Tag: mental health

5 August 2021 Pain

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you today? Is it hot where you are ? As I write it’s a nice 79 degrees. I managed to get Link around once and a lap for me . I may go again later but I’m trying not to overdue it. I have been having some pain in my knees and upper thighs .

I hate that I’m getting older and my limbs get stiff and sore . Oh for the days when I felt invincible lol! Oh for the days when I could lose weight easily and keep it off! The thing is I don’t want to be young again – just pain free! I don’t want to have to go through all that schooling again!

Colors of today

4 August 2021 Chalk Therapy

by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you . It’s Wednesday and it’s nice out here in Middleton. This morning I tried to get the boo bear out for a walk and he wasn’t having any of that ! So I got a mile in by myself. After some cereal and coffee I decided to take advantage of the fresh driveway canvas. Some chalk therapy! Being outside and drawing is like being in church for me – both peaceful and stimulating for my brain .As of late I like drawing Metatrons cube in chalk the best, the pattern soothes me. I haven’t felt like drawing some of the stuff I used to draw like faces.

Onward soldier we go through the hazards of today we flow we recognize very little of where we have been and most surely will retrace our steps back again. The finger of God points the way to go we will eventually arrive even if our progress is slow

Chalk therapy

“Chalk therapy ” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 – (a man) ( one process of light and shadow in eternity)

30 July 2021 Forgiveness

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you today? It’s really hot here today. I’m about ready for summer to be over! I’m sure I’m not alone with that sentiment.

Well yesterday was a day of sudden changes and today is about forgiveness. Sometimes people do things that they regret. I had to pray a lot about this…. Let God. I could have chosen to shut the door on this person but I don’t think that’s what God wanted me to do . I cannot ignore the red flags and warnings but something tells me these are growing pains. The person in question has been through a lot of troubles too and made mistakes. I have been through a lot too, made mistakes . What if everyone had shut the door on me ? I try to keep that in mind when I am dealing with these sorts of things.

18 May 2021 Staying Positive

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you ? I hope this finds you well. Today I had to exercise my staying positive muscles . I believe that what you focus on gains power. So I have been trying to make a conscious effort to focus on the good in my life versus where my life is lacking . I am applying this train of thought in what I think, speak and write.

Let’s see what staying positive is in the numbers:

Staying positive in the English ordinal system is 210 -light and shadow process for one against the unknown

30 March 2021 Cast Your Cares

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you today? I am doing ok, the day is getting better. This morning I was having a bit of a struggle with myself regarding going to get groceries or not. I prayed about it and heard a small voice say, “Cast your cares.” I remembered that being something Joyce Meyers husband David says her a lot when she’s fretting about something. I decided to look up where that scripture came from:

Psalms 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.

There was a time in my life when doing chores and other things wasn’t a big deal. For some reason everything is a big deal now. Every day I have to push through this invisible wall to get things done. It’s a physical thing where I will think about doing something and I will almost immediately get a panicky feeling in my gut. A wall of anxiety goes up. It’s that feeling I have to work through to actually accomplish anything. I am taking medication to try and help with it but it doesn’t always work!

“planet” in the English Ordinal system equals 68 (all vices in check but one for eternity)

“Where do I belong God” in the English Ordinal system equals 168

“Cast Your Cares” in the English Ordinal system equals 168

(In the numbers it’s interesting how todays message lines up with yesterdays!)

I know I have to keep strong and have faith that I am on the right path. I asked for God’s strength and I got it. I got to the grocery store, bought what was on my list and got back home again.

25 September 2020 Different frequencies (relationships)

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello again, it’s Friday here as I write to you.  I can’t believe how fast the weeks and days go by now.  For awhile there it was like time was standing still but now it is definitely not.

I was stumped for a topic again and a friend suggested talking about dating and relationships with people on a different frequencies.  A few years ago I took a Quantum Touch class which deals with energy healing.  Part of the training was about the concepts of resonance and entrainment.  We were taught techniques to increase our energy level before helping someone.  The person we were working with would either rise to our energy level or there was the potential, if we weren’t vigilant, to become entrained into the lower energy levels of who we were working with.

https://www.quantumtouch.com/en/about-quantum-touch/how-does-qt-work

So as far as relationships go, we all operate at different frequencies.  Some people operate on a very high frequency.  You know the kind of people that walk into a room and light the place up.  The other people in the room will either rise to the higher energy vibration or they will distance themselves.  I think it’s important in relationships that there is a balance where one person isn’t dictating where the energy level is going to be all the time.  A give and take, a balance.  This goes for all relationships not just a spouse and or significant other.

An image that just came to mind was of two magnets.  The are either strongly attracted and will slap together or strongly repel from each other.  In the latter case, you will be able to feel the magnetic field resisting the two sides joining.   There s nothing you can do to make them stay together except may be connect them somehow.  To think of forcing a magnet together is kind of like forcing a failed marriage to work I think.

“entrainment” in the English Ordinal system equals 133

“resonance” in the English Ordinal system equals 94

“opposites attract ” in the English Ordinal system equals 217 (I thought it was interesting the same numbers for completely different words came up)

“magnetic fields” in the English Ordinal system equals 127

 

18 September 2020 Ashen skies

by saymber, posted in Uncategorized

Hello how are you? As I write this morning I look outside and the sky is gray.  You might think it was going to rain but it’s just ash from the nearby fires.  It leaves a light dusting on everything and they even up the air quality alert to red; unhealthy!

I wasn’t sure what to write about today but I wanted to write.  This week has been pretty productive the house sale is done which was another big milestone.  Now comes trying to find a new place to live and it’s not looking like it will be easy.  There is a boom in the housing market in this area  (from what I hear it’s everywhere) .  I am considered low income so I might qualify for low income housing but there is a long waiting list.  I am blessed to have family familiar with real estate and they are helping me navigate this next part of my journey.  Now isn’t a buyers market at least if you are someone like me.

I don’t know if it’s the weather right now or what but I feel heavy and anxious.  Hopefully the skies will clear and I will be able to get back outside some.  We have been praying for the firefighters.

“ashen skies” in the English Ordinal system equals 110 (one one person, place or object 110=purpose)

“housing boom” in the English Ordinal system equals 138 (one yes, no, may be in eternity and or racetrack of life, 38=balance, death) if you add 1+3+8 = 12/3 cycle

16 September 2020 Being Realistic

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there, how are you today?  I’m writing to you while I am cuddling with Link where we are all warm and fuzzy.  It was in the 40’s again this morning!  I didn’t wear a jacket but I certainly could have.  The skies are still ashen gray with all the fires surrounding the state.

This morning my Aunt and I were talking about some things and the phrase being realistic stuck with me.  I used to be, especially when I’m manic, like to live in a fantasy world and start connecting dots that don’t belong together.  Part of the connecting the dots is my living in a nonsensical world and trying to make sense of it!  I can take seemingly random pieces of my life and piece them together and they make sense—to me.

The other part of being realistic has to do with relationships.  I am wanting to meet someone and fill the void that was created by the end of my marriage.  I have to keep in mind that realistically no one is going to be able to do that.  So I am having to accept that it may be awhile until I find someone compatible comes along; they have huge shoes to fill.

I was married to a man who was able to be home a lot and keep me company.   We believed that it was more important to be together than to make a lot of money.  We were rarely apart. With the separation and divorce I had to go from that to the life I’m living now; it has been rough.  Realistically, whomever I am with has to be able to work and I have to be able to be independent.  For some reason I lost my independence in my relationship with my husband.  I am starting to think it goes all the way back to my early retirement from the military and subsequent divorce.  I jumped right into my relationship with my current husband without taking time to heal.  Now I am having to process aspects of both failed marriages at once.  I lost my self confidence and self esteem having my career and marriage fall apart like it did.  Now, with this current failed marriage, my self esteem has been completely shattered.

“being realistic” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (ironically a 13 in here) one yes, no, may be yes,no, may be existence. the=33)

“one three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 146 (one left side brain all vices in check but one existence. body =46)

“one four six” in the English Ordinal system equals 146

divorce” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 (my maiden name matches this number !)

“shattered” in the English Ordinal system equals 100 (this number looks like a person, place or object destroyed)

“self esteem” in the English Ordinal system equals 109 (one person, place, thing and “no” existence)

“failed marriage” in the English Ordinal system equals 109 ( I thought it curious this number matches self esteem)

“Let go and let God” in the English Ordinal system equals 141

I am having to do a lot of letting go and letting God these days!

9 September 2020 Getting to the core

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Money, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you, how are you doing?  I am having another day without having a Coca Cola as part of my routine and I can tell.  Is this why I’m having another day of feeling “off?”   I have to be my own personal Sherlock Holmes it seems when trying to figure out why one day isn’t like another.   Why one day I will feel like I can handle just about anything and others where a leaf landing on my head could tip me over!

I’ve been talking with people who are like me.  A lot of what we do is this super-sleuthing, digging through what can be construed as a shit pile of a life for core reasons for what is happening.  I can’t dig too much and or ruminate without becoming practically paralyzed by what surfaces.  For example our family is about to experience a wedding and I have decided not to go because I know it’s a trigger.

This upcoming wedding triggers thoughts of my own wedding and I keep seeing flashes of our wedding pictures in my minds-eye.   I keep seeing my ex and how handsome and sweet he was…how happy we were.  I know that my wedding and the  subsequent failure of our marriage is at the core of why I’m having trouble with my cousins’ son getting married.  A pessimistic self has emerged that asks questions like why even bother with marriage.

So what I have excavated is a trigger to my core and I don’t want it to ruin me or taint anyone around me.

“trigger” in the English Ordinal system equals 84 (ironically my ex was born in 1984)

“core” in the English Ordinal system equals 41

“money” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

“world” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

“marriage” in the English Ordinal system equals 72

3 September 2020 What I used to do and mindfulness

by saymber, posted in Exploring numeric value of words in English language, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, trust, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there how are you?  Hopefully good as you visit me here.  Thank you in advance for taking the time to come by and read.  I am settling down after a nice walk and talk with my therapist  .

So the topic that came to mind today was thinking about what I used to do that made me happy and or occupied my time.  There were a whole bunch of things like doing chalk drawings outside, writing, drawing and making copper wire jewelry and or wire trees.  Sometimes there was crocheting and or knitting.  Sometimes there was singing and dancing.  Sometimes there was watching videos on Youtube and or binge watching shows on Netflix. Only a handful of these activities have felt remotely “right” to do in this new life I am living in.   A lot of the reason I have stopped doing things is for fear they would trigger another manic episode.

2 Sept 2020 wire tree pendant

My counselor and I talked today and one of the subjects we touched on was mindfulness.  I told her I often struggle with being able to stay in the moment.  She gave an example of the difference.  It was being on a walk and seeing a tree and being able to describe the tree with specific details instead of just saying “there is a tree.”

I miss my trees back in Alvarado.   I haven’t really gotten to know the tree here in the same way I did there. I wish I had taken some seeds from the oak tree, Yolie, in the front yard,

“mindfulness” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (one yes, no may be all vices in check but one 36= child)

“one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side brain light and shadow self process 42=self)

“one four two ” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all senses light and shadow self process)

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes no may be right side of the brain 134=information)

“one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all senses person place and or object 150=communication )

“one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side of the brain person, place and or object 40=food)

“one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or race track of life)

“one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process of self all senses)

“one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (pattern repeats)

 

,,