20 February 2022 Lost But Not Worthless

February 20, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you today. How are you? I decided not to do a Twitch Stream today and that’s ok! A day of rest! This morning I got up late and almost missed church but I’m glad I made it. The message from Pastor Jason was good. He used the story of when he lost his wallet helping with farm work. It fell out of his back pocket and fell in the field covered with dirt. He and his friends went out looking for it and it wasn’t found until a couple months later! The lost wallet is like us…..like I’ve been so many times in my life….lost from my relationship with God. God seems to always be there waiting for the children to find their way home. Being lost like that wallet doesn’t mean we are worthless . We still have great value but we just aren’t doing what we were made to do. Our full potential isn’t being realized when we are lost. Least that is what I got out of his sermon!

Last night my Aunt and I went to a ladies game night at church and I met some really nice women. We played a game called Mad Gab first and that was just not my game lol! You get into teams and read these unrelated words to make a saying or phrase. I think I figured out one lol. Then we played a dice game called Tenzies and I wasn’t very good at that either but it was fun. We had pizza, salad and desserts. What was really neat is I met a woman that I ended up sitting next to in church today! As I write I realized I actually first met her at Next Steps classes. That’s the class you take when you are considering membership in the church. It was nice to see a friendly and familiar face today!

19 February 2022 Redirecting the Trains on our Brains

February 19, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 19 February 2022 Saturday chat (psalm 19) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1303273522

Hello to you. How is your day? I’m sitting here in the morning sunshine as I write to you. It’s about 41 degrees and just feels so good. I just got off the phone with my sweet cousin. I love it when she and I can talk in the morning. She is so positive – just starts the day off right! We talk about matters of the spirit, love and family…..the good stuff we are grateful for in this life. I hope you have someone like that in your life. We are cousins but dear friends too. Just trying to navigate this life together.

On the Twitch stream today what came forth was trains again. How hard it is when the train of sorrow, anxiety and worry gets on the track. Everyone knows how hard it is to stop a train once it is in motion. So what I’ve been working on is talking to the conductor! Telling the conductor by my thoughts and actions that I don’t like the direction the train is going. I want to go in a different direction or to get off the rails completely. I am having to practice this every day. The first place I am learning to turn to is God…”hey God do you think you can help me get through this day?”

It’s hard when your in the middle of things to sometimes have the presence of mind to be still and think clearly. It just takes a lot of practice! “What can I do about what is going on or what I am experiencing right now?” A lot of times the answer seems to be nothing. What I am trying to learn after I ask that question and get that answer is to accept I am powerless but I can talk to God about it. Your Higher Power is ever present and unchanging. So really we are never completely powerless it just can feel like we are.

When that train of whatever it is gets on the track- I have a choice if I want to stay on it. I have the ability to talk to the conductor. We can change course, slow the train down and eventually get off of it altogether. Like anything it just takes practice – everyday.

It’s important to stay in the present – I’m having to practice every day

“I have come to believe that all of my fears are false gods before me.” – Mary Casey (A Woman’s Spirit)

“Any fear I have today is of my choosing. Dwelling on God rather than on the fear will change every experience I have today.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

14 February 2022 Valentines

February 14, 2022February 14, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 14 February 2022 Monday Valentines Day chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1297901452

Hello to you. How are you today? Hope this finds you well. It’s Valentines Day. For some this is a very special day. The retail industry loves this holiday! My take on it is if you are in a relationship with someone that everyday is Valentine’s Day! Don’t ever take each other for granted. Don’t wait for a holiday to show your special somebody that you care. When I was married we didn’t celebrate Valentines. We felt the holiday was just too commercialized. To each their own!

Got good news yesterday. My Dad was in and out of surgery for his fractured hip! I was really surprised he got in so quickly! Thank you for your prayers. Now he just has to heal.

We had a nice day yesterday. My Aunt and Uncle joined me at church which was such a treat! They got there before me and had told the pastor and some others it was my birthday so when I showed up they wished me a happy birthday! They had a little bouquet of flowers for me. It just really meant a lot! The big point of the sermon really resonated with me: “we do what we can in order to enable us to do what we can’t .” So much of my day to day is pushing through – trying to focus on what I can do not what I can’t.

Later Link and I went over to my Aunt and Uncles. My cousin, who was also celebrating his birthday and his wife my dear friend was there. My Aunt made tamales and also made my chocolate pudding dessert! My Uncle grilled some elk steak on the grill. Later my cousins older grandkids stopped by and we all watched some of the Super Bowl. It was just really nice to be together! I’m so grateful to have loving family to celebrate these kinds of occasions with.

When I got home I was really anxious so I took Link on a walk. Then I went on another walk by myself. What was happening is I was getting sleepy and felt anxious thinking about trying to go to sleep. So frustrating! I finally did relax and watched the last quarter of the Super Bowl. My Uncle and I had spoken earlier about the LA stadium apparently it cost like 5 billion dollars to build! The LA stadium is practically in his backyard and so we had decided to pull for the Rams! It was nice to see them actually win.

“I will take time to notice the most important friends I have, my family. Each family member will get my love and kind thoughts today. “ (A Woman’s Spirit)

The weather has been nice. I was feeling restless so I got out and chalked a bit

13 February 2022 Birthday

February 13, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 13 February 2022 Sunday morning birthday stream https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1296945099

Hello there how are you? Today is my 54th birthday…..it still is a shock sometimes that I’m over 50! In a little while I’m meeting my Aunt for church which will be really nice. Later this afternoon my family is getting together to celebrate both my cousin and my birthday and watch football.

I wish today was completely happy but it’s not. I found out yesterday that not all is well with my parents right now. My Mom is having to have steroid injections for pain in her hips and my Dad has had a couple falls and he fractured his hip and will need surgery. I am feeling really powerless about it. This kind of stuff is what I’ve been talking about that happens and you have to choose how your going to deal with it. Shit is going to happen in this life in varying degrees and you have to go within and draw strength from your spirit to walk through it. There is no other way but through! I hate that my parents are having these health issues! They were supposed to be able to enjoy their retirement! I have to let God on this.

If you pray or meditate could you please think of my parents Larry and Dianne. Thank you!

“Our inner journey is a transformative process. It involves becoming who we already are in essence and letting go of the phony in favor of the authentic self.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

9 February 2022 Messengers

February 9, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 9 February 2022 Wednesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1292413476

Discord: https://discord.gg/DAs7rfxy

Hello! How are you today? I’m doing alright. This morning as I was laying in bed I got to thinking about messengers. An image came to mind of me standing in front of many doors. Each door representing a person with a message. Who do I listen to?

Last night I was craving to hear a spiritual message so I looked up Joyce Meyer on You tube and that helped. Sometimes her words really resonate with me other times not. It’s good to have messengers. People that you listen to that help you navigate this life. I am realizing, however, that it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding AND yourself. Any messenger you choose to listen to is not going to be there forever. Nothing in this life is permanent be it people, places or things. It’s important to be strong in what is unchanging…..fixed…won’t leave you. When the storms come, and they do, you have a strong shelter. This is stuff I have to work on every day! I’m learning you can’t completely rely on what’s outside of you to get through life. People say things like they will always be there for you but it’s not the truth. They are mentally, spiritually and physically incapable of doing that no matter how well meaning they may be. You have to be able to be strong in your relationship with God and yourself. Like I said this is a lesson I have to learn and relearn each day!

“ Every thought I take to God is a prayer. Today I’ll be free of anxiety if I think of God before every action I take.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

6 February 2022 Sunday

February 6, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 6 February 2022 Sunday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1289157720

Hello! How are you today? Hopefully good. So far today we have beautiful sunshine, I had a nice stream on Twitch, went to church, took Link on a nice walk and had some cereal for breakfast. I almost stopped at our local restaurant called the Sunrise Cafe on the way home from church but it looked really busy.

Yesterday I went over to my friends house and helped a little bit with a big painting job she wanted to get done. I was kind of embarrassed at how out of shape I felt! I did some of the taping and was having a bit of trouble getting up and down. Thankfully she had her daughter and a couple of friends helping too.

“We are where we need to be. We get what we are supposed to have. Let’s practice gratitude.” ( A Woman’s Spirit)

5 February 2022 Saturday

February 5, 2022 by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, books, drawing, Food, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 5 February 2022 Saturday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1287928568

Hello how are you? I hope this finds you well on this Saturday. The weeks are going by so fast aren’t they?!

Last night was fun. My Aunt came over and picked me up. She wanted to go out to eat with me someplace. We drove to Star which is a few miles down the road and were just going to eat at Dairy Queen but found a place called The Rustic Table instead! It turned out to be a really nice sit down restaurant! We decided to make it an early birthday treat and order some nice things on the menu! She had Halibut and I had filet mignon. The meal came with yummy garlic mashed potatoes and coleslaw. For dessert we shared some chocolate cake. It was just really nice to get out of the house and experience a new place with my Aunt!

My Aunt and I made a nice memory last night

I got some sleep last night but I’m having to go through a lot of Hydroxyzine to do it. My body is treating it like Benadryl. I will get a couple hours of hard sleep and then I wake up. I’m feeling pretty good this morning so it’s worth it !

My stream this morning was pretty short. Just had one viewer and she she doesn’t talk much! I talked a little bit about s book I’m trying to read about Energy vampires by Dorothy Harbour. I read a little bit about the different types of vampires there are. For some this might be a new concept of energy exchanges in relationships.

4 February 2022 What brings us Together

February 4, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 4 February 2022 Friday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1286643827

Hello. How are you? How is your day going so far? We have lovely sunshine this morning and I got some sleep last night. Lots to be grateful for!

The Twitch stream this morning was interesting. We talked a lot about food and I shared a couple recipes. I have one viewer that loves to joke about potatoes because I’m from Idaho. We agreed that it’s food and music that brings us together. Both of them use more than one sense to enjoy. Eating and listening to music is a multi-sensory experience and are things common to all walks of life. We fight about most everything else don’t we?!

A new viewer joined us and shared a story about his brother being bullied and beat up and we talked for a long time about that subject! This particular viewer was from England. Bullies go way back! I was bullied at school. I think it’s all too common a thing that happens in the science experiment that is public school. Being a bully is taught and learned. Now with all sorts of social media and video game platforms this kind of behavior has migrated there. The phrase “sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me” isn’t really true in a modern digital world. Words do hurt.

Last night I called my Aunt ad I was feeling lonesome and kind of anxious about trying to go to sleep. We talked and she recommended this psalm that she said she reads to my Uncle if he is having trouble sleeping:

Psalm 23New International Version

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

¹The Lord is my shepherd,^(A) I lack nothing.^(B)
²    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,^(C)
³    he refreshes my soul.^(D)
He guides me^(E) along the right paths^(F)
    for his name’s sake.^(G)
⁴Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,^[a]^(H)
I will fear no evil,^(I)
    for you are with me;^(J)
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵You prepare a table^(K) before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;^(L)
my cup^(M) overflows.
⁶Surely your goodness and love^(N) will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

2 February 2022 Wednesday

February 2, 2022 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 2 February 2022 Wednesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1284406575

Hello to you. How are you? Feeling a little bleary eyed. I slept but feel like I could have slept a little longer! I was laying there and my body just wouldn’t let me go back to sleep.

Picked up my new glasses yesterday. I’m pretty pleased with them! The place I got them was Family Eye Care Specialist. They had s package deal where if you chose one of their frames all you had to do was pay for the lenses. What’s also nice is they are within walking distance. It felt good to get a nice walk in.

It’s nice to be able to see at a distance more clearly again!

Todays message in the Woman’s Spirit book I read out of for my streams was a little different. It was talking about God in the feminine. When I was active in the AA program, it was emphasized that you have a Higher Power. It didn’t matter if it was a tree but it was important to have a relationship with a loving force outside of yourself to help you achieve sobriety. For many of the people I knew in the program the traditional Bible God was their Higher Power. It was important to have that relationship outside of yourself because you were the one who got yourself in the mess in the first place! When I think of God I think of energy….a “they” versus a he or she. God is everything.

Something that I think about with my concept of God is they are not limited to the duality that seems to permeate our existence. In order to be God they can’t be limited to the same things we are. God is not bound to a body with all the rules and limitations we are. They can see every side of everything known to existence. If you ask why something happened they have the answer. They can see forward and backward to infinity. Every piece of existence at their disposal. The God I know and love “just is.” Sometimes when I get to wondering if they are there I just have to ask and I’m shown indeed they are there! I’ll be crying and suddenly will feel this warmth like arms wrapping around me.

So I don’t think God is just good or bad. God just is. People like to blame God for all the bad things that happen. I think it’s easier to blame God than it is to take responsibility for their actions either as an individual or as a collective species. Everything, even a blade of grass has a plan for it. We make choices and there is a cumulative affect. I am beginning to think the plan there is for each of us is like a blueprint but the final product is up to us and our choices….that free will part of the equation! It’s like we are born with a plan, a blueprint for what we can be but we may or may not complete the design. So many factors are at work that determine if we will achieve our full potential.

Anyhew lol- can you tell I like riddling around with matters of the spirit? Hopefully something here will spark a thought in you. I’d love to hear if you have any thoughts.

1 February 2022 Tuesday

February 1, 2022 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 1 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1283369641

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. It’s hard to believe it’s the first of the month already!

Had a good stream by myself this morning. The people that have been showing up weren’t there. In the daily meditation book I like to read from, A Woman’s Spirit, there was a good message for me to talk about. It was about what we do when chaos in its many forms shows up. We have a choice in these times. What I struggle with is going into panic mode when bad things happen. I feel powerless and not in control which is incredibly difficult for me. In these times it’s important to remember things happen in this life that we can’t control and it’s how we choose to go through those things that shapes the final outcome.

I can remember when my mom found out she had cancer and had to go through chemotherapy. She chose to go through all that with a positive attitude! She was such an inspiration the people at the hospital wanted her to speak to other patients! She made a conscious decision not to let the cancer crush her spirit – her will to live.

“Every person I meet today is in my life by design. What I give to or learn from others helps each of us to grow.” (A Woman’s Spirit)