Category: Bipolar life

21 Sept 2025 Strength in Weakness

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I’m just home from church – today marks our 9th year anniversary as a church. The church has grown so much from even when I started coming. I sat with my friend Jeannie and her brother-in-law Roy who was having trouble getting around today. Pastor Keith Waggoner from the Nampa campus we came from gave a great sermon. Today’s message really resonated with me:

2 Corinthians 12:7-10New International Version

7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations.Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I have been praying for God to heal me from what ails me for several years now and he has not moved. I believe that what is happening to me is similar to what Paul was talking about. If I was in perfect health I might not turn to God like I do. I might become conceited. God has walked with me through a lot – being bipolar, balance issues and chronic back pain. When I was in AA many years ago, he delivered me from alcoholism, chronic skin picking, smoking and bulemia. I have been through a lot in this life and God has been there every step of the way. Just because he hasn’t healed me completely doesn’t mean he’s absent. He has a plan!

Next Sunday I am being baptized. They have asked me to give a testimonial so I will work on that this week! God is moving in my life!

20 Sept 2025 Fall Is Coming

by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there. How are you? I’m just back from my evening walk – just one time around the big block today. My back continues to be a nuisance so I have to be careful. I have been feeling something in the air lately – fall is coming. There is an anticipation in the trees and the rest of nature. I love how cozy fall can make life seem. The warmer clothes come out. Hot cocoa with marshmallows gets made. A fire gets lit in the fireplace. Candles get lit. The days get shorter. All of these and more rituals of fall are coming. Do you like fall? The only thing I don’t like is having to take up leaves!

It’s easier to think about changing seasons than it is about what is happening to our world right now. I pray for our country and this world every day. I pray for our leadership at all levels as they are being challenged so greatly. I pray for our fire fighters, police and first responders. The world is a very dangerous place for them. I pray for the men, women and children trying to survive in war torn regions of this world. I pray for the poor, sick and homeless. I pray for all neglected and abused animals. Jesus we lift up this broken world to you – there are some things we cannot fix without your divine intervention. Have mercy on us – please hear our prayers!

Oh and I wanted to mention there have been a couple recent blips on the radar with regards to UAPs:

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp-video/mmvo247250501553

12 Sept 2025 Turning To God

by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, history, Home, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. As I write to you tonight, I have a heavy heart. With the recent murders of Charlie Kirk and Iryna Zarutska and so many others that don’t make the headlines, it’s just a really sad time for America. It feels like every day we are being fed negative news. We can’t catch our collective breath! What I’m having to do is turn to God and pray for our country…for this world. I want to use my words here to lift up the spirits of those who intentionally or unintentionally visit my blog.

I would ask you reader what are you grateful for today? I am grateful for the savior who unconditionally loves me. When everything is dark there is light in Jesus and giving thanks. What we focus on the most gains the most power. I want to focus my personal power on the good in this world even though that is so hard to do right now.

My prayer for today:

Dear Jesus the people of this world need to know you now more than ever. I pray that those who are casting about and are lost will be lead to your loving and merciful light. I pray for the truth of what you taught us how to love one another, your creations and you would take center stage. I pray especially for the children that are the innocent in the affairs of adults. They should be able to go to churches and schools free from fear. I also pray for all animals that you would intercede for those being needlessly abused and neglected. Thank you holy father!

Mark 10:13-16New International Version

The Little Children and Jesus

13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” 16 And he took the children in his arms,placed his hands on them and blessed them.

10 Sept 2025 The Abyss

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? I hope this finds you well. The back pain is back but I’m trying not to focus on it! I appreciate your prayers!

Last night I had a good telephone call with a friend and we talked about something I haven’t talked about here for awhile. It was about the abyss that exists in all of us that we often unsuccessfully try to fill with worldly things. When I was an alcoholic, I used alcohol to try and fill myself up. When I was a fan girl for a musician or actor I filled myself up with their music and films. It was all so fleeting! It was an obsession.

Millions of people are rabid fans of people like Yungblud, Lady Gaga, Ozzie Osbourne, and Taylor Swift. Back in the day for me it was Prince, David Bowie, Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. I drew their images and followed everything they did. There works temporarily filled the void inside me. When David and Prince died it left a huge void in me and was part of one of my manic episodes. Davids music got me through so many hard times especially my teens. It was a couple years ago that I realized my fandom was akin to idol worship and I pulled the plug on all of it. There is only one king worthy of worship! Once I completely surrendered to Jesus nothing else mattered. I realized these celebrities were almost acting like they were Gods – trying to be immortal , omnipresent and making a lot of money off of their worshippers! They are famous because we give them our time and lots of money. So many young people worship these performers and when times get tough they fall back on worshipping these celebrities instead of God. The celebrities are tangible to them whereas God doesn’t seem to be.

Only one thing fits into the void inside of me and that is God….things of the Spirit. I’ve known this for quite some time but I wandered off several times. As human beings we want a tangible “Jesus”. Like with The Chosens Jonathan Roumies Jesus. He is currently bringing a tangible Jesus to us. It’s tempting to fall into the idol trap. No matter how many times he emphasizes that he’s an actor portraying Jesus there will be those who think he’s the second coming! It must be so hard to be him right now in a world that so wants and needs Jesus to return.

Since I have put Jesus in the abyss that is inside me I know that I am never completely alone. I can talk to him anytime. A tangible Jesus lives and breathes through the people he has surrounded me with. My family and friends are the body of Jesus in my life.

Exodus 20:3-6New International Version

3 “You shall have no other gods before[a] me.

4 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God,punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Matthew 25:34-40New International Version

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me,I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

8 Sept 2025 Doubts

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s Monday again and a lot happened today. My back pain is creeping back – I was so hoping to be free of it completely! At least I had a day to know what it’s like not to have pain. I will stay in praise even though I’m disappointed.

I had a case of the nerves today. A company, Eco Landscaping, that has been coming out and killing weeds on my gravel, all the sudden jacked up their prices on me with no notice. I have tried calling and texting them and have gotten no response. USAA is handling a charge dispute for me about it. I’m really disappointed this happened as it means having to find another company to come out and provide the service.

The other thing today was I finally called The Cottages here in Middleton about visitation. This is where the doubts come in. The facility is split into two parts. They have the memory care unit where residents are supervised at all times and the other part where residents can come and go as they please. The part we did the Mothers Days baskets this year for was the memory care unit. For the memory care unit visitors are welcome but must be supervised at all times. The more I thought about it I just don’t feel comfortable going by myself to see people that are going to forget I was even there. When I lived in Alvarado Texas my ex and I use to volunteer at the Assisted Living locked ward they had there and some very uncomfortable things happened to us. It wasn’t good for us. With having my own mental health issues, I have to be careful with what I expose myself to. My Aunt, Uncle and cousin were there for me today to riddle things out. They had some suggestions of what I might be able to do. I want to be of service to Jesus but just am not sure how. As I get older, live alone, have physical limitations and am not as confident as I once was when I was married it’s hard to figure it out! May be by my sharing what I’m going through is a way I’m helping? May be writing, something I’ve done for so many years now, is a way to serve God? I appreciate your continued prayers on this!

James 1:6New International Version

6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt,because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

6 Sept 2025 A Day Without Pain

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. I am writing to you before bed tonight. I couldn’t go to sleep without giving praise for experiencing a day without pain! For the past couple weeks I have been experiencing chronic pain in my back. Today it was completely gone! Knock on wood! I was able to take my evening walk with ease. Thank you to those who have been praying for me. Thank you to Jesus for hearing my pleas! I am planning on calling The Cottages on Monday and if the back pain continues to be gone I should be able bodied for that calling.

Psalm 30:2New International Version

2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
    and you healed me.

4 Sept 2025 Unchanging and Enough Time

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Television, Veteran Affairs

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well today. My thoughts this evening turn to mortality. To legacy. To being enough in the time I’ve had thus far. I couldn’t sleep the other night and found this from Jonathan Roumie. What I got out of it is it’s not how long we live but how deeply we love in the time we are given:

https://youtu.be/hStDYAxjjU0?si=lEchlnmBWJ1gK_3s – Jonathan Roumie and Jesus’s answer as to why he only lived to age 33

Jonathan has a lot of videos up like this on YouTube and I’m gradually getting through them.

Today was my Thursday prayer group and I was finally able to talk to Pastor Jason about a calling I’ve been having about an assisted living home we have here in town called The Cottages. Ever since we went there for Mothers Day in May I’ve been thinking about the place. The thing that has been holding me back is me – specifically my body. Things going on with my body make it hard for me to want to commit to anything. Explaining this to Jason and Lois today brought me to tears. I am willing to serve God but my body mobility and pain keep holding me back. Both Jason and Lois were supportive of me approaching the place to see if there is a need I can fill. Lois suggested keeping it small – just going once a week to say hello- learn the residents names. My plan is to call them on Monday and see what God has in mind for me. Please pray for me – for healing and heeding Gods call. Thank you! 🙏

Link will always look like a puppy to me – unchanging. The only thing that he’s showing of his age is the changing mobility in his back legs. He’s my baby boy!

31 Aug 2025 The Light Of Eternity

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

2 Corinthians 5:17New International Version

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creationhas come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!

Today has been good even if I overslept! My Aunt Ruth came over and went with me to church. It was the first time she has joined me since we moved to the high school. It was so nice to have her there! Even though we were later, we still got a good seat near my friends. The message that stood out to us today from Pastor Jason was seeing people through the light of eternity. Not just for now but for forever. This is something Ruth does with people and she models for me. It’s not just living through what Christ did for us but living for Christ. We are to be Doulos (Greek for slaves) to God. It doesn’t have a negative meaning that slavery typically does.

After church we went to the Sunrise for breakfast and it was good as always. Emma took good care of us as always. It was so nice to have company today! We were talking that it will be 3 years this November since I was in the Idaho State Hospital in Orofino and Link had to be rescued from being locked up after escaping from a boarder. I remember this because of pictures I have on my phone. He escaped the same day I left the hospital which stressed us all out! I am so grateful he was picked up and not lost. I also so grateful that Ruth and John came and got me! Otherwise I would have been stuck there. They had no plan for me to have a ride home. One lady I was there with got released to a homeless shelter. So sad! I hope I never have to go through that again – never have to put my family through all that again. Being Bipolar can put such a strain on the family.

Picture I took of Ruth and John leaving Orofino in November 2022
My poor baby boy after we got him out of the shelter

25 Aug 2025 Time of the Day

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs

What’s your favorite time of day?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. If you are struggling to get through your days I pray for you. You are not alone! There are a lot of people struggling in our world and not much relief in sight. The only true relief for me comes when I focus on Jesus! Writing to you helps me a lot too. I thank you for stopping by here and visiting with me. I get so lonely at times! So many people in this world are lonely. Even with all the technology we have we are still lonely as ever.

Today’s prompt, if you asked me a few years ago, would be easy to answer. I was a morning person. When I was active duty Air Force and working full time I had no choice but to be a morning person. I had routines each day that got me out of bed and happy to begin my day. When I retired on 16 Sept 2002 my life and routines got all turned upside down. I had to come up with new routines. Having pets, specifically dogs, helped because there were morning dog walks with my now ex Kyle. I miss his company so much! I miss being married. We had such good talks! Link can’t really go for walks these days because of his back leg giving him trouble so I have to walk alone.

I don’t have a real life purpose except on certain days of the week right now. I have been praying and talking to God for many years now about what it is he’s got me here to do. Ideas come and go. I’ve tried different things but my body problems and issues being bipolar hold me back from fully committing to anything. Most of my purpose involves my spirituality when it involves anything. Thankfully I will be joining my Aunt and some other ladies next month in a Bible Study. Being with these ladies will be good for me and will get me in the word.

Pastor Jason closed with this psalm Sunday:

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

5 You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

24 Aug 2025 This Old Tent

by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, Food, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. I’m sitting here at the Sunrise Cafe waiting for my food reflecting on today’s message at church. The past couple times here I’ve been able to order vegan sausage. I’m trying to fight cruelty in the food I eat. It is a choice to eat meat and even to this day there is so much cruelty and suffering for food animals. We must vote with our pocket books!

Pastor Jason covered a lot of ground today. One of the bulletin points was “We have a future hope.”The main scripture from Paul, who was a tent maker, was 2 Corinthians 5:1-5 and it speaks to that future hope:

2 Corinthians 5:1-5New International Version

Awaiting the New Body

5 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

This scripture really resonated with me! The past couple of weeks this old tent of a body has been really groaning! As I look around at this world and the people in it the whole world seems to be a groaning tent. A couple generations of us are getting older and it shows up in pain in different parts of the body. For me it’s my lower back – thank goodness for Biofreeze! I often refer to this in my own life:

Matthew 26:41New International Version

41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”