19 October 2021 Immortality

Hello to you. How is your day going? I got out and did a lap around the neighborhood. I’ll probably need to go a little later to get a mile in. It’s so pretty out!

The past couple of days I’ve been watching AI interpretations of what people from old times would look like today. The reference material used is photographs, paintings, statues and even mummies. Yesterday as I watched a female mummy resurrected for a moment, I found myself asking was this what she had in mind being mummified? Did she and the people of her time know they would become immortals?

In our modern world there are so many ways for even the most poor to become immortal. In addition to all the traditional ways there are so many more now that we have AI. The problem that I see however is a lot of the new ways rely on systems that can fail. What if YouTube or Facebooks servers went down and data couldn’t be retrieved? I had an external hard drive that hit the tile one too many times. I can’t get the pictures, videos and documents unless I pay someone! What happens when you drop your cell phone and all your pictures were on it? Immortality of this age is so fragile!

As a child I wanted to be immortal. I wanted to be a famous singer, writer, dancer and artist. My stepmom said something profound about that though, she said “ Jackie you don’t have to be famous to be somebody.” Back then I was going to Catholic Church. There is a part of me that still longs for the immortality I wanted as a child. My grown up self knows those ships have sailed. The modern world of immortals is for the young even though those who are older have most of the money !

Something interesting in the world of AI and spirituality is the word SAVED. This word and concept is equally important in both worlds. It means immortality. For example there is an 8mm film I have of my family, all of them except my dad are deceased. When I watch it they live again. Through my living eyes they have life. They all believed in Jesus Christ. Without that video and other pictures of them that have been “saved” they would just be names on tombstones…..names written in bibles.

I’m at the time in my life when one starts to think of things like this. I have a trunk full of journals and drawings will they stand the test of time? Have I secured my immortality? Much of my hand written stuff is in cursive writing. In many schools they have stopped teaching cursive writing! I have no children to pass “myself” on to. Will my life just end up being a time capsule in a landfill?

What does immortality mean to you? Why do you do what you do in this life? Lately I have been questioning that a lot. It seems like our world is going through an identity crisis. Are we doing things that have meaning or just to survive? If we were able to do what we truly enjoy doing would we have so much consumerism? For some their immortality is in how many possessions they have.

“Through the veil comes a whisper,”remember me.”

18 October 2021 Return?

Hello again. I hope you don’t mind a late afternoon visit. I’m feeling lonely and can use the company. Today has been long like most of my days this past year. To be honest it feels like I’m waiting for someone to return to me. My whole life is suspended in time waiting and it’s stupid. He’s never going to take me back. He sealed the deal with divorce papers. I don’t know why I can’t accept it.

My plight feels like waiting for Jesus Christ to return. How long has it been since he left? Like 2,000 years? I keep asking myself why would he want to return? What is time to a God?! I would think it would be even harder now than even just a couple of years ago. This is a skeptical world we live in. Wouldn’t anyone proclaiming to be Jesus be criticized ? Be considered crazy? I ran across a video on YouTube today of a man in Australia that says he’s Jesus. He’s being looked at as a cult leader: https://youtu.be/xbFtxEYTJG4

“A face within a face. A body within a body. So many eyes. I see you. I hear you. I want to touch your heart. Through pages bound countless ways I live and breathe again. My voice echoes in the churches, temples, open fields and synagogues. Countless voices of one spirit there am I. You will not know me when I come but I will be here.”

It’s starting to get dark and it’s only 7:30! I don’t do that well this time of year here. Well anyhew hope this finds you well. I’ll be talking to you tomorrow.

17 October 2021

Hello there! How are you? I’m doing ok. This morning I’m writing to you from my little loveseat. Link is keeping my feet warm! It’s chilly in the house but not enough to kick the heater on.

So in a little while I’m going over to my Aunt and Uncles to make hot and spicy pepper jam. They haven’t done this for a couple of years. My cousins and their kids will there. I’ll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

I felt like chalking for a few minutes last night

What am I grateful for today? ALOT! I’m so grateful to have a God of my understanding that reminds me to pull out my gratitude list when I’m getting ready to start complaining. I was going to do that this morning! Sometimes it’s ok to complain but I have to be careful that complaining isn’t all I do. I have to remember that when I complain I give my personal power away to what I’m complaining about. What I focus on gains power.

16 October 2021 Doors

Hello there. It’s Saturday as I write to you. It’s looking like it’s going to be a beautiful fall day. I like watching the wind play with the leaves .

There is a simple but powerful prayer my Aunt and I came up with a long time ago; “May the doors that need to open, open. May the doors that need to shut, shut. Amen.” I am finding I am having trouble shutting doors that need to be shut lately. As I’ve mentioned before I’m a softy. I don’t like to hurt other peoples feelings even if it means my own feelings get hurt.

Sometimes even shut doors aren’t completely closed

The door that is stuck partway open right now is Idaho. It’s been over a year since my cousin and his wife brought me here and I still feel like a newcomer. I just haven’t found a way to fit in yet. This is a similar problem I have faced most of my life. It’s always been hard for me to fit in. I have always felt like an outsider.

When I was in the military it was a very transitory lifestyle. As soon as you got comfortable some place it was time to move. It really messed with my head. Leaving Texas after living there 12 years was hard; but I don’t feel like I had much of a choice though. I couldn’t stay there. So here I am in Idaho a place I never expected to live!

I guess I have to reach for my gratitude list. For whatever reason I’m at this place in my life and I need to be grateful for a soft landing for a very hard fall. Looking at the rest of the world today it could be so much worse for me. There is a place for me I just haven’t found the right door yet.

15 October 2021

Hello. How are you? I’m am doing ok – just real tired. I haven’t been sleeping that well. It was only once around the block today. I’m starting to feel like an old dog!! Must be the cold getting in my bones!

Yesterday I went over to my Aunt and Uncles house for linner (lunch/dinner). They had invited some of their friends and their daughter too . It was nice to have a home cooked meal with such good company. Playing a round of Farkle (dice game) which my Aunt won. Being with them helped me forget my troubles for awhile . For just a couple hours the world seemed happy and peaceful – normal. When I am with my family I feel so loved and cared about. I wish the whole world could know what that’s like. So many lives seem to be in a state of chaos right now.

When I look at the news lately everything is for shit. It’s like there isn’t any hope. Just more of the same crap – fear mongering and scare tactics. All the stuff love can’t buy but money can. If you pay attention to this stuff you have to ask where God is in all of it. I believe God is showing us just how broken we are.

All broken aside, I want to focus on the good stuff. I woke up today. I have wonderful family and friends. I have a roof over my head. Food in my belly. My health is pretty good yet. I have a sweet dog. I have transportation. I want to believe there is enough of what I need in this world. I want to believe my higher power has my back and is looking out for me. No matter how broken this world appears to be, there are moments like I had yesterday. People still caring about each other and coming together in fellowship and love.

So what are you grateful for today? What makes you happy ? How do you stay positive ? I’d love to hear from you!

11 October 2021 Living Your Faith

Hello. How are you? I got a walk in it was chilly and cold. I’m not ready for cold weather again so soon. It seems like just yesterday the trees across the street were blooming!! Sadly I’m not in charge of the earths thermostat !

This morning on the walk I asked what I should write about and the topic that came forth is a hard one . It was about living your faith in your day to day life. Faith isn’t just in sacred text, holy days and churches, temples and synagogues. It’s every day. Sometimes it’s confusing. I have a lot of trouble with the conflicting guidance you get from the Old and New testament . I prefer the messages in the New Testament :

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version

Love for Enemies

43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a](A) and hate your enemy.’(B) 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,(C) 45 that you may be children(D) of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.(E) 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?(F) Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.(G)

It’s easy to love those who love you back and are lovable. It’s easy to pray for your friends and family. Right now I’m having a situation where I’m being challenged to be able to care about someone but not be hurt by caring. I have to keep my distance or risk my own mental health and well being.

How do you live your faith and still stay mentally sound? Something that I’ve done and has been done to me is letting someone go with love. You wish a person a well and happy life but because of irreconcilable differences you can’t be part of each other’s lives. You don’t stop loving and caring for a person but you don’t tolerate their oftentimes negative activity in your life.

It is hard to practice your own advice sometimes especially when your a softy like I am ! It’s easy to take the path of least resistance but end up being a doormat as a result . Thankfully I have a strong support system that is trying to keep me from being that. They don’t want to see me be anybody’s emotional punching bag!

The question remains how do you live your faith in your daily life and still remain intact ? How do all the walks of faith on earth keep it together when it feels like this world is falling apart ? How do you not go crazy trying to live up to ancient doctrine in a world that seems so contrary to most of it ? It feels like we are divided tribes at war for the same sacred spaces . So many questions and so many conflicting answers .

I am still on my quest of faith. I’m one of those that hasn’t quite settled on a path. What does it mean for me to live my faith then? What is my faith? I’m sure The God of my understanding is at work in my life. I just have to remain open minded and willing to proceed. Like I learned in AA just keep doing the next right thing.

9 October 2021 Unconditional Love

Hello to you. How are you today? It’s a very sunny Saturday. The air is crisp and the trees are really starting to shed their leaves. I am blessed to have had a visit with family this morning.

This morning I’m thinking about unconditional love . What is it? Most times that kind of love gets associated with God and our pets and I think it’s because human beings let us down. There is only so much a human being can take. There is only so much a human being can give. How many times can you forgive someone who abuses you over and over again be it verbally or physically? It seems like only someone like Jesus can forgive like that.

I am experiencing a situation in my life where I am left wondering if I should try and be like Jesus or accept my humanity. I’m left struggling with this decision. I know that if I continue to try and love and care about this person it will damage me. My self preservation is kicking in.

Are human beings even capable of what Jesus asked of us? To love our neighbors as ourselves? Does it mean I don’t love myself if I don’t love my neighbor? If I stop loving my neighbor?

When is it ok to think of yourself when it comes to abusive relationships? What would Jesus do ? Would he just keep forgiving ? That’s kind of what he modeled for us: “forgive them father they know not what they do.”

Is the concept of unconditional love even a realistic concept for the human being of today? Was it ever? Or was it just a concept to aspire to ? When do you give up on someone ?

Then there is the concept of tough love but that is still conditional love. Where you love somebody only if they meet certain criteria’s. It seems like the only place unconditional love can be found is from nonhuman sources.

I guess that’s why God. The only being in the universe that will love you no matter what you do or say is God. I have to caveat this though. Depending on what version of God also determines if there is unconditional love or not. Some people’s God is Old Testament hellfire and brimstone God. If it hadn’t been for Jesus we were all going to hell!

I will continue to pray about this. I would be interested to get feedback. Do you think human beings are capable of unconditional love ?

6 October 2021 Full

Hi there. How are you ? I got my walk in and had some coffee. This is like my third attempt at writing something this morning ! Let’s see how this goes!

Do you know what it’s like to be full ? Satisfied? Satiated? I think it’s more than just a feeling you get by eating a well balanced meal. I think it’s a feeling you get inside where your spirit is at. I guess you could call it contentment . Where you have everything you need and want for nothing. The hole inside is closed and there is warmth radiating there. There is an ease – being able to breathe easily and with little effort .

I wish I had that feeling of fullness all the time…..but it gets disrupted by matters of the world and how I choose to react to them. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes a lot of things at once and it’s like being on a ladder losing its rungs.. you just keep falling. How to pause as your falling to ask God to not allow all the ladders rungs to give way !

“Oh God my gauge is on empty I feel the pull, where are you in this hunger can you make me full? Fill my inner abyss with your radiating light, take from me this lingering night. Fill my void of spirit with your tangible presence, leave no trace of discontent leave only your essence. “

Links nemesis is a squirrel

5 October 2021 Mortality

Hello to you. It’s late as I write to you today . Linky and I are sitting outside for a bit .

So it’s officially fall. All through the neighborhood the trees are starting to change color. They are letting go of what I think of as their disposable hands (leaves). This time of year makes me remember how fragile our mortality is. The trees teach so much.

So everyone has a nemesis. Mine is death. I have talked to death more than a couple times and really there is no reasoning with it . There is a plan in all things and part of the plan is at some time or another we are all going to die. I hate this plan but starving to death on an overburdened planet doesn’t sound like a good alternative. We are mortal and that means over time, like any good machine, we are going to break down. We will either get spare parts or we won’t . What bugs me about our “system” is by the time we have learned it and can enjoy ourselves we are well into our mortality.

We mature like fine wine but shrivel up like prunes! Mortality isn’t pretty !

It is important to have faith now. In these uncertain times we need unwavering things that give us hope. You will find no Hope in death unless you actively look for it. For some death is a mercy. I’ll give death that credit. When someone has been suffering with a illness or condition for an extended period of time mercy comes with death.

No drawing today – kind of having a dry spell!

4 October 2021 Tribe

Hello there. How are you ? It’s Monday morning as I write to you. My mind is really full this morning after watching Heilung on You tube last night.

This morning I find myself missing the group of people I used to spend time with – my tribe. We were into natural healing. I’ll never forget the one Christmas solstice gathering we had. There was singing and drums like we had been together always . It’s so rare to have what we had …to keep it together. Time, life, growth and the persuite of money blew our little tribe to the winds. We don’t even keep in touch anymore .

I can remember my Grandpa talking about losing his tribe . This was after he divorced my Grandma. At the time he said it I didn’t understand what he meant. I guess it took me losing my tribe to understand.

What I get reminded of this morning as I’m writing about this is nothing lasts forever . I’m the kind of person that would be content in many ways if things didn’t have to change. Yet even nature reminds me that everything changes – witness the changing leaves of fall! They say if there is any one thing certain about this life it will be change!

Do you currently have a group of people you get together with? A tribe ? Cherish them !!

https://youtu.be/aS91UaGJEqI – link to Heilung Live at Alcatraz Festival 2021