Hello to you. How are you? I just had a good talk with my Aunt. She was concerned about what I wrote about yesterday regarding spirituality. She felt it was a little dark and that we need to be moving on from those memories. I reassured her the best I could. I had to remind her that in addition to writing for me I’m writing to help others like me or the family and friends of those like me. By sharing my experience, strength and hope I am hopefully helping someone else who might be going through similar circumstances and have no place to turn to.
What I learned through AA is the more we share our stories of recovery the less it hurts and the more people we help. Each day someone is diagnosed with Bipolar and it can be devastating and overwhelming. I still don’t completely understand it and I’ve been living with it for many years now. I just know Mania and crippling anxiety is what we want to prevent from happening! The Mal de Barque syndrome is also going on too and there is no cure for it or even real tests that can definitely identify it.
My family and friends, my church all encourage me to lean not on my understanding but to lean on God through all of this. I’m trying! I want to make it clear that I’m not seeking sympathy or attention by sharing. I am sharing to help understanding about a condition that doesn’t make sense! There are people who think mental illnesses are something you can just get over and it’s like diabetes or heart disease – you just can’t see it by looking at a person but it’s very real and needs special treatment with both medication and therapy. It’s an inside job until the bad stuff happens and can be seen in behavior!
My Aunt directed me to a great passage in the Bible that she wants to memorize:
Philippians 4:8 New International Version 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Took my phone along for a short walk last night Cheerful pink roses Are these daffodils? My best buddy enjoying some patio time this morning
Hello there! How are you today? It’s a bright and sunny day here. I haven’t been taking pictures lately as I haven’t been on my usual walks in the afternoon. My back is feeling better so I need to get back to it! There is beauty happening!
Todays prompt is a great one. Just last night before trying to fall asleep I talked out loud to Jesus. I haven’t done that in a very long time. Spirituality, relationship with God is very important to me and is a favorite subject to discuss. Ever since what happened last August, I have felt kind of distant from God. I felt like God had abandoned me but that’s probably to the contrary of reality. If I had kept going on the path I was on I probably would have ended up in jail! God intervened in the most extreme way. I was convinced, once again, the world was ending and Jesus was coming back. I felt like he was taking too long so I was going to initiate things on my own! Not a good idea! I never want to be in the situation to be tased again! It was very traumatic. I just wasn’t in control of myself anymore.
When I get overcome by the spirit world, which is what has happened prior to me being hospitalized every time, I become very reckless and sometimes even angry and violent – not entirely in charge of “driving my car.” The car being my body. It’s like being possessed by forces beyond my control. This last time I took a meat cleaver to the inside of my house and broke a bunch of momentos and other things that were glass. I got rid of all my identification. I was convinced that my Link had been left to die in the house. There are a lot of things I don’t remember happening – they are blacked out. Thank God for my family! They came and restored order to my little house and they all are the extensions of the living God in my life.
When I have talked to most Christians, especially women, they have said loving Jesus is about relationship not religion. From my own experience, I agree! I have to be careful to not get too religious. I have been neglecting and struggling with my relationship because of my health lately. This swaying motion in my head , fullness in my ears and playing with the cocktail to get my mental health right has affected my relationship with Jesus AND myself. Everything is such an effort and I get so tired so easily so I want to sleep a lot. My patterns for sleep and being awake are all wonky. My doctors think it’s the medication and we will be trying something new, Abilify, to see if things get better.
I just want my spiritual/creative juices back! The kicker is with the medication to control mania, whatever it ends up being, I will probably never be as creative as I once was. With Bipolar 1, which is my primary diagnosis, mania is to be avoided and is the primary target of the medication I take. It’s either risk being overcome by mania and be creative or not be manic and have little to no creativity. I want peace of mind for myself and those who love and care about me. So who I once was is forever on the chopping block! I used to feel so close to God as I understood him. The ways of that connection, my creativity, spirituality, have been stifled ever since I started taking heavier medications. I haven’t drawn a picture or written a poem, crocheted, made jewelry or done something that I used to do in almost a year! Anything I have done has felt forced – not just flowing with usual ease it used to. It’s like writers block. I try to just take a pen to paper and nothing comes.
I have to remind myself that I need to focus on what I can do – not on what I can’t! Taking pictures on walks has become one of the new ways to share my eyes for Gods beautiful creation but even that is limited by my physical health!
One of the last drawings I’ve done. This was about going to Grace House, a home Grace Bible Church has leased within walking distance for me.
Matthew 8:28-34New American Standard Bible
Jesus Sends Demons into Pigs
28 And when He came to the other side into the country of the Gadarenes, two demon-possessed men confronted Him as they were coming out of the tombs. They were so extremely violent that no one could pass by that way. 29 And they cried out, saying, “[a]What business do You have with us, Son of God? Have You come here to torment us before [b]the time?” 30 Now there was a herd of many pigs feeding at a distance from them. 31 And the demons begged Him, saying, “If You are going to cast us out, send us into the herd of pigs.”32 And He said to them, “Go!” And they came out and went into the pigs; and behold, the whole herd rushed down the steep bank into the sea and [c]drowned in the waters. 33 And the herdsmen ran away, and went to the city and reported everything, [d]including what had happened to the demon-possessed men. 34 And behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus; and when they saw Him, they pleaded with Him to leave their region.
Hello to you. How are you? I’m doing ok. Just took Link for his little business walk. It’s really warm and sunny out again today. I will try and get a longer walk later.
Todays prompt is kind of hard to answer as I am a low maintenance kind of girl. On occasion I color my hair but that’s about it for special self care. I keep my nails short and don’t get them manicured professionally. I think the last time I experienced a pedicure was before I got married to my second husband – got my eye brows done then too. That was in 2008! The last time I went to a spa I got a hot rock massage and that’s when I was still living in Florida. My sponsor from AA and I went.
Proverbs 19:8New International Version
8 The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.
Which food, when you eat it, instantly transports you to childhood?
Hello to you. How are you doing? It’s Saturday as I write to you. It’s about 84 degrees and sunny out.
Todays prompt is a tough one for me as I’m kinda of a foodie. Many foods transport me to different parts of my life. I would have to say my moms chocolate pudding dessert is a big one. I can’t remember when she first made it or when I started wanting that dessert in place of a birthday cake. I just know that whenever I have it I think of my Mom and Dad. Dad and I both like it for our birthday! We would joke about getting up in the middle of the night to sneak a piece or who got a bigger piece. It’s one of those desserts you can only make for special occasions as it’s pretty rich. My family here in Idaho loves it too. My Aunt made it for my cousin and my birthday this year and everybody loved it.
Instant chocolate pudding – you can use other flavors if you don’t like chocolate
Recipe: Moms Chocolate Pudding Dessert
Crust: 1/2 cup melted butter , 1 cup flour, 1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
Bake above in 9×13 pan at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Let cool then add:
2nd layer: 1 cup powdered sugar, 1 cup Cool Whip, 8 oz cream cheese
Top last layer with remaining cool whip and nuts if desired and chill.
John 6:27New International Version
27 Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.”
Hello to you. How are you? I just got off the phone with the pharmacy through the VA. We decided to take me off the Metaformin as I’ve been having diarrhea taking it. She wants me to try Abilify and taper off of Olanzapine as the side effects of Olanzapine (Zyprexa) are weight gain and fatigue. Apparently Abilify is better about that. She is thinking may be of taking me off of Depakote eventually too – which would be nice. I’m so tired of this pharmaceutical cocktail business! In the end it will hopefully be worth it!
James 5:14-16 NIV
14 Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.
Hello to you. Hope this finds you doing well. I haven’t been out for a walk in a couple of days so no new pictures have been taken. Link hasn’t wanted to get around the block either. He’s turning into a little old man even though he looks like a puppy to me!
Wesley Byers
Todays prompt takes me back to senior high school. That’s when and where I had my first crush. His name was Wesley Byers and sadly he died of cancer on 4 June 2020 – fought for four years with it. Wes was a year ahead of me and it was his close resemblance to David Bowie that initially drew me to him. He hung out with a girl named Joy Farris – just good friends. My friend Laura encouraged me to persue him and we did naughty stuff like put whip cream on his house and donuts under his tires! I know childish but later we actually did meet. We went to the mall together as our first “date.” He picked me up in his blue Malibu car. My Mom and Dad figured out immediately that he was gay – I was clueless! We talked about a bunch of things and it was like talking to myself. We had so much in common to include music like Madonna. One of my favorite memories was visiting him at his house. I remember sitting in his kitchen and just being so happy- he was so beautiful. He had golden hair and brilliant blue eyes and such a lovely smile. In the summer when I took the girl I was babysitting for swim lessons we got to visit as his brother and sister went to lessons too.
The last exchange we had was while I was in the military and had started dating my soon to be husband Ken. Wes had been arrested for shoplifting and in response to the letter he wrote I wrote him a poem Prison of Tears. That’s the last I heard from him. I checked on him periodically through the years. I found out through Facebook my parents inklings about him were correct – he was gay and found a partner. What I found out more recently was he was doing drag with a stage name Roxy Marquis. There are a few videos of his shows on You tube : https://youtu.be/NalAoTySGwU
Hello to you. How are you doing today? I have been kind of tired but less pain. Thank you for your prayers!
Todays prompt is kind of fun – we get to dream a bit. When I was active duty and stationed in Germany I loved how easy it was to travel from one country to another. One of my favorite memories was riding a train from Frankfurt Germany to Milan Italy. I didn’t get to Ireland, Norway, Switzerland or the crystal tours to Poland. I never got to Japan, Korea, Egypt or China. I have had friends who have been to those places and told me about their experiences but it’s not quite the same as going there yourself! Bottom line is there are a lot of cool places to visit but I doubt I will get there.
I have wanted to go to Ireland in person for a long time. I flew over it in my dreams once. I flew along the shore like a bird and into a little tiny house where a woman with long red hair was eating her hair – she had children. I found out later that with the potato famine in Ireland this actually happened!
Thank goodness for drones. One of my favorite past times is watching drone footage of traveling in various countries and parks.
A fantasy I had was taking a family cruise that would allow pets so we wouldn’t have to pay for kenneling while we were gone. I don’t like leaving Link behind and that is a big reason why I don’t want to travel now. It was really hard when I was in the hospital and away from him. This is the double edged sword of having companion animals.
On the majesty of God: Genesis 1:1-4
“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness.”
On letting God lead the way: Exodus 13:21
“By day the Lord went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so they could travel by day or night.”
Hello to you. How are you? I was supposed to start volunteering today but couldn’t do it. I moved the wrong way a couple days ago and even with a back brace could hardly walk without pain. I don’t like to take Tylenol or other pain medication because a lot of times it doesn’t work for me and it’s hard on the liver over time. I’m already taking medications that are tough on my liver.
The gal I’ve been communicating with at the Food Pantry said she has Tuesdays covered now but would let me know if anything opens up. This is a case of my spirit being stronger than my body! I’m kind of disappointed in myself but I think it was the right thing to do. If I am supposed to volunteer at the pantry I feel another opportunity will present itself.
Psalm 73:26New International Version
26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Hi there- how are you doing today? It’s cloudy here today – hopefully we will get some rain.
I hope these wildflowers come back to the canals this year.
Do you stop loving someone or caring about someone after you sever ties? Move away? That’s one nice thing about the internet is you can stay in touch even if you aren’t living close by anymore. There are so many people I miss and thanks to platforms, despite all its flaws, like Facebook I can maintain contact with. Once I love and care about you I don’t stop unless there is a really good reason. It’s nice to have tools to keep connections alive.
Romans 12:16-21New International Version
16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[a] Do not be conceited.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[b]says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[c]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Hello to you, how are you? The most notable thing that happened today was I woke up on the green side with Link beside me! It’s another sunny day, birds are singing and it’s quiet right now – there have been lots of fire truck sirens today.
Something else happened too. In the mail I got a notice from a debt collector for like $1200! I responded that it’s not my debt – we shall see what happens! The debt collector, Mountain Land Collections LLC seems legit – I found them on the internet. I have no idea of anyone I owe that much money to that it would have gone to collector! So frustrating!
Good intention for today – Life is fragile handle with prayer
To be 