11 October 2021 Living Your Faith

October 11, 2021 by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you? I got a walk in it was chilly and cold. I’m not ready for cold weather again so soon. It seems like just yesterday the trees across the street were blooming!! Sadly I’m not in charge of the earths thermostat !

This morning on the walk I asked what I should write about and the topic that came forth is a hard one . It was about living your faith in your day to day life. Faith isn’t just in sacred text, holy days and churches, temples and synagogues. It’s every day. Sometimes it’s confusing. I have a lot of trouble with the conflicting guidance you get from the Old and New testament . I prefer the messages in the New Testament :

Matthew 5:43-48New International Version

Love for Enemies

⁴³“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[a]^(A) and hate your enemy.’^(B) ⁴⁴But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,^(C) ⁴⁵that you may be children^(D) of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.^(E) ⁴⁶If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?^(F) Are not even the tax collectors doing that? ⁴⁷And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?⁴⁸Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.^(G)

It’s easy to love those who love you back and are lovable. It’s easy to pray for your friends and family. Right now I’m having a situation where I’m being challenged to be able to care about someone but not be hurt by caring. I have to keep my distance or risk my own mental health and well being.

How do you live your faith and still stay mentally sound? Something that I’ve done and has been done to me is letting someone go with love. You wish a person a well and happy life but because of irreconcilable differences you can’t be part of each other’s lives. You don’t stop loving and caring for a person but you don’t tolerate their oftentimes negative activity in your life.

It is hard to practice your own advice sometimes especially when your a softy like I am ! It’s easy to take the path of least resistance but end up being a doormat as a result . Thankfully I have a strong support system that is trying to keep me from being that. They don’t want to see me be anybody’s emotional punching bag!

The question remains how do you live your faith in your daily life and still remain intact ? How do all the walks of faith on earth keep it together when it feels like this world is falling apart ? How do you not go crazy trying to live up to ancient doctrine in a world that seems so contrary to most of it ? It feels like we are divided tribes at war for the same sacred spaces . So many questions and so many conflicting answers .

I am still on my quest of faith. I’m one of those that hasn’t quite settled on a path. What does it mean for me to live my faith then? What is my faith? I’m sure The God of my understanding is at work in my life. I just have to remain open minded and willing to proceed. Like I learned in AA just keep doing the next right thing.

9 October 2021 Unconditional Love

October 9, 2021 by saymber, posted in human rights, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How are you today? It’s a very sunny Saturday. The air is crisp and the trees are really starting to shed their leaves. I am blessed to have had a visit with family this morning.

This morning I’m thinking about unconditional love . What is it? Most times that kind of love gets associated with God and our pets and I think it’s because human beings let us down. There is only so much a human being can take. There is only so much a human being can give. How many times can you forgive someone who abuses you over and over again be it verbally or physically? It seems like only someone like Jesus can forgive like that.

I am experiencing a situation in my life where I am left wondering if I should try and be like Jesus or accept my humanity. I’m left struggling with this decision. I know that if I continue to try and love and care about this person it will damage me. My self preservation is kicking in.

Are human beings even capable of what Jesus asked of us? To love our neighbors as ourselves? Does it mean I don’t love myself if I don’t love my neighbor? If I stop loving my neighbor?

When is it ok to think of yourself when it comes to abusive relationships? What would Jesus do ? Would he just keep forgiving ? That’s kind of what he modeled for us: “forgive them father they know not what they do.”

Is the concept of unconditional love even a realistic concept for the human being of today? Was it ever? Or was it just a concept to aspire to ? When do you give up on someone ?

Then there is the concept of tough love but that is still conditional love. Where you love somebody only if they meet certain criteria’s. It seems like the only place unconditional love can be found is from nonhuman sources.

I guess that’s why God. The only being in the universe that will love you no matter what you do or say is God. I have to caveat this though. Depending on what version of God also determines if there is unconditional love or not. Some people’s God is Old Testament hellfire and brimstone God. If it hadn’t been for Jesus we were all going to hell!

I will continue to pray about this. I would be interested to get feedback. Do you think human beings are capable of unconditional love ?

5 October 2021 Mortality

October 5, 2021 by saymber, posted in Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s late as I write to you today . Linky and I are sitting outside for a bit .

So it’s officially fall. All through the neighborhood the trees are starting to change color. They are letting go of what I think of as their disposable hands (leaves). This time of year makes me remember how fragile our mortality is. The trees teach so much.

So everyone has a nemesis. Mine is death. I have talked to death more than a couple times and really there is no reasoning with it . There is a plan in all things and part of the plan is at some time or another we are all going to die. I hate this plan but starving to death on an overburdened planet doesn’t sound like a good alternative. We are mortal and that means over time, like any good machine, we are going to break down. We will either get spare parts or we won’t . What bugs me about our “system” is by the time we have learned it and can enjoy ourselves we are well into our mortality.

We mature like fine wine but shrivel up like prunes! Mortality isn’t pretty !

It is important to have faith now. In these uncertain times we need unwavering things that give us hope. You will find no Hope in death unless you actively look for it. For some death is a mercy. I’ll give death that credit. When someone has been suffering with a illness or condition for an extended period of time mercy comes with death.

No drawing today – kind of having a dry spell!

4 October 2021 Tribe

October 4, 2021 by saymber, posted in Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you ? It’s Monday morning as I write to you. My mind is really full this morning after watching Heilung on You tube last night.

This morning I find myself missing the group of people I used to spend time with – my tribe. We were into natural healing. I’ll never forget the one Christmas solstice gathering we had. There was singing and drums like we had been together always . It’s so rare to have what we had …to keep it together. Time, life, growth and the persuite of money blew our little tribe to the winds. We don’t even keep in touch anymore .

I can remember my Grandpa talking about losing his tribe . This was after he divorced my Grandma. At the time he said it I didn’t understand what he meant. I guess it took me losing my tribe to understand.

What I get reminded of this morning as I’m writing about this is nothing lasts forever . I’m the kind of person that would be content in many ways if things didn’t have to change. Yet even nature reminds me that everything changes – witness the changing leaves of fall! They say if there is any one thing certain about this life it will be change!

Do you currently have a group of people you get together with? A tribe ? Cherish them !!

https://youtu.be/aS91UaGJEqI – link to Heilung Live at Alcatraz Festival 2021

2 October 2021 Dream

October 2, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you today so far ? It’s 7:13 am as I write. It’s still dark and it’s cold. I don’t want to get out of bed. I had one of those dreams that you wake up from and your heart aches.

I dreamt about my cat Amber and the family dog Spot. It hurt so much I had to turn to Jesus and now I want to cry .

I don’t know what to do with attachment . I get so attached to the people and animals in my life . In Buddhism attachment leads to suffering . This is so true! How do I live this life without getting too attached? Without suffering?

As I said I turned to Jesus this morning and the message was. “Write .” So I’m writing! That’s the nice thing about this blog is you can write as much or as little as you want. I will probably write more later! It’s just what I need right now . Writing for me is therapy !

So why Jesus ? Why turn to Jesus when I had a dream that was so close to my hearts desire ? To be reunited with lost pets ? Because I actually feel something. When I say or think that name I feel comforted. There is a warmth that comes like a filling up inside. I don’t feel so alone. I feel like I can handle what I’m facing a little better. It’s like calling on an old friend that seems to always be there waiting to help !

All this because of a dream. Is it a coincidence? God works in mysterious ways ! Perhaps this is a gentle reminder to not lose my faith ? Perhaps in writing this I am helping someone else not lose their faith either ? So much happens in this world that doesn’t make any sense. All these pieces of an intricate puzzle finding their place.

Sometimes it’s all you can do is hold on and hope your own light doesn’t go out. It can be so easy to lose your faith if it’s grounded in this world. This world slips away so easily. You need something to hold on to that won’t go away like people and pets do . Is that why people hold on to the Bible and other sacred text? It would make sense ! You can call on Jesus any time day or night and he doesn’t charge you for an office visit !

I need to get my butt out of bed. Thank you for your company. Like I said I’ll probably be back a little later!

1 October 2021 Hugs & Blogging

October 1, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you doing today ? It’s the beginning of the month already! This year has gone by so fast hasn’t it? My knees allowed me to get a couple laps in. They have been aching. Just found out there are almost 2,000 more cases of Covid here in Idaho ! I’m surprised they aren’t mandating masks again . I have family that was vaccinated and still got sick!

This morning my mind turns to hugs! I love to give and receive them. I don’t know if there is any documented evidence, but I think there must be health benefits! When I think of the mechanics of a hug it’s like putting two powerful batteries together for a few moments. It feels good. It’s like sunshine on the heart !

“Embrace me let your light shine on my heart, may the warmth last long after we are apart.”

Writing this blog has become an everyday thing I do. It helps me connect with people I wouldn’t ordinarily meet. It makes me feel useful. It helps me feel less lonely….like I have someone to talk to. Oftentimes I don’t want to finish a blog because then there will be silence! For some reason when I blog I connect with my internal “voice.”

Writing this blog gives me purpose. It’s always my hope that someone will read it and something will resonate. I think it’s a way to connect with the God of my understanding. This blog and the drawings I do each day are the highlight of my day.

“Welcome to a corner of my mind, a place to relax for a moment and unwind. A message may be just for you, a message just for me by the time the day is through. They call this exchange we are having a blog, for me it is a daily log. A daily accounting of my life, joys, tribulations and may be some strife . Thank you dear reader for stopping by, I hope you find something here for you and you’ll say hi “

29 September 2021 Home

September 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello again. I’m back . One of the things that has always helped me is writing. I always remember Kyle telling me to write for myself even if no one reads it! This blog is a very therapeutic tool for me. If you have stopped by and decide to stay and read, I hope there is something here for you too .

So I have a 734 sq ft home that I share with my dog Link . It’s enough living space for us but it’s not enough of a creating space. All it takes is a couple of things and you have clutter. I had some professional organizers come in and ever since I have not wanted to touch anything! My second room is basically storage. I exist in my house but I don’t flourish in it. I downsized before I was ready and with the housing market being what it is – I’m stuck! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a home I just feel lost In it right now.

“A tiny home to put her shoeboxes in, a place blessed by God to start her life over again. “

I think I just figured out why I have been having so much trouble with feeling at home for so long. After my cats Amber and May died part of me went with them. They were my heart and home . They were always there and then they weren’t . They always used to inspect the things I made and sang me to sleep with their purr. I feel disorientated even writing about this! I miss my little daughters . We lost 4 animals in a short period of time and it wrecked me. Death is my nemesis.

I know God has a plan for me I’m just not sure what it is . So many people figure out what to do with their lives. Why does it have to be so hard for me to figure it out ? I’m 53 dammit!! I don’t get much more time! Why am I still here ?! When will I be home ?

27 September 2021 Early Riser

September 27, 2021September 27, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you? I’m sitting out in the morning sun and it feels good. This morning has been a bit of mental gymnastics.

I am having trouble writing today. Thankfully there is the morning sun and it feels good against my skin. Some days I feel so out of sorts ! It seems to come out of nowhere and all I can do is ride through it . Is it this?! Is it that?! Walk around the block a couple of times. Eat an extra meal ! I’ll figure it out !!

23 September 2021 Peaceful

September 23, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you today? I’m doing alright . I had this blog all finished a few minutes ago but I decided to discard it. I don’t know why I guess it just wasn’t what I wanted to post!

I wanted to talk about a feeling I got last night . For the first time in a long time I felt peace and contentment . I went to sleep and woke up with that feeling and it was so awesome . No emotional or physical pain! True peace . I wonder if it was spending time with my friend yesterday . We went to Red Robin for burgers and had a really nice visit. I got lots of hugs !

Oh to still the churning waters of my soul, to calm the anxiety stained winds that always seem to blow. A simple gesture of the warm embrace, to stop time and put a smile on my face. A remedy as old as can be, someone lovingly holding on to me .

I don’t know if there is a perfect formula for peace. If there was we would have a whole lot fewer doctors and pill bottles . I know part of my peace comes from God through other people . A simple thing like a hug means so much to me . I think there is a lot of power having two hearts close together .

21 September 2021 Mantra

September 21, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today? I hope you are doing well . I am trying to stay in the present moment and stay positive. It’s a beautiful fall morning .

This morning I could feel some anxiety creeping in. I mentally asked for help in relieving it and the answer was “say the mantra.” The only thing I had memorized was the Lords Prayer and Hail Mary so I started saying those over and over. By doing that my anxiety thoughts and feelings were interrupted . When I would stop, the anxiety “stuff” would return.

So then it was time to get up and go for a walk and I was still feeling the anxiety. I decided to just think like a cheerleader! “Let’s do this! “ “We got this!” Anything to relieve the discomfort that anxiety makes me feel! Mornings are rough for me . That tactic worked for a little while!

I have never been good about meditating . I have a monkey mind or “wild mind.” It just goes all over the place! So it was interesting that the help suggested became a combination of Buddhism and Christianity!

Do you have a mantra or prayer that you say that helps you when you are having anxiety ? What helps you quiet things down ?