Tag: anxiety and mental health

21 February 2022 Monday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Movies, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 21 February 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1305451504

Morning sky

Hello to you how are you? It’s Monday morning again and I’m finally starting to wake up. What’s happening is the Doxepin isn’t really working like I hoped and I am still having to take the Hydroxyzine which makes me groggy. I’ve also been having lower back and leg pain which makes it hard to get out of bed. I resolved to myself that I’m going to try to do more stretching through the day to see if that helps. There is a part of me considering a yoga class they have in town. I used to do yoga! I could even do a head stand!

The stream was fun this morning. One of my viewers was involved in a school musical production of Grease. We had fun with a couple of the songs. It’s been ages since I was a huge fan of the movie starring Olivia Newton John and John Travolta. The age group my viewer is in are like 11 and 12 year olds. As you may or may not remember there are a lot of mature themes in Grease. My viewer joked that one of the cast was talking about “huge knockers” and he probably didn’t even know what he was talking about! LOL!!

Yesterday I was in the mood to watch movies which has been extremely rare! The first movie was Black Butterfly starring Antonio Banderas and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. When I initially had heard about the movie and saw trailers I wasn’t interested. I’m so glad I watched it! I can’t believe it was free on You tube! https://youtu.be/-_VUHxa7nwg – Black Butterfly. I was delightfully surprised at all the plot twists. The other one I watched and enjoyed was called The Illusionist starring Edward Norton and Paul Giamatti : https://youtu.be/KunQC6a6fPU – The Illusionist. I don’t want to tell you what these films are about – don’t want to spoil the surprise that each of them has to offer! It felt good to have the movie experience and not have my manic/paranoid/delusional self reading too much into what what I was watching.

“Practiced consistently, new habits become who I am.” – Lin Andrukat (A Woman’s Spirit)

“Any current behavior used to be “new.” It became a habit only with continuous use. I can decide to begin a new behavior today. “ (A Woman’s Spirit)

19 February 2022 Redirecting the Trains on our Brains

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 19 February 2022 Saturday chat (psalm 19) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1303273522

Hello to you. How is your day? I’m sitting here in the morning sunshine as I write to you. It’s about 41 degrees and just feels so good. I just got off the phone with my sweet cousin. I love it when she and I can talk in the morning. She is so positive – just starts the day off right! We talk about matters of the spirit, love and family…..the good stuff we are grateful for in this life. I hope you have someone like that in your life. We are cousins but dear friends too. Just trying to navigate this life together.

On the Twitch stream today what came forth was trains again. How hard it is when the train of sorrow, anxiety and worry gets on the track. Everyone knows how hard it is to stop a train once it is in motion. So what I’ve been working on is talking to the conductor! Telling the conductor by my thoughts and actions that I don’t like the direction the train is going. I want to go in a different direction or to get off the rails completely. I am having to practice this every day. The first place I am learning to turn to is God…”hey God do you think you can help me get through this day?”

It’s hard when your in the middle of things to sometimes have the presence of mind to be still and think clearly. It just takes a lot of practice! “What can I do about what is going on or what I am experiencing right now?” A lot of times the answer seems to be nothing. What I am trying to learn after I ask that question and get that answer is to accept I am powerless but I can talk to God about it. Your Higher Power is ever present and unchanging. So really we are never completely powerless it just can feel like we are.

When that train of whatever it is gets on the track- I have a choice if I want to stay on it. I have the ability to talk to the conductor. We can change course, slow the train down and eventually get off of it altogether. Like anything it just takes practice – everyday.

It’s important to stay in the present – I’m having to practice every day
When are we going for our walk?!

“I have come to believe that all of my fears are false gods before me.” – Mary Casey (A Woman’s Spirit)

“Any fear I have today is of my choosing. Dwelling on God rather than on the fear will change every experience I have today.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

18 February 2022 First Night Trying Doxepin To Sleep

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, dreams, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 18 February 2022 Friday chat (psalm 18) https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1302099821

It’s so frustrating when you want something to work and it doesn’t really!

Hello to you. How are you? It’s Friday….we made it! The sun is shining – yay! It’s been a long week.

Well last night I took Doxepin for a test drive to see if it would help me sleep. I started with one capsule and didn’t feel anything. I took another one and that seemed to help for a short while. I still ended up taking a Hydroxyzine which helped for a couple hours. So frustrating. Apparently doctors don’t like to prescribe Seroquel which I’ve heard people use for sleep: Seroquel and other antipsychotics are particularly dangerous for elderly patients and can lead to aspiration pneumonia, which is a common cause of death in elderly patients. Seroquel also causes significant excessive weight gain, which can be a factor in the development of Type 2 Diabetes.

So Anyhew…..I will keep pressing forward and hope I get enough sleep! I must have slept last night because I had a dream about my dog Spot. She came to me and I was holding her and just crying. I miss her so much. The only way we get to be together is in dreams.

The stream this morning was ok. In the Woman’s Spirit book the message had to do with control. That resonated with me as a I dealt with that issue much of my life. I learned from a very early age the the only thing I really had control of was my body. That’s what the anorexia and bulemia battles were about. I didn’t feel I had control of my life so I took control of my body. What I have had to learn is the tighter you hold on to what you can’t control the more power you give to what you dont want to be happening. It’s hard to let go of feeling like you have to be in control. I was the kind of person at work that would try to do everything because I didn’t trust in the abilities of those around me to get the job done right. I burned myself out big time and obstructed the way for those around me to learn what they needed to learn.

The other part of the stream was psalm 18 – boy was that a long one! I didn’t like it very much because it seemed to be a warrior talking about a battle and God helping him fight it. I don’t like war. In my opinion no one wins a war really. I think of all my fellow veterans and how many of them suffer from PTSD. Even if they are on the “winning side” they still lose so much of themselves. You can’t unsee the horrors of war. You can talk to God, go to church, take medication, go to therapy, exercise and have a healthy diet and still be tormented by what you have been through. Time and distance from what torments seems to be what really helps. Layers of time to bury the past. It frustrates me that there is so much war in the Bible specially when one of the 10 Commandments is thou shall not kill!

“The more I force things, the tougher my life.” – Helen Neujahr (A Woman’s Spirit)

“I don’t need to control anyone today. I am not insecure just as long as I let my Higher Power take charge of my affairs.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

15 February 2022 Feeding the Negative Energies

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 15 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1298839932

Check out 15 February 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1298850679

Hello to you. How is your day going? I’m sitting here with a cup of coffee as I write to you. Last night was another battle with sleep. What also made it hard was Link wasn’t feeling good and he kept me up too. I realized that I was feeding the negative energies by struggling so much and getting mad. I got mad at Link and it wasn’t his fault! I tried to meditate and tell my body to relax but I just couldn’t get still in myself enough to do it. I don’t know if the Hydroxyzine is going to work for me. It only gets me a couple hours of sleep at a time. I left a message for my doctor this morning to see if we can talk about alternatives. Honestly I’m kind of scared to play with more pills but I can’t keep going on like I am either. When I go too long without good sleep is when I get manic — danger zone!

Storms are swirling around me right now and I have to be strong in God

I want to shift into positive energies. I want to consciously make better choices. I don’t want to continue to allow forces outside of myself to drive “my car.” I want to believe that God will help me get through this phase of my life. I want to believe there will be relief from what is happening right now.

“Choices are not irrevocable….They can be remade. “ – Julie Riebe (A Woman’s Spirit)

“I will choose carefully today. If a change of mind is in my best interest, then I can change my mind.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

A little chalk yesterday

7 February 2022 Monday

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 7 February 2022 Monday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1290210941

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. I’m trying to get myself grounded after the stream this morning. We had a troll get in the first go around! It happens. You just can’t let them ruin your day. After the third try we got it. I talked about some serious topics. One of them was about coping with loss. The way I used to deal with it was shopping but after our Sam died I realized there was nothing on this earth I wanted more than Sam! You can’t put tangible things in the space of the intangible. It’s like light in a black hole. That’s why it’s important to have a strong relationship with the God of your understanding…..spirituality.

The battle for sleep continues

The battle for sleep continues. I’m going through the Hydroxyzine like it’s nothing. I think needing to lose weight is what part of my problem is. So I’m going to try and do little things to be more active. Yesterday Link and I went on a longer walk into town. He was panting and my leg aches but we made it! I have some weights I can use – just do something! May be being more active would help with anxiety too.

A good little message from A Woman’s Spirit today:

“ I write my script today. Who I choose to be is in my power. My past performance doesn’t determine my present personality.”

3 February 2022 Battle

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 3 February 2022 Thursday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1285579428

Hello to you. How are you today? I’m just back from taking Link on a walk around the block. I streamed on Twitch for almost 2 hours today trying to work through the crap I’m dealing with. Last night I couldn’t sleep again. I keep getting anxious. I can tell people are getting tired of it – I have lost a couple followers. Don’t blame them. I’m sick of it too! I was feeling good and then I wasn’t! It’s becoming quite the battle to calm down and sleep. I went through a whole bunch of talking meditations on YouTube.

This is one I found that helped me a little bit with the panic I was feeling. She has a real soothing voice: https://youtu.be/pJWY3Bkkaew

I guess if I’m honest with myself I have always had problems with sleep just not the anxiety and panic part. This too shall pass. It always does. I don’t want to keep giving “this” power.

Oh to sleep like Link!

“Today I will recognize my pain if it comes, and I will take responsibility for my part in it. It will leave when I do my part and let my Higher Power do the rest.” (A Woman’s Spirit)

28 January 2022 Friday

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

I’m live on Twitch – Watch me at https://twitch.tv/jwygant

Hello how are you doing today? I’m kind of dragging a bit. Only got 2-3 hours of sleep last night. Guess I have to take what I can get!

“I can change only myself, but sometimes that is enough.” – Ruth Humlecker (A Woman’s Spirit)

Sunset last night

As I sit here writing to you I am trying to keep myself together. Sometimes it’s hard. It’s good to have some sunshine – may be that will help!

Not one of my best but it gets the idea across! Need that sunshine!

27 January 2022 Thursday

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, Social media, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 27 January 2022 Thursday Morning https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1277668869

Good morning from here. I hope this finds you well.

Last night was rough again but I thankfully had someone to talk to. Sometimes it’s nice to hear a comforting voice when your freaking out! I keep falling asleep and panicking awake. So weird! I want it to stop!

The stream this morning was definitely a mental health stream. We had a good talk about some things we are going through. If you or someone you know struggles with mental health issues you might take a listen. One of the viewers does a lot of help online and she was talking about anxiety being fear of the unknown and depression being about time – ruminating about the past.

When it comes to mental health sometimes it’s hard for people who haven’t been “in the system” to understand what’s going on. Half the time we are trying things out! Like getting waves of anxiety and not knowing where they are coming from. Not knowing what will work “this time” to soothe things out. Feeling so uncomfortable in your own skin. Every day having a battle with yourself!

Anyhew I would love to hear from you if anything here resonates. Hugs!

26 January 2022 Wednesday

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? I’m up really early after another battle with sleep and anxiety. This too shall pass. It always does.

The eye appointment went well yesterday. I had them take a picture of my eyes and they are looking good. Just needed a tuneup for distance vision! I walked over to the clinic and back. There was another stream I passed with some really hardy ducks but they swam away too fast for me to get a picture of them.

Very cold water the ducks were swimming in

Not much planned for today other than talking to my therapist this morning and may be getting groceries. As I write to you I’m in bed with Link and a warm blanket. A part of me wants to try and go back to sleep. Do you ever feel like just hibernating until spring?

“Right now I am at peace. All the tremors and quakes that shake me will cease. In the loving presence of the Spirit I am surrounded with warmth and security. “

25 January 2022 Feeling Better

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Check out 25 January 2022 Tuesday morning chat https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1275516113

Good morning from here. How are you? I hope your feeling well today. I’m finally starting to feel better after almost 4 weeks. The Hydroxyzine has been helping to take the edge off of the anxiety that has been accompanying whatever I’ve been going through. Another thing I have been doing is live streaming on Twitch and that has been helpful. Sometimes interesting people show up to visit with.

A lot has been trying to enter into my space lately

In a bit I have an eye appointment hopefully everything will check out ok . It’s been a couple years since I have been in for an exam. What’s nice is the clinic is within walking distance which will be good for me!

“These days are rolling like thunder….pulling me up and pulling me under. I seek the level horizon a warmth I can feel. A safe warm place where I can heal.”