Category: animals

19 October 2021 Comfort Zone

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. How’s your day been? My day has been long. I am happy though. Mr. Link was willing to take an afternoon stroll with me without much resistance. My knees didn’t ache either!

So today I got a call from my doctors office to reschedule my appointment. The kicker is he won’t do it via telehealth so I have to go in to the office! So that means I have to drive there.

Those of you that know me know I don’t like to drive. Driving in Middleton where I live is no big deal but once you have to venture out to Nampa and Caldwell things get stinky! So I have been forced out of my comfort zone with this. It’s good for me even if I don’t like it!

Why don’t I like to drive? Part of it is the accident I had this past Christmas and part of it is well before that. My husband used to do all the driving to my appointments and stuff. I got really used to that. When he left me last January my whole world turned upside down . I started having panic attacks when I had to drive places. Sometimes I had to be talking to a family member on the phone just to get to the grocery store. Things have gotten a lot better since I moved here but I still have a long ways to go! There is a lot of baggage wrapped up in what some think is the simple act of driving.

Part of leaving my comfort zone with driving is leaving my Link at home by himself. For some reason it’s stuck in my head “what if I don’t make it home?” I have had a problem with leaving animals home alone for as long as I’ve had pets which is most of my adult life. Cats were by far the easiest! They are so much more self sufficient. You can’t leave a dog alone for more than a day before you are going to come home to a mess! Worrying about Link does sometimes keep me from doing things.

Do you have a comfort zone? Is there a line inside of you that you don’t like to cross? For me it’s oftentimes a visceral thing. There are physical feelings involved. For example I will get hyper aware and feel like my eyes are separated from my body. I will have like an out of body feeling! What’s frustrating is I don’t feel like I have control over it. Someone will suggest something that is out of my comfort zone and that feeling will come. It didn’t used to be like this for me!

If anything here resonates I would love to hear from you !

6 October 2021 Full

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, drawing, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Writing and blogging

Hi there. How are you ? I got my walk in and had some coffee. This is like my third attempt at writing something this morning ! Let’s see how this goes!

Do you know what it’s like to be full ? Satisfied? Satiated? I think it’s more than just a feeling you get by eating a well balanced meal. I think it’s a feeling you get inside where your spirit is at. I guess you could call it contentment . Where you have everything you need and want for nothing. The hole inside is closed and there is warmth radiating there. There is an ease – being able to breathe easily and with little effort .

I wish I had that feeling of fullness all the time…..but it gets disrupted by matters of the world and how I choose to react to them. Sometimes things happen. Sometimes a lot of things at once and it’s like being on a ladder losing its rungs.. you just keep falling. How to pause as your falling to ask God to not allow all the ladders rungs to give way !

“Oh God my gauge is on empty I feel the pull, where are you in this hunger can you make me full? Fill my inner abyss with your radiating light, take from me this lingering night. Fill my void of spirit with your tangible presence, leave no trace of discontent leave only your essence. “

Links nemesis is a squirrel

2 October 2021 Dream

by saymber, posted in animals, dreams, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello. How are you today so far ? It’s 7:13 am as I write. It’s still dark and it’s cold. I don’t want to get out of bed. I had one of those dreams that you wake up from and your heart aches.

I dreamt about my cat Amber and the family dog Spot. It hurt so much I had to turn to Jesus and now I want to cry .

I don’t know what to do with attachment . I get so attached to the people and animals in my life . In Buddhism attachment leads to suffering . This is so true! How do I live this life without getting too attached? Without suffering?

As I said I turned to Jesus this morning and the message was. “Write .” So I’m writing! That’s the nice thing about this blog is you can write as much or as little as you want. I will probably write more later! It’s just what I need right now . Writing for me is therapy !

So why Jesus ? Why turn to Jesus when I had a dream that was so close to my hearts desire ? To be reunited with lost pets ? Because I actually feel something. When I say or think that name I feel comforted. There is a warmth that comes like a filling up inside. I don’t feel so alone. I feel like I can handle what I’m facing a little better. It’s like calling on an old friend that seems to always be there waiting to help !

All this because of a dream. Is it a coincidence? God works in mysterious ways ! Perhaps this is a gentle reminder to not lose my faith ? Perhaps in writing this I am helping someone else not lose their faith either ? So much happens in this world that doesn’t make any sense. All these pieces of an intricate puzzle finding their place.

Sometimes it’s all you can do is hold on and hope your own light doesn’t go out. It can be so easy to lose your faith if it’s grounded in this world. This world slips away so easily. You need something to hold on to that won’t go away like people and pets do . Is that why people hold on to the Bible and other sacred text? It would make sense ! You can call on Jesus any time day or night and he doesn’t charge you for an office visit !

I need to get my butt out of bed. Thank you for your company. Like I said I’ll probably be back a little later!

29 September 2021 Home

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello again. I’m back . One of the things that has always helped me is writing. I always remember Kyle telling me to write for myself even if no one reads it! This blog is a very therapeutic tool for me. If you have stopped by and decide to stay and read, I hope there is something here for you too .

So I have a 734 sq ft home that I share with my dog Link . It’s enough living space for us but it’s not enough of a creating space. All it takes is a couple of things and you have clutter. I had some professional organizers come in and ever since I have not wanted to touch anything! My second room is basically storage. I exist in my house but I don’t flourish in it. I downsized before I was ready and with the housing market being what it is – I’m stuck! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a home I just feel lost In it right now.

“A tiny home to put her shoeboxes in, a place blessed by God to start her life over again. “

I think I just figured out why I have been having so much trouble with feeling at home for so long. After my cats Amber and May died part of me went with them. They were my heart and home . They were always there and then they weren’t . They always used to inspect the things I made and sang me to sleep with their purr. I feel disorientated even writing about this! I miss my little daughters . We lost 4 animals in a short period of time and it wrecked me. Death is my nemesis.

I know God has a plan for me I’m just not sure what it is . So many people figure out what to do with their lives. Why does it have to be so hard for me to figure it out ? I’m 53 dammit!! I don’t get much more time! Why am I still here ?! When will I be home ?

24 September 2021 Plans

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you ? It’s starting out to be a nice day. I’m sitting on my front porch and it’s a cool 52 degrees! The morning sun makes it really comfortable . I got my mile walk in.

So in a few hours I have plans to go with my friend to a pumpkin patch in Kuna. I’m really looking forward to it . When you live alone like I do, having plans to do something is a big deal. It’s nice to have someone to go do things with.

I wish we could take Link but he gets a little too fired up about strangers .

Links morning plans

The morning beams reach to the vaulted sky, off to distant corners the birds stretch and fly . I look to faraway paths I haven’t tread, I listen for whispers of stanzas I haven’t said. There is a plan unseen floating before my day, I reach into the ether for the scripted play.

28 July 2021 Helpful or Harmful

by saymber, posted in animals, Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing on this hot day in July? I am doing ok. I was taking an afternoon nap and some thoughts and images started to filter into my my mind . Some of them painful memories like the day my cat Amber passed away. I had to force my mind to think of other things. I had to ask myself if thinking about such a traumatic day was helpful or harmful. The verdict was it was harmful. I don’t want to think about sad/depressing/traumatic things! So I thought of when she was alive sitting in a sunbeam instead. I forced myself to get up and draw too.

I have had to learn mental gymnastics like these past couple of years. If I let my mind wander it can lead me to some pretty dark places if I let it. It’s the same place my feelings are at and I have found that as an empath living by feelings can be emotionally draining and paralyzing .

Drawing for today

16 April 2021 Home

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you? It’s a beautiful sunny Friday afternoon here as I write to you. The topic that has come up for me today is home, “where is my home?” They say home is where your heart is so I am left asking where is my heart? Well yesterday when I really started thinking about this question, I looked down and I saw Link! Link is 6 years old and has been with me through some of the hardest parts of the storm I’ve been in. When I say I have to go home nowadays I am thinking of Link…”I have to get home to Link.” I’m kind of afraid to get too close to him. What if he leaves me too? What will I have left? I guess I shouldn’t be thinking like that and stay in the moment but it’s hard.

Some day I hope to have a two legged someone in addition to Link to share my life with and home will be redefined once again.

Psalm 84:3-4New International Version

3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
    and the swallow a nest for herself,
    where she may have her young—
a place near your altar,
    Lord Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house;
    they are ever praising you.[a]

22 May 2020 Link

“woman” in the English Ordinal system equals 66

“happy” in the English Ordinal system equals 66

“where is my home?” in the English Ordinal system equals 166

“cat” in the English Ordinal system equals 24

“home is where the heart is” in the English Ordinal system equals 241

13 March 2021 Walk

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you how are you this day? I am doing pretty good. Just got back from a nice walk with Link. The past couple of days have been really beautiful – warm and sunny. I am looking forward to spring and more days like this.

Now you ask why the title “walk.” Well I asked for a topic and that is the word the came through loud and clear. May be my brain was catching up to that’s what we were doing at the time I asked lol! I don’t know! I looked up the word Walk in my NIV Bible and there are several references; like 211 of them. Here is one for example: John 8:12

12 When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Now to talk about walks/walking in the context of my daily life it’s a vital part of it. I can’t even say the word without Link perking his ears up! We try to get out at least once to two times a day if the weather is nice. Walking replaced running for me because my knees got bad from running so much when I was younger. Walking has always been a great therapy too – walk up to 40 minutes to kick in the “happy chemicals” in the brain.

Some of my best memories are from walks with my husband, family and friends. Seeing rainbows, flocks of birds, elaborate spider webs, trees and flowers. No matter how “ugly” the place I have been, I have always managed to find the beauty in the midst of it. When you walk with God you walk with all of your senses not just for exercise. I’m grateful that I am able to walk!

Lets see what the question I ask Link is in the numbers:

“do you want to go for a walk?” in the English Ordinal system equals 282 (light and shadow process with eternity in between)

12 March 2021 Wisdom

by saymber, posted in animals, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Nature, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hi there! How are you in your where and when as you visit me here? I hope you are well. I am doing well. Last night my friend came by after work and we were treated to not one but three waves of migrating birds like the ones I had written about seeing in the morning! We think they are snow geese and it was amazing! She hadn’t see anything like that before!

We talked for quite awhile. Part of what we talked about was faith. I have been having a stumbling block about Jesus Christ being my one and only savior. She’s been patient with me and we read some scripture she referred to as the “Roman Road.” I am so grateful to have a dear friend helping me along on this journey I am on. Someone to help me with this seeking I am doing for God’s will in my life.

Well before bed I was praying and God put it on my mind to read Proverbs 2 2-3. I didn’t immediately leap out of bed and read it but remembered this morning to read it. As I read it I found it was perfect:

2 My son, if you accept my words
    and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom
    and applying your heart to understanding—
3 indeed, if you call out for insight
    and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
    and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the Lord
    and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the Lord gives wisdom;

“balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38 (yes,no, may be in eternity)

“wisdom” in the English Ordinal system equals 83

“understanding ” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one senses unknown person, place or thing)

Yesterday I figured out something I can do while I wait for a specific call from God was pray for other people. My Aunt shared her list with me so I have a good start.

3 March 2021 Messengers

by saymber, posted in animals, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you how are you? I am pretty good but man am I hungry for spirit food! I have lost track of how many spiritual and positive affirmation recordings I’ve listened to on You Tube the past couple of days. So many different messengers with similar messages all leading to the same font of all that is – God.

I have written in the past that we are all messengers with messages to carry for God. What gets tricky is there are different messengers. Each messenger has their own unique and special way in order to share their message; it may or may not resonate with everyone who receives it. No one person is a messenger for all.

One of my messengers lately has been Joyce Meyer. Her style and approach to delivering daily ways to live with God resonate with me. Not everyone might feel that way. They may have someone else they would rather listen to and learn from.

I am hoping that as I get closer to God I will again be connected like I was before. I hope there will be many messengers and I will never feel alone again.

“cat” in the English Ordinal system equals 24 (thought this was humorous as cats are often seen as half in and half out of the spirit world)

“messengers” in the English Ordinal system equals 124