I used to be the “who dropped the hat lady” the person who would cry at the drop of a hat. I’m not really like that any more – the past few years events has really toughened me up. The one thing that still brings a tear of joy is seeing someone I haven’t seen in a long time. I am like a dog I think in that regard! Just so happy, on a soul level, to see you. I can remember the times my parents came to visit Kyle and I in Texas or when when my friend Melinda visited – just such a surprise and so much happiness. There are aspects like this that make me miss the house in Texas.
Proverbs 24:3-4New International Version
Saying 21
3 By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; 4 through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.
Hello to you. I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting and getting groceries. We had Savanah, Pastor Jason’s daughter with us which was really nice. Apparently her school day started with the school smelling like gasoline! Jeannie was able to come again – she’s so sweet.
Last night I drew a couple pictures. They aren’t my best work but just what I had come through to draw:
Not sure what’s going on with this one Door in the sky of spirits – open For the first time in awhile I just picked up my drawing pad and pen
So where does my name come from? My name was from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She was many years before I was born but still an inspiration to my parents I guess!
Matthew 16:13-20New International Version
Peter Declares That Jesus Is the Messiah
13 When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
14 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist;others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
15 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok but tired.
What I enjoy most about writing is it’s been with me nearly my whole life. Like an old friend. We’ve gone through poetry and short story phases, traveling phases and just ordinary life phases. I started writing at a very young age. I have a trunk full of my written accounts of my life and those I have shared life with. It’s a time capsule of family history even through two divorces. I kind of stopped keeping written diaries in 2015. My trunk is full and it’s heavy! I have contemplated throwing it out several times but decided against it. May be some day someone will want them.
Psalm 103:1-5New International Version
Psalm 103
Of David.
1 Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
What is the most important thing to carry with you all the time?
Hello to you. How are you doing on this sunny hot day? It’s 88 degrees here right now as I write to you. Link and I are on the porch getting some vitamin D. Had trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep again last night so I checked for a movie to watch and Amazon Prime had the movie Megan. That movie about a little girl robot gone rogue. Another movie warning us about what is possible with the direction we are headed with robotics and AI. A lot of messages woven through it about raising children too. How many overworked parents have turned the care of their children to video games, television and smart phones?!
This movie made me think of movies like AI, Prometheus, Humans and Blade Runner. What if in all this that we are doing the quantum computers and robots develop consciousness and can’t be turned off? What if they decide to hate their makers? We will have to vote with our pocketbooks and not get sucked in to the hype. Once these cats are out of the bag there will be no way to stop it – kind of like people not wanting to part with their cars and guns. People develop emotional attachment – the Humans show did a good job of illustrating that with William Hurts character and his ailing robot. He didn’t want to replace him because he had so many memories stored inside of him….like our smart phones!
William Hurt as George Millican(series 1), a retired artificial intelligence researcher and widower who suffers memory loss and physical disabilities secondary to a stroke. He forms a special bond with his outdated caregiver synth named Odi.
Todays prompt is tough for me as other than my phone most of the time there isn’t anything I carry with me all the time. Sometimes I will carry a crystal in my pocket but that isn’t very often as I’m afraid I will forget it and it will end up in the laundry! I like having Link with me most everywhere but he can’t be everywhere with me because he is a spoiled child lol!
1 I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. 2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. 3 He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.
Hello to you. How are you? Todays prompt is tough for me as I think it’s been since before my divorce I’ve been truly happy. Last night I dreamt about being with my ex and we were so happy in the dream he suggested we put our wedding rings back on- talk about my brain manufacturing wishful thinking! Yet it was so vivid and romantic! Truth be told though that ship has definitely sailed. As the years pass since the divorce the more I have come to believe that Kyle was it for me. I always said if I couldn’t make things work with him I would end up alone. Being Bipolar 1 has been a marriage/relationship killer for me.
So what makes me happy? Let’s see – food like desserts, Link, my family, a good movie or television show, a good song, nature (especially flowers and clouds), Jesus – experiencing him at Church and in the world, helping others and that’s about it. Can’t come up with 30!
Something I want to mention happened this past Sunday at church both moved me and made me happy. We were singing and I stopped to look around and I almost started to cry. I thought what if this is like heaven? The song we were singing was Blessed Assurance. One of the reasons I almost cried too was hearing a little girl behind me singing her little heart out! So sweet! I just got to thinking about what heaven might be like. A place where there is peace – no fighting – and a lot of beautiful music all day long every day. I miss singing next to my Mom and Dad at church. The Catholic Church has such beautiful hyms,
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine! Heir of salvation, purchase of God Born of his Spirit, washed in His blood
This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all the day long This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all the day long
Perfect submission, perfect delight Visions of rapture now burst on my sight Angels descending bring from above Echoes of mercy, whispers of love
This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all the day long This is my story, this is my song Praising my Savior all the day long Praising my Savior all the day long
I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil-this is the gift of God.
Hello to you. How are you? I’m feeling pretty good – got some sleep last night and there were even dreams I don’t remember. Yesterday I got two walks in – forced myself to go. It’s so easy to say I’ll do it later! With the medication I’m on it’s easy to put weight on and almost impossible to take it off. Next Monday I will be doing a chair yoga class through the VA. Hopefully the start of a positive new habit! Just got to keep moving!
Every time I see a sunflower I think of my ex. We were walking and at a stop sign there was a sun flower and he noticed it. “Stop and See” pay attention to the beauty around you. I stopped on my walk last night to see these beauties.
What am I curious about? A little bit of everything! I enjoy seeing what science gets up to. Lately in the headlines there has been a lot of discussion around a claim coming out of South Korea in regards to super conductors: Superconductivity is a set of physical properties observed in certain materials where electrical resistance vanishes and magnetic flux fields are expelled from the material. Any material exhibiting these properties is a superconductor. Wikipedia Watching a piece of metal hover and move like a UFO is really intriguing. There were several headlines about this the past couple of days which leads me to believe it’s connected to what we are hearing about reversed engineering in extraterrestrial technology. The timing of this release doesn’t seem coincidental to me. I feel like we are being prepared for a bigger story and are being fed bite size portions like infants. You have to be paying attention. If this technology is valid and peer reviewed we could see flying cars and other changes to the power grid very soon. I think the work Of Nikola Tesla is finally getting proven – about free energy being everywhere – ambient energy is a tangible thing – just how to harness it without adverse consequences in the quantities we need it in.
STATE-OF-ART MATERIAL (excerpt go to link for full article)
A superconductor can levitate in a magnetic field and conduct electricity with zero resistance, thus having no loss of energy – a conventional conductor gets hot because it has resistance and generates heat.
It is touted as a state-of-art material that can speed up connections between computer chips, strengthen the electromagnetic field for magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scanners and provide higher efficiency to power grids and maglev railways. However, the cryogenic environment has been a major obstacle to commercializing the material.
It was in 1911 when the world’s first superconductivity was discovered by Dutch researcher and Nobel laureate Heike Kamerlingh-Onnes at 4.2 Kelvin, which is -452.1 Fahrenheit or -269 degrees Celsius. Today, a high-temperature superconductor is discovered above 77 Kelvin, -321.1 Fahrenheit or -196.2 degrees Celsius.
There have been many trials to prove room-temperature superconductors. In 2020, a research team led by Ranga Dias, assistant professor of the mechanical engineering department at University of Rochester, claimed they had found superconductivity at 287 Kelvin, 56.9 Fahrenheit or 13.9 degrees Celsius. But the team’s paper was retracted by the prominent magazine Nature in 2022 due to low confidence in the scientific results.
I think science is interesting but I believe it’s a bottom line quest to explain our existence. Science is like a religion – a quest for God – to be God. I could be wrong but that’s how it’s always seemed to me. The quest for the Why of every tiny detail of existence. I was watching some videos about the CERN Haldron Collider last night and it’s pretty scary what they are doing! https://youtu.be/6IH012umOjQ – CERN Scientists Claim They Have Opened a Portal to Another Dimension. In the absence of a tangible God, science through numbers and equations seeks to explain what just generates more questions and it seems like a competition to see who’s smarter! I wonder if the field of science is almost just a way for smart people not to be bored. If you look at nature there are so many answers to the Why and What of God! Just this spring and all the flowers filled me with wonder and joy. It’s seems that is too simple for a scientist. They need microscope’s and Petri dishes, charts and grafts, tiny particles and multiverses!
When I was having some of my episodes every question had more than one answer – it was exhausting! I would sit in my closet going round and round for hours. I imagine if I had been in a lab such an occurrence would be exhilarating but it wasn’t. If you have ever seen the Dr. Who episode with the Editor – it was like being one of those people receiving all the information through my third eye (the space between the eyebrows) I was thinking so much that area hurt! Only God, the energy that is at the center of all creation, knows how all the pieces fit together. It’s too much for any one person to know!
So anyways I am curious about a lot of things. It will be interesting to see if this discovery out of South Korea pans out. We really could benefit as a world – much more quickly.
I’m also curious about passages like this in the Bible. When I read it it makes me wonder what exactly they were seeing. It makes me think of people trying to describe UFO/UAP encounters! Sometimes there aren’t words from our times to explain things. Think about what it must have been like for our earliest ancestors when they witnessed lightening and thunder:
Ezekiel 1:5-11New International Version
5 and in the fire was what looked like four living creatures. In appearance their form was human,6 but each of them had four faces and four wings. 7 Their legs were straight; their feet were like those of a calf and gleamed like burnished bronze. 8 Under their wings on their four sides they had human hands. All four of them had faces and wings, 9 and the wings of one touched the wings of another. Each one went straight ahead; they did not turn as they moved.
10 Their faces looked like this: Each of the four had the face of a human being, and on the right side each had the face of a lion, and on the left the face of an ox; each also had the face of an eagle. 11 Such were their faces. They each had two wings spreading out upward, each wing touching that of the creature on either side; and each had two other wings covering its body.
Hi there! How is your week going this far? I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting – so glad I went. I got to meet a new person and as a group we talked about something we all had in common – a family member committing suicide and mental health. The pain of the loss be it fresh or a few years down the road never really goes away. Time numbs the wounds, faith restores hope. Some day we will see each other again! Mental Health is so hard to understand. It’s not like a broken bone or a one time problem you can just snap your fingers and fix. Suicide attempts are not just attention seeking but a legitimate cry for help.
Along these lines it comes to me to put it out in the cosmos that no matter what life may seem to be someone cares. For example, in a little gathering of four people just today, strangers to you, lifted you up in prayer. Someone cares about you no matter how it may seem. You are not alone! God has shown me this through my family both blood and not.
Exodus 33:14
14 The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Psalm 139:7
7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
I was happy to see the return of these purple flowers These looked pretty to me Despite the clearing they did along the banks of the canal, there is life!
Matthew 26:41New International Version
41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
*RIP Sinead O’Connor – they haven’t said how she died but I have my suspicions from her history. I hope she has found peace.
Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Friday again – this week went fast.
Yesterday I went with my cousin to an appointment with a neurologist. They didn’t find anything of concern – brains ok! Very short visit. Kind of felt like a waste of time but at least it was good news. The doctor was much more cheerful than the first time we met. Whatever is going on in my head and ears appears to be something non-detectable by standard tests. He said he thinks whatever is going on may be connected to the medication I’m on. I’ve been on Depakote before and didn’t have the side effects I’m experiencing. I think it’s Mal de barque and I’m just going to have to live with it.
What was good about going is I got some quality time with my cousin Laura – that wasn’t a waste of time! We had a nice lunch at Chik-Filet. During our visit she was trying to help me figure out things I can do to get me out of the house more or have something meaningful to do. Both her and my Aunt do that. This is helpful for me as sometimes it’s hard to get out of my own way. The limitations holding me back are mostly physical, not wanting to drive and especially not wanting to leave Link for long periods of time. She had a lot of ideas for me to think about! She encouraged me to think of things I can do not what I can’t. I am hoping with the medication change I will be starting that I won’t be tired so much and will have more stamina – hopefully will lose some weight!
These cheerful painted rocks were out front of the hospital
Psalm 30:2New International Version
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.
What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.
My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!
My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:
Philippians 4:8 New International Version 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Took my phone along for a short walk last night Cheerful pink roses Are these daffodils? My best buddy enjoying some patio time this morning
Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!
Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.
When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.
When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.
I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.
I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!
One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.
Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible
Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs
28 And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. 29 And they cried out, saying, “[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before [b]the time?” 30 Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. 31 And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”32 And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and [c]drowned in the waters. 33 And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, [d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.
To be 