Hello to you. How are you? Just back from church and some errands. I locked myself out last night and didn’t have a spare key. Thank God my Aunt had a spare! I have mentioned this before but I’ll say it again – her and my Uncle John are my earth angels. When I need help or just some company they are there. We had a nice meal together yesterday with my cousin Tony. I’m so grateful for my family here. They are such a great support system.
“Are you getting up?!”This treat has been with me most of my life. I used to eat them for lunch at school
My comfort food is peanut butter and chocolate. I enjoy Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Little Debbie’s Nutty Bars. Neither of these are low calorie so they have to be eaten in moderation! When I was a teenager I was hungry all the time and would eat semi-sweet chocolate chips in peanut butter as a snack.
Todays psalm at church is a well known favorite. It was nice to have Pastor Jayson Boyd and his wife Becky back today:
Psalm 23New International Version
Psalm 23
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley,[a] I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Hello to you. I’m just back from Grace House where we have a prayer meeting each Thursday at 9:30 am. Today it was Lois, Brie and me. We are hoping that may be this fall our group will grow some. I walked over and back. My lower back wasn’t happy but the prayers helped. I have been having some vertigo/swaying spells the past couple of days. I hope this isn’t a side effect of the new medication I’m on! We prayed for my Aunt and Dad too. Just found out my Aunt is having shoulder surgery later this month.
So bedtime and getting up are something I’ve been having to work on. I try to start going to bed at 9 pm and I usually wake up around 8-9 am. It takes me a long time to fall asleep and I don’t like getting out of bed right away. I think the reason I have trouble falling asleep has to do with being on screens before bed time. Last night I didn’t have anything on after lights out and I don’t remember falling asleep! Just takes good practice and consistency I think.
Today was good because I needed to be up early to go to the prayer meeting. It’s good to have a reason to get up and have something to look forward to.
Saw this on the way home yesterday Saw this on walk this morning Such tiny little flowers ! This looks like a perfect flower for hummingbirds For some reason he wanted on my lap!
Psalm 4:8New International Version
8 In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.
Hello to you. I hope your doing well today. Todays prompt makes me think of so many summer vacations we took when I was a child and also the trips we took while being stationed overseas. It’s hard to choose just one!
The memories I have from childhood kind of run together. I have memories of being on vacation with very close family friends the Daggetts. We rode horses on one trip, mine was named Czar. We went to a dinner theater where one of the characters was scratching like he had fleas and we all started scratching in response! I can remember Dad getting yelled at by us because when he was driving he would take forever to pull over so we could pee! I remember us staying in a bed and breakfast that we were convinced had fleas lol. It was a last resort kind of place as we couldn’t find anything else. I can remember going to Canada and one of the hotels we stayed at had a pool that turned the girls hair green! I remember visiting Williamsburg in Ontario which was really cool. So many little snippets of memories of those trips. It was really a big deal because we didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up. The fact that my parents made summer vacations possible meant a lot!
When I was overseas stationed at Bitburg ABS Germany we took advantage of Morale Welfare and Recreation trips around the country. We got to see Neuschwanstein Castle (the castle Walt Disney is based on) and got to London. In London we got to see all the major attractions – it was so surreal standing were Anne Boleyn was executed. We rode a train from Frankfurt Germany to Milan Italy. I loved that trip. So much history! I really loved Europe and didn’t want to leave! The food, the people and the sites just made me feel so at home. Like I said, it’s hard to pick just one trip that was the most memorable.
When I look back over my life I have been so fortunate to have been able to have the big vacations but also the little “stay-cations” like we did a lot in Colorado. Going hiking and biking in Colorado – fishing trips – just so many little trips really brought me a lot of joy. Falling asleep listening to the sounds of aspen leaves blowing in the wind on top of Pikes Peak for example. Living in Colorado was aside from Europe, my favorite place I lived.
Psalm 121:8New International Version
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Friday again – this week went fast.
Yesterday I went with my cousin to an appointment with a neurologist. They didn’t find anything of concern – brains ok! Very short visit. Kind of felt like a waste of time but at least it was good news. The doctor was much more cheerful than the first time we met. Whatever is going on in my head and ears appears to be something non-detectable by standard tests. He said he thinks whatever is going on may be connected to the medication I’m on. I’ve been on Depakote before and didn’t have the side effects I’m experiencing. I think it’s Mal de barque and I’m just going to have to live with it.
What was good about going is I got some quality time with my cousin Laura – that wasn’t a waste of time! We had a nice lunch at Chik-Filet. During our visit she was trying to help me figure out things I can do to get me out of the house more or have something meaningful to do. Both her and my Aunt do that. This is helpful for me as sometimes it’s hard to get out of my own way. The limitations holding me back are mostly physical, not wanting to drive and especially not wanting to leave Link for long periods of time. She had a lot of ideas for me to think about! She encouraged me to think of things I can do not what I can’t. I am hoping with the medication change I will be starting that I won’t be tired so much and will have more stamina – hopefully will lose some weight!
These cheerful painted rocks were out front of the hospital
Psalm 30:2New International Version
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.
What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.
My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!
My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:
Philippians 4:8 New International Version 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Took my phone along for a short walk last night Cheerful pink roses Are these daffodils? My best buddy enjoying some patio time this morning
Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!
Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.
When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.
When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.
I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.
I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!
One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.
Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible
Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs
28 And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. 29 And they cried out, saying, “[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before [b]the time?” 30 Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. 31 And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”32 And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and [c]drowned in the waters. 33 And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, [d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.
Which food, when you eat it, instantly transports you to childhood?
Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Saturday as I write to you. It’s about 84 degrees and sunny out.
Todays prompt is a tough one for me as I’m kinda of a foodie. Many foods transport me to different parts of my life. I would have to say my moms chocolate pudding dessert is a big one. I can’t remember when she first made it or when I started wanting that dessert in place of a birthday cake. I just know that whenever I have it I think of my Mom and Dad. Dad and I both like it for our birthday! We would joke about getting up in the middle of the night to sneak a piece or who got a bigger piece. It’s one of those desserts you can only make for special occasions as it’s pretty rich. My family here in Idaho loves it too. My Aunt made it for my cousin and my birthday this year and everybody loved it.
Instant chocolate pudding – you can use other flavors if you don’t like chocolate
Recipe: Moms Chocolate Pudding Dessert
Crust: 1/2 cup melted butter , 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
Bake above in 9×13 pan at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Let cool then add:
2nd layer: 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 cup Cool Whip, 8 oz cream cheese
Top last layer with remaining cool whip and nuts if desired and chill.
John 6:27New International Version
27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
Hi there- how are you doing today? It’s cloudy here today – hopefully we will get some rain.
I hope these wildflowers come back to the canals this year.
Do you stop loving someone or caring about someone after you sever ties? Move away? That’s one nice thing about the internet is you can stay in touch even if you aren’t living close by anymore. There are so many people I miss and thanks to platforms, despite all its flaws, like Facebook I can maintain contact with. Once I love and care about you I don’t stop unless there is a really good reason. It’s nice to have tools to keep connections alive.
Romans 12:16-21New International Version
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[b]says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[c]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Hello there, how are you? I’m just back from our Thursday prayer meeting for our church, it was Pastor Jayson, Lois and me today. There may only be a couple of us but it matters! I walked over and back. I picked up a breakfast burrito on the way home from Tacos El Rancho – they are so filling. I was only able to eat half of it – eat the rest when I get hungry again!
Some lovely blooms from the walk this morning.
Todays prompt asks what am I passionate about and I have to say the controversial – gun control. I don’t like guns! I feel like being able to own a gun should be as tough if not tougher than being able to drive a car. I have always been passionate about this topic as I lost my birth mother and a cousin to guns. I don’t have a problem with responsible gun owners – I have several in my family. The main thing I focus on is keeping guns from those who would harm themselves or others. I don’t have all the answers but putting more guns in the world doesn’t make sense to me.
Matthew 18:20New International Version
20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
What are the most important things needed to live a good life?
Hello to you. How is your weekend? I just got back from church – it was good. We met in the cafeteria and they did a phenomenal job of setting things up in a smaller space. There was room for everything and everyone! They are putting new wax on the gym floor where we normally gather. Getting to use the cafeteria is an answered prayer!
When I think on todays prompt, the first thing that popped in my head was you need love – both to be loved and to love. I have been fortunate enough to have been and continue to be surrounded by people that unconditionally love me. I know what love looks and feels like. In that love I know is God too. No matter my short comings I know God loves me – my family and friends are a physical manifestation of Gods unconditional love for me. When I get a hug from my Aunt, Uncle or cousins it’s like God reaching out to me through them.
John 15New International Version
The Vine and the Branches
15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.
My Auntie and me sharing in Gods love at Grace House – Ladies Tea
To be 