Category: Bipolar life

3 Dec 2024 Change

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, photography, space, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What is one thing you would change about yourself?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Today has been uneventful. I am feeling a little better after catching another cold. There was talk about something happening today with regard to space people but of course nothing happened! I am thinking something is brewing with the increase in sightings. I am thinking it has to do with the increasing unrest going on in the world – Sabre rattling about using nukes. If I was a space person watching all of what’s going on I think I would want to intervene too!

My answer to today’s prompt is if I could change one thing about myself I would not be Bipolar. Having this diagnosis has really limited me in so many ways. I have lost two marriages and many friendships and relationships with family. I lost a career because of this condition. The only good thing to ever come of being Bipolar was the wellspring of energy and creativity during the times I was manic. I would hardly sleep and my creative abilities seemed endless. I could draw, paint, sing, write, take awesome photos, dance, tap into the spiritual realms – all of this with little to no effort. Having the mania under control with the medication I’m on – Depakote- I can’t do much of anything anymore. This blog is my only outlet! In addition to Bipolar I have the Mal de barque syndrome where I have trouble with balance. I’m convinced it was triggered by my being tased by police when I was having a manic episode two years ago. It just won’t go away! So I guess there are actually two things I wish I could change!

Since I cannot change what I am, I have to push through with it all. I have to force myself to move forward even if I don’t want to. I pray a lot and ask for healing. I am trying to say yes more often when I would usually say no. One of the side affects of Depakote is weight gain and not feeling full after eating. With the balance challenges it’s hard to exercise to get rid of calories but I force myself to get a walk in with Link each day. I’m trying to lower my calorie count too. I am trying to say no more often to eating sweets which is my favorite type of food! Not all of what I am can be blamed on being Bipolar! I wish I could get back to size 16 jeans again. Obesity runs in my Dads side of the family so my genetics are kind of stacked against me along with my diagnosis.

Some scripture about change:

  • Ecclesiastes 3:1-2“To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot”. 
  • Isaiah 43:18-19“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”. 
  • Psalm 30:5“Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning”. 
  • Romans 8:28“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. 
  • 2 Corinthians 5:17“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”. 
  • Hebrews 13:8“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever”. 
  • Malachi 3:6“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed”. 
  • James 1:17“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows”. 
  • Ephesians 4:22-24“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness”. 

24 Nov 2024 Thankful In Pain

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Good day to you. I hope this finds you well. Today was the last of the I AmThankful series at church today. We got to listen to the inspiring story of John and Kristin who relocated to Middleton from California last year. In the midst of their transition they were thrown a major curve ball. One day Kristin was in severe pain and it turned out she had gall stones. A large one ended up rupturing and caused septics! When all was said and done she ended up losing part of her arms and both hands. She was wearing a prosthetic arm/hand on her right side. She said it was her faith that got her through it! A very inspiring story! It goes to prove something that I’ve said and has proven true in my life that if you think you have troubles just talk to someone else!

Messages from Pastor Jayson included these key points: 1) Contentment is a choice 2) Life rarely goes the way we think it should 3) A Faith that can’t be tested can’t be trusted and The things we focus on will determine our contentment.

Something that comes to mind for me and my experience is God always has a plan even in our suffering and discontent. It’s in his timing not ours! Every trial I have faced has been for my greater good in the end. If I was still living in Texas I would be so much worse off! I don’t think I would have found the church family I have or the relationship with Jesus I have now.

Philippians 4:13New International Version

13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

19 Nov 2024 Adversity

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you from the chilly yet sunny state of Idaho. I hope this finds you well – if not I hope you know you are loved and people you have never met are praying for you. I pray for the world and those who think they have no one who cares for them each day. With the latest headlines we are facing great uncertainty and as brothers and sisters need to keep eachother in prayer even more than ever!

This morning I went over to my Aunts house and road with her to meet with some ladies from the last Bible study we did. We tried to meet and have coffee at The Harvesters but it was practically standing room only! So we had a change of plans and went to the Bible study leaders home instead. We each talked about our stories – especially health. Each of us has experienced and continue to experience adversity. What we have in common is leaning on our faith in Jesus to face those trials. I have only recently started to refer to God, my Lord, my savior as Jesus Christ. Growing up Roman Catholic we weren’t really taught that. I only ever believed in God. Since moving here to Idaho I have turned my life, my soul, specifically to Jesus. What’s ironic about that is every single manic episode I’ve had has in some way involved Jesus! It’s refreshing to not be manic and have Jesus in my life.

Adversity strikes us all in one way or another. It is how and to whom we turn to that makes all the difference as we face those trials. In my not so distant past I often tried to face and figure how to navigate troubles on my own. Having a relationship with Christ has helped relieve the burden of life’s adversities and I don’t feel so alone. When I go to church on Sundays I feel so welcome and part of a family apart from my biological family.

Romans 5:3-5New International Version

3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings,because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

26 August 2024 Fall Feeling

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s been awhile since I’ve written to you. Not much new has been going on here with me. I just got back from a walk around the block and it was cooler. It’s starting to feel like fall already! The sunset is earlier and the temperatures are dropping. I’m not complaining! The only thing I haven’t liked about fall is cleaning up the leaves from my neighbors trees. Since I had one of them cutback it shouldn’t be as bad this year.

Leaves crinkling and curling

Breezes cooling sending them swirling

The skies are filled with birds traveling south

The beauty of the sight evokes awe from my mouth

Ever since I’ve gotten back on Depakote my creativity has gone away. It’s the sacrifice I’ve had to make for sanity! I miss the good parts of the highs or mania. It seemed like I had endless energy, thoughts and ideas. I don’t miss not being able to sleep and the endless chatter of inhabiting spirits. I have been stabile for over a year now and I’m grateful. Now if I could just lose the weight I’ve gained and stop feeling like a weeble wobble in my head I’d be all set!

Psalm 92

It is good to praise the LORD and make music to your name, O Most High,

proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night,

to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp.

For you make me glad by your deeds, LORD; I sing for joy at what your hands have done.

How great are your works, LORD, how profound your thoughts! (verses 1-5)

22 July 2024 Change

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Food, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you? It’s 104 degrees here in Idaho! Thank God for air conditioning! I have been waiting til later in the evening to walk and it’s still quite warm and the air quality is poor. I have to do something to tackle my weight problem and making myself get out and walk is one way of doing that. Change is not just my activity level but what I’m eating. My Aunt and I got together last Wednesday and cooked some meat together for meals. I have been really grateful to have them. What happened is I was told my blood sugar levels were headed into pre-diabetic levels and I weighed in 40 lbs heavier than just a few months ago! A side effect of the medication I take for my mental health is feeling hungry all the time. So I’m having to change my snacking habits in addition to what I’m eating for meals.

Just a brief word about President Biden stepping down I think that was a good move. I don’t know much about Vice President Harris. Hopefully she will choose a good running mate. I personally wish it was Robert F Kennedy Jr.

Do Not Worry Matthew 6:25-27

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

22 June 2024 Outside

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Nature, photography, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I’m writing to you as I sit outside today. It feels nice! It’s 94 degrees but you can’t tell sitting on the shaded porch. I haven’t sat outside in awhile. It’s Saturday and the neighborhood is quiet except for a dog barking nonstop inside their home. They resealed our road so the tar is hot and black in the full sunshine. I can smell and feel it from my porch.

View from my porch

Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Let all creation rejoice before the LORD, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. psalm 96:10-13

25 April 2024 Risk

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Home, Money, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

When is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out?

I would say the last big risk I took was buying a house versus renting an apartment. When I first moved to Idaho we looked at rentals and they just wanted too much money. First and second months rent plus a hefty pet deposit. I decided why not talk to a realtor and see if I could find a house. God answered our prayers and I found a realtor who found me my current home. I had enough money to put down a decent down payment from the sale of the Texas house. I’m glad I took the chance.

Ecclesiastes 9:11New International Version

11 I have seen something else under the sun:

The race is not to the swift
    or the battle to the strong,
nor does food come to the wise
    or wealth to the brilliant
    or favor to the learned;
but time and chance happen to them all.

2 April 2024 Switch

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I’m experiencing a little frustration about my experience with the VA. I just found out I’m losing my counselor in a couple months- same thing happened with my psychiatrist! It keeps happening! They are interns that graduate and move on and then a new doctor switches in. It’s frustrating because I have to keep starting over! The positive thing is may be a new perspective will be helpful – I will just have to see.

2 Corinthians 5:17New International Version

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!

29 March 2024 Laugh

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What makes me laugh? I laugh at comedians like Gabriel Iglesias – he is my favorite! It doesn’t matter how many times I watch his shows I always laugh. Another one is Sebastian Maniscalco. I’m the type of person who goes to a comedy show and laugh embarrassing loud! Live comedy is a lot of fun. I laugh at potty humor pretty easily!

I went to physical therapy today and I am really weak in my glutes and core. She gave me some exercises to do to regain some strength. I see her again in May so I will have some time to work on things between now and then. She was really informative.

Today is Good Friday, it’s always been hard to understand what was so good about such a solemn chain of events. Our church is having a service this evening at 6 pm.

Mark 10:33-34New International Version

33 “We are going up to Jerusalem,” he said, “and the Son of Man will be delivered over to the chief priests and the teachers of the law. They will condemn him to death and will hand him over to the Gentiles, 34 who will mock him and spit on him, flog him and kill him. Three days later he will rise.”

27 March 2024 Understand

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

What is hard for people to understand? I would say mental illness. When someone has a broken bone you see a cast and know what’s going on that isn’t the case with a broken mind. A person can look and seem perfectly “normal” and then out of the blue due something erratic and out of character. This is the way of suicides and murder. The “why” question is so prevalent in these cases.

Proverbs 2:3-6New International Version

3 indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;
    from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.