13 March 2021 Walk

Hello to you how are you this day? I am doing pretty good. Just got back from a nice walk with Link. The past couple of days have been really beautiful – warm and sunny. I am looking forward to spring and more days like this.

Now you ask why the title “walk.” Well I asked for a topic and that is the word the came through loud and clear. May be my brain was catching up to that’s what we were doing at the time I asked lol! I don’t know! I looked up the word Walk in my NIV Bible and there are several references; like 211 of them. Here is one for example: John 8:12

12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Now to talk about walks/walking in the context of my daily life it’s a vital part of it. I can’t even say the word without Link perking his ears up! We try to get out at least once to two times a day if the weather is nice. Walking replaced running for me because my knees got bad from running so much when I was younger. Walking has always been a great therapy too – walk up to 40 minutes to kick in the “happy chemicals” in the brain.

Some of my best memories are from walks with my husband, family and friends. Seeing rainbows, flocks of birds, elaborate spider webs, trees and flowers. No matter how “ugly” the place I have been, I have always managed to find the beauty in the midst of it. When you walk with God you walk with all of your senses not just for exercise. I’m grateful that I am able to walk!

Lets see what the question I ask Link is in the numbers:

do you want to go for a walk?” in the English Ordinal system equals 282 (light and shadow process with eternity in between)

9 March 2021 Getting That Sunshiny Feeling

Hello, how are you today? I hope this finds you well. Today I wanted to talk about a nice yet elusive feeling I got this morning after getting my taxes done at H & R Block. I had been really nervous for weeks leading up to deciding to do my taxes. Turns out there was nothing to really worry about! My little prayer before being called back helped I think!

As I drove home from the appointment, I started to feel that sunshiny feeling in my gut – warmth and relief. Part of me thinks the feeling was also having a sense of accomplishment at completing a task I had been dreading. I even went to our local burger joint and ordered lunch to celebrate!

I have started to notice a pattern for me. I have a habit of making little things big. All I have to do is go through whatever it is and it’s like it was never a big deal after all! I really like the sunshiny feeling ! I think it is good for me to have something to do, may be on a more regular basis (besides taxes!) that evokes these feelings. I will have to pray on it and see what doors God opens!

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

getting that sunshiny feeling” in the English Ordinal system equals 318

2 March 2021 Reclaiming Joy

Hello to you. How are you doing in your where and when as you visit me here? I have been having a pretty quiet day listening to some people like Joyce Meyer. One of the things she talks about a lot is how we can get robbed of our joy by “the enemy.” I don’t believe in a Satan, but I do believe for every positive force in the world there is an equal and powerful negative one. So if I am happy for whatever reason, there is an equal unhappy “something” waiting in the wings to swing the pendulum of my life.

So what I do when I feel like I am being robbed of my Joy, (my middle name)is I have to evaluate what’s going on in my life and see if there is anything I can do to “right the ship.” Some of it for me has to with something simple as routines. This morning I didn’t follow the routine of getting up, taking my medications and vitamins, making coffee and eating breakfast. Instead I decided to go and get groceries; something I dread doing. Just this minor change in routine affected my entire day and affected my “joy.”

A big part of reclaiming a sense of joy is to decide I am going to do it. I have to make a conscious decision that I want to be happy instead of dreading life. Lately I have been praying to God, the Holy Spirit in particular, for help with this because I know I can’t get out of the depression rut alone. Remembering to be thankful is a big key when I am in the process of reclaiming joy in life. Simple things like saying thank you for a meal, for a particular place and or person in my life. It’s the little things that add up to make a life worth living. It’s little things that are the building blocks to joy.

I am trying to get in the habit of writing everyday as a form of therapy. If there is anything you would like me to write about please let me know in the comments!

Reclaiming Joy ” in the English Ordinal system equals 141

In case your curious about Joyce Meyer:

27 Feb 2021 “Why Now?!”

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I am still trying to process news I got yesterday about my Dad. He and my Mom decided that in the near future my Dad will be moved into an assisted care facility. It came as kind of a shock. My initial reaction was selfish asking “Why Now?!!” I have just been through so much and am starting to get some semblance of order in my life and then this news!

“You need to Grow More!” Is the answer I heard to my question just as I was about to write this. What else could I possibly have to learn and or grow about God?! I feel like I barely catch my breath from one “learning opportunity” when another one, usually more difficult in nature, shows up. Sometimes it feels like there is no immediate reason things happen in my life. It isn’t until sometimes much later that the answers come.

Part of what is giving a problem is the thought of having to go see my Dad in the condition he’s in. Ever since my last hospitalization, my relationship with my parents has been strained. We haven’t been keeping in touch much and my Dad’s health has gone downhill really fast. I am unprepared for this stage of my life. I’m not ready to grow up! Sadly I have no choice, every grown child that has parents has to face this phase of their life. Even if I am kicking and screaming along the way it’s still going to happen!

Something that comes to me about this and what I am supposed to be learning is forgiveness. There is a lot I haven’t forgiven. So I am going to do a lot of reaching out on this and pray that God gives me guidance and wisdom on how to face this new stage of life.

Why Now? You need to grow more!” in the English Ordinal system equals 346 (34 = one 46 = body)

25 Feb 2021 Victory

Hello to you. How are you? I am doing well as I write to you. Today I had a nice visit with my Aunt and Uncle at their home. We were talking about health and how my Aunt has lost so many friends to cancer. As she talked about this I found myself thinking of positive affirmations and or prayers. The first one that came to me was “I claim victory for my family and friends over cancer.” As I said it I found that my chest got warm! I felt a “glow” inside. There is just a sense of powerlessness when it comes to cancer so it felt good to at least think/feel/say such an empowering phrase!

Lets see what Victory is in the numbers:

victory” in the English Ordinal system equals 112 – two selves in a light and shadow existence

Five plus two equals seven

Hello to you. How are you doing these days? It’s getting cooler and the trees are doing a slow striptease of their gold and red dresses.

My friend and I use a chat site called Healthful Chats and in order to find each other he uses my age as a code. I decided to see what the words and numbers said :

“five plus two equals seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 3(yes, no, may be in the unknown eternity)

“death” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

Everything we say, think and do seems to have some kind of significance if you really peel back the surface…even just a little bit. What’s ironic is my friend really started to have problems on the date of my birthday this past year and we had never met yet. One of the core issues he’s been dealing with is death!

25 September 2020 Different frequencies (relationships)

Hello again, it’s Friday here as I write to you.  I can’t believe how fast the weeks and days go by now.  For awhile there it was like time was standing still but now it is definitely not.

I was stumped for a topic again and a friend suggested talking about dating and relationships with people on a different frequencies.  A few years ago I took a Quantum Touch class which deals with energy healing.  Part of the training was about the concepts of resonance and entrainment.  We were taught techniques to increase our energy level before helping someone.  The person we were working with would either rise to our energy level or there was the potential, if we weren’t vigilant, to become entrained into the lower energy levels of who we were working with.


So as far as relationships go, we all operate at different frequencies.  Some people operate on a very high frequency.  You know the kind of people that walk into a room and light the place up.  The other people in the room will either rise to the higher energy vibration or they will distance themselves.  I think it’s important in relationships that there is a balance where one person isn’t dictating where the energy level is going to be all the time.  A give and take, a balance.  This goes for all relationships not just a spouse and or significant other.

An image that just came to mind was of two magnets.  The are either strongly attracted and will slap together or strongly repel from each other.  In the latter case, you will be able to feel the magnetic field resisting the two sides joining.   There s nothing you can do to make them stay together except may be connect them somehow.  To think of forcing a magnet together is kind of like forcing a failed marriage to work I think.

entrainment” in the English Ordinal system equals 133

resonance” in the English Ordinal system equals 94

opposites attract ” in the English Ordinal system equals 217 (I thought it was interesting the same numbers for completely different words came up)

magnetic fields” in the English Ordinal system equals 127


12 September 2020 Today

Hello to you, how are you doing?  I hope from whenever and wherever  you are you are having a good today,

I had a couple of interesting dreams last night.  One of them was of seeing Princess Diana in a wedding veil and telling her she could stay, whatever that meant.  The other dream had to do with former President Ronald Reagan and getting car keys from him but instead of getting a car there were beds with numbers on them.

Today is my cousins’ sons wedding and we are having an orange level air quality day. I hope it clears up for them.  The sky is gray, like clouds are in the sky, but it smells like burning! I made my final decision about whether I was going to the wedding or not and I have decided not to go.  I just want the day to be about them and their happiness.  I can’t stop thinking about my own stuff and how I feel about it.   In my minds eye,  I keep seeing myself in black dress looking like I did when I married my ex but alone.  I miss my ex-husband very much and am having trouble moving on without him.  When I think about things I feel like I am being pulled apart   !

today” in the English Ordinal system equals 65 (all vices in check but one for all the 5 senses)

(“white” in the English Ordinal system equals 65)

one two September two zero two zero ” in the English Ordinal system equals 439 (left side of brain yes, no, may be, no existence” and ironically my name 39 is in here)

these values above made me think of yin and yang :

Yin and Yang

Yin and Yang
In Ancient Chinese philosophy, yin and yang (/jɪn/ and; Chinese: 陰陽 yīnyáng, lit. “dark-bright”, “negative-positive”) is a concept of dualism, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. In Chinese cosmology, the universe creates itself out of a primary chaos of material energy, organized into the cycles of Yin and Yang and formed into objects and lives. Yin is the receptive and Yang the active principle, seen in all forms of change and difference such as the annual cycle (winter and summer), the landscape (north-facing shade and south-facing brightness), sexual coupling (female and male), the formation of both women and men as characters and sociopolitical history (disorder and order).


3 September 2020 What I used to do and mindfulness

Hello there how are you?  Hopefully good as you visit me here.  Thank you in advance for taking the time to come by and read.  I am settling down after a nice walk and talk with my therapist  .

So the topic that came to mind today was thinking about what I used to do that made me happy and or occupied my time.  There were a whole bunch of things like doing chalk drawings outside, writing, drawing and making copper wire jewelry and or wire trees.  Sometimes there was crocheting and or knitting.  Sometimes there was singing and dancing.  Sometimes there was watching videos on Youtube and or binge watching shows on Netflix. Only a handful of these activities have felt remotely “right” to do in this new life I am living in.   A lot of the reason I have stopped doing things is for fear they would trigger another manic episode.

2 Sept 2020 wire tree pendant

My counselor and I talked today and one of the subjects we touched on was mindfulness.  I told her I often struggle with being able to stay in the moment.  She gave an example of the difference.  It was being on a walk and seeing a tree and being able to describe the tree with specific details instead of just saying “there is a tree.”

I miss my trees back in Alvarado.   I haven’t really gotten to know the tree here in the same way I did there. I wish I had taken some seeds from the oak tree, Yolie, in the front yard,

mindfulness” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (one yes, no may be all vices in check but one 36= child)

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side brain light and shadow self process 42=self)

one four two ” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all senses light and shadow self process)

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes no may be right side of the brain 134=information)

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all senses person place and or object 150=communication )

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side of the brain person, place and or object 40=food)

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or race track of life)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process of self all senses)

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (pattern repeats)



31 August 2020 What is helpful and what is harmful

Hello and how are you ? I hope you are doing o.k.  I have been having one of those mornings where everything is a raw nerve.  I decided to focus on what was more helpful than harmful.  What do I want versus what I don’t.

I want to wake up each day grateful to be alive.  I want to be able to listen to music, watch television and or movies again without fear of an anxiety attack.  I want to be able to socialize with people again without fear.  I want to be able to be myself without being ashamed.

There are many other things I am thinking I want but that would just be wishful thinking and that would be more harmful than helpful ,  I didn’t break these down to the  patterns point.  I thought it was interesting there is just one number different between the two!

What is helpful and what is harmful” in the English Ordinal system equals 338 (when I saw this I immediately saw the=33 balance=38)

helpful” in the English Ordinal system equals 80 (eternity and or racetrack of life up against an person, place and or object)

eight zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 113 (one one yes, no, may be existence)

one one three” in the English Ordinal system equals 124 (one light and shadow self right side of the brain)


harmful” in the English Ordinal system equals 79 (all vices in check in a “no” existence)

seven nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 107 (one person, place or object all vices in check)

one zero seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 163 (one all vices in check but one in a yes, no, may be existence)