Category: Writing and blogging

3 November 2021 Apple

by saymber, posted in history, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi! How are you in your today? I’m doing alright. I am looking at my little drum and wishing I had someone to play it with! On the 13th I’ve scheduled a Meetup event at 6 pm . Even if one person signs up that would be nice ! (Connect Middleton Idaho)

“Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings” psalm 17:8

The Bible has some beautiful passages in it. I chose this one thinking of my Grandma Irene Schmidt today. I can remember her and I playing cards one time and her telling me I was the apple of her eye. It made me feel so special to be loved like that! My Grandma loved God so much and shared that love with me. This morning I’m remembering her flowers. She had the most beautiful roses. I’m thinking of the white Kennedy roses in particular. They were huge and smelled so good! Whenever I see or smell a rose I think of my Grandma.

I don’t have a picture of Grandmas flowers handy but this link will show you what the rose looked like:

https://gardencenterpoint.com/kennedy-rose/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw5oiMBhDtARIsAJi0qk0Ui7pk2D6Be-PKSOOD23QR4UjCDpuT33MH_q6xQipk3IA_TllmwoQaAnceEALw_wcB

2 November 2021 Questions

by saymber, posted in dreams, history, In the News, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), space, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you? I’m feeling really tired but know I won’t be able to go back to sleep. For the past couple weeks I just haven’t been able to sleep well. It happens to a lot of us I think, especially when we get older.

So first thing this morning I got groceries at our local Ridleys. It was a little tricky getting around the store as they are doing a pretty big renovation/reorganization of the store. It should be really nice when it’s done!

The past couple days I’ve been watching You tube videos about aliens and UFOs. It makes me think of the dream I had when I was in the hospital. It was so vivid. I was laying on a table and there were two Gray aliens. I can remember screaming at them “What did you do to my face?!’” I could see myself and half of my face was a Gray alien! Then I saw my dog Spot and she was looking outside and barking but nothing was there. The dream was felt more like a memory than a dream. Weird huh?!!

When I think of aliens and UFOs I think of how much trouble we have still to this day of peacefully coexisting with life forms that are different than ourselves. Even in the year 2021 we fight amongst ourselves. If I was an alien species I would be very reluctant to show up on the White House lawn too!

I have so many questions for them! How long have they been watching us? Can they help us save this planet?!

Do you think we are being visited by beings from other galaxies? Have life forms learned how to fold space and time and travel in between? Lots of questions and still few answers!

https://youtu.be/64s8ujoydRM – one of the documentaries I’ve watched

1 November 2021 Conditional Love

by saymber, posted in Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. I am home from an appointment with my therapist. Some really profound things came up. I had to write about it and hope may be something will resonate with you.

The first thing that came forth was when I was talking about my ex and how I was holding on to our past. How I felt like my holding on to our past was keeping me from moving forward . How I felt holding on to my past was a visceral thing I could actually feel in my head. Like an invisible force holding me back. Well my therapist said something pretty profound. She said “his love for you was conditional.” I felt that so deeply! I immediately felt a warmth in my chest. I thought of Jesus and unconditional love. How I had expected a human being to love me like Jesus and he just couldn’t. Lots of tears processing that! It was a truth I hadn’t considered.

The second thing was I have this huge circle of memories he and I shared and so many of them are good! Powerful! I am so afraid that if I go forward and make new memories that I will leave that past I love behind. I don’t want to let go. My therapist was like “ your holding on to nothing.” He went out of his way to get me a hard copy of the divorce decree. There is literally nothing to go back to! I have to move forward whether I want to or not. Again, more tears! When you talk things out it can bring forth really intense emotions. In case you didn’t already know for yourself, being divorced sucks!

I’m glad I drove to the office day!

30 October 2021 Somebody

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. How are you? This is my second go around trying to write to you! I tried to talk to God today on the morning walk and there was nothing. I guess I was distracted by the trees in various stages of undress or the squirrel running across the road. It wasn’t until I got home and opened my Bible was there something:

Jesus answered him, “it is also written : Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Matthew 4:7

What does it mean to test God? Is it kind of like asking a lion to jump through a hoop of fire? Asking God to do parlor tricks ? Praying prayers from a place of demanding something versus asking? In my world right now I am asking God to help me heal from the divorce. Asking not demanding. Sometimes memories of my past with him will cascade across my entire being. There is no comfort when that happens except God. Only an intangible can fit into an intangible. No testing here just seeking comfort.

More from May last year

“In all of this something there is someone God has made just for me. Right now without a name or specific form….just somebody “

I’ve been trying online dating and like my cousin and I were talking about online stuff is so much different now. Back in the early 2000’s when I met my ex it was a lot different… safer. Now there are so many scammers. I’ve encountered a few and they want your money not you. I find myself wanting to meet my new somebody in a natural way. Is that Gods plan?

29 October 2021 Beautiful Day

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Home, Nature, photography, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi. I’m sitting outside enjoying the sunshine.

The neighbors tree is almost done shedding it’s leaves. Link is watching for the squirrel!

“Fall leaves scrape and scuttle in the breeze, twisting and turning landing where they please.”

A little bit of chalk today

It’s a beautiful day. I am trying to enjoy this weather while it lasts! I hope in your where and when that you get some time to enjoy your day.

29 October 2021 Thirsty

by saymber, posted in Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you doing today? I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee and my little drum. I had a nice day yesterday . My cousin came to visit me and took me out to lunch at a burger place called The Habit. They had green beans that were prepared like French fries! I just love spending time with her. She, like the rest of my family here are so supportive. I told her that she is a breath of fresh air. I am truly blessed. She and I talked about trying to get together again and I would drive there! It’s time to get me out of my comfort zone again!

My cousin and I talked a bit about how fast life goes . We are both in our 50’s now and it really makes you cherish and be grateful for the people in your life. This time of life makes you want to make the most of the life you have left. I pulled out my Bible today and turned to the book of John:

John 4:13-14New International Version

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.(A) Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water(B) welling up to eternal life.”(C)

Reading this makes me think of the wonderful time I had with my cousin and so many other special moments in my life. They are fleeting. I want to hold on to them but I can’t. Just like water they slip through my fingers.

28 October 2021 Breaking Through

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you . How are you today? It’s a sunny start to the day. It feels so nice! I am doing ok today. I’m thinking about Halloween. I bought a couple small bags of Snickers to pass out and am thinking about wearing my steampunk hat and goggles! I am having to break through my grief. Halloween was our favorite holiday.

I did this last May

Who am now? So much of my identity was plural! It was Kyle and Jackie not just Jackie. I am having to find out who I am now. Yesterday I deleted my Tinder (dating app) account because I realized I have no business being there. Like I talked about in my previous blog. I am walking around carrying a bag full of holes!

“Gradually, carefully God unravels the mystery that is a life. Be it mother, sister, friend or wife. Previously curtained paths do a slight reveal. A joy is found that no one can steal.”

27 October 2021 Bag

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello. It’s evening as I write to you . Have you ever felt like some unseen force was pulling you down? Keeping you stuck in place when you want to move forward? I feel that feeling nearly everyday. Well lately I have been saying this , “God I have to find a way to live this life!”

A long time ago ,during my first marriage we went to a marriage counselor. He was a priest. He gave me an analogy of what my relationship with my husband was. He said it was two people who each have a bag to bring to the relationship . One persons bag was full and the other was empty with a big hole in it. The person with the full bag kept trying to fill the bag with a hole in it and finally had nothing left to share. Both bags were empty. The relationship could not continue like that.

Sitting here writing this, twice divorced now I have a near empty bag riddled with holes. This past year really tore my bag up! It takes time and a lot of thread to make such major repairs! A part of me is so lonely. I get so bored and want the company of someone nice but I know I’m not ready yet. I’m still sewing patches on my bag. My spirit is an ember when it used to be a flame. I am wanting God to bring somebody into my life when I’m ready. When my bag is full again!

“ I’m going to break these chains that bind me. I’m going to set all my tears to sea. God is watching and waiting. God is ready and anticipating. Say my name. Let the ember be a flame. “ – Jackie

27 October 2021 Wednesday

by saymber, posted in animals, drawing, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello . How are you? It’s an overcast day. The sun is playing peek-a-boo with roaming clouds. Link is here. I am so grateful for him and his company !

“Where are you twin star in all this cosmic dust?”

My little drum

For some reason I’m having trouble writing today. My life is in a sort of stasis right now. Everything is in place but isn’t moving. I feel like God is testing my resolve! I am having to be patient!

“I have to remember there are many pieces to move for a single moment! “

26 October 2021 Right Now

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, drawing, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you . How are you? I hope this finds you well.

So my journey into trying to connect with the world I find myself in is kind of at a standstill right now. I bought the drum. I started the Meetup Group. I have joined a couple groups one that is going to meet online Saturday. My inpatient self is asking God,”what’s next?!” There has been no answer. I’m trying too hard. I’m trying to rush something that feels bigger than myself. The obvious answer for me right now is “WAIT!”

“Oh idle spirit how long are your days. One day rolling into another in a maddening haze. What is your purpose for still roaming this earth? What is your value? What is your worth? Unseen workings behind the veil begin to unwind. When all is revealed a new self you will find”