11 Dec 2024 Favorite Physical Activities or Exercises

What are your favorite physical activities or exercises?

Hello there! How are you?! I’m doing ok. I’ve been watching the news reports about objects they claim are drones flying over New Jersey and other parts of the world for weeks now. They had a hearing about it just yesterday and the FBI claims to not know what they are. One news report I heard today is there is an Iranian mothership bought from China in the ocean where these are allegedly coming from. It’s so bizarre because they are not the normal size of most drones people have access to. Some have been reported to be the size of a small SUV! With the recent hearings about UAPs and our being told we are not alone – that we are in fact being visited by beings or objects from other worlds or dimensions, I think it’s all connected somehow. I don’t think we are alone and I have been waiting all my life for the truth to be revealed! In yesterday’s hearing they were asking why if they are drones and a possible threat to the security of the citizens they are flying over they aren’t being shot down. I don’t think they are sure what to do about this! They didn’t have a definitive answer. They have put zero dollars in the budget for this sort of thing. Some people suspect these are not of this world but being put out there to act like something we already know so we won’t be afraid when the truth comes out. I saw a report of a man in New Jersey taking matters into his own hands and shooting at one of them as it flew over his house – he was arrested. People are alarmed over this! Something is happening and I hope it’s not just smoke and mirrors to distract us from matters affecting all of us. This year is definitely closing out on a weird note!

Whew! Now to today’s prompt! The one physical activity that I enjoy is walking even if it’s hard for me to do with the Mal de barque syndrome going on. I force myself to go with Link at least once a day. We go around the block. I am winded but we do it and it’s good for both of us. There was a time in my life, well most of my life, that I was really active. I ran, played volleyball, worked out at the gym, danced, road bike and did yoga as just a few examples. Now that I have put on so much weight and have balance issues with the Mal de barque syndrome – walking is really all I can do along with sit-ups and arm exercises. Slowly I am losing weight.

This passage from Ezekiel and messages in Revelations makes me think that people writing about these experiences back then were much like people of today trying to describe what they are experiencing in New Jersey and other places in the world right now. Sometimes words aren’t enough!

Ezekiel 10-11New International Version

God’s Glory Departs From the Temple

10 I looked, and I saw the likeness of a throne of lapis lazuli above the vault that was over the heads of the cherubim. The Lord said to the man clothed in linen, “Go in among the wheels beneath the cherubim. Fill your hands with burning coals from among the cherubim and scatter them over the city.” And as I watched, he went in.

Now the cherubim were standing on the south side of the temple when the man went in, and a cloud filled the inner court. Then the glory of the Lord rose from above the cherubim and moved to the threshold of the temple. The cloud filled the temple, and the court was full of the radiance of the glory of the Lord.The sound of the wings of the cherubim could be heard as far away as the outer court, like the voice of God Almighty[a] when he speaks.

When the Lord commanded the man in linen, “Take fire from among the wheels, from among the cherubim,” the man went in and stood beside a wheel.Then one of the cherubim reached out his hand to the fire that was among them. He took up some of it and put it into the hands of the man in linen, who took it and went out. (Under the wings of the cherubim could be seen what looked like human hands.)

I looked, and I saw beside the cherubim four wheels, one beside each of the cherubim; the wheels sparkled like topaz. 10 As for their appearance, the four of them looked alike; each was like a wheel intersecting a wheel. 11 As they moved, they would go in any one of the four directions the cherubim faced; the wheels did not turn about[b] as the cherubim went. The cherubim went in whatever direction the head faced, without turning as they went. 12 Their entire bodies, including their backs, their hands and their wings, were completely full of eyes, as were their four wheels. 13 I heard the wheels being called “the whirling wheels.”14 Each of the cherubim had four faces: One face was that of a cherub, the second the face of a human being, the third the face of a lion, and the fourth the face of an eagle.

15 Then the cherubim rose upward. These were the living creatures I had seen by the Kebar River.16 When the cherubim moved, the wheels beside them moved; and when the cherubim spread their wings to rise from the ground, the wheels did not leave their side. 17 When the cherubim stood still, they also stood still; and when the cherubim rose, they rose with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in them.

18 Then the glory of the Lord departed from over the threshold of the temple and stopped above the cherubim. 19 While I watched, the cherubim spread their wings and rose from the ground, and as they went, the wheels went with them. They stopped at the entrance of the east gate of the Lord’s house, and the glory of the God of Israel was above them.

20 These were the living creatures I had seen beneath the God of Israel by the Kebar River, and I realized that they were cherubim. 21 Each had four faces and four wings, and under their wings was what looked like human hands. 22 Their faces had the same appearance as those I had seen by the Kebar River.Each one went straight ahead.

3 Dec 2024 Change

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Today has been uneventful. I am feeling a little better after catching another cold. There was talk about something happening today with regard to space people but of course nothing happened! I am thinking something is brewing with the increase in sightings. I am thinking it has to do with the increasing unrest going on in the world – Sabre rattling about using nukes. If I was a space person watching all of what’s going on I think I would want to intervene too!

My answer to today’s prompt is if I could change one thing about myself I would not be Bipolar. Having this diagnosis has really limited me in so many ways. I have lost two marriages and many friendships and relationships with family. I lost a career because of this condition. The only good thing to ever come of being Bipolar was the wellspring of energy and creativity during the times I was manic. I would hardly sleep and my creative abilities seemed endless. I could draw, paint, sing, write, take awesome photos, dance, tap into the spiritual realms – all of this with little to no effort. Having the mania under control with the medication I’m on – Depakote- I can’t do much of anything anymore. This blog is my only outlet! In addition to Bipolar I have the Mal de barque syndrome where I have trouble with balance. I’m convinced it was triggered by my being tased by police when I was having a manic episode two years ago. It just won’t go away! So I guess there are actually two things I wish I could change!

Since I cannot change what I am, I have to push through with it all. I have to force myself to move forward even if I don’t want to. I pray a lot and ask for healing. I am trying to say yes more often when I would usually say no. One of the side affects of Depakote is weight gain and not feeling full after eating. With the balance challenges it’s hard to exercise to get rid of calories but I force myself to get a walk in with Link each day. I’m trying to lower my calorie count too. I am trying to say no more often to eating sweets which is my favorite type of food! Not all of what I am can be blamed on being Bipolar! I wish I could get back to size 16 jeans again. Obesity runs in my Dads side of the family so my genetics are kind of stacked against me along with my diagnosis.

Some scripture about change:

  • Ecclesiastes 3:1-2“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot”. 
  • Isaiah 43:18-19“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”. 
  • Psalm 30:5“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”. 
  • Romans 8:28“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. 
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”. 
  • Hebrews 13:8“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”. 
  • Malachi 3:6“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed”. 
  • James 1:17“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”. 
  • Ephesians 4:22-24“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”. 

5 July 2023 Expressing Gratitude

How do you express your gratitude?

Hello there. We survived another 4th of July! The people firing off fireworks last night weren’t as intense as last year. I’m thankful for that! I just had a walk around the block and no loose dogs or cats which is a blessing. We had a wonderful visit with my Aunt, Uncle, cousin and his wife yesterday. Lots of good food – huge hot dogs! They brought the bike over but I couldn’t ride it without feeling like it was going to tip over. My balance just wasn’t there! So we are leaving the bike with them. So another “can’t” on the books. I’m not sure if it’s just because it had three wheels or just me not being able to balance. Everybody else was able to ride it. When they had a two wheel bike I had no problem riding it but that was before I had the swaying issues in my head.

Todays prompt makes me think of my family and friends. So much to be thankful for and the way I have expressed my gratitude has mostly been words these past couple of years. When I was a child, my Mom taught me to write thank you notes when I received gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I haven’t written a thank you note in a long time! Ever since this whatever I’ve got going on in my head, writing with a pen and paper has become more difficult. I’m thankful I can still type and text!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 July 2023 Keeping Life Fresh

Hello to you. It’s 89 degrees here as I write to you. I was going to sit outside and write but it’s too hot!

My thoughts today turn to thinking about keeping life fresh. Lately my life has been feeling like Ground Hog Day. Very little deviation from routine. Sometimes I will be ready to do my daily sit ups and wonder if I already did them! Inside of me I am wanting more but my body is resisting. What keeps happening is I get this fullness in my ears and I will feel anxious and hypersensitive to my body. The Mal de Barque stuff. My lower back has not been my friend either. I try to walk and I feel like a weeble wobble huffing and puffing almost the whole walk in pain. The only thing that seems to help the hypersensitivity is taking the olanzapine right now. I will be starting to do the taper off of it starting tomorrow. My doctor wants to taper me off of it because it’s notorious, along with the Depakote, for causing weight gain. We are going to try Abilify (aripiprazole) instead of Olanzapine – I hope it works as well for anxiety, weight gain and hypersensitivity.

I try to stay in the understanding that I am blessed to have the life I have even with it’s short comings! As I keep saying it’s not what I can’t do but what I can. Hopefully with the medicine change I will feel stronger and like I can do more to keep my life fresh.

Psalm 147:3-5New International Version

3 He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
4 He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
5 Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.

28 June 2023 Overcoming Darkness

Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.

What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.

My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!

My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:

Philippians 4:8
New International Version
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

20 April 2023 MRI Results

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Yesterday my Auntie and I went and had my MRI. I’m so grateful she was able to go with me! They called me today about the results and the doctor had no further concerns. I have a follow up in June to discuss the results. I think my suspicion of my having Mal de barque syndrome is correct. We have checked the ears and the brain and nothing has shown up. So whatever is going on will either eventually go away or I will just have to live with it indefinitely. I will stay in gratitude that nothing bad has come up with all the tests.

This morning at 9:30 am was another prayer team session at Grace House. There were a couple of us to include Pastor Jason. We had about two pages of prayer praises and prayer requests. Some things didn’t make it to the printed list but passed our lips and hearts. There is a lot going on in our little church and the crazy world it’s trying to operate in!

My dear Link helps me each day

Romans 12:5New International Version

5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body,and each member belongs to all the others.

Proverbs 19:21New International Version

21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

19 April 2023 Never Visit? (Daily Prompt)

What place in the world do you never want to visit? Why?

Hello to you. How is your week so far? In a couple hours I’m going in for an MRI of my head to see what’s going on in there. I’m not really worried about it. If I in fact have Mal de barque syndrome the scan will not show anything. If the scan is negative that means whatever is going on is something I’m just going to have to learn to live with.

Todays prompt is about deciding on a place I would never want to visit and why. I honestly can’t think of just one place! Any place that has high gun violence and that could be any place in the states. The same for overseas – I wouldn’t want to visit Russia or the Ukraine with what is going on there right now. The Middle East always seems to have something going on so I don’t think I would want to go there either. Like I said, it’s hard to choose just one place. When I was stationed in Europe I felt safe to travel but I have heard things have changed since I left.

Here is a beautiful and popular psalm for travelers:

Psalm 91New International Version

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
I will say of the Lord, “He is my refugeand my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angelsconcerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.14 “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

24 March 2023 Communication

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Each day my online therapist app Better Health has a suggested topic. Todays topic had to do with what communication looks like. A phrase that came to mind almost immediately was “use your words.” Sometimes I don’t have the clarity I’d like to properly communicate things. This has been happening as I’ve tried to explain what I’m experiencing on a daily basis with the Mal de barque syndrome stuff. People ask me if I’m feeling better with swaying and stuff and the answer is usually no. Like this morning I had a dizzy spell like vertigo. It was very brief – when I rolled over in bed.

I’m scheduled for an MRI on the 19th of April to see what’s going on inside my head. Hopefully nothing that can’t be fixed.

I’ve had a lot of people praying for me through this. I am so grateful for the love and support from my family and friends. God must have some sort of plan in all this.

4 March 2023 Walks With My Dog ( Gratitude)

Hello to you. How is your today? I hope we’ll. Today I find myself grateful for the walks I am able to take with Link. Today he lead me to where a couple neighbors were talking and I was able to say hello and find out we have a stray cat problem. People dumping their unwanteds at the Post Office across the street. One of the men said he’s been feeding a couple of them. He said if I wanted one I was welcome to them. Honestly I don’t know how Link would do with a feral cat as a housemate!

Walking with Link took me past some places where the water still is running freely and that was pretty to see. Getting out with him really is good for me even if it’s kind of tough with the swaying in my head issues. I have a neurology appt this month to further investigate what may be causing me to experience the exaggeration of motion I feel when I walk. I am wondering if Mal de barque syndrome will be the diagnosis and if so will there be anything to be done about it. From what I’ve seen and read there is no cure.

I am just grateful as I write to you for my boy Link. He is a reason to get up each day and to get out in the world.

Link after one of our many walks