Hello. How are you? Did you “fall back?” It’s that time of year again where we get the hour we lost in the spring back. Even though it’s just an hour I still feel it!
Do you ever feel like your just an observer of your life not a participant? I am kind of feeling that way today. I’m having trouble being comfortable in my own skin.
I tried watching online church services today and just couldn’t stay focused. God will reach me somehow!
Hello! How are you? I’m doing pretty good. Last night I had my very first Zoom meeting on Meetup. The group was called Crystal Empowerment. There were four of us and we had a nice visit learning about how you can use crystals in healing. We were able to share some of our crystals and I got to make a plug for my Meetup Group. A couple of the people even had drums! Athena, the organizer for the meeting, has a shop in Boise here is her website: https://www.crystalempowerment.com/
So today is Halloween and I’m having lots of mixed emotions about celebrating it alone. There is a part of me eager to don my top hat and steampunk goggles. There is equally a part of me that wants to say screw it and hide inside! As we get closer to trick-or-treat time we shall see which side wins!
What is Gods plan for me as we move so quickly through the last months of the year? It always feels like the fast forward button gets pushed from Halloween on into New Years. I will need to be vigilant! I’m feeling like there is much good to come….healing and growing.
I hope you have fun however you celebrate today!
Hello to you . How are you today? It’s a sunny start to the day. It feels so nice! I am doing ok today. I’m thinking about Halloween. I bought a couple small bags of Snickers to pass out and am thinking about wearing my steampunk hat and goggles! I am having to break through my grief. Halloween was our favorite holiday.
Who am now? So much of my identity was plural! It was Kyle and Jackie not just Jackie. I am having to find out who I am now. Yesterday I deleted my Tinder (dating app) account because I realized I have no business being there. Like I talked about in my previous blog. I am walking around carrying a bag full of holes!
“Gradually, carefully God unravels the mystery that is a life. Be it mother, sister, friend or wife. Previously curtained paths do a slight reveal. A joy is found that no one can steal.”
Hello . How are you? It’s an overcast day. The sun is playing peek-a-boo with roaming clouds. Link is here. I am so grateful for him and his company !
“Where are you twin star in all this cosmic dust?”
For some reason I’m having trouble writing today. My life is in a sort of stasis right now. Everything is in place but isn’t moving. I feel like God is testing my resolve! I am having to be patient!
“I have to remember there are many pieces to move for a single moment! “
Good morning – least that’s what it is here. How are you? I’m sitting here with a cold cup of coffee thinking about the word that came to me on the morning walk. It was patience.
“Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience. “ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Patience has never been one of my strong suites! Especially when it comes to waiting for God. I will talk to God about something and more times than not expect an answer right away and that’s just not how things work . There are so many pieces that have to move to answer a prayer! Like for instance what I have been talking about with starting a meetup group in my town. Even if I pay the money to start the group there is no guarantee people will just magically appear! It could take months or even more before even one person signs up. How much patience do I have? I’m not sure if people in my town even know Meetup exists! Will anyone here want to play a drum?
All I can do is try!
“Little drummer girl blowing in the wind, where does this journey end when it has yet to begin? Take your drum and play a beat trust in God new souls to meet. The lonely days will soon pass away for just how long only you can say. Be patient drummer girl your on the path to new days. You will soon be shoulder to shoulder where everybody plays .”
Hello! How are you today? I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. It’s real windy here. The clouds are playing with the leaves. It’s really quite magical to watch.
“When someone tells you to “find your niche,” they mean you should find the very specific activity or position that sets you apart and in which you can find success or fulfillment. … Much less commonly, niche can be used as a verb meaning to place something in this kind of niche.”
When I asked what I should write about this word came to mind. Lately I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos on how to make things . What I’ve noticed is when a particular video gets a lot of views there will be a bunch of other people who come behind trying to do the exact same thing. You see this in our economy too. It’s not enough that Crayola makes chalk and writing instruments. A bunch of other companies have to make them too and usually on the cheap.
“To each there is a message and a messenger.”
My niche has always been drawing and writing. Both over saturated worlds. I have been doing these things ever since I was like 4 of 5 years old when I would write short stories for my classmates. I used to spend hours drawing portraits and writing poems. Sadly in many ways I have regressed in my niche. I’m not as good as I should be by this stage of my life. I think it’s because I have never done what I do for a living. Nothing or no one has pushed me to be better.
I think we are all looking for our niche. Where do I belong? How do I fit into this complex puzzle of existence? Some people actually find it and lead fulfilled lives and others of us keep puttering along trying to find it. I believe a lot of people never find their niche or find it but haven’t the ways and means to break through and be seen. There are some who are seen and can’t handle what breaking through entails. There is a loss of self. There is a loss of the purity of why the niche began in the first place. From my own personal experience, money can taint a niche.
I am hoping, God willing, that I always will have my mental and physical faculties to be able to write and draw. Even if I reach just one other person I’ve accomplished something. It is validation enough that my particular flavor of niche is worth something. You will laugh but some days the only person reached is my own self! “What the hell is she going on about today?!!”
Hello to you. How are you ? It’s Thursday already! Didn’t this week go fast? I got out and walked but only made it around once. My knees aren’t being nice to me lately. I also miss having someone to walk with!
So I was having a talk with a friend yesterday who suffers from OCD. It can be quite crippling. He gets stuck in his thoughts and exhausts himself. I suggested to him that when he had these ruminating thoughts he think or say STOP and at that moment put another thought in its place. Kind of like stopping a train on the tracks. When I do this for myself I will insert a thought like, “I don’t want to think about that right now,” “That is not helpful.” It’s kind of like making a new train route in the brain. It’s an attempt to redirect my thoughts.
Each day I have to use the advice I gave my friend . As a bipolar everything is a delicate balance in my life. Living alone I have time to ruminate a lot and a lot of times it’s not helpful stuff I’m ruminating on. When I do this it’s oftentimes very visceral. I feel what I am ruminating about and it makes me feel like gears are slipping in my brain.
With this kind of stuff going on and living alone I find myself turning to God more. I get frustrated though because sometimes it feels like God isn’t there. I know it’s not true but it’s just a feeling. I don’t know if it’s the Covid-19 or what but I have been feeling my mortality so much lately. The world feels fragile, like we are on borrowed time. How is it some people just go through life like there is nothing to worry about ?
Hello there ! How are you doing today ? I’m doing pretty good . I’m writing later today because I spent some time with my aunt and uncle this morning! We had blueberry pancakes ! They had gone to watch the balloons go up at 5 am and there was news that a new member of our family had arrived – Cove 8 lbs 1 oz! Baby girl !
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if everyone was welcomed to this world with so much joy ?! If everyone who felt estranged from their family and friends found out everyone was so pleased that they had arrived. This is the promise of new life —- hope! It’s kind of like finding out that someone was praying for you and you didn’t know it . Being loved and cared about even if you don’t directly see it . We are never entirely alone . When we get here there are so many souls, many we don’t directly know, praising our arrival . Welcome Cove!
Hello to you ! How are you doing today ? I hope your doing well . It’s another beautiful day here. I wish the skies would clear up but we will take what we can get .
This morning my mind turns towards thinking about appreciation. It’s so easy to take a person, place and or thing for granted. We can live life just expecting they will always be there and we are learning on many levels that is is a mistake. There is one thing that is certain about existence and that is change! Impermanence is the name of the game of life .
It’s important to show appreciation, to express gratitude while there is still yet time to do it . It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture either! Sometimes it’s just saying the words is all someone is waiting to hear .
Hello again! I did another one of my strange drawings. I honestly just out the pen to paper and this is what comes forth. It doesn’t always make sense .
What comes to mind looking at my doodle is duality of worlds . It’s something I learned when I was lead to exploring the value of words in numeric form. There are different realities in the light and shadow of our existence and in between is our destiny . I guess that’s what all the center stuff in the drawing is about. How do we get to our destiny ? There seems to be an unseen plan! A word that comes to mind is “the weavers.” The weavers are constantly at work shaping our worlds — constantly shaping us.
To be 