Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Yesterday my Auntie and I went and had my MRI. I’m so grateful she was able to go with me! They called me today about the results and the doctor had no further concerns. I have a follow up in June to discuss the results. I think my suspicion of my having Mal de barque syndrome is correct. We have checked the ears and the brain and nothing has shown up. So whatever is going on will either eventually go away or I will just have to live with it indefinitely. I will stay in gratitude that nothing bad has come up with all the tests.
This morning at 9:30 am was another prayer team session at Grace House. There were a couple of us to include Pastor Jason. We had about two pages of prayer praises and prayer requests. Some things didn’t make it to the printed list but passed our lips and hearts. There is a lot going on in our little church and the crazy world it’s trying to operate in!
My dear Link helps me each day
Romans 12:5New International Version
5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body,and each member belongs to all the others.
Proverbs 19:21New International Version
21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Describe a positive thing a family member has done for you.
Hello there. How are you? Todays prompt is a good one. It gets me in a gratitude space in my mind. When I think about this I have trouble limiting to just one family member. It has taken a village of family and friends ( and a dog) to get me safely to where I am today! The area of most help looking back over the past couple years is with panic attacks and anxiety.
When I was still in Texas I experienced some of the worst panic attacks and anxiety I have ever had. Some of that carried over to Idaho for a time. My cousins wife, my cousins, my Aunt and Uncle all helped me via telephone and with their actions. It’s been going on four years this coming a July that I’ve lived here and they continue to help me! My ex and his family have helped me too – when Link got loose from the dog sitter and was in the shelter, they helped us get him out.
It’s hard to break the help down into just one thing! My cousins wife really helped me a lot when I was in Texas. I would have panic attacks and severe anxiety and she would talk me through it on the phone. I can remember all the times she helped me with just eating a meal. I would talk to her while I ate shaking the whole time. If she wasn’t able to talk, my Aunt or another cousin would. I can remember my cousin Laura helping to get me to the grocery store- talking to me the whole way! I use to walk and talk on my cell phone for hours to work through the anxiety I was feeling. I’m so grateful for my family and friends! So much patience!
Here is a little passage about helping the weak:
Acts 20:35 NIV35 In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive. ‘ “
Todays prompt is making me do something I don’t normally do anymore and that is predicting or and projecting my future. Ten years is a long time! If time goes at the rate it’s going I see myself still here in Idaho and possibly having met a nice man for companionship. I am a little slow when it comes to doing things! Sadly I will have to deal with the heart break of Link probably passing on in that time and I don’t know if I will want to go through another life cycle of a pet. Not something I’m looking forward to! I can’t even really talk about it without getting upset. He’s the first dog I have known since he was a newborn puppy.
There are other potential losses I may experience in a ten year life span – it will be crushing. My generation is one where the generation ahead of us, Baby Boomers, are aging out. I think of family photos where so many of the people in them are no longer here with us. God willing, what is coming in the next years will be bearable and not all at once. When I get overwhelmed with grief is when I have had my breakdowns in the past.
A interesting passage from the Bible about time and being human:
Ecclesiastes 3New International Version
A Time for Everything
3 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, 3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, 4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, 5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, 7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, 8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What do workers gain from their toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that people will fear him.15 Whatever is has already been, and what will be has been before; and God will call the past to account.[b]16 And I saw something else under the sun:In the place of judgment—wickedness was there, in the place of justice—wickedness was there.17 I said to myself,“God will bring into judgment both the righteous and the wicked, for there will be a time for every activity, a time to judge every deed.”18 I also said to myself, “As for humans, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals. 19 Surely the fate of human beings is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath[c]; humans have no advantage over animals. Everything is meaningless. 20 All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust all return. 21 Who knows if the human spirit rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?”22 So I saw that there is nothing better for a person than to enjoy their work, because that is their lot. For who can bring them to see what will happen after them?
Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. This morning I am feeling hyper aware of my body. It’s uncomfortable but passing thank goodness. When this happens I feel uncomfortable in my body – it’s like all my senses are raw nerves. I took 10mg of Zyprexa and it seems to be helping.
Today is Good Friday – I plan on attending my church’s service this evening. I have never really understood why they call it Good Friday considering what is being celebrated. I don’t think it was a very good day to be Jesus Christ! To be beaten and crucified is a pretty horrible thing. It’s for this reason, and I know all the reasons, I hate crosses. I feel like crosses are as anti-Christ as it gets. Like I said I’ve heard all the justifications as to why he had to die like he did but I still think it’s horrible and cruel. I can remember seeing The Passion of The Christ in the theater with my first husband and we both had nightmares afterwards! It was worse than a horror flick to see that kind of brutality and bloodshed. I know I’m supposed to be grateful that Jesus went through what he did and I am. I just don’t agree on the “good” part. Even with what he went through, this world is full of brokenness and feels ungrateful. I have heard all the reasons for that too! Anyhew – I’m learning and hope there will be another Bible study at some point. I learned a lot during the one I just finished.
How have you adapted to the changes brought on by the Covid-19 pandemic?
Hello to you how are you doing? This day finds me well. It’s a beautiful sunny day. The trees have started budding and flowers are beginning to push up. Definitely feeling like spring!
The prompt today is kind of interesting. I went to the grocery store today and it felt normal. No one wearing masks like before. I think, speaking for myself, unless I’m going to a medical appt, I have adapted back to nearly pre-pandemic behavior. I don’t even really think about Covid or catching it. To me it’s become like the flu – another variation of the flu.
I feel like I have adapted to the changes easily because, like I said, the only place I have to go that reminds me of the pandemic is hospitals. When I go to the VA, for example, they require you to wear a mask. Which makes sense because you can get exposed to people with Covid or other stuff like the flu. When I’ve been to the VA there have been some really sick people there.
Hello to you. How are you doing in your day? My thoughts turn to one word today – energy. As I get older and am much more sedentary than I used to be energy seems to be in short supply. I look back at my life and wonder if I just burned my candle on both ends. I was an athlete for much of my early years and now it’s a trial to get around the block! Welcome to middle age!
The Steve Harvey L’Evate you stuff didn’t do much for me and neither has taking extra vitamins. My ex use to talk about something regarding energy that I wonder if it’s true – that each of us has s certain amount of energy allotted to us. Drinking energy drinks etc. doesn’t give us extra energy but makes us use up our allotment faster.
Hopefully we can figure out what’s going on in my head with the dizziness and swaying. Then I will know if this is something I’ll just have to live with. If it ends up being Mal de barque syndrome I will have to.
When you were five, what did you want to be when you grew up?
When I was five or so I wanted to be famous. I used to sing to the neighbor kids using a jump rope handle. I wrote stories to include one about vampires when I was in kindergarten. I also wrote stuff you might see in the Bible at a very young age. It was so good people didn’t believe I wrote it. I had that dream for many years beyond being five! I liked to draw, write, sing and dance. My Mom used to read my stories and something she said always stuck with me, “You don’t have to be famous to be somebody.” Her saying that truly helped me keep things in perspective! She was so right!
I grew up in the late 60’s and early 70’s. We didn’t have The Voice or America’s Got Talent. We had stuff like Solid Gold – I loved the dancing and would try those moves in our living room when I had the house to myself which was quite often as my parents both worked a lot. The other thing I spent a lot of time doing was drawing my favorite musicians like David Bowie for example. I can remember spending hours on just one drawing.
My dream to become famous never happened. I’m glad about it as I don’t think I would have survived to the age I am now! I see what fame does to a lot of people and it’s not pretty most times! With how sensitive I’ve always been I would have been a wreck. I look at people like Michael Jackson, Prince and Chris Cornell to name just a few. Their fame was a source of severe anxiety and public scrutiny.
It’s important to attain balance in all things. Too much of anything can offset balance. I think it’s possible to be over religious and as in my case that can create imbalance. I think you need a healthy spiritual life to have a healthy mental life. I believe there is a void in each of us that only things of the spirit – of God- can fill. I believe there is definitely a connection – at least for me, can’t speak for everyone.
This past hospitalization to a mental hospital occurred because I was tired of waiting for Jesus’s second coming. I got too much into religion. I took it upon myself to initiate it and ended up getting tased by the police and sent to a hospital! The spirit world was talking through me and I enjoyed it but it messed up my mental health. It took over again like what happened in Texas a couple of times. The anxiety attacks were the worst part.
Thankfully I have loving family that have a balanced spiritual and mental life that are there for me. I don’t know if I would have made it in Texas if my Idaho family hadn’t been there for me. My cousins wife confided in me recently that before she and my cousin came and got Link and I, the prepared themselves spiritually as it seemed like other spiritual forces were at work with me. They put on their holy armor!
I think a lot of people try to get through life without a healthy balance of belief in God and self. There are things that nothing of this tangible world can fix. My ex and I learned this especially when we had to let our dog Sam go to the rainbow bridge. There was nothing that could fill the void his passing left inside of us. It was like losing a child! Even as much as Link’s arrival helped, only Gods unconditional love has really filled the void. Sam’s love and behavior towards us was like I imagine Gods love to be – unconditional. Our pets teach us so much that can’t be taught, and learned, any other way.
Hello to you. How is your today going? I am doing ok. My thoughts are on my quandry about God and free will. I brought this up last night with the ladies in my Bible study. The answers that came from them were all similar. God didn’t make us to be mindless drones and followers of his word. God is a gentleman who gives us choice – to choose to believe in him or not. Nothing is forced. Emily, the leader of the study gave me a good example. She said imagine you have this friend who every time they go out they do the same thing. Like getting drunk and being miserable for it. You know this about them and suggest they not do it but ultimately it’s their choice. Emily was kind of tackling the all knowing God in her example. God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what we are going to do and can put other options and choices – better choices- before us but ultimately we make the final call. When I think of the times I’ve been through with my mental health I got myself in a tunnel. I couldn’t see the better choices because I lost control of my ability to see them. In the Christian community they might say the enemy had hold of me.
I read this morning that the Nashville shooter had been suffering. When we are suffering and don’t have faith and trust in God and the enemy is “driving the car” we make, in her case, fatal choices despite what God wants for us.
I am still struggling with the issue of God allowing mass shootings to go on. I feel like there is a lesson we are supposed to be learning and we are not learning it. For example there is no red flag law in Tennessee to prevent troubled people from purchasing weapons or keeping current guns in their possession. May be this case is another example that lawmakers need to make better choices too. Something like red flag laws should be federal law not just up to each state. That’s just my opinion of course. There is just too much inconsistency when it comes to guns in America.
So I’m glad I was able to talk to Emily and the other ladies in Bible study last night about Gods Grace when it comes to tragedy. There have been all kinds lately to include weather related. The people in Mississippi who lost their lives and or homes to tornados. I wonder what God wants us to learn about that or is it beyond God and a combination of man -made factors – climate change for example. I don’t think anybody is completely ready for something like a tornado. I know when we had one when we lived in Texas it took us by surprise even with the weather service warnings! We were grateful for our lives being spared and minimal damage to our property. It’s got to be hard to have everything destroyed like happened to the already poor in Mississippi. What is Gods plan for these unfortunates? I know after the tornado we had it pulled all of us neighbors closer together.
At the bottom of all tragedy, no matter what kind it is, what good can come from it? What can we learn about God and ourselves? We can choose to crumble or learn and rise above it wiser. It really helped me to hear fellow believers explain God as being a gentleman. We are given a choice and we don’t have to wait for tragedy, reaching our bottom in life, to choose Gods will for us. With these tragedies we are seeing the perpetrators are self will run riot. In cases like these mass shootings, fatally so. Passion takes over reason. I wonder if that shooter knew she was unconditionally loved by God if she still would have gone through with her plans.
Hello to you. How are you? I am feeling a little overwhelmed by seeing yet another tragedy play out with the school shooting in Nashville Tennessee. No place seems to be sacred. I ask myself why God keeps allowing these to happen even in places of worship. People always retort the same answer, “free will.” If God knows everything, whatever is going to happen before it happens, how can there be free will? Why doesn’t God intervene somehow. The other answer I hear a lot is this is a fallen world we live in to which I ask why did Jesus die again? The answer is usually not everyone accepts Jesus as their savior and so they do things like what happened in Nashville and so many other places. I say access to guns, like this emotionally disturbed person had, makes it so easy for the disturbed and fallen to carry out these violent acts of free will. I ask God often why he allowed guns to be made at all! My life began with my mother ending her life with a gun. They always say if there wasn’t a gun they will find something else. At least the something else gives first responders more time. Time is what is lost with guns used by troubled people.
I like what the woman that asked the media if they are tired of covering school shooting stories. She asked a compelling question, “Why is this still happening” and said it’s just going to keep happening unless something is done. I read how easy it was for this troubled young woman to get her guns and hide them in her parents house.
America is sick with a gun culture. There are many responsible gun owners, I know several to include family and friends. I myself don’t own a gun nor should I with my history of mental health. I hate guns but for some it’s like collecting or buying something to support a hobby. A lot of people like to use guns to support their hunting hobby. Other people are buying guns out of self defense. The other day I saw a man open carrying a hand gun and I found myself feeling a bit unsettled. It would be so easy for somebody like that to turn such a weapon on people in the store. That’s what I thought when I saw it!
The argument that bugs me a lot is regarding good guys versus bad guys having guns. All it takes is one moment of passion to change a good guy to a bad guy. We are seeing it with cops a lot these days.
Something needs to be done from the federal level so that we get some consistency from place to place. Emotionally disturbed people should be a red flag at any place such a person could buy a gun. You shouldn’t be able to sell guns to the public without having the ability to run a background check. I think there needs to be an international database connected from mental health care providers and law enforcement that all places selling weapons would be required to check before selling someone a weapon. There is so much inconsistency in the process from one state to another – one store to another. So many troubled people fall through the cracks of our current systems. So many people with mental health issues are unable to get care and fly under accountabilities radar. I keep thinking of the sniper Chris Kyle who made the fatal decision of thinking taking a troubled vet with PTSD to a gun range was a good idea.
I have to wonder how much more bloodshed the American people are willing to accept? Idaho just signed into law that firing squads are ok to execute prisoners on death row! Seeing such actions make our country seem so barbaric. What I am concerned about is when innocent people are put up for execution.
So when all is said and done, with the system both divine and worldly as it is, I am praying for meaningful change not more empty rhetoric.
To be 