7 April 2023 Hyper Aware and Good Friday

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. This morning I am feeling hyper aware of my body. It’s uncomfortable but passing thank goodness. When this happens I feel uncomfortable in my body – it’s like all my senses are raw nerves. I took 10mg of Zyprexa and it seems to be helping.

Today is Good Friday – I plan on attending my church’s service this evening. I have never really understood why they call it Good Friday considering what is being celebrated. I don’t think it was a very good day to be Jesus Christ! To be beaten and crucified is a pretty horrible thing. It’s for this reason, and I know all the reasons, I hate crosses. I feel like crosses are as anti-Christ as it gets. Like I said I’ve heard all the justifications as to why he had to die like he did but I still think it’s horrible and cruel. I can remember seeing The Passion of The Christ in the theater with my first husband and we both had nightmares afterwards! It was worse than a horror flick to see that kind of brutality and bloodshed. I know I’m supposed to be grateful that Jesus went through what he did and I am. I just don’t agree on the “good” part. Even with what he went through, this world is full of brokenness and feels ungrateful. I have heard all the reasons for that too! Anyhew – I’m learning and hope there will be another Bible study at some point. I learned a lot during the one I just finished.

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