30 March 2023 Understanding

What’s something most people don’t understand?

Mental healths connection to spiritual health.

It’s important to attain balance in all things. Too much of anything can offset balance. I think it’s possible to be over religious and as in my case that can create imbalance. I think you need a healthy spiritual life to have a healthy mental life. I believe there is a void in each of us that only things of the spirit – of God- can fill. I believe there is definitely a connection – at least for me, can’t speak for everyone.

This past hospitalization to a mental hospital occurred because I was tired of waiting for Jesus’s second coming. I got too much into religion. I took it upon myself to initiate it and ended up getting tased by the police and sent to a hospital! The spirit world was talking through me and I enjoyed it but it messed up my mental health. It took over again like what happened in Texas a couple of times. The anxiety attacks were the worst part.

Thankfully I have loving family that have a balanced spiritual and mental life that are there for me. I don’t know if I would have made it in Texas if my Idaho family hadn’t been there for me. My cousins wife confided in me recently that before she and my cousin came and got Link and I, the prepared themselves spiritually as it seemed like other spiritual forces were at work with me. They put on their holy armor!

I think a lot of people try to get through life without a healthy balance of belief in God and self. There are things that nothing of this tangible world can fix. My ex and I learned this especially when we had to let our dog Sam go to the rainbow bridge. There was nothing that could fill the void his passing left inside of us. It was like losing a child! Even as much as Link’s arrival helped, only Gods unconditional love has really filled the void. Sam’s love and behavior towards us was like I imagine Gods love to be – unconditional. Our pets teach us so much that can’t be taught, and learned, any other way.

29 March 2023 God the Gentleman (free will quandry)

Hello to you. How is your today going? I am doing ok. My thoughts are on my quandry about God and free will. I brought this up last night with the ladies in my Bible study. The answers that came from them were all similar. God didn’t make us to be mindless drones and followers of his word. God is a gentleman who gives us choice – to choose to believe in him or not. Nothing is forced. Emily, the leader of the study gave me a good example. She said imagine you have this friend who every time they go out they do the same thing. Like getting drunk and being miserable for it. You know this about them and suggest they not do it but ultimately it’s their choice. Emily was kind of tackling the all knowing God in her example. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we are going to do and can put other options and choices – better choices- before us but ultimately we make the final call. When I think of the times I’ve been through with my mental health I got myself in a tunnel. I couldn’t see the better choices because I lost control of my ability to see them. In the Christian community they might say the enemy had hold of me.

I read this morning that the Nashville shooter had been suffering. When we are suffering and don’t have faith and trust in God and the enemy is “driving the car” we make, in her case, fatal choices despite what God wants for us.

I am still struggling with the issue of God allowing mass shootings to go on. I feel like there is a lesson we are supposed to be learning and we are not learning it. For example there is no red flag law in Tennessee to prevent troubled people from purchasing weapons or keeping current guns in their possession. May be this case is another example that lawmakers need to make better choices too. Something like red flag laws should be federal law not just up to each state. That’s just my opinion of course. There is just too much inconsistency when it comes to guns in America.

So I’m glad I was able to talk to Emily and the other ladies in Bible study last night about Gods Grace when it comes to tragedy. There have been all kinds lately to include weather related. The people in Mississippi who lost their lives and or homes to tornados. I wonder what God wants us to learn about that or is it beyond God and a combination of man -made factors – climate change for example. I don’t think anybody is completely ready for something like a tornado. I know when we had one when we lived in Texas it took us by surprise even with the weather service warnings! We were grateful for our lives being spared and minimal damage to our property. It’s got to be hard to have everything destroyed like happened to the already poor in Mississippi. What is Gods plan for these unfortunates? I know after the tornado we had it pulled all of us neighbors closer together.

At the bottom of all tragedy, no matter what kind it is, what good can come from it? What can we learn about God and ourselves? We can choose to crumble or learn and rise above it wiser. It really helped me to hear fellow believers explain God as being a gentleman. We are given a choice and we don’t have to wait for tragedy, reaching our bottom in life, to choose Gods will for us. With these tragedies we are seeing the perpetrators are self will run riot. In cases like these mass shootings, fatally so. Passion takes over reason. I wonder if that shooter knew she was unconditionally loved by God if she still would have gone through with her plans.

1 March 2023 Loving Ourselves

Hello to you. How are you in your today? I hope well. Last night I went to the Bible study and had a good discussion with the ladies there. I have been having trouble with the devotional we are using. I know it’s not the intention of it to disempower women but some of it comes across that way. I feel like loving ourselves is kind of under scrutiny. I was raised Catholic and I’m attending a Christian church. When I was attending Catholic Church services I feel like the emphasis was on God and not so much Jesus. To me Jesus’s messages is the best part of the Bible. Lately the messages I’m getting is about loving God and others as we should love ourselves but some of us don’t love ourselves. I feel like as Christians we get beat up a little for loving ourselves – for seeking wisdom from inside versus all external in relationship with God/Jesus. I know we are all sinners but I don’t like getting beat up about it. I don’t like being told that no matter what I do I am not good enough. This is where belief in Jesus becomes a focal point. If we are good enough we don’t need Jesus. Anyhew I’m struggling a little bit because I have and know those who have had low self esteem and have turned to God with it and it didn’t help. Sometimes it makes it worse! So keep me in your prayers as I keep you in mine.

7 February 2023 Vitamin D and Comfort Zones

Hello to you. How are you today? Link and I are getting some vitamin D. The past couple days it’s been really nice outside so we’ve been taking advantage of it.

I decided to join a Bible study starting tonight and they are using the devotional Beauty not Beheld. This is out of my comfort zone but I decided to give it a try anyways. I have been wanting to make friends and get out of the house more and it seems like church activities is a way to do both. I find spiritual activities with women is more about relationship than religion. I feel like that is what I have with Jesus…..God.

My Linky boy getting some sun
It’s a little hazy but that big ball of light is still there

16 December 2022 Asking for Help

Hello to you. How are you today? Today my thoughts turn to something that has never been easy for me to do and that is asking for help. I’ve always been self reliant and independent but since I’ve moved here to Idaho and the health issues that have cropped up I have been having to ask for help and thanks be to God it’s been there!

What is it that keeps us from wanting to ask for help? Pride? Fear of making debts we may not be able to repay? Lately I’ve been asking Jesus for his help a lot. I’m hoping for some miracle that only he can deliver in regards to my health. May be that’s why I’m going through this at all – so that I might get closer to him. Not try and rely on my own strength and understanding. That’s what it seems like anyways.

I’m grateful for my family here helping me get through what I’m going through. They are extensions of Jesus in my life.

30 November 2022 The Chosen (theatre experience)

Hello to you – hope this finds you well. Woke up to a light dusting of snow on the ground and it’s cold. Definitely beginning to feel like winter here!

Yesterday my Aunt and Uncle treated me to an early Christmas present by going to see The Chosen Season 3 in the theatre. It was a good experience but I hope the rest will be on the app like before. Not everyone can afford to go to the theatre. When Jesus did his big sermon I was expecting the loaves and fishes miracle but may be that will be in another episode. The characters got more developed in these episodes and things are fixing to get tougher for them.

Alleluia clouds

There weren’t that many people besides us in the theatre but the showtime was when a lot of people are getting off work. I am glad we went. So grateful for my Aunt and Uncle. I felt like we were helping the cause!

28 November 2022 A Quest For Answers

Hello to you. Today I had an appt with a doctor at the VA about my swaying situation. He wants to persue a quest for answers through checking my ears and neurology. We brought up the fact I had been tased and want to see if that would have any impact on what’s going on. So we shall see. He’s doing a referral for me through the Elks – I hope they can help me. What pleased both my Aunt and I is that he didn’t just think tapering off medication was the only answer. He is taking the physical into consideration.

It looks like my Aunt and Uncle are interested in going to see Season 3 of The Chosen in the theatre tomorrow. It’s such a good show! By going we would be showing our support.

26 November 2022 The Chosen 2nd Watching

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m doing ok. The past night I’ve been rewatching The Chosen and it’s just as good as the first time. The scene when Jesus redeems Mary still brings tears to my eyes and when his mother helps him prepare for bed after working a long day. Another couple of favorite scenes is with Nicodemus crying as they prepare to leave town and Jessie at the healing pool. The writing and the music really pull it all together. If you haven’t seen it I highly recommend it. It’s neat that it competed with Hollywood for release of season 3 and 4.

20 November 2022 Not giving up the faith

Hello to you. How are you today? Today my message has to do with reconciling what happened to me during my episode and not giving up my faith about it. When the police tazzed me like they did I screamed out for Jesus to come and help me but he didn’t come. I ended up in the hospital again. Is that what the answer was? Working through other people to help me? This is what a lot of people have said to me. I have had a crisis of faith but realize without Jesus and his people I am so alone.

Church today

I am not giving up on my faith. May be in all that is happening is a humbling I needed – to realize I can’t do this life alone and have to ask for help.

8 November 2022 Routines

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m up and at em but still having to figure out routines. Having a schedule of when to get up and when to go to bed and life in between. Link is a big part of all of that especially with his leg bothering him the way it is now.

I am kind of having a crisis of faith too. It was Jesus I cried out to when the police tazzed me with electricity the day I was picked up. There was no rescue just going to the hospital. Was that his reply to my plea? I really thought it was time for the end of the world that day. I will have to see what the days ahead hold for me.

https://youtube.com/shorts/cJMSE8a5cXs?feature=share – trying my hand at a YouTube short.