19 October 2021 Comfort Zone

Hello to you. How’s your day been? My day has been long. I am happy though. Mr. Link was willing to take an afternoon stroll with me without much resistance. My knees didn’t ache either!

So today I got a call from my doctors office to reschedule my appointment. The kicker is he won’t do it via telehealth so I have to go in to the office! So that means I have to drive there.

Those of you that know me know I don’t like to drive. Driving in Middleton where I live is no big deal but once you have to venture out to Nampa and Caldwell things get stinky! So I have been forced out of my comfort zone with this. It’s good for me even if I don’t like it!

Why don’t I like to drive? Part of it is the accident I had this past Christmas and part of it is well before that. My husband used to do all the driving to my appointments and stuff. I got really used to that. When he left me last January my whole world turned upside down . I started having panic attacks when I had to drive places. Sometimes I had to be talking to a family member on the phone just to get to the grocery store. Things have gotten a lot better since I moved here but I still have a long ways to go! There is a lot of baggage wrapped up in what some think is the simple act of driving.

Part of leaving my comfort zone with driving is leaving my Link at home by himself. For some reason it’s stuck in my head “what if I don’t make it home?” I have had a problem with leaving animals home alone for as long as I’ve had pets which is most of my adult life. Cats were by far the easiest! They are so much more self sufficient. You can’t leave a dog alone for more than a day before you are going to come home to a mess! Worrying about Link does sometimes keep me from doing things.

Do you have a comfort zone? Is there a line inside of you that you don’t like to cross? For me it’s oftentimes a visceral thing. There are physical feelings involved. For example I will get hyper aware and feel like my eyes are separated from my body. I will have like an out of body feeling! What’s frustrating is I don’t feel like I have control over it. Someone will suggest something that is out of my comfort zone and that feeling will come. It didn’t used to be like this for me!

If anything here resonates I would love to hear from you !

15 September 2021 Driving

Hello ! How are you today? I am sitting outside on my porch enjoying some sun . It was in the 40’s this morning!

This mornings topic is driving. Ever since my ex husband moved out last January and my car accident on Christmas Day I have lost my confidence in driving. The mere thought of having to drive someplace new nearly puts me in a panic attack . I can’t even completely explain why!

May be in writing this blog I can help myself get to the core of why ? One of the excuses I often used and in some ways it’s legitimate is I don’t want to leave Link alone . When I lived in Texas and with my ex we had two dogs. So even if we were going to be gone, the dogs weren’t completely alone .

The other excuse I use is of course getting into the accident . I had never been in an accident before . It really shook my confidence! I have found myself not wanting to drive here !

The last excuse is gas is frickin expensive ! Over $4 a gallon! I have to have a really good excuse to want to go someplace .

Anyhew! Writing about this has helped me see that I have a lot of excuses that have kind of worn out their welcome! I’m feeling like I’m getting closer to change !

31 March 2021 Cast Your Cares 2

Hello to you, how are you today? It’s afternoon as I write to you and I hope you have had a good day. The title today is because I was feeling anxious this morning before I got up and I heard that message again! It is such a relieving phrase to hear! Here is one I read this afternoon:

“The Lod is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you” 2 Thessalonians 3:3 NIV

The cares I needed to cast to God involved driving to my doctors office to pick up a lab slip for blood work to be done. I had only ever been to my doctors office when my Aunt was driving so I was nervous about getting lost on my own. Sometimes my GPS doesn’t work so well! Thankfully everything went well and I got there just fine. I think if I had chosen to go later in the day there might have been a problem. The route took me through some pretty busy areas of town!

I guess you could say I am having to learn to drive again or at least that’s what it feels like. My husband did so much of the driving when we were together. Now I have to do it I for myself. Some say it’s part of having independence to be able to drive but I there is a part of me that would love to have someone drive me again lol! I would love to have a driverless car some day.

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38 (yes, no, may be for eternity)

independence” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 (no for eternity)

driving ” in the English Ordinal system equals 83 (eternity yes, no may be?)

26 March 2021 Feel the fear and do it anyway

Hello to you. How are you doing today? It’s a sunny and bright day; definitely spring! I noticed some weeds are starting to grow. The people who sold me this place didn’t put tarp down before they laid the gravel so a bunch of grass and weeds are growing through the rocks. I think it would have been better to just have grass but it’s too late now! I ordered a weed eater and and a weed puller so I should be set for basic care of my yard.

So last night I was honored with a visit from a dear friend and we had a long talk about fear. We talk about “feel the fear and do it anyways” a lot. Working through my fear of driving, especially since the accident on Christmas, has been difficult. My cousins and Aunt and Uncle live nearby but I still have to drive to get to their houses and we are working on getting me comfortable doing that. I live in a small town, even smaller than the last town I lived. While this town does have a lot of the basics, you still have to “drive to” to get most things you want or need. In time that will probably change as Middleton is growing like most of the towns surrounding it.

Something else that came up last night in talking about fear was my fear of leaving Link by himself. I realized I can’t even say the word “leaving” without feeling anxious! We figured out I am kind of projecting my human emotions on to Link. I have been left. I have been abandoned and I don’t want him to experience that. A lot of times I fret about going places because I am afraid of how Link will feel without me. This kind of thing happened when I was married too. A lot of the reason we wouldn’t go and do things was because of my fear of leaving the dogs alone. I have to remember Link is a dog not a child!

Finally, it’s important to be able to discern the difference between a legitimate and illegitimate fear. This is when I look for the still small voice to speak up and guide me.

“Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.” 1 John 3:18 NIV

Feel the fear and do it anyway” in the English Ordinal system equals 247 (process of light and shadow for left side of the brain all vices in check)