Tag: pastor Jason Boyd

19 Jan 2025 Being an Example

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing well even though this world seems so crazy right now. Last night I experienced Tik Tok going dark and today it being back on. So nuts! A bunch of us went to an app called Favorite and others Clapper – so many their servers couldn’t handle it. Tomorrow Donald Trump will be sworn in and already things are changing and happening. I don’t know if I should be excited or scared!

I forced myself to go to church this morning. Some days it’s really hard for me! I’m always glad after I go it’s just the getting up and going. Today’s message came out of Colossians – all the things that Jesus is in the world. Pastor Jayson used clearing the windshield as an example of what Paul is doing in his writing. The past couple of Sundays and other gatherings have been trying to reach me – teach me. We are living testimonies of Jesus in the world and not meant to just be seat warmers on Sunday. We as Christians are meant to be examples of Jesus’s love in the world. Right now, as I look at my life, I feel like there is more I should be doing to be that example. Sometimes I feel the 12 years of being a pagan slipping in. I feel like my faith and practice is shallow- I feel almost like a fraud! There is work to be done and I’m reluctant to do it. I am going to a Bible study with my Aunt and go to a prayer meeting each Thursday and that helps.

Ever since I have been back on Depakote to treat my Bipolar symptoms – especially the mania- I don’t have deep feelings. My emotions don’t feel authentic. I used to feel things very deeply and now I don’t hardly have feelings at all! Depakote is one of the best medications for Bipolar but I hate what it has done to me as side effects! I still haven’t cried about my Dads passing over a year ago! It’s such a fragile balance between being “normal” and being too emotional – manic. What I’ve been going through is why many stop taking their meds. When I tell people I love them I don’t feel it like I used to. It feels like just words. How can I be an example of Jesus’s love in the world and be this way?! I feel like I am pretending and not authentically being. I am surrounded by such authentic Christians and I feel like I’m just trying to fit in! I have a tattoo of a chameleon on my right arm and it sometimes feels like I am such a being. I’m trying to fit in to a life that feels like I’m pretending sometimes.

I have been talking to Jesus about all of this. Last night we talked about how he is the only man in my life that will never leave me. Two marriages have ended because of my being Bipolar. I am going to be 57 this next month and the older I get the less likely it will be that I have another flesh and blood man in my life. The older I get the less I even want the complications of someone else’s life in mine! I just need to keep praying and remain open to where I am lead. I want to be a positive example of Christ in this world with the time I have left. I just want to feel it and not just go through the motions! May be by my sharing what I’m going through I am fulfilling Jesus’s purpose in my life. I can’t give up – I know that!

I hope my words in this message help someone besides just me!

Colossians 1:15-23New International Version

The Supremacy of the Son of God

15 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. 16 For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. 17 He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. 19 For God was pleasedto have all his fullness dwell in him, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peacethrough his blood, shed on the cross.

21 Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of[a] your evil behavior. 22 But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— 23 if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

16 Dec 2024 Lessons

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, history, In the News, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What skills or lessons have you learned recently?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I don’t know if you have been following the drone sighting reports but they are showing up everywhere now. I stumbled onto a Dr. Steven Greer who is saying this is all part of some kind of psyops operation. He says he has people who know what’s really going on that will be coming forward if they are not assassinated first. He has a film out The Battle For Disclosure that you can pay to see on Amazon Prime. I believe with the near hysteria about this that some of the sightings are explainable but some videos I have seen do not resemble anything of this earth. I am hoping the real ones will eventually allow for contact! Imagine the advances we could make in this world – free energy and a cure for cancer for example. We could truly have a Golden Age as a planet. 🌎

In answer to today’s prompt I would have to say it’s been a long time since I have learned anything new as far as a skill or lesson. Once you get to my age you start to get set in your ways! I try to remain teachable. The last time I really was learning something new was when I was following the Keshe Foundation. My kitchen became a lab and I was exploring making copper coils. I made healing wands as a variation of what I learned from Keshe. It’s been about 5 or 6 years since I was doing that. I was also really into making orgonite both with epoxy resin and then later with natural ingredients that I shaped into bowls. One of the bowls I made even gave off a measurable electric signature. Then there was the stuff I was doing with translating words into numbers – I got so fixated on that and was manic. I haven’t been doing that anymore! I have huge books of notes of my work that I don’t think I could read anymore.

When something captures my attention, I can get rather obsessive about it and it becomes all I think about!

As of late, like the past couple of years, I have been learning about Christianity. For example I learned that baptism when we are infants isn’t the same as doing it later in life- consciously choosing to be baptized. At some point I will choose to be baptized! Every Sunday there is a new lesson but sometimes it takes me awhile to get it. I have started to actually use the bulletins and write down things – I hadn’t been doing that before. I retain things better if I write it down.

This past Sunday we explored the garden of joy as it was near the tomb where Jesus was laid to rest and where he rose again:

John 19:38-42New International Version

The Burial of Jesus

38 Later, Joseph of Arimathea asked Pilate for the body of Jesus. Now Joseph was a disciple of Jesus, but secretly because he feared the Jewish leaders.With Pilate’s permission, he came and took the body away. 39 He was accompanied by Nicodemus, the man who earlier had visited Jesus at night. Nicodemus brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about seventy-five pounds.[a] 40 Taking Jesus’ body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs. 41 At the place where Jesus was crucified, there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb, in which no one had ever been laid. 42 Because it was the Jewish day of Preparation and since the tomb was nearby, they laid Jesus there.

It was a very dramatic thing when Jesus died:

Matthew 27:51New International Version

51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook, the rocks split.

This scripture from Matthew is what we think of when we think of the birth of Jesus:

Matthew 2:10-11New International Version

10 When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. 11 On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

This scripture from John illustrates the true joy of the garden! He fulfilled his promise and prophesy:

John 20:1-17New International Version

The Empty Tomb

20 Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.2 So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

3 So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb.4 Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5 He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. 6 Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, 7 as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. 8 Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. 9 (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) 10 Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.

Jesus Appears to Mary Magdalene

11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”

“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

15 He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic,“Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothersand tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

8 Dec 2024 Garden of Anguish

by saymber, posted in history, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! Today it was hard to get up because I knew I would have to scrape my car of ice. I forced myself to get to church and I’m glad I did. Today’s message took us to the garden of Gethsemane, the garden of anguish, where Jesus pleaded with God to spare him the cross. Even though he was afraid he prayed for protection over his disciples and you and I. He said “not as I would have it but your will be done” he resolved to pay the cost that was being asked of him. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been to accept such a burden that was put on him! Without his acceptance and going through what he did we wouldn’t have the Christianity of today!

Here is the scripture we read today:

Matthew 26:36-39New International Version

Gethsemane

36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. 38 Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Matthew 26:44-46New International Version

44 So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.

45 Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise! Let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”

John 17:1-5New International Version

Jesus Prays to Be Glorified

17 After Jesus said this, he looked toward heavenand prayed:

“Father, the hour has come. Glorify your Son, that your Son may glorify you. 2 For you granted him authority over all people that he might give eternal life to all those you have given him. 3 Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent. 4 I have brought you glory on earth by finishing the work you gave me to do. 5 And now, Father, glorify me in your presence with the glory I had with you before the world began.

John 17:9-21New International Version

9 I pray for them. I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.10 All I have is yours, and all you have is mine. And glory has come to me through them. 11 I will remain in the world no longer, but they are still in the world,and I am coming to you. Holy Father, protect them by the power of[a] your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one. 12 While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe by[b] that name you gave me. None has been lost except the one doomed to destruction so that Scripture would be fulfilled.

13 “I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them. 14 I have given them your word and the world has hated them, for they are not of the world any more than I am of the world. 15 My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. 16 They are not of the world, even as I am not of it. 17 Sanctify them by[c] the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world,I have sent them into the world. 19 For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.

Jesus Prays for All Believers

20 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.

5 Dec 2024 Wild Animals

by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Do you ever see wild animals?

Good afternoon! How are you? It was another icy and frosty day today. I had morning prayer today so I had to scrape my car windows! It was just Lois, Pastor Jayson and me. There is always a lot to give praise about and equally as much to pray about.

Matthew 18:20New International Version

20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

We are hoping our little group will grow in 2025!

Today’s prompt is rather random. As I’ve mentioned before, I live in a small town that could be considered rural. We have a current population of approximately 11,501 in Middleton and growing. People have cows, horses, goats, chickens and ducks. A month or so ago there was talk of seeing a wild mountain lion wandering about. I don’t know what became of that. The only wild animals I’ve seen in town were a bunch of wild turkeys one morning! They seemed so lost. With the growth we’ve been experiencing, the open spaces for the wild animals native to this area are disappearing.

Here are some Bible verses about love from the NIV – (love is one of the most used words in the Bible – 551 times in the NIV version):

  • 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” 
  • Mark 12:30-31: “
    Mark 12:30-31 says, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. 
  • 1 Chronicles 16:34: “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever” 
  • Deuteronomy 7:9: “Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments” 
  • Jeremiah 31:3: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” 

Jesus taught that the two greatest commandments were to:

  • “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind” 
  • “Love your neighbor as yourself” 

1 Dec 2024 Meant To Be

by saymber, posted in history, Home, Leading Life by Example, space, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you from frosty Idaho. I had to scrape frost off of my windows before church this morning! Something I have been following lately is the increased reporting of lights in the sky to include right over the Capitol building on Thanksgiving! Interesting times we are living in.

Lights captured over the Capitol building

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-14137567/Mysterious-lights-Capitol-Hill-sparks-fears-UFOs-Washington-DC.html

Today’s message at Grace Bible Church Middleton was from Christmas Story Meant To Be – Garden of Sorrow. Pastor Jayson was in Genesis Chapter 2 and 3:

Genesis 2:8-9New International Version

8 Now the Lord God had planted a garden in the east, in Eden; and there he put the man he had formed.9 The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food. In the middle of the garden were the tree of life and the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

Genesis 3:1-4New International Version

The Fall

3 Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman.

Out of these scripture we are told that God gives us great gifts but what God gave as a gift became a gift of sorrow by what Adam and Eve did by eating fruit from the one tree God told them not to eat from. The garden became a garden of sorrow instead of paradise. We are reminded in this season of gifts that it’s not entirely about the manger – Jesus’s birth – but ultimately the cross he would die on for that first sin and all sin that has followed.

This message makes me reflect on my walk of faith and all the ways I have fallen short – eaten fruit from the forbidden tree, broken commandments. I am so grateful to be knowing Jesus more and more. I have so much yet to learn! It’s important to know it’s never too late to know him.

24 Nov 2024 Thankful In Pain

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good day to you. I hope this finds you well. Today was the last of the I AmThankful series at church today. We got to listen to the inspiring story of John and Kristin who relocated to Middleton from California last year. In the midst of their transition they were thrown a major curve ball. One day Kristin was in severe pain and it turned out she had gall stones. A large one ended up rupturing and caused septics! When all was said and done she ended up losing part of her arms and both hands. She was wearing a prosthetic arm/hand on her right side. She said it was her faith that got her through it! A very inspiring story! It goes to prove something that I’ve said and has proven true in my life that if you think you have troubles just talk to someone else!

Messages from Pastor Jayson included these key points: 1) Contentment is a choice 2) Life rarely goes the way we think it should 3) A Faith that can’t be tested can’t be trusted and The things we focus on will determine our contentment.

Something that comes to mind for me and my experience is God always has a plan even in our suffering and discontent. It’s in his timing not ours! Every trial I have faced has been for my greater good in the end. If I was still living in Texas I would be so much worse off! I don’t think I would have found the church family I have or the relationship with Jesus I have now.

Philippians 4:13New International Version

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

19 Jan 2024 Leadership

by saymber, posted in Home, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What makes a good leader?

Good morning. As I write to you I’m full of gratitude. Yesterday my pastor and his son came by with a snow blower and shoveled me out of my driveway! It meant so much to me that they did that!

I think what makes a good leader is someone who won’t ask their people to do what they won’t do themselves. Also a good leader is one of action not just words. My pastor is a good example of leadership in action. As I get to know him better the more I respect him! It’s not easy being in his position but he does it so well.

Proverbs 3:13-18New International Version

13 Blessed are those who find wisdom,
those who gain understanding,
14 for she is more profitable than silver
and yields better returns than gold.
15 She is more precious than rubies;
nothing you desire can compare with her.
16 Long life is in her right hand;
in her left hand are riches and honor.
17 Her ways are pleasant ways,
and all her paths are peace.
18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her;
those who hold her fast will be blessed.

24 August 2023 Name

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, history, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Where did your name come from?

Hello to you. I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting and getting groceries. We had Savanah, Pastor Jason’s daughter with us which was really nice. Apparently her school day started with the school smelling like gasoline! Jeannie was able to come again – she’s so sweet.

Last night I drew a couple pictures. They aren’t my best work but just what I had come through to draw:

Not sure what’s going on with this one
Door in the sky of spirits – open
For the first time in awhile I just picked up my drawing pad and pen

So where does my name come from? My name was from Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She was many years before I was born but still an inspiration to my parents I guess!

Matthew 16:13-20New International Version

Peter Declares That Jesus Is the Messiah

13 When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”

14 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist;others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”

15 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”

16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

30 July 2023 Perspective

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, In the News, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Spirituality and Religion, technology, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How has your weekend been? I’m just back from church – there was a good message and a good turnout. Pastor Jason emphasized perspective about life. He had a good way of sharing it. He had a spool of twine he wound through all of us and that symbolized our connection to the eternity of being in heaven with Jesus. He cut off a tiny sliver that symbolizes our individual life and he blew it away. Our lives are short compared to eternity! He also talked about us not really having control over what happens to us but we can control how we react to what happens. Old wisdom for current times! What I know about perspective is we are biologically incapable of all perceiving this world in the exact same way.

I’ve been processing more about the latest news about aliens. I was over at my Aunt and Uncles yesterday to spend some time with them and my cousin Laura. My Aunt is healing from her shoulder surgery. We all agreed that this news doesn’t change much for the average American. They were relieved to hear me say that as my blogs were pretty full of excitement about it lol. They were a little worried about me. I haven’t lost my perspective! What frustrates me and other UFO enthusiasts is when people say the extraterrestrials are demons. I don’t believe that. I believe they are of Gods making too. It’s all his design. My Aunt and Uncle don’t think they are here to help – they think we are like ants to them – observing.

My Aunt is doing well and enjoyed having my cousin and I over to visit. The boys went to see Oppenheimer – 3 hour movie! She wanted to watch Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga so we watched different performances of them together on YouTube. It’s funny how much of a bridge was built by those two with genres of music.

https://youtu.be/PcbJt0GqJJ4 – 60 minutes Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett

One the psalms we read today:

Psalm 37[a] NIV

Of David.

1 Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous rewardshine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
    though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
    and enjoy peace and prosperity.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
    and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
    for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
    and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
    to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
    and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
    than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
    but the Lord upholds the righteous.

18 The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
    and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
    in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
    Though the Lord’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
    they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
    but the righteous give generously;
22 those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
    but those he curses will be destroyed.

23 The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
    or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.[b]

27 Turn from evil and do good;
    then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the Lord loves the just
    and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed[c];
    the offspring of the wicked will perish.
29 The righteous will inherit the land
    and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
    and their tongues speak what is just.
31 The law of their God is in their hearts;
    their feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
    intent on putting them to death;
33 but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked
    or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Hope in the Lord
    and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
    when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
    flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
    though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
    a future awaits those who seek peace.[d]
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
    there will be no future[e] for the wicked.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

7 May 2023 Heart

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, history, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Movies, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m just back from church – wasn’t sure if I was going but I did go. There are so many nice people that go and as I get regular with my attendance, the more people I get to know. The next event the ladies are having is a Ladies Tea on the 20th. My Aunt and I are planning on attending.

Todays message was more about the life of Abraham. The part we went over was when Abraham’s wife didn’t want to wait any longer for the God promised baby and she suggested Abraham conceive with Hagar the slave. The message about that was when we push our will instead of waiting can cause heart ache. The other message, and this has come up before, is how our hearts can’t be trusted. I wanted to put up my hand and disagree! One of my favorite sayings is from a 1920’s movie called Metropolis “the mediator between the head and hands must be the heart.” That silent movie was about how ruthless a business person can be without using their heart. As a woman and an empath I use my heart a lot! Sadly that’s probably why I have so many labels and mental health issues.! So much inner conflict between my brain and my heart.

I understand the intent of the message is to encourage us to get closer to God and not lean completely on our understanding but as I’m experiencing lately – God has been really quiet and without using my heart, I wouldn’t keep going to church and try to find a way to serve God and the community.

The world can be a heartless place – all you have to do is look at a news feed or talk to someone. It’s hard to find and achieve balance between using my heart and leaning on God. How can you love others as you should love God and yourself without using and trusting your heart?!

There is so much conflict for me with how we are taught to operate in this world. On the one hand we are taught to turn inward and find God and wisdom. There is emphasis on prayer and meditation which comes from within and then flows out. On the other hand we are taught that our inner selves are unreliable and inherently bad . We are taught to look outside ourselves for guidance and wisdom. This was what I learned in AA and all the church’s I’ve been to. I was taught I’m not trustworthy on my own. How can be turning inward to where the Holy Spirit is supposed to be bad? Where does the Holy Spirit within us reside? Where does our souls energy reside?

I am still learning and have to trust God will show me his truth.

I guess I don’t like to hear that on my own I’m not a good person. I have spent a lot of my life in therapy to deal with low self esteem issues! That’s probably not what is intentioned in todays message but that’s what I heard and keep hearing. That’s the tough job of a Pastor I guess – sometimes to tell us not what we want to hear but need to hear? Pastor Jason said it was a hard sermon for him to write and I can see why!

One of my drawings – this was during one of my more creative phases

Acts 2 : 2-4

The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost

2 When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. 2 Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. 3 They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. 4 All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues[a] as the Spirit enabled them.