Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.
What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.
My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!
My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:
Philippians 4:8 New International Version 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Took my phone along for a short walk last night Cheerful pink roses Are these daffodils? My best buddy enjoying some patio time this morning
Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!
Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.
When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.
When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.
I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.
I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!
One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.
Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible
Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs
28 And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. 29 And they cried out, saying, “[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before [b]the time?” 30 Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. 31 And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”32 And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and [c]drowned in the waters. 33 And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, [d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.
Which food, when you eat it, instantly transports you to childhood?
Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Saturday as I write to you. It’s about 84 degrees and sunny out.
Todays prompt is a tough one for me as I’m kinda of a foodie. Many foods transport me to different parts of my life. I would have to say my moms chocolate pudding dessert is a big one. I can’t remember when she first made it or when I started wanting that dessert in place of a birthday cake. I just know that whenever I have it I think of my Mom and Dad. Dad and I both like it for our birthday! We would joke about getting up in the middle of the night to sneak a piece or who got a bigger piece. It’s one of those desserts you can only make for special occasions as it’s pretty rich. My family here in Idaho loves it too. My Aunt made it for my cousin and my birthday this year and everybody loved it.
Instant chocolate pudding – you can use other flavors if you don’t like chocolate
Recipe: Moms Chocolate Pudding Dessert
Crust: 1/2 cup melted butter , 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
Bake above in 9×13 pan at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Let cool then add:
2nd layer: 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 cup Cool Whip, 8 oz cream cheese
Top last layer with remaining cool whip and nuts if desired and chill.
John 6:27New International Version
27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
Hi there- how are you doing today? It’s cloudy here today – hopefully we will get some rain.
I hope these wildflowers come back to the canals this year.
Do you stop loving someone or caring about someone after you sever ties? Move away? That’s one nice thing about the internet is you can stay in touch even if you aren’t living close by anymore. There are so many people I miss and thanks to platforms, despite all its flaws, like Facebook I can maintain contact with. Once I love and care about you I don’t stop unless there is a really good reason. It’s nice to have tools to keep connections alive.
Romans 12:16-21New International Version
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[b]says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[c]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Hello there, how are you? I’m just back from our Thursday prayer meeting for our church, it was Pastor Jayson, Lois and me today. There may only be a couple of us but it matters! I walked over and back. I picked up a breakfast burrito on the way home from Tacos El Rancho – they are so filling. I was only able to eat half of it – eat the rest when I get hungry again!
Some lovely blooms from the walk this morning.
Todays prompt asks what am I passionate about and I have to say the controversial – gun control. I don’t like guns! I feel like being able to own a gun should be as tough if not tougher than being able to drive a car. I have always been passionate about this topic as I lost my birth mother and a cousin to guns. I don’t have a problem with responsible gun owners – I have several in my family. The main thing I focus on is keeping guns from those who would harm themselves or others. I don’t have all the answers but putting more guns in the world doesn’t make sense to me.
Matthew 18:20New International Version
20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
Hello to you. How is your weekend? I just got back from church – it was good. We met in the cafeteria and they did a phenomenal job of setting things up in a smaller space. There was room for everything and everyone! They are putting new wax on the gym floor where we normally gather. Getting to use the cafeteria is an answered prayer!
When I think on todays prompt, the first thing that popped in my head was you need love – both to be loved and to love. I have been fortunate enough to have been and continue to be surrounded by people that unconditionally love me. I know what love looks and feels like. In that love I know is God too. No matter my short comings I know God loves me – my family and friends are a physical manifestation of Gods unconditional love for me. When I get a hug from my Aunt, Uncle or cousins it’s like God reaching out to me through them.
John 15New International Version
The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
My Auntie and me sharing in Gods love at Grace House – Ladies Tea
Hello to you. Yesterday afternoon I attended my cousins sons wedding at the Mint Barrel Barn Event Center in Nampa. It was a beautiful event – I even dressed up! The weather was perfect for the whole thing. It was so nice to have so much of the family together to include family from out of town like my Uncle Bill and my Uncle Johns sons family. We are truly blessed!
Sign that greeted us Bright sunshine as we waited for the wedding to startMy cousin Laura and her son the bride groom Trae Two waterfalls in the back ground My Auntie looking lovely and me Uncle John, Laura and Aunt RuthInside the Mint Barrel where we had a wonderful dinnerMy Uncle Bill and cousin Laura The happy couple cutting cake
John 2:1-12New International Version
Jesus Changes Water Into Wine
2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there,2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?”Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”
5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”
6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]
7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.
8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”
They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”
11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signsthrough which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
12 After this he went down to Capernaumwith his mother and brothers and his disciples. There they stayed for a few days.
Hello there! How are you? Todays prompt is a good one to contemplate about. When I think of the word legacy I think of a tombstone with a birth date, a dash and a death date. There is so much that littledash represents for most people. It comprises all the little things, the small moments that make up a life. From all the mornings with coffee on theporch, weddings, going to church, days spent at work, walks, getting a hair cut, playing with pets and or children. So many little things we take for granted are in that little dash.
I hope my dash, my legacy is a positive one and will be recalled by those I leave behind with love. These past couple of years I have been kind of dormant. My health condition has made it harder to be who I want to be. I have had to adjust and change – focus on what I can do not what I can’t. I’ve come a long way from even my first year living here in Idaho. There were so many things I was convinced I couldn’t do. I was shell shocked in my body. Everything I used to be able to do with ease I had to work to be able to do again. Stuff like even taking a shower by myself!
I hope the legacy I leave behind will be one of ultimate inspiration – never give up on yourself or others. Always look for the beauty in life around you and you will be rewarded to find it.
I was treated to a surprise last night One of my neighbors rose bush is already in bloomAbsolute beauty – my Grandma Schmidt left behind in her legacy the beauty I find in roses. She cared for hers so much. Roses also make me think of Saint Therese Lisieux of the Little Flower. One of her signs is roses.
Hello to you. How are you today? Todays prompt calls to mind a story. It was the early morning of my husbands 35th birthday and I was awake. My spirit was moving faster than my body. I went in the garage looking for something and found a huge black cockroach on the wall. This startled me! Then it suddenly flew at me and I grabbed an old purse and threw it to try and stop it from flying on me. In doing this I lost my balance and fell. All the weight of the fall went to my left wrist. Thank God Kyle was home to take me to the emergency room! The people that helped me were kind of scary and I didn’t trust them, they put my wrist in a cast. All the while this was going on, I felt so bad to have ruined Kyles birthday!
The healing process was frustrating – I rebelled against wearing an immobilizing cast. I liked a Velcro brace best. You can tell my wrist has been broken but it healed pretty good.
You can tell my wrist was broken.
Jeremiah 17:14 NIV
14 Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.
Beautiful spread Emily put together We had lots of young ladies present – so sweetEmily getting ready to share devotionAuntie and me Ladies Tea – Grace Women Middleton
Hello to you! How are you today? I’m just home from a wonderful event with our Women’s Group – a Ladies Tea. Our leader Emily did a great job of planning and setting up the event. What was really sweet is we had a lot of little ladies present. I love going to Grace House for gatherings. The house was built in the 1900’s and was a hair salon prior to being leased to our church. I miss the trees that use to be outside. The landlord cut them down and I guess s parking lot is going in their place.
Emily had a wonderful devotional for us. She spoke of a family members office she recently visited that was filled with random things and when she asked him about it he said each thing was a token to remember scripture. So Emily chose as the party favors little jam jars as tokens to remember spreading hope. I can’t remember the scripture she chose but this is a good one too:
Romans 15:13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Something happened afterwards when Emily was talking with my Aunt , Maryann and myself . I felt that feeling in my chest of being filled up with positive energy. A glowing. For a few moments I didn’t feel my ears bothering me or my body aching. I felt the glow of fellowship and what comes from sharing time with fellow believers. We have such wonderful ladies in our church! They really give their all to God and what they do for God’s people in our church.
To be 