Mental Health – Page 54

19 September 2021 Oddball

September 19, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you this Sunday morning ? I am hoping for more rain so my car will be clean again ! We got just enough of a spittle to turn my car into a mud ball .

My thoughts are inspired by my drawing today….being an odd ball. Not being like everybody else. Most of my life I have been the one that doesn’t fit in. It’s not that I didn’t look the fitting in part it’s what was going on inside of me. I was a goth girl before it was a thing. I used to visit cemeteries and talk to animals all the time. I can remember looking in the mirror and wondering who was behind my eyes .

In my drawing I am the one standing alone looking at all those who are in line. I never quite fit in to the group. It’s usually because I don’t want to have to compromise my beliefs and or thoughts so that I will fit in.

For as long as I can remember it’s been this way for me. I was an outsider in school and in the military . The only time I really belonged is when I did sports. I was a runner and played volleyball . There is a camaraderie to sports that you don’t find in other group settings . I might have to consider sports again once Covid settles down again.

Nowadays my being an oddball has to do with having so many mental health labels. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not those labels – they don’t define who I am as a person . The labels are for the doctors ! I sometimes let my labels rule my life and I miss out on things as a result .

I have always been a little odd, my ways a mystery to most everyone but God. My eyes a mirror within a hall of windows, my spirit trapped between life and the gallows. Walking between worlds tangible and the unseen, a balancing act of sweet and mean . I am indeed odd but that is between me and God ……

17 September 2021 Decisions

September 17, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you today as you visit me here? It got down into the 30’s this morning! I’m so not ready for cold!!

My drawing for today and thoughts turn to making decisions. For every decision needing to be made there are three answers that can be given yes, no and may be. You would say may be isn’t a decision and you would be right! It’s a mental pause, making a space for a definitive answer. So many things in life are vague!

It’s not often that I can give a yes or no answer right away. I see so many sides to an equation! This is especially the case when other people are involved . I will think whether or not my decision will hurt the other person- there is a cascade effect . Feelings will often complicate things! Sometimes it would be nice to be a Vulcan from Star Trek and just use logic to make decisions. If that were the case there would be no may be’s!! It would be here are the facts, make a decision.

Sometimes it’s hard to make a clear cut decision

Some of the quandary comes from my spirituality . How many times to decide to forgive or are we always supposed to forgive? When do you stop forgiving someone ? I don’t think God wants me to be a doormat ! I have been spending a lot of time in may be on forgiveness.

15 September 2021 Driving

September 15, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, trust, Writing and blogging

Hello ! How are you today? I am sitting outside on my porch enjoying some sun . It was in the 40’s this morning!

This mornings topic is driving. Ever since my ex husband moved out last January and my car accident on Christmas Day I have lost my confidence in driving. The mere thought of having to drive someplace new nearly puts me in a panic attack . I can’t even completely explain why!

May be in writing this blog I can help myself get to the core of why ? One of the excuses I often used and in some ways it’s legitimate is I don’t want to leave Link alone . When I lived in Texas and with my ex we had two dogs. So even if we were going to be gone, the dogs weren’t completely alone .

The other excuse I use is of course getting into the accident . I had never been in an accident before . It really shook my confidence! I have found myself not wanting to drive here !

The last excuse is gas is frickin expensive ! Over $4 a gallon! I have to have a really good excuse to want to go someplace .

Anyhew! Writing about this has helped me see that I have a lot of excuses that have kind of worn out their welcome! I’m feeling like I’m getting closer to change !

13 September 2021 Courage

September 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today? I am doing ok.

I just had a talk with my therapist about me going to her office instead of having appointments on the phone. All I have to do is muster up the courage to drive there. She had a good point that the only way I will learn my way around is if I actually get out and drive . The other thing I have to do is quit using Link as an excuse to not go places .

9 September 2021 Time

September 9, 2021September 9, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you ? What’s going on in you where and when as you meet me here ? I hope your having a good day so far . I am having a productive morning so far. I mustered the energy to go get groceries. Whoop de doo right ?!! When your me getting groceries is a big deal !!

What’s on my mind this morning is time. Specifically time being a healer of deep emotional and spiritual wounds. It’s easy to try and heal using alcohol, drugs, shopping and any other kind of distraction but you aren’t really healing you are just procrastinating . After our dog Sam died it took me nearly 4 years to recover . With this divorce I am still healing a year later. I will say it’s getting better but there is still a ways to go….. I need more time.

I walked through time today, I didn’t stop I didn’t have anything to say. The wheels and gears spun and forced me compliant, upon its pace I was completely reliant. I had to stop and turn to face the grinding gears. The only way to relieve my pain may take years …….

1 September 2021 Connections

September 1, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, trust, Writing and blogging

Hello there ! How are you as you visit me here ? I hope we’ll. I’m working through my morning “stuff” and going through my routine . I hope someday mornings will be less of a struggle for me !

This morning my mind turns towards the concept of connections . It’s a part of living in today’s world. Right now I don’t have very many connections . I have lived here now over a year. I lived in Texas for about 12 years and in all that time made very few connections. I had one friend that I could count on. Is it me ?!!

I am great at the “meet and greet” but as far as maintaining long lasting relationships I’m not that great . The thing with me is once I love you , no matter how long it is since I last saw you and or we have communicated, we just pick up like we’ve never been apart.

30 August 2021 Being Happy

August 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you doing as you visit me here today ? It’s morning as I write to you . The mornings are getting cooler and I can feel fall is on its way!

This morning my thoughts turn to the concept of being happy . What does being happy even mean ? It’s such a fleeting thing!! Even if you have everything you want and need in this life will you be truly happy?

Some people seem to come by happiness so easily! They always have a smile, easy to laugh , they are easy to please and just have an air of contentment around them. I want to be more like these people again. I used to be that kind of person and then 2020 happened !

What does being happy mean to me now ? We are already almost through 2021 and I’m still figuring it out! I am getting fleeting glimpses of what it means for me . When my ex and I used to be down we would do something I need to get back in the habit of doing – mental gratitude list . We would ask each other “what are you grateful for today ?” So many things to be grateful for ! Could gratitude be a pathway to happiness ?

What am I grateful for today ? That I have the privilege of writing this blog, my health, Link, my family and friends , thankful for a God that answers my prayers – so much more !

22 August 2021 Simplicity

August 21, 2021August 21, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello and how are you ? It’s Saturday morning as I write to you . I tried to get Link on a walk but he didn’t want to go. So I went on a walk by myself and got a couple laps in. We got a little rain. Just enough to mess up my car and nearly erase my chalk drawings!

So my mind is on simplicity this morning. I am thinking of “the little way.” It’s not the big grand gestures we can do that make this world a better place. Often it’s the barely perceptible. People just being themselves! I used to try and do so much more but I wore myself out ….I got broken . Hopefully some day soon I will find a little way I can give back to the world that gives me so much!

“Simplicity ” in the English Ordinal system equals 135 – one yes no May be existence for all the senses

A project I did with my cousin at a sip and paint gathering

14 August 2021 Lonely

August 14, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health

Hello to you ! How are you today? I am feeling lonely today. I tried walking a bunch of laps around the block but just can’t seem to shake this feeling ! Sometimes it’s hard to enjoy your own company . You can’t escape yourself lol.

The place I go that helps me not feel so lonely is my front porch. Sitting there helps me feel connected to the world. There are the neighbors, trees, birds, squirrels and insects. All sorts of life forms “doing stuff.”

When I am feeling like this I am reminded of what life was like off my medication. I always felt like I was being watched and never alone . A part of me misses that feeling. I wish I could have that feeling still taking my medication . Was it God I was close to during those times ? I wonder .

11 August 2021 Learning

August 11, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you in your where and when. How are you ? I am having kind of a rough morning. Words have power . Sometimes you can think you are safe in saying something a certain way and learn later that it hurt someone. I never mean to hurt anyone with my words here!

This blog is a place I’ve had as an outlet for many years now and I guess I’m still learning how to use it !