Tag: relationships

10 December 2021 Progress Not Perfection

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
No plans today

Hello to you. How are you doing today? Link and I got out of bed late today. I just didn’t want to get up. My sleep patterns are all messed up for some reason. I was up til after 12 last night . I wonder if it’s because I watch stuff on my phone so late .

Last night I was on Twitch doing some self therapy and actually got a viewer that wasn’t my family or a friend! He was a young man from the desert and he was just needing someone to talk to about loss. He expressed feeling trapped in his life. So young to have these feelings but I truly understand it. What happened last night is exactly why I’m continuing on with the channel. Even to reach one or two people and help them not feel alone with what they are going through is reason enough. I asked him how he found my channel and he said he searched under the word depression. I’m up to 4 followers now! Progress!

I don’t have any plans today. I need to do some adulting like getting groceries but I don’t want to. I think I will go tomorrow. The leaves I raked up are covered with snow from last night – so much for that project !! The sun through my front windows feels good. May be later Link and I will get a walk in.

“I hope you know that you are one of a kind, cast in flesh with love in mind. In all creation there is just one precious you…..with this knowledge I wonder what will you do?”

Twitch channel: jwygant

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2 December 2021 Evening

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi there! How has your day been? Good I hope! I’m starting to get in the habit of writing in the evening. It’s helping me get through these long nights. It’s starting to get darker like at 5 pm and that’s a long time til bed time! Do you have trouble with this time of the year?

I got my first Christmas card today! Glad I bought a couple cards last grocery trip. It was from my friend all the way back to my first duty station at Travis AFB CA. It’s so wonderful that he has stayed in touch all this time. There are so many people I miss that I worked with.

Today was an uneventful day…..what’s new right?! We did manage to push through and get out for a walk. My body sometimes puts up so much resistance to doing things. Lately my upper legs really have been hurting when I stand up…..getting older sucks!! The body aches in places it never used to, skin tags and other bumps on the skin, dry skin, dry mouth and brain fog. I can remember stuff but it comes out of my mouth wrong – not as sharp and clear as things once were! I’m at a weird time in my life ! No use in complaining though ….just makes it worse!

“Remember the blessings more than just a few….praise for the sunrise each day born anew. Praise for waking two feet to reach the floor….praise to embrace the adventures just beyond the front door.”

1 December 2021 Morning

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out Morning coffee with Jackie 1 December 2021 https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1221118106

Good morning to you from here I hope this finds you well. How are you?

A lot going on in my drawing today. There is a plan unfolding I just have to keep taking the next steps! Metatron’s cube is large and in charge.

Not sure what the plan is for today. I managed to navigate my way through Ridleys this morning and got groceries. I miss having Kyle go and get them. He was such a great shopper. I picked up some Christmas cards so I could work on those we shall see!

“Everywhere I go I hope to see you. So many faces in new places. I look at each one and find only pieces of you.”

I had to do a couple takes on the video today. It’s all impromptu….hopefully if you can watch it there will be something for you. Sometimes it’s nice to have company.

30 November 2021 Evening

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
Evening here in Middleton ID

Hi there! How are you? It’s 6:23 pm here as I write to you. It’s dark and Link and I are cuddling on the couch. I’m watching streams on Twitch – Infoxczar is a magic channel pretty cool. I don’t do magic on my channel May be I should learn lol! It’s fun to see live entertainment….Jack is fun.

Today my Aunt talked to me about her friends daughter who is bipolar. She apparently is refusing medication and is paranoid as hell. Her parents are living in a 55 plus community and they have been letting her live with them . Neither she or them have anyplace to go if the property owner decided to evict them. Apparently the girl keeps calling the cops. Speaking as a bipolar, what this family is going through is so tough! One of the hardest aspects of loving someone with this condition is keeping them on their medications.

Just found out my cousins daughter is going in for an emergency hysterectomy tomorrow ! I can remember getting mine and it took some time to heal. I was stupid. Your not supposed to do any heavy lifting and my ex and I tried carrying a small couch home from a furniture store up the street from where we were living. I pray everything goes well for her. She has diabetes so there is that to consider with the surgery.

The friend I just reconnected with recently lost her mom to Alzheimer’s and dementia in October. She’s really struggling with it while being a wonderful mom, wife and student. The holidays will be rough for her. She is strong in her faith in God and that is helping her walk through her grief.

People have stuff going on!! It seems like as soon as one hurdle is put in front of us another equal or more challenging hurdle is put in its place! I’m kind of in the in between place right now. I had a lot of “stuff” happen all within a short period of time. Love conquers the deepest darkness. I am so grateful to love and be loved. The fall I took could have been so much harder.

If you pray could you pray for the people I have mentioned here? For privacy reasons I don’t want to put their names here. I hope everything goes ok for all of them !

Thank you for spending some time with me here.

28 November 2021 Sunday

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out this video Morning Coffee With Jackie 28 November 2021 https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1218405193

Good morning from here. How are you? The video today is about 22 minutes if you have the time! Hopefully something will resonate with you. I felt called to read Psalm 27. I feel like no matter what your walk of the spirit that the Psalms are a neutral ground:

Psalm 27

Of David.

1 The Lord is my light and my salvation—
    whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strongholdof my life—
    of whom shall I be afraid?

——————

I’m getting together with my friend today for some Pranic healing which should be interesting . I’ve never heard of it before!

I decided to close the door on having my own Meetup group. The people I wanted to reach just didn’t express interest. I don’t think a lot of people even know Meetup exists. I checked into Facebook and that was nice – it was good to reconnect with family and friends there.

Anyhew thank you for spending some time with me today!

27 November 2021 Good Morning

by saymber, posted in Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out this video Morning Coffee With Jackie 27 November 2021 https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1217476092

Good morning how are you? How’s your day going so far ? I’m getting started with my day. I’m getting in the habit of doing the Twitch recordings first thing. Some people do better with videos than just reading. I’m finding my way and appreciate your patience with this process! One of my friends said she had a fail experience with trying to watch the video because you have to have an account . Please give me feedback if you have trouble watching the videos.

Last night I had a wonderful experience of going to see the lights in Caldwell with my friend Lisa and her Grandson Colin. We liked the dragon that breathed fire! There were a lot of people there which was kind of overwhelming for Colin and I . We played on the instrument station for a little while and that was fun.

Today is laundry day. It’s one of those gray days where you just don’t want to do anything . This evening I have a crystal empowerment group so that’s something to look forward to.

What’s one thing your grateful for? Put it in the comments! Everyday I’m grateful for my furry faced boy Link! Hugs to you!

18 November 2021 Progress Not Perfection

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I’m sitting here with my coffee and Link….so grateful to write to you today! Even though it’s overcast and gray there is light inside. Sometimes you have to generate light for yourself even if you are surrounded by darkness.

Progress not perfection…….baby steps. Last night my friend reminded me how far I’ve come in just a short time. We went from buying an insect ridden drum, starting a Meetup Group, going to a Meetup Group and ended up making a friend and then starting to drive more all in just a couple of months! Gradually a life is unfolding for me here.

I attribute my progress to God, my family and friends. I asked God….I continue to ask God and I continue to be heard. This passage speaks to me of the times I didn’t ask and tried to do it on my own:

James 4:2New International Version

2 You desire but do not have, so you kill.(A) You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.

The way things are right now. Sometimes it’s confusing to know which door to walk through next. I have help. If it ain’t light (in my chest) it ain’t right!

26 October 2021 Right Now

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you . How are you? I hope this finds you well.

So my journey into trying to connect with the world I find myself in is kind of at a standstill right now. I bought the drum. I started the Meetup Group. I have joined a couple groups one that is going to meet online Saturday. My inpatient self is asking God,”what’s next?!” There has been no answer. I’m trying too hard. I’m trying to rush something that feels bigger than myself. The obvious answer for me right now is “WAIT!”

“Oh idle spirit how long are your days. One day rolling into another in a maddening haze. What is your purpose for still roaming this earth? What is your value? What is your worth? Unseen workings behind the veil begin to unwind. When all is revealed a new self you will find”

25 October 2021 Planting Seed

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Leading Life by Example, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? It’s gray and wet this morning but I managed to get a mile in. The air smells so good. Most of the trees have lost their leaves and everywhere is red, orange and gold.

So this morning I asked for a topic and my mind was clear enough to hear the answer. It was planting seed. Not the kind of seed you plant in the dirt but the kind of seed you plant in another’s spirit. It’s the feeling of warmth you get right in the center of you when you have an idea. For example watching drum circle videos and how to make drums planted a seed in me to try and start a Meetup group. Every time I think of what could potentially happen I get a warm feeling in my chest. The seed planted in me by others is growing!

A long time ago I was taught by my Quantum Touch teacher “ that if it ain’t light it ain’t right!” Meaning if you are doing something and your heart is not centered in your chest like if you feel it in your throat or stomach, chances are something isn’t right! We each have a way to check in with ourselves to see if we are where we are supposed to be. Sometimes seeds are passed on to us just to be stored… to be carried to the right person.

The trees teach so much. Back in Texas there was a cottonwood tree that used to put out tons of seed every year. The seed went everywhere and got into everything! To many it was a nuisance. After I got over being annoyed I started to see something. Very little of the trees seed actually landed on fertile soil but that didn’t stop the tree from putting out so much seed. Each of us could be like that cottonwood but so many of us just give up on our dreams….the fertile soil is just so overgrown and crowded! You see this especially in the worlds of the arts. It’s so hard to break through the soil and get noticed. Like I’ve talked about in a previous blog about niches.

“Oh to do what makes us glow! That feeling of being right where God wants you to be. There really isn’t another feeling quite like actually being able to bloom where your planted. “

22 October 2021 Drum Circle

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello from Middleton Idaho! How are you doing today? I’m feeling pretty good. I got the grocery shopping done early and that was interesting. It looks like our Ridleys is doing some changes. All the greetings cards were removed and also the section of the store where you scoop your own stuff was dismantled. I found everything I was looking for minus jugs of drinking water – there was only one left! Today is an overcast day. They say it’s going to rain and I hope it does. My car is filthy!!

Have you ever played a drum?

So I did something special today. I ordered a drum to replace the one I broke. It’s a Djembe drum: https://youtu.be/aLeede5z1vQ – this is a video about how these drums are made. It’s not an expensive drum. I’ll see how it sounds. It should be here Sunday – it was in stock. I have this reoccurring thought of getting people together to play music or even just a drum circle. These thoughts stem from some fond memories I have of a Christmas solstice gathering I had many years ago with my “tribe.” A part of me knows what we had was once in a lifetime but who knows! I took a step today towards trying to manifest a reality I want to live in. You can’t have a drum circle without a drum! I want a circle of friends again and I’m hoping it can happen. I’ll be sure to take a picture of the drum when I get it.

So who were these friends I had that meant so much to me? Who was my “tribe?”They were not the kind of people you would meet here in Idaho. It was a surprise to meet them in Texas which is also a conservative state! One did acupuncture out of her home, another was a hospice nurse, one was a massage therapist, one was a co-founder of a place called The Earth School and one was a teacher of Philosophenoma. There was also a woman who taught the energy modality Quantum Touch . I found this group through the acupuncturist. I’ll never forget the day we met – her smile! She did an acupuncture treatment on both my husband and I. It was the first time either of us had experienced that! From that day a friendship was born but sadly we are no longer in touch . My friendships with these people were a casualty of my being bipolar – the stuff I talked about in my blog yesterday. We lived in Texas for 12 years and for the last 4 or 5 I was in and out of the hospital for mania. It was for this group of friends I had bought my original drum.

As cutting edge as my friends were, they couldn’t handle my manic episodes. During one of my episodes I was convinced Alvarado, where I was living, was going to blow up. I made my husband pack up our animals and go over to the acupuncturists home. She really didn’t know what to do. I think she felt sorry for my husband. Like I said stuff like this kept happening! I lost my husband and most of my friends because of this condition. I can’t blame them for leaving me.

So now I am mostly alone. A dog without a pack. The friends I have now are mostly virtual. Part of me is afraid to reach out again. If I get close to people will I go manic again? One of my triggers is spiritual stuff. I was trying to get certified in the energy healing modality called Quantum Touch. I attended a couple classes and a lot of strange experiences came out of that – strangely wonderful. I actually helped people! But it was fleeting. I needed the second class to get certified and just wasn’t willing to fly to another state to get the class done. The experiences I had kind of went to my head. May be it’s good I didn’t get certified- especially if it was going to trigger me .

God has a place for me. May be this drum will be a fresh start. I know I’ve run a bit long today. Thank you for your time.