Hello to you. It’s early afternoon as I write to you after my therapy session through the VA. I am blessed to have a really good therapist. Today we talked about how my physical symptoms affect my life. She came up with something that resonated with me. She said imagine you are hosting a party and your neighbor Joe shows up. He isn’t the most pleasant smelling or behaving person. He is the uninvited guest that you have to keep tabs on the whole party so he doesn’t ruin it. She likened what’s going on with my head and lower back pain to Joe. If I focus on these things like I would focus on Joe, the party will always be ruined for me. I have to find a way to not let these thorns to my life stop me from living my best life.
Are you struggling with some kind of physical and or mental condition that won’t go away? What will you do with your Joe?! As for me, I’m seriously considering whether Joe ever gets invited in the first place! 😂
Oh how I wish Jesus would heal me and all those I do and do not know! It must have been amazing to be healed by him:
Matthew 4:23New International Version
Jesus Heals the Sick
23 Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.
Drawing I did of my birth mom Jeannie many years ago
Hello to you. I’m back from appointment with the VA. Apparently every 6 months or so they are supposed to make sure I’m not having adverse physical effects from one of the medications I’m taking – Olanzapine. Everything checked out good. Apparently if you have adverse effects you can have involuntary body movements that make you look like you have Parkinson’s Disease! It’s called Tardive Dyskinesia: Uncontrolled or unusual muscle movements, especially of the face, tongue, arms, or legs. This can be permanent in some cases.
Sorting gifts
This morning I went to the ladies coffee at Grace House. We helped sort and label Christmas gifts for a few families. When I went I didn’t know that’s what we were doing. My back wasn’t happy but I was still able to help. I can’t imagine doing all that alone but the past couple of years that’s kind of what happened! It felt good to help even if it was just a little. We have such wonderful ladies at Grace!
Dear Jesus I pray for this world and all its life. There is so much going on! We need you now more than ever. Please wrap us in your loving arms and bring us all peace and healing.
Hello to you. I’m home from spending some quality time with my Aunt and Uncle. I really was feeling like I needed some company today! I went over earlier in the day before it gets dark. I got the one thing I really needed and that was a hug from my Aunt and Uncle! Living alone I don’t get physical contact with humans very often. It’s such a simple thing but means the world to me! I am so grateful to have them in my life.
We watched King of Kings: An animated Christian film from Angel Studios, based on Charles Dickens’ The Life of Our Lord, telling Jesus’ story from the perspective of a young boy and his father. We all thought it was really well done.
My Aunt made spaghetti for dinner and it was really good. She even got me to eat and like cucumbers in my salad! She is one of the few people in my life that can get me to try and like things I normally don’t eat on my own!
1 Timothy 6:13-15New International Version
13 In the sight of God, who gives life to everything, and of Christ Jesus, who while testifying before Pontius Pilate made the good confession, I charge you14 to keep this command without spot or blame until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ, 15 which God will bring about in his own time—God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords,
Hello to you on this cloudy Sunday afternoon. I’m just back from church and breakfast at the Sunrise. I should have gotten groceries but decided to put it off. I really dread grocery shopping!
Today we had a guest speaker named Toby Slough. He is an author of the book Not Yet and a children’s book Toby the Goby. When they post his sermon I’ll share it.
Toby Slough
He spent time in Mark 6:30-42:
Mark 6:30-42New International Version
Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand
30 The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. 31 Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”
32 So they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place. 33 But many who saw them leaving recognized them and ran on foot from all the towns and got there ahead of them. 34 When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.
35 By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. “This is a remote place,” they said, “and it’s already very late. 36 Send the people away so that they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat.”
37 But he answered, “You give them something to eat.”
They said to him, “That would take more than half a year’s wages[a]! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?”
38 “How many loaves do you have?” he asked. “Go and see.”
When they found out, they said, “Five—and two fish.”
39 Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass. 40 So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties. 41 Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to his disciples to distribute to the people. He also divided the two fish among them all. 42 They all ate and were satisfied,
The message from his speaking that resonated with my current journey was about how pain is not the problem. It’s what pain does to us – it makes us a narcissist- everything becomes about us. The two things I have going on sometimes keeps me trapped inside myself. Just where the enemy wants me! The other message today that spoke to me was about focusing on what we have not what we lack. Pastor Jason has put a goal before the church of raising $30,000 for the charities we support. I have not been tithing for quite some time but am thinking I need to be more generous. I need to stop worrying about not having enough money. I will pray about this issue.
Hello to you. It’s a full moon night here as I write to you. I hope this finds you well. It’s almost bedtime for me but not quite yet!
Today my handyman Roscoe came and did some yard work for me and as always he went above and beyond. He even trimmed back some trees that were growing into my yard without my even having to ask. Roscoe is so nice and is really good at what he does. When he shares his latest jobs on Facebook I am always impressed by the diversity of the projects and hit that like button. On Friday he’s going to replace my toilet and by the way he explained things it should be easy for him. I am so grateful to have found Roscoe – he’s a real renaissance man!
Dear Jesus I give you praise tonight for Roscoe and the work he did for me today. I thank you for guiding me to him. I give you praise that I have the means to hire someone like Roscoe to help me take care of my home. I pray for my family, friends and pets on the other side of the veil, I miss them everyday. I give you thanks for my family, friends and Link that share this life with me here in the land of the living. I pray for those who are lost and need you now more than ever. As always I pray for all animals to have lives free from cruelty and neglect. Amen.
Hello there, how are you as you visit me here? Today was long and kind of lonely but we have pushed through it. To be honest I have been missing having someone to come home to me. Link has me to look forward to coming home. I think of him as home as he rises up on his back legs and frantically taps at the front door waiting for me to come in. I miss my ex everyday but I know that ship has sailed. We were communicating a little bit but if I don’t initiate the communication there is nothing from him. He has moved on and I always hope he’s happier now.
The rest of this post is me reflecting on where I’ve been and where I hope to go:
I miss having a husband but don’t like what you have to go through to get one these days. I tried Tinder and that was a cluster you know what. I ended up with someone who wasn’t good for me and wanted more from me than I could give at the time. I just wasn’t attracted to him and that made him nuts. My taste is what I had in my ex and I totally blew it with my manic episodes! He just got fed up with the person I became when I was in untreated mania.
I always said that if I couldn’t make it work with Kyle I wasn’t going to make it with anyone. He wasn’t a perfect husband but pretty darn wonderful and I blew it. Some say he shouldn’t have divorced me but they don’t understand the spiral that happens with mania. When we were first together he knew I had mental health issues but I was being treated and was on meds that kept the mania at bay. When mania happened the last couple of times I was really doing things that hurt and or upset him. We were breaking things. He got physical with me a couple of times out of extreme frustration and it was after that he went to stay with his parents. When he could see I wasn’t going to get the help I needed he decided a divorce was the only answer. I didn’t take that decision very well! I felt so lost and alone. My everyday was like living in a haunted house. Memories of Kyle were everywhere I went from the house to the neighborhood. I wasn’t plugged in to Jesus yet but thankfully had people who were to talk to. I thank God for my Idaho family who were there for me – praying for me. They are the reason I am where I am today! Jesus used each of them to help me escape the nightmare I was in.
It took me awhile, even after I was out of Texas, to fully recover from the nightmare I was living. My Aunt Ruth and Uncle John handled me with tender care the 6 months I lived with them. I didn’t want to shower with the door shut. I didn’t want to eat meals at the table. I didn’t want to watch television. I walked constantly to combat my anxiety. I had nightmares. I saw versions of Kyle everywhere I went. Everything was a trigger to my thinking of Kyle. We had been married 12 years and I was married 16 years in my first marriage. I had grief and remorse over my first marriage too! Kyle and I committed adultery and I really felt bad about that as did Kyle. I just unraveled after he left me and felt this pulling sensation in the back of my body all the time. It was like the enemy had a hold on me and didn’t want to let go.
It’s been over 5 years now that I’ve been here in Idaho. I am much better than I was. It’s been about 2 years since I decided to accept Jesus as my savior. I finally made the choice that God had been patiently waiting for me to make. With this choice and my saying yes some doors have opened. I have gotten more involved with my church and that has made me some friends. I even got baptized which I didn’t think I would do. Now if he would only heal me from what’s going on in my head and lower back I could be of more use – a better vessel for the Holy Spirit. These conditions have prevented me from volunteering as much as I could be.
The other thing missing is a companion to share the rest of my life with. I have kind of resigned myself to my ending up being alone the rest of my life but I don’t know Gods plans for me about this. If I do fall in love again I want him to share in my love of Jesus and of course Link must approve of whoever he ends up being!
Thank you for reading!
Dear Jesus I pray for this world as fallen as it is that more of the lost will find their way to you. I pray for the poor, sick, mentally and physically in decline. I pray for all leaders in positions of power and influence that your will be done through their words and deeds. I pray for an end to all animal cruelty. I pray for an end to all wars that there would be peace. I pray for all children especially those being abused and or neglected. I pray for the children suffering in war ravaged parts of the world. Thank you. Amen.
Hello there – how are you? It’s nighttime and close to bed time as I write to you. I was just looking at the stats for my blog for the past couple of days and was delighted to see how many different countries were lit up! I’ve always said that even if my words reach one other person and help them I’ve done a good thing. Sometimes reaching out is just to myself- getting out of my own head the thoughts that tumble around in there. Since I have become more active in my faith, I have been using my blog to reach out. May be something in my posts touches a part of you that needs to be touched. May be Jesus has found a way for me to be useful after all!
If Jesus wants to capture your attention, he will find his messenger to reach you. He uses the most unlikely of candidates to do this work. Lord knows I’m about as broken as you can get but he hasn’t given up on me yet. Once you say yes to Jesus you can never say no again… not without consequences.
Our little miracle Link with his momma Tippie
What is keeping you from Jesus? Sometimes things happen in our lives that make us mad at God. We want to blame someone for our misfortunes. If I were to tell you that for everything that happens in our lives is for a reason even if at the time it seems senseless would that help you to reconsider your relationship with Jesus? I think of each of our lives as part of an extremely complicated board game. So many pieces of this game have to be moved in just the right order by God for even one prayer to be answered. For example after my dog Sam died I spent three years grieving and begging God to bring him back to me. Well his answer came when I found two parts to a Christmas ornament from the Choctaw reservation announcing the arrival of a little drummer boy. I initially thought my friend Erin was pregnant as she is part Choctaw but no her dog Tippie was! We had said that if Tippie ever had a boy we’d adopt. Well Tippie gave us not one boy to choose from but three! Dutch, TJ and Link. God answered my prayers in the time it needed to take. He heard my cries and Link was that answer but so many things had to happen for him to exist. My God is a mighty God who even though I wasn’t a Christian at the time loved me.
The ornament I found and notes I wrote to include a little song
For the director of music. For Jeduthun. Of Asaph. A psalm.
1 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. 2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands, and I would not be comforted.
3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned; I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.[b] 4 You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. 5 I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; 6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
7 “Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? 8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? 9 Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand. 11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 12 I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
13 Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? 14 You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. 15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. 17 The clouds poured down water, the heavens resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth. 18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. 19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. Today has been good but long. It began with me going to the ladies coffee at the Grace House at 9:00 am. There was a good turnout and goodies to be had. There were lots of things and people we prayed for. While we visited, Missy mentioned enjoying my friend Jeannie’s testimony on Sunday and one of the other gals said something about it that was perfect – having a storehouse of faith to carry you through the tough times when they come. Jeannie certainly has had hers full! Here is link to her testimony and Pastor Jason’s sermon:
I went and got groceries afterwards and it was twice as much as I normally pay! I am grateful it’s just me and Link that I am buying for.
Key verses for faith in hard times
Philippians 4:6-7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Romans 8:28: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
1 Corinthians 6:13: “Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.”
James 1:3: “…because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
Hello to you. How has your day been? I hope well. Today began with going to church at Grace Bible Church in Middleton. The past couple of Sundays we have gotten to hear how loving Jesus has transformed peoples lives and gotten them through difficult times. Today my friend Jeannie was on the big screen and she was wonderful. Tragedy has struck her family more than once but yet her faith has not wavered! Ironically her name is Jeannie like my Mom and she lost one of her daughters to suicide. Her other daughter was in a bad accident on a 4 wheeler.
Jeannie giving her testimony on the big screen
We were in Philippians 4 today:
Thanks for Their Gifts
10 I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. 11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength.
Notes today
Pastor Jason emphasized that relying on finding joy for anything outside of Jesus would eventually fail us. This is so true – Jeannie’s testimony echoed this. Her faith was strong enough, deep enough to get her through horrible tragedies. How deep does the well go she both asked and answered in her testimony. Contentment in any circumstance is a choice. No matter what life throws at us we don’t have to go it alone. My own life experience speaks to this. After all I went through these past few years the people I relied on could only lead me to the unwavering and unconditional love of Jesus.
After church I decided to have breakfast at the Sunrise and I’m glad I did. I met a widow of seven years named Christine. She sat in the made for two table next to mine. I asked her if she had a church home and she said she used to when her husband was alive. He used to help put the directory together and she helped out in the kitchen. I made a plug for Grace but it sounded like she was waiting for another church to be built to go to. I told her we meet at the auditorium at the Middle Creek high school. This by chance meeting felt a little like a mission God used to send me on frequently when I lived in Texas. May be I’m what she needed to see and hear today. May be I planted some good seed even if she chooses another church. Had I gone grocery shopping as I had originally planned we would not have met! God truly uses each of us to be his body!
Hello to you. I hope you are doing well as you visit me here. If you’re struggling just know that I’m praying for you and you are never truly alone. There are people like me all over the world who pray for those who feel like they have no one that cares. Don’t be afraid to reach out! I always feel better when I do it.
When I was younger I can remember having crying fits when I felt alone. I would just sob and be inconsolable. Then all the sudden I would feel this soothing warmth envelope me. It felt like a big warm hug! Was it divine comfort? I wonder sometimes!
I was married 28 years of my 57 years to two very different men. I never really had to live alone before getting married. When I was active duty I lived in dormitories and usually had a roommate. These past few years of living alone has been hard at times. We are not meant as human beings to be alone. Becoming part of a church has made all the difference. There are warm greetings, big hugs and smiles at least once or twice a week. Having family close has helped also. When we lived in Texas we had Kyle’s family but they didn’t live real close. My family here is so supportive, loving and kind! My Aunt Ruth and Uncle John are dear friends as well as family. They frequently invite me over to share meals and watch our favorite shows and movies. I also have three cousins and their children who surround me with love. I am very blessed! God definitely works through those he has put in my life.
Tomorrow is Veterans Day and my cousin and I are planning on going out to eat. Many restaurants here have free meals on Veterans Day. Our going out together is becoming our tradition. My cousin Tony is someone very special to me. He’s the one who didn’t hesitate when I reached out for help leaving Texas 5 years ago. He and his wife Tawna shared their faith with me and really have brought the living Jesus into my life. Tony is definitely proof to me of Gods goodness and proof I am not alone on this journey.
To be 