15 May 2021 Healing

Hello to you! How are you ?! I hope this finds you well. I am doing better after what happened . I’m just taking it one day at a time. Sometimes things happen to us to make us stronger even though it doesn’t seem like it at the time . I think God knows my heart. God knows I am still healing from the divorce. God knows it’s nearly impossible to just put someone in such a vast void. True love takes time! True love for me will take lots of healing and time . God is working on it !

Healing in the English ordinal system equals 56 – a all senses all vices in check but one experience

23 Feb 2021 Belief and Faith

Hello to you. How are you doing today? I am having a pretty quiet day. The sun is out and it’s a beautiful day here. I am reading books again and revisited a book that I have read several times before by Shakti Gawain called Creative Visualization. A lot of the principles she outlines in her book about manifesting the reality you want to live in requires, in my opinion, belief and faith. Sometimes you have to suspend disbelief to get to belief! Faith is believing without seeing .

In revisiting this book I am trying to feed myself intangible food that can help me kick the depression aka “funk” I have been in for so long now. Some of the exercises in the book talk about making positive affirmations for example: “God lives within me and manifests in the world through me” pg 50 Affirmations are one of the most important elements of creative visualization. To affirm means “to make firm.” An affirmation is a strong, positive statement that is already so. It is a way of “making firm” that which you are imaging. pg 42

I have been trying to come up with my own affirmations and the only one that I have come up with so far is “he is on his way.” In context it’s me wanting to manifest a new partner in my reality when God shows me I’m ready. I can remember when I grieved losing my cocker spaniel Sam. Three years I begged God to bring him back to me and he answered my prayers with Link. God answers my prayers when it’s divinely time not on my calendar . It could be three minutes, three days, three months and or three years I have to wait before I’m ready to be in relationship with someone again. The focus right now is my getting healthy enough to be able to even consider being in relationship with another person.

So I am having to have belief and faith that my affirmation has the power of a prayer and will be answered. A couple affirmations: “I believe everything is alright now.” and “I have faith in God.”

balance” in the English Ordinal system equals 38

I have faith in God ” in the English Ordinal system equals 138

15 September 2020 Closing Together

Hello to you it’s morning yet here as I write.  As I look out my bedroom window, it is ashen gray and the sun is trying to shine.   It’s been like this for days now.  The air quality alert is red so I don’t plan on being outside much today.

Today is the official closing date on us selling our house.  Yesterday they sent out a mobile notary.  I was grateful they did that so I could sign the documents and get them back to Texas today for my husband to sign.  It was all bittersweet.  I am even having trouble writing about it right now.   I wish we had been able to do the closing together but that’s the past.

Like the ending of our marriage, this is anti-climactic and is just happening .  Our marriage happened,  We bought a house and lived in it for 12 years.  We made lots of memories together and I don’t want to just act like nothing happened.  All this said, to keep myself from losing my shit inside, I have to in a way act like nothing is happening.  A part of me wonders if this is what my husband has had to do too so he doesn’t lose it.

“closing” in the English Ordinal system equals 79 (all vices in check in a no cycle)

“together” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 (no cycle for eternity and or racetrack of life)

I have to believe that all of this has been happening for a reason and everything is going be ok for both of us.

31 August 2020 What is helpful and what is harmful

Hello and how are you ? I hope you are doing o.k.  I have been having one of those mornings where everything is a raw nerve.  I decided to focus on what was more helpful than harmful.  What do I want versus what I don’t.

I want to wake up each day grateful to be alive.  I want to be able to listen to music, watch television and or movies again without fear of an anxiety attack.  I want to be able to socialize with people again without fear.  I want to be able to be myself without being ashamed.

There are many other things I am thinking I want but that would just be wishful thinking and that would be more harmful than helpful ,  I didn’t break these down to the  patterns point.  I thought it was interesting there is just one number different between the two!

What is helpful and what is harmful” in the English Ordinal system equals 338 (when I saw this I immediately saw the=33 balance=38)

helpful” in the English Ordinal system equals 80 (eternity and or racetrack of life up against an person, place and or object)

eight zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 113 (one one yes, no, may be existence)

one one three” in the English Ordinal system equals 124 (one light and shadow self right side of the brain)

 

harmful” in the English Ordinal system equals 79 (all vices in check in a “no” existence)

seven nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 107 (one person, place or object all vices in check)

one zero seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 163 (one all vices in check but one in a yes, no, may be existence)

30 August 2020 Influence, Power and Freedom

Hello to you on this chilly Sunday morning.  I hope you are well and having a good weekend.  For those of us in the states,  its Labor Day weekend,  which is the last long weekend before most kids go back to school.

I have a friend who said his internal core values are Influence and Freedom.  I said I didn’t think you could have Freedom with Influence because I feel like Influence is a Power.  When you have Influence over someone it’s like have a Power over them.  Some people have the Influence of money and or prestige and they use those as a power to get people to do things they want or to act in a certain way. There is even a term I’ve seen used before  – “Influencer.”

influencer
[ˈinflo͝oənsər]

NOUN
  1. a person or thing that influences another.

I was curious to see what a few of these words looked like as numbers.  Sometimes it’s interesting to see something besides just a definition of a word:

Influence” in the English Ordinal system equals 89 (eternity in a “no” existence)

eight nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 91 (no existence for one process)

nine one ” in the English Ordinal system equals 76 (all the vices in check and all the vices in check but one process)

seven six ” in the English Ordinal system equals 117 (one and one all the vices in check process)

one one seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 133 (one yes, no, may be and yes, no, may be existence)

one three three ” in the English Ordinal system equals 146′ (one left side of brain all vices in check but one process)

 

power” in the English Ordinal system equals 77 (all vices in check for both sides of self)

seven seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 130 (one yes, no, may be person, place and or object)

one three zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 154 (one all senses right side of the brain)

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136 (one yes, no, may be all the vices in check but one)

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142 (one left side of the brain light and shadow process)

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152 (one all senses light and shadow process)

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be right side of the brain process)

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses person, place and or object)

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side of the brain person, place and or object)

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or racetrack of  existence)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process of all senses)

 

freedom” in the English Ordinal system equals 66 (all vices in check but one for both sides of self)

I immediately thought of historical route 66*

six six” in the English Ordinal system equals 104 (one person, place and or object right side of the brain)

one zero four” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all senses in eternity and or racetrack of  existence)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125  (one light and shadow process of all senses)

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes, no, may be right side of the brain process)

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses person, place and or object)

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140 (one left side of the brain person, place and or object)

 

 

 

28 August 2020 Stress isn’t the only reason

Hello to you today hope you are having a good day.  Today we are going to look into the mystery that happens when you have more than one dog and find poop in the house.  I read some articles and they said it could be stress but my aunt thinks it might be something else like my Link being onry!  So for fun I wanted to look at this from a numbers perspective and see what shows up.

who pooped in the house was it Link or Smokie” in the English Ordinal system equals 464 (Links name in the numbers =46! )

Why is Link pooping in the house?” in the English Ordinal system equals 346 (a yes no may be left side of the brain all vices in check but one) (Link name in the numbers =46 )

 

three four six” in the English Ordinal system equals 168 (one all vices in check but one in eternity and or racetrack of life)

one six eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 135 (one yes no may be for all the senses)

one three five” in the English Ordinal system equals 132 (one yes no may be for the light and shadow of self)

one three two” in the English Ordinal system equals 148 (one left side of the brain eternity and or on the racetrack of life)

one four eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 143 (one left side of the brain yes no may be)

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses an object)

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140  (one left side of the brain an object)

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158 (one all the senses in eternity and or racetrack of life)

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow of self all the senses)

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134 (one yes no may be right side of the brain)

one four three” in the English Ordinal system equals 150 (one all the senses an object)

(“food” in the English Ordinal system equals 40)

(gluttony” in the English Ordinal system equals 134)

(“onry” in the English Ordinal system equals 72)

(“stress” in the English Ordinal system equals 100)

(“nerves” in the English Ordinal system equals 83)

If we are to look at this, it seems to accurately show just facts of what is happening but not telling us why.  A couple of things like  food  and gluttony showed up.   Overeating was listed as one of possible reasons for the increased amount of poop in the house   It looks like a process doesn’t it?   Sometimes it’s interesting to see if their is a practical application for something like this.

https://pets.webmd.com/dogs/dog-behavior-17/my-dog-pooping-everywhere

 

22 August 2020 Privacy, Security and Alone

Hello to you it’s Saturday how are you doing?  I hope things are going well for you .  I have had a significant change to my lifestyle moving in with my aunt and uncle.  I don’t have privacy like I used to have but I do have security and I am not alone .  I am grateful for the change because for a couple of months I was living a strange existence nearly completely alone! Thank goodness I had Link.   As much as quarantine sucks, it is like security by definition in the numbers!  I was surprised by that.

In looking at a couple key words it’s interesting to see how closely they match the actual definition of the words:

privacy” in the English Ordinal system equals 94 (no process, right side of brain)

nine four” in the English Ordinal system equals 102 (one object in a light and shadow process of self)

one zero two” in the English Ordinal system equals 156 (one sensory all he vices in check but one)”

one five six” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process of self in eternity)

one two eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one left brain process for one)

 

security” in the English Ordinal system equals 120 (one light and shadow process of self with unknown)

one two zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 156 (one sensory all he vices in check but one)”

one five six” in the English Ordinal system equals 128 (one light and shadow process of self in eternity)

one two eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 141 (one left brain process for one)

(“quarantine ” in the English Ordinal system equals 120)

 

alone” in the English Ordinal system equals 47 (left side of the brain all vices in check)

four seven” in the English Ordinal system equals 125 (one light and shadow process of self with the senses)

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 August 2020 Overwhelmed

Hello to you it’s Friday.  Another week has ended.  I hope this finds you well wherever and whenever you are.  I am feeling a bit overwhelmed to be honest.  Yesterday we both got our house on the market and a bid all at once.  There were lots of digital documents to sign and I didn’t even know what I’m signing.  The asking price is $200,000 and the bid $195,000.  When I initially thought about selling the house it was to sell it “as is” so anything above what we paid is a bonus.

I like things to be simple and uncomplicated and something like this can be overwhelming for me.  Thank goodness I have cousins in real estate and friends that are willing to to talk to me to help me get through this.

overwhelmed” in the English Ordinal system equals 130 (one, yes no may be process, with the unknown)

selling a home” in the English Ordinal system equals 120 (one, light and shadow process, with the unknown)

selling your home” in the English Ordinal system equals 198 (one, no process with eternity and or racetrack of life)

anxiety ” in the English Ordinal system equals 98 (interesting how anxiety’s numeric value is in selling your home)

 

8 May 2020 Leaps of Faith – 12 years

Hello to you.  How are you doing?  I hope this finds you well in your world.  In my world today is about faith, celebrating and reflecting on 12 years of marriage.  A big part of this journey has been about taking leaps of faith both big ones and small.

I believe, and it has been my experience that every person that comes into your life teaches you things.  My husband has taught me a bunch of things like having faith in people, places and things that may have failed you.  It’s everything from the milk you buy at the store to people in your life.  A person that has failed him, especially these past couple of years has been me.  The road we’ve been traveling has been very bumpy.   Being married to someone diagnosed at bipolar can make marriage very difficult.  There is a lot of thinking you know someone and then you don’t know them at all.   You can’t see what being bipolar is except through behavior.

To look back at the past 12 years, our whole relationship has been leaps of faith.

Our shared past is full of huge leaps of faith!  He took a huge one flying out to meet me the first time after we met as two video game avatars, Prinzessa and Efess in FFXI (a MMORPG) in the Valkrum Dunes.  Shortly after we married, he had to stand by me when I had a hysterectomy which meant we wouldn’t have children in our marriage.  We both took another giant leap  when we chose to move ahead of the family to Texas waiting to hear if his Dad landed a job.  Choosing to become homeowners instead of lifelong renters was big jump for us.  All the little jumps like the things he and I did together by helping neighbors, getting involved in the planning of the city and helping out with Animal Control.  Looking back, very little has come easily to us but when we’ve taken the chance, it’s been worth it!

leap of faith” in the English Ordinal system equals 99

thirteen” in the English Ordinal system equals 99

(both my husband and I were born on the 13th)

If you look at the word faith, it’s about believing in something and or someone you can’t always see.  Some people have a faith in an institution like their church of choice, government or health system, some have faith in an object,  others a person and  for many it’s having faith in a God they cannot see.   

faith” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

brain” in the English Ordinal system equals 44

tend the garden of marriage daily” in the English Ordinal system equals 269 – God and people right in this!

God” in the English Ordinal system equals 26

people” in the English Ordinal system equals 69

I am hoping that we have many years before us.  I am so grateful he is my husband!  His parents and mine, our grandparents and so many before have lead what it means to be married by their example.   No matter how tough things get, you can still work things out.   I am hoping and praying that what is ahead will be worth all that we’ve already been through together thus far.

 

8 May 2008 – so handsome!

8 May 2008 our wedding day

8 February 2020 Amusing yourself

Hello to you.  It’s Saturday afternoon as I write to you in your here and now.  How are you?  I hope well.  I am having some shall I say, “alone time” right now and find myself challenged to find things to do.  Today I took out the trusty cribbage and chessboards and found myself quickly bored with the board lol.  I write and draw a lot, sometimes paint, take pictures, enjoy almost every genre of music (some more than others), love to dance and be physically active, enjoy good food, truly enjoy being outside with God and sometimes play a video game here and there.  I enjoy making things but don’t really have an outlet for the things I make.  I think it is safe to say, at least for my house, you can have too many home made blankets!  Hobbies can get expensive no matter what they are.  When you are on a fixed income you have to watch your spending, at least that has been my personal choice about it.

Living where I do, most of the activities that I could participate in require me to spend money.  Driving to even a “free” place can get expensive over time.  So I have learned to amuse myself the best I can in the parameters in which I live.  For many, I think, it would be quite a dull existence.

I have planted a seed, if you want to call it that, for the God of my understanding to gradually and tangibly, put people in my life that are interested in the sorts of things I am interested in.  Some time ago, I had a “tribe” here, but everyone went their separate ways and all are extremely busy with their lives and pursuit of their dreams and or livelihoods.   Some of what I’m interested in may be considered “fringe” type things – much of which is in the spiritual, scientific and paranormal realms.

Sometimes when you plant a seed with God it takes time and the right “soil” in which for the seed to germinate. 

https://www.ridingthebeast.com/gematria-calculator/

seed = 33

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158

one five zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154

one two six” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

one one two” in the English Ordinal system equals 126

three three” in the English Ordinal system equals 112

seed” in the English Ordinal system equals 33

germinate = 92

one three four” in the English Ordinal system equals 150

one five two” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

one four two” in the English Ordinal system equals 152

one three six” in the English Ordinal system equals 142

one five four” in the English Ordinal system equals 136

one four four” in the English Ordinal system equals 154

one six two” in the English Ordinal system equals 144

one zero zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 162

nine two” in the English Ordinal system equals 100

germinate” in the English Ordinal system equals 92

one two five” in the English Ordinal system equals 134

soil = 55

one five eight” in the English Ordinal system equals 125

one four zero” in the English Ordinal system equals 158

one zero nine” in the English Ordinal system equals 140

eight four” in the English Ordinal system equals 109

five five” in the English Ordinal system equals 84

soil” in the English Ordinal system equals 55