Category: Writing and blogging

10 Sept 2025 The Abyss

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, history, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello there! How are you? I hope this finds you well. The back pain is back but I’m trying not to focus on it! I appreciate your prayers!

Last night I had a good telephone call with a friend and we talked about something I haven’t talked about here for awhile. It was about the abyss that exists in all of us that we often unsuccessfully try to fill with worldly things. When I was an alcoholic, I used alcohol to try and fill myself up. When I was a fan girl for a musician or actor I filled myself up with their music and films. It was all so fleeting! It was an obsession.

Millions of people are rabid fans of people like Yungblud, Lady Gaga, Ozzie Osbourne, and Taylor Swift. Back in the day for me it was Prince, David Bowie, Benedict Cumberbatch and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. I drew their images and followed everything they did. There works temporarily filled the void inside me. When David and Prince died it left a huge void in me and was part of one of my manic episodes. Davids music got me through so many hard times especially my teens. It was a couple years ago that I realized my fandom was akin to idol worship and I pulled the plug on all of it. There is only one king worthy of worship! Once I completely surrendered to Jesus nothing else mattered. I realized these celebrities were almost acting like they were Gods – trying to be immortal , omnipresent and making a lot of money off of their worshippers! They are famous because we give them our time and lots of money. So many young people worship these performers and when times get tough they fall back on worshipping these celebrities instead of God. The celebrities are tangible to them whereas God doesn’t seem to be.

Only one thing fits into the void inside of me and that is God….things of the Spirit. I’ve known this for quite some time but I wandered off several times. As human beings we want a tangible “Jesus”. Like with The Chosens Jonathan Roumies Jesus. He is currently bringing a tangible Jesus to us. It’s tempting to fall into the idol trap. No matter how many times he emphasizes that he’s an actor portraying Jesus there will be those who think he’s the second coming! It must be so hard to be him right now in a world that so wants and needs Jesus to return.

Since I have put Jesus in the abyss that is inside me I know that I am never completely alone. I can talk to him anytime. A tangible Jesus lives and breathes through the people he has surrounded me with. My family and friends are the body of Jesus in my life.

Exodus 20:3-6New International Version

3 “You shall have no other gods before[a] me.

4 “You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God,punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Matthew 25:34-40New International Version

34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me,I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

8 Sept 2025 Doubts

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. It’s Monday again and a lot happened today. My back pain is creeping back – I was so hoping to be free of it completely! At least I had a day to know what it’s like not to have pain. I will stay in praise even though I’m disappointed.

I had a case of the nerves today. A company, Eco Landscaping, that has been coming out and killing weeds on my gravel, all the sudden jacked up their prices on me with no notice. I have tried calling and texting them and have gotten no response. USAA is handling a charge dispute for me about it. I’m really disappointed this happened as it means having to find another company to come out and provide the service.

The other thing today was I finally called The Cottages here in Middleton about visitation. This is where the doubts come in. The facility is split into two parts. They have the memory care unit where residents are supervised at all times and the other part where residents can come and go as they please. The part we did the Mothers Days baskets this year for was the memory care unit. For the memory care unit visitors are welcome but must be supervised at all times. The more I thought about it I just don’t feel comfortable going by myself to see people that are going to forget I was even there. When I lived in Alvarado Texas my ex and I use to volunteer at the Assisted Living locked ward they had there and some very uncomfortable things happened to us. It wasn’t good for us. With having my own mental health issues, I have to be careful with what I expose myself to. My Aunt, Uncle and cousin were there for me today to riddle things out. They had some suggestions of what I might be able to do. I want to be of service to Jesus but just am not sure how. As I get older, live alone, have physical limitations and am not as confident as I once was when I was married it’s hard to figure it out! May be by my sharing what I’m going through is a way I’m helping? May be writing, something I’ve done for so many years now, is a way to serve God? I appreciate your continued prayers on this!

James 1:6New International Version

6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt,because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

31 Aug 2025 The Light Of Eternity

by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Health, Home, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

2 Corinthians 5:17New International Version

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creationhas come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!

Today has been good even if I overslept! My Aunt Ruth came over and went with me to church. It was the first time she has joined me since we moved to the high school. It was so nice to have her there! Even though we were later, we still got a good seat near my friends. The message that stood out to us today from Pastor Jason was seeing people through the light of eternity. Not just for now but for forever. This is something Ruth does with people and she models for me. It’s not just living through what Christ did for us but living for Christ. We are to be Doulos (Greek for slaves) to God. It doesn’t have a negative meaning that slavery typically does.

After church we went to the Sunrise for breakfast and it was good as always. Emma took good care of us as always. It was so nice to have company today! We were talking that it will be 3 years this November since I was in the Idaho State Hospital in Orofino and Link had to be rescued from being locked up after escaping from a boarder. I remember this because of pictures I have on my phone. He escaped the same day I left the hospital which stressed us all out! I am so grateful he was picked up and not lost. I also so grateful that Ruth and John came and got me! Otherwise I would have been stuck there. They had no plan for me to have a ride home. One lady I was there with got released to a homeless shelter. So sad! I hope I never have to go through that again – never have to put my family through all that again. Being Bipolar can put such a strain on the family.

Picture I took of Ruth and John leaving Orofino in November 2022
My poor baby boy after we got him out of the shelter

24 Aug 2025 This Old Tent

by saymber, posted in Animal Rights, animals, Bipolar life, Food, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. I’m sitting here at the Sunrise Cafe waiting for my food reflecting on today’s message at church. The past couple times here I’ve been able to order vegan sausage. I’m trying to fight cruelty in the food I eat. It is a choice to eat meat and even to this day there is so much cruelty and suffering for food animals. We must vote with our pocket books!

Pastor Jason covered a lot of ground today. One of the bulletin points was “We have a future hope.”The main scripture from Paul, who was a tent maker, was 2 Corinthians 5:1-5 and it speaks to that future hope:

2 Corinthians 5:1-5New International Version

Awaiting the New Body

5 For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, 3 because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4 For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5 Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

This scripture really resonated with me! The past couple of weeks this old tent of a body has been really groaning! As I look around at this world and the people in it the whole world seems to be a groaning tent. A couple generations of us are getting older and it shows up in pain in different parts of the body. For me it’s my lower back – thank goodness for Biofreeze! I often refer to this in my own life:

Matthew 26:41New International Version

41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

5 Aug 2025 Morning Walk

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. This morning on my walk I decided to take a couple pictures:

Most of the roses in the neighborhood are done blooming
A cheerful sunflower
I love this tree
“Know that being beautiful is the same thing as being yourself “
Book my Aunt gave me knowing how much I love trees – Things Trees Know by Douglas Wood

The world is a different place when you walk. If you were to drive through my neighborhood, you would probably miss the things I notice when I’m walking. God is so creative! Most of my neighbors take really good care of their yards and I notice! I hope by my sharing this with you that you are inspired to look at your own neighborhoods with new eyes.

Psalm 24:1New International Version

Psalm 24

Of David. A psalm.

1 The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it,
    the world, and all who live in it;

4 Aug 2025 Joy

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Health, Home, Mental Health, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Describe one habit that brings you joy.

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well. Today’s prompt isn’t easy for me to answer. It should be after all Joy is literally my middle name! There isn’t one habit that springs to mind that brings me genuine joy. Ever since the divorce and changing from Lithium to Depakote feeling genuine emotion has been hard for me. Sometimes it feels like I am an actress playing a part of a human being. Prior to what happened to me about three years ago, I was a very emotional person. Tears and belly laughs came to me easily and that’s just not the case anymore. I have become a very serious person in my old age. I miss the silly and youthful woman I used to be!

The things that use to bring me joy and fulfillment aren’t a part of my life now. I use to crochet, make wire jewelry, experiment in my kitchen, draw, write poems and short stories, take lots of pictures, spend time with nature, sing and dance. The only things I still do is this blog and from time to time is take nature pictures! I guess I just haven’t found a way to completely fill the void getting divorced left in me. Loving Jesus is gradually healing me but it’s taking time! He is the great physician and I know in his time he will restore me to my best self again.

Picture from a walk with my cousin Laura a couple years ago

James 4:8-10New International Version

8 Come near to God and he will come near to you.Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts,you double-minded. 9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

31 July 2025 Appearance

by saymber, posted in Food, Home, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

How would you describe yourself to someone who can’t see you?

Hello to you. Hope this finds you well. Today began with prayer with Pastor Jason and Pastor Jim. Always lots to pray for. We prayed for our church and its people. I read the prayer from yesterday’s blog. I talked to Pastor Jason about getting baptized. It’s been tugging at my heart for quite some time! So we are going to do it the last Sunday in September. My family knows so they can be there for it. After prayer I finally got groceries – $200 for just me! The cart was filled with mostly stuff to drink. I am glad I got it over with! I went for a walk after I put everything away and it was kind of a struggle but I made myself do the half mile loop.

Today’s prompt makes me think of Little House On The Prairie. Laura wrote her books in a very descriptive way so that her blind sister Mary could see what she was talking about. I would describe myself as sort of tall and curvy. Short hair with hazel eyes and olive skin (I tan easily). My head is smaller than my body – heart shaped face. I have long arms and long legs. I have a very short waist. Can you see me?

Isaiah 53:2New International Version

2 He grew up before him like a tender shoot,
    and like a root out of dry ground.
He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

22 June 2025 Tribulation

by saymber, posted in history, human rights, In the News, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Politics and Government, Social media, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you. Today began with church and the message was kind of heavy. We are working our way through the end times in Thessalonians and other scripture – specifically the book of Mark and the tribulation today. Pastor Jason has been trying to break down things so we can understand. With the recent bombing of Iran and events in Israel it’s very timely! What is the purpose of the tribulation? To prepare Israel for its savior and Gods pouring out judgement on unbelieving nations and individuals. The length of the tribulation is 3.5 year cycles. The first 3.5 cycle will see prosperity and peace and the second 3.5 cycle will see destruction and devastation. It feels like we are in a cycle of destruction and devastation but only God truly knows!

I left with a heavy heart. In light of everything that is going on – feeling like so many bad things are happening at once. We have had bad things happen before – it’s how we get our news that makes it seem worse than times before. It used to take months, even years to find out what we find out now in an instant. In an instant we look at our phones and we are inundated with this crime here, storm here, this conflict there. It can feel overwhelming! I have to remind myself that what matters most is my personal relationship with Jesus. As long as I hold fast to my belief in him and how I am in the world I have nothing to worry about. My nightly prayers always include the whole world – especially the children in war torn regions like Gaza. In all the wars around the world it is the children who suffer the most!

Mark 13:19-23New International Version

19 because those will be days of distress unequaled from the beginning, when God created the world, until now—and never to be equaled again.

20 “If the Lord had not cut short those days, no one would survive. But for the sake of the elect, whom he has chosen, he has shortened them. 21 At that time if anyone says to you, ‘Look, here is the Messiah!’ or, ‘Look, there he is!’ do not believe it. 22 For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect. 23 So be on your guard; I have told you everything ahead of time.

15 June 2025 Fathers Day

by saymber, posted in Home, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging
I love this picture of my dad

Happy Fathers Day to all the men in my life! Yesterday some of us had a cookout at my Aunt and Uncles house and that was really nice! The weather was beautiful. We had hotdogs and hamburgers and chocolate cake for dessert. We sat on their porch and looked at a couple picture books my Aunt is taking with her for her upcoming visit with my Uncle Bill in California. My cousins and I took a walk at a park nearby – it was harder than it used to be but was good for us after a big meal.

I went to church today and as I sat there I got teary eyed thinking about my dad who is in heaven now. I was thinking how happy it would make him that his little girl was in church for this special day. He can rest easy knowing I believe in Jesus. For so many years I wasn’t going to church – my parents are Catholics and I was a Catholic for much of my life. I have been thinking about my dad a lot lately. My grief has been gradual these past couple of years and days like today especially make it stronger.

The messages at church today came from 1 and 2 Thessalonians- talking about the rapture. We don’t know when it will happen – just how. So many people I’ve known and loved are already with Jesus and someday it will be my turn.

How Great Thou Art

Song by Carrie Underwood ‧ 2014

Overview

Lyrics

Other recordings

Oh Lord, my God
When I, in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds Thy hands have made
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder
Thy power throughout the universe displayed

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

And when I think that God, His Son not sparing
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing
He bled and died to take away my sin

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration
And then proclaim, my God, how great Thou art

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee
How great Thou art, how great Thou art
How great Thou art, how great Thou art

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Stuart Keene Hine

How Great Thou Art lyrics © Kassner Associated Publishers Ltd., Pt. Nadaku Musik, Manna Music Inc, Stuart Hine Trust, Emerald Music (ireland) Ltd

12 June 2025 Laying Our Troubles At The Cross

by saymber, posted in Bipolar life, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Music, Nature, photography, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging
Tiger Lillies in bloom at Grace House

Good morning to you. I hope this finds you well. Today’s prayer meeting was just Jeannie and I. The rest of the regulars had stuff going on so we made the best of it. Jeannie had a lot of prayer petitions to lay at the cross for her family especially Roy who fell and cracked his head open recently. He is elderly and lives alone and relies on Jeannie a lot. He needs more than she can give so we are praying his doctor recommends rehab for him. We prayed for our church and the world. What we also prayed for is what’s going on in my head with the pressure and balance in my ears. Everyone has been praying for me about this.

One of my favorite church songs:

God of Wonders

Song by Third Day ‧ 2003

When we finished we agreed that it felt good to lay all our troubles down at the feet of Jesus. Now the challenge is to not pick those things back up and let Jesus do his thing. That’s something my Aunt and Niki talked about yesterday too! I wonder is it a woman thing to want to try and do it ourselves?! Now is the time for faith – believing in the unseen which can be quite a challenge sometimes.

Overview

Lyrics

Other recordings

Lord of all creation
Lord of water, earth and sky
The heavens are your Tabernacle
Glory to the Lord on high

And God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

So early in the morning
I will celebrate the light
As I stumble in the darkness
I will call your name by night

God of wonders beyond our galaxy
You are holy, holy
The universe declares Your majesty
You are holy, holy

Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth
Lord of heaven and earth

Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth

The God of wonders beyond our galaxy (You)
You are holy, holy
Precious Lord, reveal Your heart to me
Father, holy, holy (Lord God Almighty)

The universe declares Your majesty (You are holy)
You are holy (yes you are), holy (holy You are)
Holy (Jesus saves), holy

Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth
Hallelujah! To the Lord of heaven and earth

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Steve J. Hindalong / Marc Byrd

God of Wonders lyrics © New Spring Publishing Inc., Never Say Never Songs, Meaux Mercy Publishing, Storm Boy Music, Meaux Mercy, New Spring Publishing Inc.