Mental Health – Page 53

29 September 2021 Home

September 30, 2021 by saymber, posted in animals, Bipolar life, Home, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello again. I’m back . One of the things that has always helped me is writing. I always remember Kyle telling me to write for myself even if no one reads it! This blog is a very therapeutic tool for me. If you have stopped by and decide to stay and read, I hope there is something here for you too .

So I have a 734 sq ft home that I share with my dog Link . It’s enough living space for us but it’s not enough of a creating space. All it takes is a couple of things and you have clutter. I had some professional organizers come in and ever since I have not wanted to touch anything! My second room is basically storage. I exist in my house but I don’t flourish in it. I downsized before I was ready and with the housing market being what it is – I’m stuck! Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to have a home I just feel lost In it right now.

“A tiny home to put her shoeboxes in, a place blessed by God to start her life over again. “

I think I just figured out why I have been having so much trouble with feeling at home for so long. After my cats Amber and May died part of me went with them. They were my heart and home . They were always there and then they weren’t . They always used to inspect the things I made and sang me to sleep with their purr. I feel disorientated even writing about this! I miss my little daughters . We lost 4 animals in a short period of time and it wrecked me. Death is my nemesis.

I know God has a plan for me I’m just not sure what it is . So many people figure out what to do with their lives. Why does it have to be so hard for me to figure it out ? I’m 53 dammit!! I don’t get much more time! Why am I still here ?! When will I be home ?

27 September 2021 Early Riser

September 27, 2021September 27, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you? I’m sitting out in the morning sun and it feels good. This morning has been a bit of mental gymnastics.

I am having trouble writing today. Thankfully there is the morning sun and it feels good against my skin. Some days I feel so out of sorts ! It seems to come out of nowhere and all I can do is ride through it . Is it this?! Is it that?! Walk around the block a couple of times. Eat an extra meal ! I’ll figure it out !!

23 September 2021 Peaceful

September 23, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello to you! How are you today? I’m doing alright . I had this blog all finished a few minutes ago but I decided to discard it. I don’t know why I guess it just wasn’t what I wanted to post!

I wanted to talk about a feeling I got last night . For the first time in a long time I felt peace and contentment . I went to sleep and woke up with that feeling and it was so awesome . No emotional or physical pain! True peace . I wonder if it was spending time with my friend yesterday . We went to Red Robin for burgers and had a really nice visit. I got lots of hugs !

Oh to still the churning waters of my soul, to calm the anxiety stained winds that always seem to blow. A simple gesture of the warm embrace, to stop time and put a smile on my face. A remedy as old as can be, someone lovingly holding on to me .

I don’t know if there is a perfect formula for peace. If there was we would have a whole lot fewer doctors and pill bottles . I know part of my peace comes from God through other people . A simple thing like a hug means so much to me . I think there is a lot of power having two hearts close together .

21 September 2021 Mantra

September 21, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today? I hope you are doing well . I am trying to stay in the present moment and stay positive. It’s a beautiful fall morning .

This morning I could feel some anxiety creeping in. I mentally asked for help in relieving it and the answer was “say the mantra.” The only thing I had memorized was the Lords Prayer and Hail Mary so I started saying those over and over. By doing that my anxiety thoughts and feelings were interrupted . When I would stop, the anxiety “stuff” would return.

So then it was time to get up and go for a walk and I was still feeling the anxiety. I decided to just think like a cheerleader! “Let’s do this! “ “We got this!” Anything to relieve the discomfort that anxiety makes me feel! Mornings are rough for me . That tactic worked for a little while!

I have never been good about meditating . I have a monkey mind or “wild mind.” It just goes all over the place! So it was interesting that the help suggested became a combination of Buddhism and Christianity!

Do you have a mantra or prayer that you say that helps you when you are having anxiety ? What helps you quiet things down ?

19 September 2021 Oddball

September 19, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Veteran Affairs, Writing and blogging

Hello to you ! How are you this Sunday morning ? I am hoping for more rain so my car will be clean again ! We got just enough of a spittle to turn my car into a mud ball .

My thoughts are inspired by my drawing today….being an odd ball. Not being like everybody else. Most of my life I have been the one that doesn’t fit in. It’s not that I didn’t look the fitting in part it’s what was going on inside of me. I was a goth girl before it was a thing. I used to visit cemeteries and talk to animals all the time. I can remember looking in the mirror and wondering who was behind my eyes .

In my drawing I am the one standing alone looking at all those who are in line. I never quite fit in to the group. It’s usually because I don’t want to have to compromise my beliefs and or thoughts so that I will fit in.

For as long as I can remember it’s been this way for me. I was an outsider in school and in the military . The only time I really belonged is when I did sports. I was a runner and played volleyball . There is a camaraderie to sports that you don’t find in other group settings . I might have to consider sports again once Covid settles down again.

Nowadays my being an oddball has to do with having so many mental health labels. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am not those labels – they don’t define who I am as a person . The labels are for the doctors ! I sometimes let my labels rule my life and I miss out on things as a result .

I have always been a little odd, my ways a mystery to most everyone but God. My eyes a mirror within a hall of windows, my spirit trapped between life and the gallows. Walking between worlds tangible and the unseen, a balancing act of sweet and mean . I am indeed odd but that is between me and God ……

17 September 2021 Decisions

September 17, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, Spirituality and Religion, Writing and blogging

Hello, how are you today as you visit me here? It got down into the 30’s this morning! I’m so not ready for cold!!

My drawing for today and thoughts turn to making decisions. For every decision needing to be made there are three answers that can be given yes, no and may be. You would say may be isn’t a decision and you would be right! It’s a mental pause, making a space for a definitive answer. So many things in life are vague!

It’s not often that I can give a yes or no answer right away. I see so many sides to an equation! This is especially the case when other people are involved . I will think whether or not my decision will hurt the other person- there is a cascade effect . Feelings will often complicate things! Sometimes it would be nice to be a Vulcan from Star Trek and just use logic to make decisions. If that were the case there would be no may be’s!! It would be here are the facts, make a decision.

Sometimes it’s hard to make a clear cut decision

Some of the quandary comes from my spirituality . How many times to decide to forgive or are we always supposed to forgive? When do you stop forgiving someone ? I don’t think God wants me to be a doormat ! I have been spending a lot of time in may be on forgiveness.

15 September 2021 Driving

September 15, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, trust, Writing and blogging

Hello ! How are you today? I am sitting outside on my porch enjoying some sun . It was in the 40’s this morning!

This mornings topic is driving. Ever since my ex husband moved out last January and my car accident on Christmas Day I have lost my confidence in driving. The mere thought of having to drive someplace new nearly puts me in a panic attack . I can’t even completely explain why!

May be in writing this blog I can help myself get to the core of why ? One of the excuses I often used and in some ways it’s legitimate is I don’t want to leave Link alone . When I lived in Texas and with my ex we had two dogs. So even if we were going to be gone, the dogs weren’t completely alone .

The other excuse I use is of course getting into the accident . I had never been in an accident before . It really shook my confidence! I have found myself not wanting to drive here !

The last excuse is gas is frickin expensive ! Over $4 a gallon! I have to have a really good excuse to want to go someplace .

Anyhew! Writing about this has helped me see that I have a lot of excuses that have kind of worn out their welcome! I’m feeling like I’m getting closer to change !

13 September 2021 Courage

September 13, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you today? I am doing ok.

I just had a talk with my therapist about me going to her office instead of having appointments on the phone. All I have to do is muster up the courage to drive there. She had a good point that the only way I will learn my way around is if I actually get out and drive . The other thing I have to do is quit using Link as an excuse to not go places .

9 September 2021 Time

September 9, 2021September 9, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, Health, Leading Life by Example, Mental Health, Writing and blogging

Hello! How are you ? What’s going on in you where and when as you meet me here ? I hope your having a good day so far . I am having a productive morning so far. I mustered the energy to go get groceries. Whoop de doo right ?!! When your me getting groceries is a big deal !!

What’s on my mind this morning is time. Specifically time being a healer of deep emotional and spiritual wounds. It’s easy to try and heal using alcohol, drugs, shopping and any other kind of distraction but you aren’t really healing you are just procrastinating . After our dog Sam died it took me nearly 4 years to recover . With this divorce I am still healing a year later. I will say it’s getting better but there is still a ways to go….. I need more time.

I walked through time today, I didn’t stop I didn’t have anything to say. The wheels and gears spun and forced me compliant, upon its pace I was completely reliant. I had to stop and turn to face the grinding gears. The only way to relieve my pain may take years …….

1 September 2021 Connections

September 1, 2021 by saymber, posted in Art and Poetry, Bipolar life, drawing, Mental Health, trust, Writing and blogging

Hello there ! How are you as you visit me here ? I hope we’ll. I’m working through my morning “stuff” and going through my routine . I hope someday mornings will be less of a struggle for me !

This morning my mind turns towards the concept of connections . It’s a part of living in today’s world. Right now I don’t have very many connections . I have lived here now over a year. I lived in Texas for about 12 years and in all that time made very few connections. I had one friend that I could count on. Is it me ?!!

I am great at the “meet and greet” but as far as maintaining long lasting relationships I’m not that great . The thing with me is once I love you , no matter how long it is since I last saw you and or we have communicated, we just pick up like we’ve never been apart.