Tag: family

1 August 2023 Helpers

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you – how are you? I’m awake early this morning – second morning in a row. The abilify doesn’t make me feel as sleepy as the olanzapine did. I’m still taking Depakote and it makes me hungry! I want to make breakfast but the ants have returned to my kitchen again – pain in the butts! The All Natural Pest Control people are scheduled to come out this morning.

This morning my thoughts turn to people in survival mode – so many! I am so blessed to have a roof over my head, food to eat, clean water, clothing, reliable transportation, medical insurance and even a dog! So many people in our country – in this world – don’t have any of these things! I watch reels on Facebook where a guy named Knate reaches out to people on the street who are struggling. It’s beautiful and sad to see. I used to work at a food bank in Melbourne Florida called The Daily Bread. I helped bus tables, prepare and serve food to the poor and homeless. It was very rewarding but sad at the same time. So many people came there – needed shower facilities. Families with young children were especially hard to see. The people on staff were so pleased with my work there that they asked me to join them in a managerial position and I just couldn’t do it. I just wanted to help not take on a job as I was transitioning out of the military at the time.

We are a world filled with more consumers than helpers – is that because more people need help? I wonder! When I think of the word helper I think of Mr. Fred Rogers. I was raised to be a helper but I have always had enough of everything. Both my parents worked so that was possible. I am white, was born in the Midwest and was raised as an only child in the Roman Catholic faith. I had everything I needed except may be my parents time – they worked so much. I didn’t know homelessness or hunger – poverty except through the church and it’s missions. Now the streets of our major cities are lined with all of those things AND substance abuse. It makes me think of the videos of The Great Depression.

https://youtu.be/-LGHtc_D328 – Fred Rogers: Look for the Helpers

Galatians 6:2New International Version

2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

30 July 2023 Perspective

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, In the News, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Science (Keshe Foundation and other innovations), Spirituality and Religion, technology, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How has your weekend been? I’m just back from church – there was a good message and a good turnout. Pastor Jason emphasized perspective about life. He had a good way of sharing it. He had a spool of twine he wound through all of us and that symbolized our connection to the eternity of being in heaven with Jesus. He cut off a tiny sliver that symbolizes our individual life and he blew it away. Our lives are short compared to eternity! He also talked about us not really having control over what happens to us but we can control how we react to what happens. Old wisdom for current times! What I know about perspective is we are biologically incapable of all perceiving this world in the exact same way.

I’ve been processing more about the latest news about aliens. I was over at my Aunt and Uncles yesterday to spend some time with them and my cousin Laura. My Aunt is healing from her shoulder surgery. We all agreed that this news doesn’t change much for the average American. They were relieved to hear me say that as my blogs were pretty full of excitement about it lol. They were a little worried about me. I haven’t lost my perspective! What frustrates me and other UFO enthusiasts is when people say the extraterrestrials are demons. I don’t believe that. I believe they are of Gods making too. It’s all his design. My Aunt and Uncle don’t think they are here to help – they think we are like ants to them – observing.

My Aunt is doing well and enjoyed having my cousin and I over to visit. The boys went to see Oppenheimer – 3 hour movie! She wanted to watch Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga so we watched different performances of them together on YouTube. It’s funny how much of a bridge was built by those two with genres of music.

https://youtu.be/PcbJt0GqJJ4 – 60 minutes Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett

One the psalms we read today:

Psalm 37[a] NIV

Of David.

1 Do not fret because of those who are evil
    or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
    like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the Lord and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Take delight in the Lord,
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the Lord;
    trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteous rewardshine like the dawn,
    your vindication like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the Lord
    and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
    when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
    do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For those who are evil will be destroyed,
    but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
    though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
    and enjoy peace and prosperity.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
    and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
    for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
    and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
    to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
    and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
    than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
    but the Lord upholds the righteous.

18 The blameless spend their days under the Lord’s care,
    and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
    in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
    Though the Lord’s enemies are like the flowers of the field,
    they will be consumed, they will go up in smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
    but the righteous give generously;
22 those the Lord blesses will inherit the land,
    but those he curses will be destroyed.

23 The Lord makes firm the steps
    of the one who delights in him;
24 though he may stumble, he will not fall,
    for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
    yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
    or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
    their children will be a blessing.[b]

27 Turn from evil and do good;
    then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the Lord loves the just
    and will not forsake his faithful ones.

Wrongdoers will be completely destroyed[c];
    the offspring of the wicked will perish.
29 The righteous will inherit the land
    and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouths of the righteous utter wisdom,
    and their tongues speak what is just.
31 The law of their God is in their hearts;
    their feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
    intent on putting them to death;
33 but the Lord will not leave them in the power of the wicked
    or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Hope in the Lord
    and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
    when the wicked are destroyed, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
    flourishing like a luxuriant native tree,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
    though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
    a future awaits those who seek peace.[d]
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
    there will be no future[e] for the wicked.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The Lord helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

27 July 2023 Someone Cares

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi there! How is your week going this far? I’m just back from the Thursday prayer meeting – so glad I went. I got to meet a new person and as a group we talked about something we all had in common – a family member committing suicide and mental health. The pain of the loss be it fresh or a few years down the road never really goes away. Time numbs the wounds, faith restores hope. Some day we will see each other again! Mental Health is so hard to understand. It’s not like a broken bone or a one time problem you can just snap your fingers and fix. Suicide attempts are not just attention seeking but a legitimate cry for help.

Along these lines it comes to me to put it out in the cosmos that no matter what life may seem to be someone cares. For example, in a little gathering of four people just today, strangers to you, lifted you up in prayer. Someone cares about you no matter how it may seem. You are not alone! God has shown me this through my family both blood and not.

Exodus 33:14

14 The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

Psalm 139:7

7 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

I was happy to see the return of these purple flowers
These looked pretty to me
Despite the clearing they did along the banks of the canal, there is life!

Matthew 26:41New International Version

41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

*RIP Sinead O’Connor – they haven’t said how she died but I have my suspicions from her history. I hope she has found peace.

25 July 2023 Modern Society

by saymber, posted in history, Home, Leading Life by Example, Music, photography, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What would you change about modern society?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Yesterday was really nice. My cousin came over and whisked me away from my house for bit. We had lunch at Subway and got a short walk in. It really meant a lot to me,

Todays prompt is a lot for just a few words in a question. I have lived 55 years and seen and experienced the evolution to the society we are living in. I have been part of it! I can remember computers being much more primitive and there not being cell phones. It’s pretty amazing that I am using a hand held device to do this blog. interactions with family and friends are different. Take yesterday for example. My cousin and I didn’t take any pictures we were just in the moment of being together. We used her phone to look into stationary bikes but that was it. I used to take pictures of everything – selfie Queen lol and now it’s mostly just special occasions.

Program from when I saw David

I think if I could change one thing about modern society it would be encouraging people to be in the moment and capture those moments with their eyes not just their phones. Be present fully in life. I have seen on Tik Tok Taylor Swift concerts and it’s just a sea of phone lights each recording the concert. When I saw David Bowie back in the 1990’s there were just writhing bodies with their eyes peeled on David! Even as long ago as that was I remember it like it was today.

This is for my Auntie who is having shoulder surgery tomorrow:

Matthew 6:34New International Version

34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

23 July 2023 Comfort Food

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Food, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What’s your go-to comfort food?

Hello to you. How are you? Just back from church and some errands. I locked myself out last night and didn’t have a spare key. Thank God my Aunt had a spare! I have mentioned this before but I’ll say it again – her and my Uncle John are my earth angels. When I need help or just some company they are there. We had a nice meal together yesterday with my cousin Tony. I’m so grateful for my family here. They are such a great support system.

“Are you getting up?!”
This treat has been with me most of my life. I used to eat them for lunch at school

My comfort food is peanut butter and chocolate. I enjoy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Little Debbie’s Nutty Bars. Neither of these are low calorie so they have to be eaten in moderation! When I was a teenager I was hungry all the time and would eat semi-sweet chocolate chips in peanut butter as a snack.

Todays psalm at church is a well known favorite. It was nice to have Pastor Jayson Boyd and his wife Becky back today:

Psalm 23New International Version

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

13 July 2023 Bedtime

by saymber, posted in animals, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What time do you go to bed and wake up currently?

Hello to you. I’m just back from Grace House where we have a prayer meeting each Thursday at 9:30 am. Today it was Lois, Brie and me. We are hoping that may be this fall our group will grow some. I walked over and back. My lower back wasn’t happy but the prayers helped. I have been having some vertigo/swaying spells the past couple of days. I hope this isn’t a side effect of the new medication I’m on! We prayed for my Aunt and Dad too. Just found out my Aunt is having shoulder surgery later this month.

So bedtime and getting up are something I’ve been having to work on. I try to start going to bed at 9 pm and I usually wake up around 8-9 am. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and I don’t like getting out of bed right away. I think the reason I have trouble falling asleep has to do with being on screens before bed time. Last night I didn’t have anything on after lights out and I don’t remember falling asleep! Just takes good practice and consistency I think.

Today was good because I needed to be up early to go to the prayer meeting. It’s good to have a reason to get up and have something to look forward to.

Saw this on the way home yesterday
Saw this on walk this morning
Such tiny little flowers !
This looks like a perfect flower for hummingbirds
For some reason he wanted on my lap!

Psalm 4:8New International Version

8 In peace I will lie down and sleep,
for you alone, Lord,
make me dwell in safety.

8 July 2023 Vacation

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Describe your most memorable vacation.

Hello to you. I hope your doing well today. Todays prompt makes me think of so many summer vacations we took when I was a child and also the trips we took while being stationed overseas. It’s hard to choose just one!

The memories I have from childhood kind of run together. I have memories of being on vacation with very close family friends the Daggetts. We rode horses on one trip, mine was named Czar. We went to a dinner theater where one of the characters was scratching like he had fleas and we all started scratching in response! I can remember Dad getting yelled at by us because when he was driving he would take forever to pull over so we could pee! I remember us staying in a bed and breakfast that we were convinced had fleas lol. It was a last resort kind of place as we couldn’t find anything else. I can remember going to Canada and one of the hotels we stayed at had a pool that turned the girls hair green! I remember visiting Williamsburg in Ontario which was really cool. So many little snippets of memories of those trips. It was really a big deal because we didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up. The fact that my parents made summer vacations possible meant a lot!

When I was overseas stationed at Bitburg ABS Germany we took advantage of Morale Welfare and Recreation trips around the country. We got to see Neuschwanstein Castle (the castle Walt Disney is based on) and got to London. In London we got to see all the major attractions – it was so surreal standing were Anne Boleyn was executed. We rode a train from Frankfurt Germany to Milan Italy. I loved that trip. So much history! I really loved Europe and didn’t want to leave! The food, the people and the sites just made me feel so at home. Like I said, it’s hard to pick just one trip that was the most memorable.

When I look back over my life I have been so fortunate to have been able to have the big vacations but also the little “stay-cations” like we did a lot in Colorado. Going hiking and biking in Colorado – fishing trips – just so many little trips really brought me a lot of joy. Falling asleep listening to the sounds of aspen leaves blowing in the wind on top of Pikes Peak for example. Living in Colorado was aside from Europe, my favorite place I lived.

Psalm 121:8New International Version

8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

30 June 2023 Brains Ok

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Friday again – this week went fast.

Yesterday I went with my cousin to an appointment with a neurologist. They didn’t find anything of concern – brains ok! Very short visit. Kind of felt like a waste of time but at least it was good news. The doctor was much more cheerful than the first time we met. Whatever is going on in my head and ears appears to be something non-detectable by standard tests. He said he thinks whatever is going on may be connected to the medication I’m on. I’ve been on Depakote before and didn’t have the side effects I’m experiencing. I think it’s Mal de barque and I’m just going to have to live with it.

What was good about going is I got some quality time with my cousin Laura – that wasn’t a waste of time! We had a nice lunch at Chik-Filet. During our visit she was trying to help me figure out things I can do to get me out of the house more or have something meaningful to do. Both her and my Aunt do that. This is helpful for me as sometimes it’s hard to get out of my own way. The limitations holding me back are mostly physical, not wanting to drive and especially not wanting to leave Link for long periods of time. She had a lot of ideas for me to think about! She encouraged me to think of things I can do not what I can’t. I am hoping with the medication change I will be starting that I won’t be tired so much and will have more stamina – hopefully will lose some weight!

These cheerful painted rocks were out front of the hospital

Psalm 30:2New International Version

2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.

28 June 2023 Overcoming Darkness

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.

What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.

My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!

My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:

Philippians 4:8
New International Version
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Took my phone along for a short walk last night
Cheerful pink roses
Are these daffodils?
My best buddy enjoying some patio time this morning

27 June 2023 Spirituality

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, drawing, Health, history, Home, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How important is spirituality in your life?

Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!

Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.

When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.

When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.

I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.

I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!

One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.

Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible

Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs

28 And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. 29 And they cried out, saying, “[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before [b]the time?” 30 Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. 31 And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”32 And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and [c]drowned in the waters. 33 And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, [d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.