clothing and shelter, I have family and friends and we love each other. I’d say I’m doing pretty well!!
Sometimes if all you want to do is complain it’s best to shift all that power over to embracing what is going right in your life. Just find one thing your grateful for and run with it!! Hugs!
Hello to you. It’s another gray, wet and slushy day as I write to you. I’m feeling better but still have a runny nose. I’m feeling a bit scatter brained but what’s new about that ?! Lol ! I’m trying to stay in a space of gratitude – the warm glow space. I have to remind myself that this all shall pass and better things are on the horizon.
Scattered
“Comfort me or great comforter God that sees through all reasons, wrap me in your love as we travel through all these seasons. Help me stay in gratitude and love even when I’m not feeling well, in the house of your glowing warmth please let me dwell.”
I hope if this finds you under the weather that you will get better soon. Just know your not alone! Hugs!!
Hi how’s your day been? It’s been a gray mushy and slushy day both outside and in my brain. I’m feeling better but still uncomfortable trying to be comfortable lol! My nostrils are raw and I have been feeling light headed….yucky!
Today I was brave again and ventured in to the spare rooooom and tackled some more files. Part of me just feels like saying fuck it and just emptying the room. Just get rid of everything…..but I won’t! Still too sentimental. While I was in there I glared at my POS (piece of shit) printer I’m thinking about replacing. I haven’t replaced it because I know the same scam will come with a new printer – all too quickly it will run out of ink. That’s how they get you. Sell you a cheap printer and charge you through the nose for replacement printer cartridges! Yeah so not in a hurry to do that.
The other thing I did today was look to see if there were any videos of my high school crush’s alter ego Roxy Marquis performing and sure enough there were! Seeing him lip sync Madonna transported me to the two of us driving in his blue Malibu with Madonnas “Get into the Groove” playing in the background. I’m still processing his passing on. There is a part of me that wishes I hadn’t gone back checking on him. I just didn’t expect he would be dead. That he had suffered for 4 years with lymphoma. Sigh. Life isn’t fair.
So it’s getting dark…..
“Where did you go tiny piece of star stuff? All smiling golden and ocean blue what has the Universe done with you?”
To be 