26 April 2023 Ten years – A Time For Everything

April 16, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Todays prompt is making me do something I don’t normally do anymore and that is predicting or and projecting my future. Ten years is a long time! If time goes at the rate it’s going I see myself still here in Idaho and possibly having met a nice man for companionship. I am a little slow when it comes to doing things! Sadly I will have to deal with the heart break of Link probably passing on in that time and I don’t know if I will want to go through another life cycle of a pet. Not something I’m looking forward to! I can’t even really talk about it without getting upset. He’s the first dog I have known since he was a newborn puppy.

There are other potential losses I may experience in a ten year life span – it will be crushing. My generation is one where the generation ahead of us, Baby Boomers, are aging out. I think of family photos where so many of the people in them are no longer here with us. God willing, what is coming in the next years will be bearable and not all at once. When I get overwhelmed with grief is when I have had my breakdowns in the past.

A interesting passage from the Bible about time and being human:

Ecclesiastes 3New International Version

A Time for Everything

3 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³    a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶    a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷    a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸    a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹²I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. ¹³That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.¹⁵Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.^[b]¹⁶And I saw something else under the sun:In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
in the place of justice—wickedness was there.¹⁷I said to myself,“God will bring into judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity,
a time to judge every deed.”¹⁸I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. ¹⁹Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath^[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. ²⁰All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. ²¹Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”²²So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?

15 April 2023 Happiness

April 15, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Food, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?

Hello to you. How are you? I hope your doing ok. The world is kind of crazy! Todays prompt is a good one. When the world around you is seeming kind of chaotic a good way to get grounded is to focus thoughts on what’s good in your life – gratitude. Something I’ve done ever since I was in rehab many years ago was a mental gratitude list. Rather than sit and complain pull out your gratitude list. What’s fun about doing it is how quickly you go from just one thing your grateful for to a whole bunch of things.

I have many things that make me happy and that I’m grateful for. At the top of my list is family and friends. My family and friends have gotten me to this day! True examples of unconditional love. Next is of course Link. I love waking up to his sweet smile and wagging tail. Number three is good food – I enjoy food too much lol! Number four is my connection to God – having a church home has really been helpful to keeping that connection strong. Number five is nature – seeing nature wake up this spring just really makes me happy! The best florist in the world is momma nature!

My Uncle Bill shared a couple pictures this morning of a beautiful California poppy bloom. The rains made it happen! Something good out of something that has caused a lot of people trouble:

Poppy bloom picture from my Uncle Bill- what a beautiful sight. I can remember last year asking God about orange flowers and the first ones he showed me were these types of flowers growing here!

12 April 2023 Love

April 12, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I hope this finds you doing as best as you can. There is so much going on in this world!

When I was thinking of a topic today, the first thing that popped in my head was the word Love. What is Love? To me it’s a feeling that emanates in the heart and cascades out. When I am in connection with God and the people and animals I care about Love happens. Some people have no idea what Love truly is or what it feels like – some are those people that end up in prisons or state hospitals and animals that end up in shelters. I have been fortunate to have known Love all of my life. My family has been a source of unconditional Love. When I was in the hospital this last time they were there for me. My dog Link is a source of unconditional Love each day. I look forward to seeing his sweet face and wagging tail each morning!

What Love looks like each day – my dog Link

Love is mentioned many times in the Bible. Here are a few passages:

1 Corinthians 13:4-5Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1 Corinthians 16:14Do everything in love.

Psalm 143:8Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.

Colossians 3:14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Proverbs 3:3-4Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.

1 John 4:16And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

1 Corinthians 13:13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

1 John 4:19We love because He first loved us.

Ephesians 4:2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

1 Peter 4:8Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Romans 12:9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

Ephesians 3:16-17I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love.

John 15:12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

I hope you know what true Love is – looks and feels like. You deserve it!

31 March 2023 What I wanted to be growing up

March 31, 2023 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?

When I was five or so I wanted to be famous. I used to sing to the neighbor kids using a jump rope handle. I wrote stories to include one about vampires when I was in kindergarten. I also wrote stuff you might see in the Bible at a very young age. It was so good people didn’t believe I wrote it. I had that dream for many years beyond being five! I liked to draw, write, sing and dance. My Mom used to read my stories and something she said always stuck with me, “You don’t have to be famous to be somebody.” Her saying that truly helped me keep things in perspective! She was so right!

I grew up in the late 60’s and early 70’s. We didn’t have The Voice or America’s Got Talent. We had stuff like Solid Gold – I loved the dancing and would try those moves in our living room when I had the house to myself which was quite often as my parents both worked a lot. The other thing I spent a lot of time doing was drawing my favorite musicians like David Bowie for example. I can remember spending hours on just one drawing.

My dream to become famous never happened. I’m glad about it as I don’t think I would have survived to the age I am now! I see what fame does to a lot of people and it’s not pretty most times! With how sensitive I’ve always been I would have been a wreck. I look at people like Michael Jackson, Prince and Chris Cornell to name just a few. Their fame was a source of severe anxiety and public scrutiny.

30 March 2023 Understanding

March 30, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What’s something most people don’t understand?

Mental healths connection to spiritual health.

It’s important to attain balance in all things. Too much of anything can offset balance. I think it’s possible to be over religious and as in my case that can create imbalance. I think you need a healthy spiritual life to have a healthy mental life. I believe there is a void in each of us that only things of the spirit – of God- can fill. I believe there is definitely a connection – at least for me, can’t speak for everyone.

This past hospitalization to a mental hospital occurred because I was tired of waiting for Jesus’s second coming. I got too much into religion. I took it upon myself to initiate it and ended up getting tased by the police and sent to a hospital! The spirit world was talking through me and I enjoyed it but it messed up my mental health. It took over again like what happened in Texas a couple of times. The anxiety attacks were the worst part.

Thankfully I have loving family that have a balanced spiritual and mental life that are there for me. I don’t know if I would have made it in Texas if my Idaho family hadn’t been there for me. My cousins wife confided in me recently that before she and my cousin came and got Link and I, the prepared themselves spiritually as it seemed like other spiritual forces were at work with me. They put on their holy armor!

I think a lot of people try to get through life without a healthy balance of belief in God and self. There are things that nothing of this tangible world can fix. My ex and I learned this especially when we had to let our dog Sam go to the rainbow bridge. There was nothing that could fill the void his passing left inside of us. It was like losing a child! Even as much as Link’s arrival helped, only Gods unconditional love has really filled the void. Sam’s love and behavior towards us was like I imagine Gods love to be – unconditional. Our pets teach us so much that can’t be taught, and learned, any other way.

29 March 2023 God the Gentleman (free will quandry)

March 29, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How is your today going? I am doing ok. My thoughts are on my quandry about God and free will. I brought this up last night with the ladies in my Bible study. The answers that came from them were all similar. God didn’t make us to be mindless drones and followers of his word. God is a gentleman who gives us choice – to choose to believe in him or not. Nothing is forced. Emily, the leader of the study gave me a good example. She said imagine you have this friend who every time they go out they do the same thing. Like getting drunk and being miserable for it. You know this about them and suggest they not do it but ultimately it’s their choice. Emily was kind of tackling the all knowing God in her example. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we are going to do and can put other options and choices – better choices- before us but ultimately we make the final call. When I think of the times I’ve been through with my mental health I got myself in a tunnel. I couldn’t see the better choices because I lost control of my ability to see them. In the Christian community they might say the enemy had hold of me.

I read this morning that the Nashville shooter had been suffering. When we are suffering and don’t have faith and trust in God and the enemy is “driving the car” we make, in her case, fatal choices despite what God wants for us.

I am still struggling with the issue of God allowing mass shootings to go on. I feel like there is a lesson we are supposed to be learning and we are not learning it. For example there is no red flag law in Tennessee to prevent troubled people from purchasing weapons or keeping current guns in their possession. May be this case is another example that lawmakers need to make better choices too. Something like red flag laws should be federal law not just up to each state. That’s just my opinion of course. There is just too much inconsistency when it comes to guns in America.

So I’m glad I was able to talk to Emily and the other ladies in Bible study last night about Gods Grace when it comes to tragedy. There have been all kinds lately to include weather related. The people in Mississippi who lost their lives and or homes to tornados. I wonder what God wants us to learn about that or is it beyond God and a combination of man -made factors – climate change for example. I don’t think anybody is completely ready for something like a tornado. I know when we had one when we lived in Texas it took us by surprise even with the weather service warnings! We were grateful for our lives being spared and minimal damage to our property. It’s got to be hard to have everything destroyed like happened to the already poor in Mississippi. What is Gods plan for these unfortunates? I know after the tornado we had it pulled all of us neighbors closer together.

At the bottom of all tragedy, no matter what kind it is, what good can come from it? What can we learn about God and ourselves? We can choose to crumble or learn and rise above it wiser. It really helped me to hear fellow believers explain God as being a gentleman. We are given a choice and we don’t have to wait for tragedy, reaching our bottom in life, to choose Gods will for us. With these tragedies we are seeing the perpetrators are self will run riot. In cases like these mass shootings, fatally so. Passion takes over reason. I wonder if that shooter knew she was unconditionally loved by God if she still would have gone through with her plans.

27 March 2023 Feeling Like Spring

March 27, 2023 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you how are you today? I hope we’ll. It’s starting to look and feel like spring already here in Idaho. My neighbors flowers are starting to push up through the winter soil. Every time I walk past her yard and see them I feel like smiling. Mother Nature, this earth is so amazing isn’t she? I’m always amazed at how quickly, with just a few elements life is able to happen. Like a construction site where a mound of dirt is pushed off to the side and within a short time it being covered with life. Last year I was awed by a beautiful purple flower growing in a crack in my Aunt and Uncles driveway. God is good! So much evidence of the master of creation.

On a slightly different note, we are trying to break a cycle of going to bed late and getting up late. I try to go to start winding down at 9 pm but often don’t fall asleep right away. I wake up around 8 am automatically no matter what I do. My Aunt, Uncle and therapist have been encouraging me to just get up. I need to practice this – May be make an appt with myself. Make a coffee date or exercise appt- something. Link and I walk in the morning but he likes to dawdle and I wonder if he’s starting to feel his age (like I am!) Anyhew I have been having spinning spells when I move a certain way the past couple of days.

24 March 2023 Communication

March 24, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Each day my online therapist app Better Health has a suggested topic. Todays topic had to do with what communication looks like. A phrase that came to mind almost immediately was “use your words.” Sometimes I don’t have the clarity I’d like to properly communicate things. This has been happening as I’ve tried to explain what I’m experiencing on a daily basis with the Mal de barque syndrome stuff. People ask me if I’m feeling better with swaying and stuff and the answer is usually no. Like this morning I had a dizzy spell like vertigo. It was very brief – when I rolled over in bed.

I’m scheduled for an MRI on the 19th of April to see what’s going on inside my head. Hopefully nothing that can’t be fixed.

I’ve had a lot of people praying for me through this. I am so grateful for the love and support from my family and friends. God must have some sort of plan in all this.

20 March 2023 Neurology Appt

March 21, 2023 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, technology, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I’m pretty much the same. This morning my Aunt and I went to a neurologist appt. He did tests to see my reflex response like tapping my knees and wrists and touching the bottom of my feet. He couldn’t find anything so wants to do an MRI and see if anything shows up to explain why I’m experiencing the swaying motion when I walk. He was familiar with Mal de barque syndrome but wasn’t aware of any connection between getting tased and brain and nerve damage. So we shall see what happens.

I was grateful to have my Aunt there with me. When I was married, I had my husband with me all the time. Now that I’m divorced I have to rely on family and they are so happy to help! I am truly grateful and blessed to have supportive family and friends.

A reflection:

Lately I’ve been noticing a lot of social media posts from people from my generation reflecting on what it’s been like growing up when we did. I was born in 1968 and it really is amazing how much we have advanced in some ways and regressed in others. With people living longer there is a mich mesh of generations co-existing at the same time. There is a lot of overlapping between generations. A lot of people seem to want things to go back to “normal” and as I see it what we are experiencing is our new normal. Everyone just wants to do and be what they want but there are forces pushing back against it. Specifically the LGBTQ+ agenda. As a woman who has struggled at times with being born a woman and accepting my lot in life I sometimes get jealous of women who have decided to go through with trans surgery. Specifically top surgery I hate having large breasts. A lot of these types of folks end up on Tik Tok and I am drawn to their pages and stories. One person I was drawn to, can’t remember there name but they laid it out that if you are identifying as trans it is a mental illness. You have to get an official diagnosis in order to go forth with trans surgery and hormone therapy. I had never heard someone say that before. I have found drag queens fascinating. My ex and I used to watch Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Most of the contestants were gay and some trans. You don’t just wake up one day and decide these things. Most seem to know early on that they are different. I was probably 5 or 6 years old when I remember telling my Grandma I was supposed to be a boy. I was one of two female grandchildren, the rest were boys. So it makes sense I would think that. I am glad to be a woman despite the drawbacks! When I was a teenager I was anorexic and bulemic and really thin and athletic but struggled with my weight. I had short hair and was often mistaken for a boy! Anyhew it’s interesting to see the generations getting older clashing in social media. Terms like identifying as binary and stuff I just don’t understand. To me, from my own experience, everybody just seems to be trying to belong…to find their tribe. I am trying to find mine again. I had one in Texas but it split apart. I am attending a Bible study with a nice group of women from church. As welcoming as they are I still don’t feel like I fit in. Is team Jesus my tribe? Just as I am?

Since my last psychotic break or episode it’s been really quiet for me spiritually, mentally and physically. As I’ve mentioned before I get real tired easily and that’s probably due to being overweight. There is more of me to lug around. The medications I’m on have brought about silence in the creativity department and my spirituality is quiet too. I’m having trouble finding my tribe – who or what do I belong when at times I don’t have the clarity to express a single thought? This post is the longest I’ve done in a while!

Generation X seems like I’m part of a broken generation. A generation of people that worked until they got broken so now our days are made up of medical appts and new diagnosis! I have seen and experienced so much brokenness. Everything from being born when Martin Luther King was killed to stuff like Columbine, Sandyhook, the Challenger explosion and 9/11. The technology boom in just a short time. I remember computer data being processed on punch cards! I’m 55 years old and sometimes I feel ancient when I reflect on all I’ve lived through. God must have some use for me yet!

I’ll close for now. Just reflecting and thinking about where I’m at and where I want to head this leg of my journey.

14 February 2023 Getting Older

February 14, 2023February 14, 2023 by saymber, posted in books, Home, Leading Life by Example, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I hope well. Yesterday was my 55th birthday. We celebrated as a family on Super Bowl Sunday at my cousins house as it was a celebration of both of us. He is 4 years older. It was really nice to celebrate together. I didn’t do anything yesterday but did get some nice cards from my Mom and family.

Today is another one of those Hallmark holidays. I think every day is an opportunity to be someone’s Valentine. When I was married to my last husband, we didn’t do anything as we believed every day was a day to treat each other specially. It’s kind of like Mothers and Father’s Day and holidays like them.

My devotional Beauty Beheld arrived today and I started reading it. I can tell it’s not going to be an easy read! Having others to talk about it will help I hope.